The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Boxed Set One (Books 1-3): Feared By Hell, Rejected By Heaven, Eye For An Eye (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Boxed Sets)

by Michael Anderle

  James glanced behind him and spotted Shay maneuvering through the crowd. He kept waiting for her to lay out somebody who dared brush against her, but she made her way to the table and slid in next to the Professor without a single glare, punch, or kick.

  “How is my favorite happy drunk doing?” the field archaeologist asked.

  The Professor laughed. “Why am I your favorite?”

  “Because you give me jobs that make me a lot of money.” She shrugged. “And you don’t make passes at me.”

  James frowned, but the Professor chuckled.

  “Young lady, that is not because I’m smart enough to avoid your wrath, but merely because if you accepted my advances, I’m too old to actually do anything useful about it. I’d be dead from strenuous activity by morning.” He patted the slight bulge around his middle. “It’d be a glorious way to die, for sure.”

  Shay shrugged. “Either way works for me.”

  They shared a laugh.

  “What about the job?” James interjected. The last thing he wanted to do was sit there while Smite-Williams flirted with Shay.

  “Due to Miz Carson’s efforts, we’re ready to move on this even faster than I had anticipated. I talked to her about it the other day, and she did some research and passed it my way. I in turn was able to ask some of my other contacts about it discreetly.”

  “And?”

  “I believe we have a location for the Green Dragon Crescent Blade, and I want you to support Miz Carson in its recovery.”

  “Green Dragon Crescent Blade? Isn’t that the weapon of a character from Romance of the Three Kingdoms?”

  The Professor and Shay exchanged glances, and James smirked.

  Everyone underestimated him when it came to areas other than barbeque and ass-kicking, but with a photographic memory, even the occasional out-of-the-box read was useful.

  “That book is a fictionalized account of a real war,” Smite-Williams began, “and Guan Yu was a real man, but yes, you’re correct. As I explained to your partner, I need the enchanted jade in the base more than the rest, but the whole blade would be fine.”

  James frowned. “I don’t really feel like going to China. I don’t have any contacts there, and I don’t speak the language. They aren’t all that fond of bounty hunters, either, except in Hong Kong, and I’m guessing this thing isn’t buried in the middle of Hong Kong.”

  The Professor waved a hand dismissively. “Fortunately for you it’s in Mexico—Baja California Sur. Much closer than even your last little errand for me.”

  “Some ancient Chinese weapon is in Mexico?”

  “There’s a story that goes with that,” Shay began.

  “Don’t really care, to be honest.” The bounty hunter shrugged. “Okay, whatever. It’s magic shit, so it doesn’t have to make sense. But why am I involved, then? I get that I’m gonna get the item I want, but why do you even need me?”

  The Professor nodded at Shay. “I’d prefer that she have at least some backup. Just in case.”

  “Yeah, the place is not exactly peaceful, drug war and all,” Shay explained. “Plenty of bounties down there too if you want to earn a little bonus cash, though you’d need to be careful not to piss off the cartel controlling the territory where I’ll find the Green Dragon Crescent Blade. I have some contacts down there, and I’d like to be able to use them.”

  James decided not to press Shay on why she had contacts among a cartel-controlled state. Given her previous vocational specialty of death dealing, it wasn’t surprising.

  “As long as I get one level-four or -five it’ll be worth my time, even before the Professor’s payment.”

  The Professor chuckled. “Tons of bounties down there, lad. Chaos reigns. You can either get money locally or bring your quarry back to Los Angeles for a greater payout, if you can arrange it.”

  James turned to Shay. “You don’t think these cartel guys will mind you running around stealing treasure from under their noses?”

  Shay shook her head. “The trick is to lie to them and just pretend I’m there for boring, normal archaeologist stuff, plus pay them a few bribes. We’ll be flying into Cabo San Lucas. They can’t handle supersonic flights at their airport, but this won’t be a repeat of our Peru odyssey. It’s only about two and half hours down there even by normal plane.”

  “The less time on planes, the better. Already flew too many times this week.”

  The Professor clapped his hands together. “Wonderful. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to drinking.”

  James gestured to the glasses. “Aren’t you already drinking?”

  “No, this is drinking to prepare myself to drink. Care to join me in the real thing?”

  “I’m looking into some other shit tonight,” James told him, “so I can’t get drunk.”

  “Don’t work yourself too hard, Brownstone.” Shay winked. “I don’t want you to be too tired tomorrow to have...fun with me.”

  The bounty hunter rose, his face set in stone. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Shay rolled her eyes. “Man, are you boring!”

  He looked at her, confused. “Boring is simple, and simple is good.”

  She stood. “I have a few things to handle myself. Sorry, Professor.”

  The older man smiled. “It’s all right. Some other time.”

  Shay turned back toward James. “See you in the morning at LAX, Brownstone. I’ll text you the flight information.” She headed toward the door.

  James also started making his way to the exit, the crowd parting in front of him, then stopped. If the job took a while, it’d be easy enough to swing through Las Vegas on his way back when he went to the parents’ weekend. That meant on his way to see Alison he’d have a chance to hit up Jessie Rae’s.

  In the rush to get the girl to the School of Necessary Magic, he’d not even thought about trying to visit Vegas. He could almost taste the God Sauce already. It’d been far too long. No place in LA could hope to match Jessie Rae’s.

  James stepped into darkness outside, dreaming of the best barbecue on the planet. His phone beeped, pulling him out of the delicious fantasy.

  “Damn it.”

  It was a text from an unknown number. He really hoped someone hadn’t sent it to threaten him.

  Brownstone, your boy is holding court at my bar.

  The bounty hunter smirked. All that preening, and Tyler had caved. He couldn’t resist a little poke.

  Thought you said you couldn’t tell me if he showed up.

  The asshole caused trouble in my place. Respect is a two-way street, and he’s disrespected me far more than you have.

  James cracked his knuckles. “Looks like I’m gonna have a fun time before Mexico.”

  9

  Shay pulled her Fiat Spider into her garage. Her head slumped against the steering wheel, and she let out a long sigh.

  “I shouldn’t care so much,” she muttered to herself. “I am pathetic.”

  She’d told herself that exact thing countless times the last few weeks, but it didn’t help. One very important fact kept annoying her, and each time she saw Brownstone her irritation grew.

  The man hadn’t hit on her yet.

  Hadn’t even hinted at something approaching a pass. At this point she would have taken a leer. Even Smite-Williams wasn’t immune to her charms, and he was old enough to be her father.

  Shay had initially thought Brownstone was just clueless about women so she had started flirting with him more, but he still didn’t seem interested.

  She bounced back and forth on whether she thought he was gay. Brownstone’s protests did little to convince her he wasn’t. That had to be the only explanation for why he wasn’t into her.

  Maybe he was gay, but didn’t know it. He was so far in the closet that he didn’t know he was in the closet. What was that called? Being in the deep closet?

  Shay was the complete package. Nice dark hair, and toned athletic body. Witty with a sharp tongue. Damn sexy femme fatale. She’
d be the first one to tell you.

  All men wanted her. At least all straight men did, but Brownstone didn’t. Hadn’t even hinted at wanting her.

  She shouldn’t care. Brownstone should remain nothing more than a professional partner, but the idea that he didn’t even want to take a quick roll in the sack with her hurt more than she expected.

  “Are you just fucking with me, Brownstone?” Shay muttered. “Is this some sort of mind game?”

  He didn’t really seem like the type, but she couldn’t be sure. Brownstone had a lot of secrets, and the man didn’t like to say much unless it was to blather on about barbecue or taunt bounties.

  Shay’s phone chimed and she snatched it out of her pocket, ready to deliver a verbal beat-down to Brownstone.

  The fire seeped out of her when she looked at the caller ID and she lifted the phone to her ear.

  “Hey, Bella!”

  Her girlfriend was quick to reply. “I haven’t seen you in ages, Shay. I joked the other day to Kara that someone had dragged you off to South America to dig up some moldy mummy or something.”

  Shay snickered. Close.

  “Sorry.”

  “The university keeping you busy?”

  Lying to people you called friends wasn’t the best strategy for building long-lasting relationships, but sometimes Shay just wanted to have fun without worrying about her past or the dangerous world of tomb raiding for magical artifacts. Sometimes a touch of normalcy could keep a person sane, even if it was built on a lie. Or a whole pile of lies.

  In this case, a little white lie about how she worked for a local college didn’t rate in the same league as lying about her deadly past or the way she’d helped Brownstone take down the Harriken.

  “Yeah, just had to go out on some digs, that sort of thing,” Shay mumbled. “Sorry. It’s been keeping me really busy. What’s up?”

  “Sounds tough, which makes me think it’s even more important that you relax. You’re going to go gray early if you’re too stressed out.”

  Shay winced. The idea of her friend trying to help her relax freaked her out far more than going up against the Harriken.

  “Relax?” she replied. “How?”

  “How about going dancing with me and Kara and Janelle tonight?”

  “Dancing?” Shay deflected. “I don’t know. I’m supposed to fly out tomorrow for a job. I can’t be partying all night.”

  “Oh, come on, girl,” Bella whined. “Work hard and play hard, and all that. Remember the gray hair.”

  “Don’t beg. Have some dignity.” Shay wasn’t sure if she was talking to Bella or herself. “I guess it’ll be okay, but I have to leave by midnight…and no drinking.”

  “Yay! Okay, Cinderella, you can leave before you turn into a pumpkin. Text me when you’re ready.”

  “Talk to you later.” Shay ended the call.

  I wonder if Brownstone likes dancing.

  She burst out laughing at the image of Brownstone’s stiff ass trying to move to a beat.

  James pulled his F-350 into the parking lot adjacent to the Black Sun, making sure to stay on the side farthest from the building but positioning his vehicle so he had a clear view of the entrance.

  The bar’s lack of windows made it easy to watch the door without being spotted, even from the other end of the parking lot. There was no reason for King Pyro to sneak out the back if he didn’t even know James was coming for him.

  “Safety first,” he murmured.

  The bounty hunter could handle King Pyro taking a few shots at him, but he didn’t want to risk his truck being blown into a melted pile of slag.

  Just because he could take down the bounty didn’t mean he could accomplish it without collateral damage. He loved his truck almost as much as he had loved his dog, and he’d killed dozens of people to avenge his dog.

  James pulled out his phone and texted Tyler.

  He still in there?

  Yes.

  This might get messy.

  Take it outside. Otherwise I’ll have to get the real authorities involved. I’m doing this because he disrespected me, but if you bust up my bar you’re disrespecting me as well.

  James lowered his phone to his pocket, then stopped, realizing he’d forgotten something important. Something far more important than kicking King Pyro’s ass.

  Shit, I should make sure Alison’s okay.

  He dialed her number and waited, each unanswered ring forcing his heart faster.

  I’ll fucking kill every unicorn and fucking top-hat-wearing ferret with my bare hands in that school if something’s happened to her.

  “Mr. Brownstone… I mean James?” Alison answered sleepily.

  James bristled. They were working the girl so hard that she was exhausted. He’d need to have a loud talk with the headmistresses, and he didn’t give a crap if she threatened to turn him into a toad.

  The anger drained out of him after he glanced at his dashboard clock. Alison wasn’t in California; she was in Virginia.

  “Oh shi— I mean, I forgot about the time zone difference.” James sighed. “Guess they don’t have some sort of spell that makes whoever’s calling you always match your time?” He gave a weak laugh.

  Alison didn’t laugh at his lame joke. She yawned. Appropriate.

  “Sorry, kid,” James told her. “I just wanted to check in with you and see how you’re doing at magic wand school and all.”

  “Only been doing orientation, but I like it so far,” Alison said, her voice barely above a whisper. “My roommate Aya is really nice, though she’s kind of quiet. I thought she was creepy at first, but I think it was just because she was quiet…and she has weird dolls. I mean, the girl down the hall told me it was like straight out of a J-horror movie, long hair and all. She chuckled softly.

  “Wait, what weird dolls? Horror movies? What the hell is going on there?”

  “Oh, it’s nothing bad. Aya has this magic where she can make stuff move. It’s not very powerful yet, and she said something about dolls being easier. Even then she can’t control them that long. When I first stepped into our room there were a couple of dolls moving around her, and she was standing there in this white dress and staring straight ahead of her, bangs over her eyes—or at least that was what Vannie from down the hall told me.”

  James’ brain took a few seconds to catch up. Despite the fact he used magic in his job and hunted people who used it too, it was still strange to hear the girl discussing her roommate having unusual powers as if it weren’t a big deal and everyone had them. Of course, at the School of Necessary Magic that was true.

  Fuck, was this what it meant to grow up when this stuff was always around? You didn’t give a shit? Or was Alison just that way because she was special to begin with?

  James shook his head. He needed to focus on the conversation at hand. “But you say she’s okay?”

  “Yeah. She’s cool once you get her to open up a little. Her soul told me she would be.” Alison let out another long yawn. “She’s taking me to breakfast tomorrow before the next part of my orientation.”

  James frowned. “What time is it there?”

  “Right now? One sec. Um...it’s 10:45.”

  “Okay, I should let you go. I promise I won’t call so late next time, but I’ll be busy for a while on a job.”

  “When are you going to call?” There was a faint hint of desperation in Alison’s voice.

  “Three days maximum, I promise.”

  “Okay. Talk to you then, James.”

  “Talk to you then, kid.”

  James ended the call and slipped his phone into his pocket. No one had entered or exited the Black Sun since his arrival, which meant King Pyro was still inside. This would be the easiest and most satisfying money he’d made in a while.

  “Time for a little revolution against the crown,” he muttered.

  The bounty hunter weighed his options. If he waited he’d be able to take on the man in a larger area, something that would let him take advantage
of his strength and speed. The main issue with that was, he had no idea how long it’d take King Pyro to get bored and wander out, and for all James’ strength and abilities he still needed to sleep. He had to travel the next morning.

  Why didn’t anyone stick their magic artifacts in the LA sewer? They might smell like shit, but at least he wouldn’t have to travel. Or hell, bury them under the Hollywood sign.

  “Fuck it,” he muttered. “Let’s just get this shit over with.”

  James reached into his glove compartment to pull out leather gloves. It was probably the first time in a long time it had actually lived up to its name. He wanted to make sure he could land punches without burning himself too badly.

  After slipping the gloves on he stepped out of the truck, checked his weapons, and marched toward the Black Sun. Ass-kicking was at the forefront of his mind.

  The bounty hunter had the advantage. He knew King Pyro was there, but the criminal didn’t know he was coming.

  When James threw open the door to the bar, several people shot nervous glances his way. The place was more crowded than it’d been during his last visit, but still nowhere nearly as crowded as the Leanan Sídhe. That might complicate things even more, not that taking down a level four was ever that simple.

  Tyler nodded to James as he entered, but didn’t say anything. James understood. The man might not have a problem turning King Pyro over to a bounty hunter, but he didn’t want to announce it to every piece of shit in the place either.

  The bounty hunter scanned the room. A dark scorch marred the floor not that far from the bar. King Pyro had been busy.

  His eyes narrowed when he spotted his bounty, a huge brown-haired man in a tight white T-shirt, black jeans, and boots.

  The sheer banality of the outfit made James chuckle. With a pretentious title like “King Pyro,” he’d expected Adams to strut around in a costume or something. Maybe even a purple cape.

  King Pyro stood in front of a table where three men sat laughing.

  The robber gesticulated with his arms. “So, that’s when I said, ‘Who ordered the extra-crispy cop?’ You should have heard the guy. He’s all screaming like a little girl just because he’s on fire. What a cockbite.”