by L. C. Maciel
I tried to hold back the tears, but some were already rolling down my cheeks.
The weather was nice in Salerno that day. It must have been about 20 degrees. Yet I felt a cold that did not come from outside. It was a cold that came and went, bringing out feelings that I had never experienced before.
Giuseppe seemed to be relatively calm, but I knew that he had to be like that, so that the situation did not frighten me any more.
I looked at the clock, coupled with the sound of the car, and not five minutes had passed since we left the apartment. I closed my eyes hoping to feel time pass faster.
Giuseppe speeded up and I could see that the calm so well pretended was fading.
-Let's get there soon. - He said as he stepped deep.
Seventeen minutes had passed when we noticed a huge number of cars stopped, unable to travel.
It was there.
We got out of the car, leaving quickly amid a stream of people walking in the opposite direction. I was desperate. Giuseppe was right behind me, bumping into and pushing whoever needed it. At a glance I realized we'd run into a man grossly. The executive briefcase he was carrying opened up, dropping a portion of papers that seemed too important to be on the ground. The worried man, one by one, with an unbalanced expression, begged that the chain of people would not step on the documents. He wanted to apologize and help him but there was no time.
I started to walk faster almost running when I realized that the chain of cars and people was quite extensive. The accident must have been a hundred yards away. I kept up the pace of my near-racing and the tears were still floating over my eyes.
I listened to Giuseppe's hasty footsteps until I noticed the current becoming progressively more spacious. We had arrived.
The scenery was distressing. Two cars completely destroyed, and I knew that Fiat 500 frosted red very well It was inevitable not to cry.
The ambulance had already arrived and I heard someone saying that my parents were
unconscious.
Giuseppe had run to the car, while I stood compulsively crying.
Everywhere there were shards of glass and crumpled tin. The impact was so great that half the car was almost compressed.
There were two people who also contemplated the terrible scene about ten meters from where I was. They looked forty years old at most. The woman cried and sobbed while the man tried to calm her down.
-Cecilia, we need to go with the ambulance. It seems your father has suffered several traumas, and your mother is totally unconscious.
At this moment the ground seemed to disappear under my feet. I had never imagined myself in a situation like that.
I ran towards the ambulance next to Giuseppe, being aware that I would need to create new strength, because mine were already running out. The shrill sound of the siren only reaffirmed how complicated the situation was. The paramedics did everything necessary and I watched them both with begging eyes to resist.
When I was fifteen, I read a book about the power of thought. The chapter that had caught my attention the most was the one that talked about the power of positive intention. I tried to keep all my positive thoughts so that my parents would get away with it.
I knew I needed to stop crying so that my intentions could act. I closed my eyes and mentalized all the love I felt for them with the conviction that it would work.
At this moment I felt my uncle's hand leaning against mine in a gesture of union. He closed his eyes and seemed to be praying. Of course what I was doing was a prayer. But not a conventional prayer, as Giuseppe probably thought. The ambulance stopped just as I was remembering family Saturdays. Dad and I used to play chess these days and Mom always prepared a homemade pizza for us to eat watching movies.
While she was making the dough, I was analyzing the tray with the intention of saying checkmate.
The paramedics carefully removed the gurneys and expedited entry to the hospital.
I entered the reception desk realizing that the place made me nauseous and hopeless.
-Cecilia,wait for me here. I'll find the doctor who will be responsible for your parents. I'll be right back.
I wanted to go after Giuseppe, but the images before my eyes became blurred and dark. I heard the voices around me, getting lower and lower until they disappeared completely. That's when I remembered I was hypoglycemic. The episodes usually happened when I went too long without food or when I suffered some emotional imbalance like fear or anxiety. I tried to control the crisis by breathing as I always did. That would only last a few minutes if I could fool myself.
Giuseppe had appeared at the end of the hall walking urgently.
-Cecilia, what happened? You look pale. He turned his hand to examine my face as he spoke.
- It's nothing. I'm fine.
-As it's nothing! You're freezing. I'll get a nurse, you don't look well.
-Giuseppe, it's okay, I swear. -I need to know how my parents are.
-The doctor said all we have to do is wait. -Yeah. It seems your father will have to have some surgeries. Your mother's being examined, she's still unconscious.
- The doctor said they're gonna be fine, didn't he? I was begging for hope.
- They still can't answer that. We'll have to be patient.
Giuseppe's voice raised the tone progressively. The hospital walls were green and clear again. The crisis was passing.
- Cecilia, I need to call your aunt. Are you sure you're all right?
-I have, don't worry, you can go. -Yes.
-Okay. -It'll be quick. Wait for me here.
When Giuseppe walked away, I had already controlled the episode. Now I just needed to keep fooling my emotions, to avoid another crisis.
The feeling of cold in my stomach hadn't left me yet. Ever since we left home she had been with me without a break.
As I watched all that movement of nurses and patients, I realized that everything was too real to be just a bad dream, as I so wanted it to be.
The phone at the front desk rang without long pauses.
There was a woman in front of the reception desk, questioning the receptionist about when her daughter would be discharged.
I remembered when I had to be admitted at nine. I had contracted a virus and my mother always approached the doctor with hundreds of questions when she found him in the hall.
Now I knew what it was like to have a loved one inside a hospital. In my case, the two people I loved most in life.
Giuseppe appeared again at the reception. The steps were now less urgent, but his face still had the same worried expression.
He sat beside me, comforting me with a hug.
Two hours passed without my saying a word.
-You need to eat something. - He said breaking at last the long silence.
- I don't feel like it, Giuseppe.
- It's necessary. We'll have to spend the night here, you know that. You won't make it if you don't eat.
I didn't have enough strength to disagree. Besides, I knew my uncle was right. I wouldn't last long if you didn't feed me.
Giuseppe led me to the hospital cafeteria. As I passed the main aisle I came across a nurse carrying a young woman in a wheelchair. The girl looked about fifteen years old and had an angelic face, of extreme delicacy. Her dark eyes contrasted with her abnormally pale skin. I deduced that she must have been undergoing chemotherapy, which explained the absence of hair.
Looking at that girl, it was inevitable not to think about human fragility and how unpredictable life is. When we least expect it, we find ourselves in situations we never imagined and then we realize that time is something that flows. It runs fast before our eyes.
There are moments when we realize this more clearly. Unfortunately those moments are always the ones when we are facing the worst situations in life.
There are events that are beyond our reach and it is always impossible to control them. They are those when we ask ourselves why it happened and we would like to have total control of the universe
to avoid situations that hurt or hurt us. And then everything would be different. My parents and I would be at home, doing something fun and the girl with the angelic face would not have cancer.
The corridor was long and had a strange clarity. When we turned right, we saw the canteen.
Giuseppe walked towards an attendant and ordered two coffees. When he came back from the counter, I noticed that he had also ordered a calzone.
-It's for you.
-You won't eat? -I asked with a certain indifference.
-No. -I'll just have the coffee.
The cafeteria was as clear as the rest of the hospital. It had two large, rectangular tables that were accompanied by equally large benches.
I had no desire to eat. I took a sip of the coffee in the hope that it would whet my appetite.
-Care Cecilia , it is very hot.-Giuseppe warned me after I had already burned my throat.
Besides being extremely hot, the coffee was strong. I tried a piece of calzone, which had a soft-flavored meat filling that I could not identify.
-Is it good?
- Yes. - I lied.
I chewed slowly, ignoring the cold pasta and the spice that I did not like. I ate only half, and finished drinking the rest of the coffee. In fact, I had only done it because I didn't want Giuseppe to insist on feeding me again.
- Aren't you going to finish eating Cecilia?
- I'm already satisfied. -I spoke trying to sound very convincing. -Oh.
-Okay. When you feel hungry, let me know.
The last thing I'd feel was hungry. I was so eager for news, I was sure my organism wouldn't behave as it normally does.
Giuseppe took the coffee cups and delivered them to the counter. The rest of the calzone stayed on the table and I didn't have enough spirit to take it to the trash. My uncle naturally took care of it when we were leaving.
We took the hall again, which was now curiously empty. Our footsteps echoed slightly along the way.
When we arrived at the reception, I noticed that my eyes were burning and tearing. It was then that I realized that I was wearing my contact lenses all day.
I didn't have time to remember to pick up the leather bag I always wore. It contained among several things, my glasses. Taking the lenses off at that moment wouldn't have been at all convenient. Everything and everyone would become blurred figures for my gray and myopic eyes. Besides, I would have nowhere to sterialize and keep them.
I took the place of one of the reception chairs, wondering how long I would have to wait. The whole thing was killing me little by little.
Giuseppe was at the counter, asking for new news when the beautiful Felicia arrived. She greeted me as if she were greeting me out of obligation and hugged her husband before handing him the coat she had brought.
It's been a long time since I've seen Felicia. Her red hair was even brighter than in my memory. She displayed surreal beauty, impossible not to be surprised. Perhaps this explained why Giuseppe had married her.
So beautiful and so unfriendly.
I hoped she wouldn't stay there, it bothered me her stupid coldness. I hoped she'd just leave her sweater and go.
I really wasn't on a good day. Felicia sat very close to her husband and decided to wait with him. The false concern troubled me.
The phone at the front desk was ringing again when a doctor appeared at the front desk.
-Mr Giuseppe Fiorucci. -Mr Giuseppe Fiorucci.
-It was me. -He answered quickly.
- Will you come with me, please?
Giuseppe accompanied the doctor with great strides. I watched to see where they were going until they entered a room, which was about halfway down the main hall. At this moment my feelings made a whirlwind in my stomach. I got up and went toward the hallway. Felicia was watching me without saying anything.
My steps were almost a race. Since I had gotten there, I hadn't talked to any doctors, and now I needed to do that.
The door my uncle had entered was closed. I contained the impulse to open it abruptly and gave two slight knocks.
After a few moments the same doctor who had come to the reception turned the doorknob. I entered the room and saw Giuseppe crying softly. He turned to me with a sore expression and as I looked into his eyes I understood everything. They were dead.
Siena
I was light and warm when I felt soft touches on my shoulder.
-Wake up, we're here. -I said a delicate voice.
I opened my eyes and came across a young woman with brown eyes and short hair. The freckles on her face still had the same worried expression.
- We're already in Siena - she said, overflowing with kindness.
The young woman was the same girl who had sat next to me during the trip.
I had finally fallen asleep amidst the terrible and recent memories. I woke up at the station, and felt my clothes weigh on my body. The weather was warmer in Siena than in Naples, something I could still notice inside the train.
I took my leather bag, my pillow, and left. My luggage was already in Lorraine's house, taken by her two days before I took the train.
I walked towards the main entrance, looking for my aunt. We would still drive about fifteen minutes to her house.
The station was very busy. I was looking around when I heard the familiar voice calling out to me.
- Cecilia! Here!
When I turned around, Lorena was waving a few meters from where I was.
- I'm here, darling. I'm so glad you're here. -She was hugging me warmly as she spoke. -Oh!
Even though she lived in Tuscany, Lorena was always the closest sister to my mother. Even though she knew I would turn eighteen in a little over a month, she did not agree to leave me living alone in Naples.
- How was the trip?-She asked as we walked to where she had parked the car.
-A little uncomfortable. But I got some sleep.
- You managed to sleep on a train? She asked with a laugh.
-Let's just say, I just napped. -I talked about showing her the pillow.
When we left the station, I noticed that the sky was clear, with very few clouds. My skin was damp under my jacket and the dry air caused me a slight throat irritation.
Before getting into the car, I tied my hair to feel cooler.
- So come on, honey. Giovanna must be waiting for us.
Lorena was no longer in mourning. We both promised each other we wouldn't be sad for long. Even though it was hard to keep the promise and deep down I was sure, it was the best thing to do.
Along the way, I observed the stunning medieval architecture of Siena. Her Gothic style fascinated me every time I visited her.
The narrow streets were taken by people who took advantage of the Italian spring to go shopping.
We passed Salimbeni Square, and after a few minutes we were in a dark street that housed my new home.
When I got out of the car, Lorena was already opening the door.
- Between Cecilia, please feel totally at ease.
The house was small and cozy. The peach-colored carpet matched perfectly with the romantic wallpaper and Provencal-style furniture.
- Giovanna! - Lorena was calling for her daughter with a higher tone of voice than usual.
The house was silent.
- She has not arrived yet. Come Cecilia, I will show you where to put your things.
I followed Lorena to my cousin's room. Now the room had a new bed.
-Giovanna won't mind? -Yes. I don't want to bother her, I can sleep in Lorena's room. -Not at all dear. She's loving the idea of having you here at home. Giovanna was only a year younger than me. When we met in Siena or Naples, we'd go out together to talk and eat the best pasta in Italy.
It would be nice to have you around now.
- There are towels on the last door of the wardrobe. Take a shower to freshen up while I prepare lunch.
Lorena went out and pulled the door over. My bags were still locked in the corner of the room. I opened the smallest of them, a
nd I looked for fresh clothes to wear that absurdly hot day.
I picked out a white lesie dress and folded it over the bed. I opened the wardrobe door that my aunt had indicated, and took the first towel that was under a pile.
I was taking off my shoes when someone knocked on the door.
-Can I come in, Cecilia? -Mild voice could only be Giovanna's. -Oh!
-Sure, you can open it.
She welcomed me with a smile.
-How nice of you to arrive. How are you? -She came over while she was hugging me.
- I'm fine, as much as possible if you understand me.
-I understand. It's still very recent. I'm here for whatever you need, you know that.
-Thank you. I was going to take a shower, but we can talk if you want.
-You can go, we'll have plenty of time to talk, won't we? -Yeah.
-It's true. -I spoke with conviction, remembering my new reality.
-I'm going to see if my mother wants help with lunch.
While Giovanna was leaving, I got the towel and my clothes. The bathroom was right in front of the bedroom.
I opened the boxing and turned on the shower. The water flowed warm and pleasant. I could finally relax my tense muscles.
A slight pain on the right side of my neck bothered me, probably because I had been in an uncomfortable position for too long during the trip.
I washed my hair with the red fruit shampoo that was in the bathroom cabinet. The smell was soft and sweet and quickly spread to the tiled place.
After taking exactly fifteen minutes during the shower, I put on my light, comfortable dress. I dried my hair with the towel and combed it back. I put on a low-cut sandal and went to the kitchen.
-The smell is good?-I asked Lorena excited about the roast that was in the oven.
-It's great.-I answered trying to look as excited as she was.
Giovanna was cutting some vegetables on the table.
- Can I help you with something?
- Get the plates and the cutlery in the second drawer of the closet.
I walked a few steps and opened the rustic closet drawer that followed the same aesthetics as the other furniture in the house. There was a pile of white plates, big and deep. The cutlery was right next to them.