by Tara Hart
“Fuck.” I angrily press at the pedestrian button, waiting for the little green man to appear. It takes a moment for me to realize that she’s tugging on the sleeve of my jacket, I don’t instantly turn to look at her. If I ignore her long enough, I figure she’ll walk away.
When the cars halt and the lights change sequence, my legs don’t move beneath me. It’s as if they’re controlled by my heart and they won’t move until I’ve heard more of her pathetic excuses.
I finally glance down at her. I see the tears in her eyes, begging me to hear her out, but I’m done with talking. It’s time Savannah learned the truth.
“Crocodile tears?” I bite out.
She wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“I loved you.” I raise my voice over the sound of the traffic. “I could have fallen for you. I could have spent a lifetime with you.”
She listens intently, her attention hanging on my every word, taking them in, absorbing them, saving them in her little black book of Jared’s euphemisms to share with Selina later.
“We could have had something,” I continue. “I could have given you the world and all you wanted to do was play games with your fucked up sister.”
Tears trickle down her cheeks and as people pass by, they watch us with interest, maybe picking up a word or two of our conversation. I couldn’t care less.
I’d shout the truth from the rooftops at this moment. I loved Savannah and she ruined it—ruined me.
“Jared…” her voice croaks out of her.
“It’s too late, Savannah. Nothing you say can possibly fix this.”
“Jared,” she sobs. “Please.” She clutches onto the sleeve of my jacket, but I shrug it out of her grasp. I don’t want her tainted hands touching me.
“I’m not yours to touch. I’m not a toy you can play with. I’m a human-fucking-being.”
Her face turns serious as if she finally understands there’s no turning back from this.
“I’ll help you, Jared,” she says. “I’ll do anything you want if you just forgive me.”
I shake my head. “No fucking way.”
“I’m sorry,” she says as she takes a deep steadying breath. “I understand you will never forgive me, but know this, everything that happened, every single thing you felt, I felt it too. This was real for me and I felt more for you than I’ve ever felt for another human being. Don’t think that I didn’t love you because I did… I still do.”
My gaze holds hers, looking into their depths as if I’ll see the truth eventually and not some shady lie that’s been orchestrated by her sister.
She takes a step back, her eyes never leaving mine, fresh tears brimming to the surface, her voice barely reaching my ears.
“I still love you,” she whispers into the bustling Seattle street. Her lips miming the sentiments of my heart.
I still love her, no matter how hard I try not to.
Chapter 9
I spend the morning in meetings. Mundane chatter about a possible investment in a new juice franchise does little to excite me. Juice bars were a thing ten years ago, investing now will be too high risk with little reward. Plus, what’s the point in investing if Selina’s planning to take me to the cleaners?
The screen on my laptop remains blank. The words that need to be written don’t make their way to my fingertips.
“Fuck it.” I slam my laptop shut.
I think back to yesterday. The morning started out perfectly. Savannah in my bed, smiles on both our faces and then the truth came out. She came to steal a key—a house key of all things. If Selina is so desperate to get her hands on her clothes and jewelry, she should have just sent a courier like a normal person. Instead, she has to play games and send her sister to do her dirty work. Typical Selina, and of course Savannah follows suit.
I hold my head my hands as I try to regain some semblance of sanity. Pressing my fingers to my temples, I glance around my office that holds everything that I’ve worked so hard to achieve. The mahogany desk that sits pride of place in the center of the room. The crystal whiskey bottle filled to the brim with the finest Scottish liquid gold. And my view of Seattle, I swivel my chair to get a glimpse out the window. From the twentieth floor, I can see the whole city, the Space Needle, the buildings, the hustle and bustle on the streets below. I was so proud when I had the means to buy this piece of real estate and in one hot minute, it will all be ripped right out from beneath me.
“Fuck,” I mutter into the silent room. “Fuck, Selina.”
When my intercom beeps a moment later, I let out a groan.
“What is it, Kimberly?” I’m in no mood for visitors, least of all someone who wants to talk business or anything money related.
“Mr. Shaw, your sister is here.”
My forehead wrinkles in confusion. “My sister?”
“Sister-in-law,” I hear Savannah’s soft voice through the earpiece. “Sister-in-law,” she repeats once more.
Kimberly clears her throat. “Apologies, Mr. Shaw. Your sister-in-law is here.”
It takes me a moment before I can form a response. I don’t want to see her. I’m not in the right frame of mind to decipher her bullshit, and yet, I’m utterly intrigued as to the reason for her visit.
“Send her in,” I say after a considerable amount of time has passed.
Standing from my desk, I straighten my jacket and square my body with the door. I’m ready for this—ready for her.
She pushes the door open. As per usual, she’s completely unsure of herself, lacking the confidence to meet my eyes until I acknowledge her properly.
“Savannah,” I greet her tersely.
“Hi,” she says eventually, her tone guarded.
I eye her for a minute, trying to gauge where this is leading. Her brown hair is loose, hanging over one shoulder, her lips painted a neutral color as they rise into a hesitant smile.
She carries a beige folder in her arms, her fingers wrapped around the spine tightly as if it holds her deepest, darkest secrets. She walks to my desk, sitting on the opposite side as if this is a business meeting and we’re here to discuss a home loan or some everyday shit like that.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my hands hanging loosely in the pockets of my grey dress pants.
She eyes me warily before her face softens.
“You look like shit.”
I laugh abruptly. Her comment catches me off-guard. “Thanks.”
Her own face is glowing, her eyes not showing the slightest hint that she’s been struggling to sleep at night. I envy how she can just turn everything off with little effort. Her thoughts and feelings are gone in the blink of an eye. How wonderful that must be.
“Seriously, you need to take care of yourself,” she says and she could almost fool me with this concerned friend act. She’s got the sincerity down to a tea.
“What are you doing here, Savvy?”
She crosses her legs, one over the other as she sits poised—ready. She clears her throat before her gaze meets mine.
“Selina’s going to sell the story to the press,” she tells me. “The whole story. No holds barred.”
I shrug. “She can sell the story. I don’t give a fuck.”
Her eyes shoot wide as she searches my face for an ounce of concern. It’s not there, I don’t have it. I couldn’t give a shit what Selina tells the tabloids. That’s her thing, not mine.
“This isn’t good, Jared,” Savannah continues. “It could ruin you.”
I have to wonder why Savannah is pushing this—pushing me—what’s she getting out of this, other than a free payday from her sister?
Savannah’s never been one for conflict, she’ll panda to anyone’s needs just to avoid it. Case in point, the reason why she’s sitting in front of me now.
Drawing in a breath through my nose, I sit back in my chair and recline.
“I’m sorry, Savvy. I just don’t care.”
Her jaw clenches as she shakes her head.
“
Here.” She flicks the folder she’s been holding towards me. The folder skids across the desk before landing within my reach. I eye it suspiciously. I’m intrigued by what’s inside, but I don’t want to seem too eager.
“What’s this?” I run my fingers along the line of my jaw, feeling the overgrown stubble brush against my fingertips.
“It’s everything you need to win the case,” she says. “All of her lawyer’s notes, everything they have against you.”
I swallow back the lump in my throat.
“Why are you giving me this?”
She ignores my question, her index finger pointing at the folder. “I made copies of everything. This is everything they have on you.” She doesn’t blink once. “Use this, Jared. Save your money. Save yourself.”
I push the folder across my desk until it’s sitting back in front of her.
“I can’t accept this.”
She shakes her head, looking well and truly stunned. “Why?”
“Because I don’t trust you.”
Her head falls back against her chair as she searches for the words to make me understand. “Can’t you see?” she speaks, but it comes out as a desperate plea. “I’m trying to fix this.”
When she looks at me again, her eyes are glassy and red. She’s going to put on the waterworks again. I struggle to hold back my eye roll.
She places her palm against the beige covered folder, sliding it across the desk one last time.
“I am sorry, Jared.” She pauses. “I know I’ve hurt you, but I am trying to make this right.”
Her lips press together, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She’s good at this—really good.
She stands from her chair, straightening her dress as she steadies herself.
“Read everything I’ve given you. Show it to Shaun. He may come up with a plan of attack.”
She offers me a solemn smile before turning and walking towards the door.
“Savannah?” I say, a tremble evident in my voice.
She turns at the waist to look at me, her eyebrows rise as she waits for me to speak again.
“Why should I believe anything that comes out of your mouth?”
She squeezes her eyes closed. It’s as if my words pierce at the strings of her heart.
When she speaks again, her words are soft yet even. “Because I choose you.”
Chapter 10
“She’s been in the socialite posts,” he tells me.
My only response is to grunt.
“The headline is ‘Selina Shaw seen without wedding ring amid break-up rumors.’”
My lips form a frown. “Don’t they have anything else to write about?”
I never understood the obsession the gossip pages have with mine and Selina’s relationship. Apparently, we’re somewhat of an “it” couple. If only they knew that we’ve been living a lie all these years, that would give them something to write about.
We sit in the coffee shop that we frequent every other day. Shaun’s law practice is just around the corner and my office is two blocks away. We never discuss business while in public, but today is an exception since my personal life has become Shaun’s business.
Shaun leans back in his chair, the four empty coffee mugs that sit before us a telltale sign that we’ve been sitting in this coffee shop far too long. He’s sifted through the folder Savannah gave me, reading each page, one by one, highlighting anything that may help us win the case.
His face falls into his hands as he rubs his palms against his eyes.
“What is it?”
He peeks at me through his fingers. “She’s painting a picture that you were in love with someone else for your entire marriage.”
It goes over my head. I hear the sentence, but don’t immediately understand the relevance.
When I don’t respond, Shaun leans across the table, his voice low and serious. “She’s saying you were in love with Savannah for your entire marriage.”
I should deny it, I undoubtedly should deny it, but there’s no point. Shaun already knows the truth because it’s written all over my face. Savannah has always been the one, even when I didn’t realize it.
Shaun eyeballs me. “It’s not good, man. Selina has the public on her side and that’s half of the battle already won.”
I throw my hands in the air. “What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know.” He drums his fingers against his chin as he works on his next harebrained scheme. “You need to get yourself out there. You need to use the tabloids to your advantage.”
I slump back in my chair. It’s like he’s asking me to start an Instagram account or surrender myself on the next season of The Bachelor.
“And if you want my advice, you need to stop obsessing about Savannah.”
When I avert my gaze, it might as well be a God-damn confession.
“You’ve been seeing her.” It’s a statement, not a question.
I nod my head once.
“And?”
I expel a heavy sigh. “She’s still playing me like the fool that I am. Selina sent her over to the house to fuck me and then steal the house key.”
Shaun laughs so hard that the couple at a nearby table turn to look at us. I offer them an apologetic wave before turning my attention back to Shaun.
“Shut up, man. I already feel like a fool.”
He tries to stifle a smile. “She told you that?”
I nod my head. “And then she told me she loves me and wants to fix things between us.”
Shaun leans back, his weight resting on the back legs of the chair. “She wants to fix things, what does that mean?”
I shrug.
“This could be an opportunity, dude,” he says thoughtfully.
I know the look he’s giving me. It’s his lawyer look. Whenever he’s thinking of an ingenious plan to win a case, he gets this look about him. As his client, I welcome the look with open arms.
“Talk me through it,” I say.
He points his finger in the air as he speaks as if he’s ticking off a list of pros and cons.
“Selina’s going to sell her story to the press. Her lawyer’s counting on it.” He pauses, swishing a mouthful of coffee in his mouth before swallowing back the lukewarm liquid. “She’ll get the sympathy vote. If the public believes her, she’s already won half the battle.”
I lean forward in my seat, my elbows resting on the table before us. “So what do I do?”
He smiles, regaining that familiar twinkle in his eye.
“Savannah said she wants to fix things with you.”
I nod my head, not knowing where he’s taking this.
“That pompous gala you’re going to on Friday night, you need to convince Savannah to go with you.”
It’s a yearly event for one of the local charities I support. They host a fundraiser at the Convention Center. It’s a painfully long event, schmoozing with Seattle’s elite, but I haven’t missed a gala in eight years—neither has Selina.
I raise my eyebrows. “How will being seeing with Savannah help my case exactly?”
A smug smile hangs on his lips. “It won’t.”
Either I’ve missed the point or Shaun’s lost his marbles. Taking my wife’s sister—who I had an affair with—will not help my case at all.
“What if Savannah pretends to be Selina?”
I almost choke on my tongue. “What?”
Now the cocky expression on his face is just God-damn annoying.
“Trust me, Jared.”
I scoff. “Trust you? You’re crazy.”
His smile broadens, showing each one of his perfectly capped teeth.
“Get Savannah to pretend to be Selina,” he starts. “Dress the same, act the same way, talk in the same condescending tone…”
No matter how hard I try, I still don’t get it. Get Savannah to be Selina, I repeat in my mind. They’re nothing alike and yet to outsiders, they’re mirror images of one another.
He taps his hand on the tab
le, vying for my attention.
I sigh. “What will it prove, Shaun? That we’re still a couple and our bond is stronger than ever and the lawsuit…” I pause.
Shaun nods his head excitedly. “There’s no story if there’s no divorce.”
All of a sudden, Shaun’s crazy scheme starts to make perfect sense and for the first time all day, I smile.
“Call her now,” he says, getting giddy with excitement.
I can’t hide the surprise from my face. “Now?”
He nods. “I’ll be here for moral support.”
I grunt. “You just want to hear me grovel.”
Shaun laughs. “Well, there is that.”
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I draw in a breath. Shaun’s smart for making me do this in his presence. He knows that if I don’t do it now, I may never do it.
I scroll to her name and my finger hovers over the dial button.
“Do it you pussy,” Shaun jeers from the other side of the table.
My eyes narrow as I look at his ugly mug. “Give me a moment.”
I clear my throat before hitting the dial button. My heart hammers in my chest, intensifying with each ring that goes by. I’m about to hang up when I hear silence at the other end of the phone. Dead silence.
“Hello?” I question.
I look at the screen to make sure the call hasn’t disconnected.
“Hello?”
“Jared.” Her tone seems unsure like she could hang up on me at any moment. I know I have to tread lightly, but with Shaun eyeballing me, I don’t know how the conversation will play out. I turn my body to face the empty table behind us. I hear Shaun’s chair legs grate against the floor as he moves closer.
“Are you busy?” I ask. “I can call back…”
“No,” she interrupts. “I can talk. Just give me a moment.”
I hear her heels clicking against floorboards. She’s at work and Marc is probably eavesdropping at her end in the same way that Shaun is at mine.
I hear her clear her voice before she breathes into the phone. “What is it?”