“Aww,” Jason sighs. “She’s using her aunty superpower on us, Uncle Nathan. The order,” he says mysteriously, waving his fingers as though a spell was flowing from them. “Only mommies and aunties have it.” He looks away from me and turns to Nathan. “Sometimes uncles get it, but it’s not as powerful.”
“Boooo,” Nathan grumps. “I am, too, weakened by her superpower. Must . . . help . . . clean . . . up.” With restraint, he drops to his knees and seems to be forcing his arms and hands to grab and fold the blanket. Jason copies and helps pack the basket, both complaining about the overpowering I’m having over them.
I laugh, standing back, watching their pretend struggle. “You goofballs are making my day.”
We head in, putting things away and cleaning the dishes. On the couch in the living room, we lay Jason down for a nap after his third yawn and second rubbing of his eyes. He’s out in seconds, stretched out and snoring.
Nathan kneels beside him, a glimmer in his eyes as he either admires the peacefulness of the toddler’s slumber or it’s an interest.
“Do you ever consider it?” I ask, snapping him out of his trance.
Nathan turns away and sits with his back against the couch that Jason lies on. He grabs the remote and flicks through the channels. A familiar squint takes his eyes, and I realize, just as well as we can speak to each other internally again, he’s likely able to hear my thoughts too.
“Some of them,” he says. “And only sometimes, when I’m trying. They don’t come to me like before.”
“So . . . ?”
“I was considering it just now.” He extends his hand, and I take it, sitting beside him on my knees. “To grow a family with someone. You. To bear a son and name him Nathan.” He laughs, and he doesn’t have to explain the joke for me to get it. I easily find myself laughing with him. But a seriousness steals it away. “I could never give life to the obsession. Being Burdened, we’d risk their lives and our own. It’s almost like the minute a Burdened Sephlem impregnates anyone, the Nemanites are made aware. They haunt us down and do their worst to kill us and our children. I wouldn’t risk his or her life. I couldn’t put either of us through that. Mating and being bound was enough. What we’re going through today is a greater tragedy than I’d ever believe we’d suffer through. Can you imagine us managing this shit and trying to raise a child?”
I rest my hands on his shoulder and kiss his cheek. Resting my chin on my hands, I tell him, “I met a lady who was human and mated a Burdened Sephlem. At least I believe I met her. Anyway, she told me that just off assumption her family was attacked. You and I would be able to take down anything who comes after us or our babies, but I agree. It’s better to not have to deal with it and put our children through that chaos.”
“Our children,” he mutters under his voice. “Exactly, Sparks.” He looks down at me from the corner of his eyes. “You and I are enough.” He nods toward Jason. “And him. He’s Burdened, you know.”
“Yes. I do. But he’s easy to manage. No real episodes.”
“Not yet.”
“No one has tried to come after him, not as long as I’ve been here.”
Nathan turns his attention back to the TV. “I’ve got a bad feeling about that. That, Laine had a play in this, and maybe, they’ve already found what they’ve feared all these years.”
“I don’t know anymore.” I take that in, recalling having a similar talk with Laine before. Rising, I say, “I’ve got an essay to write and a test to take online.”
“You better get to work. I’ll sit here with Jason.”
I grab the nearest laptop and get to work on my research essay. The Newcomb’s love for books is keeping me from visiting the library, and I am so grateful for it. On the shelf holding the encyclopedias, I drag my finger along the spines of books, in search of one for Greek gods. One at the end of the shelf, in the center of the dingy spine, has the marking on Nathan’s back traced in gold.
I’ve totally forgotten Nathan had this cringe-worthy marking on him.
Snatching the heavy book off the shelf, I crack open its dusty pages, and on the very first page, like a proem, reads Bear a wicked heart to accept the beast of oppression. Like the words on the hourglass. A page turn over, covering the page top to bottom is the marking on Nathan’s back; a hand drawn upside down with an eye in the palm encircled by two scythes. At the bottom of the page reads something similar to Natalia’s discernment. What was it she’d said? One can cause misfortune. You’ll see in a plea . . . Gosh, I can’t remember?
“What kind of book is this?” I mutter to myself, flipping through the thick, wrinkled pages. They’re stained red and the book’s binding is sewn with a deep red thread. On a bookmarked page where the corner is folded down, a black and white drawing of the hourglass takes up the entire page. Inside of the hourglass is neither the heart nor the skull, but bodies of all sorts; humans and creatures, falling from the top, tumbling through the center, and are sand or ash by the time they make it to the pile at the bottom. In the description at the bottom of the page, it reads, All that lives shall pass through, returning to the earth as they came from time’s beginning.
I turn the pages back to the beginning where I saw Nathan’s marking. In the eye is a drawing of stars and planets, people and trees, water and the sky. The All-Seeing of Death is its title. I drag my finger along the lines as I read, The All-seeing is a representation of the eye in the hand, seeing beyond what’s revealed to the naked eye, overseeing lives. One who bears this mark can see as far as the Chaos, a part of the universe between Heaven and Earth where lies utter nothingness. It reveals from the dark mass, when the seer must see a form, as a being or as nothing at all.
A dream I previously thought was placed by Roehl, due to Taylor’s reveal so long ago may have been a warning. This dark mass grew behind Nathan. The welcome for it was a desire in his eyes as he lent his hand to me; an invitation for me to join him. I’d never willfully dive into evil.
The scythes are a black and white ink drawing, a description I’m more familiar with. A weapon of the reaper used to reap the life of the living. On the following page where they’re all together, it reads, he who bears the mark can save or hinder, protect or cause havoc; determined by the choice of the heart. He must choose; Knight or Death.
I breathe deep and nervously. Slipping my finger between the bookmarked pages, I open back to the hourglass and compare the one on the shelf that I would’ve sworn was broken, to the one in the picture. They look nothing alike. The only similarities they hold are the pillar-like wood carving that encases it.
I snatch the hourglass from the shelf and carry it and the book over to Nathan. He’s dozing. I startle him when I drop down beside him, asking, “Have you seen your back lately?”
“It’s only something I wash, not examine.” He slumps down and lets his eyes close.
After shaking him awake, I spread the pages open and point to the symbol. “This is the mark on your back, remember?” I flip the page to the hourglass. “It’s not the exact same.” I hold up the hourglass. “But I think this is what it’s talking about.”
Nathan flips the hourglass over in his hand, examining it from top to bottom. “It looks the exact same to me.”
I snatch it from him and look over it again. “What?” I’ve glanced over this thing a million times. “No, it doesn’t. There is a heart and a skull in it. The sand is black and always less than halfway full.”
“Tracey, I’m telling you. From the outside to the inside. It’s the same as this picture.” He points. “Kind of eerie, honestly.” He sets it down on the floor and looks over the book. He reads from the page next to the hourglass. “It says everyone won’t see the same thing when they’re holding it. But only death can see—”
“What?” I snatch the book and try to locate the part he was reading from.
“Nothing.” He takes the book back and stands to his feet, looking it over from beginning to end. Pacing the floor, he reads and reads before
shutting it closed and looking down at me. “We’ve discussed this before?”
“Kind of,” I answer, hugging my knees to my chest. “You kind of blew me off when I brought it up.”
He mules over a thought, then says, “What if I said that I lied to you to protect you from a truth that would likely scare the life out of you?”
Tearing my gaze away from him and uncomfortably looking back, all I can say is, “Um. . .”
He rolls his shoulders and doubt leaves his eyes. Holding the book by its spine, he looks at it for a second too long and his expression smooths over, just like Nathan’s would do in the past when he doesn’t want me to see through his reveal. “I can’t deny this is me. Like my father reminded me, I’m whatever the prophecy has claimed me to be. I’m certain of that now. My mother had warned me of it from the day I was born, but unbound, it was ineffective. I wouldn’t become this ‘death’ if it weren’t from the advancing of the bonding and the growth of abilities in my mate. So, while I wasn’t forbidden to mate per my own beliefs, I was forbidden to become bound, in order to prevent the oncoming of what I’d become. I’m becoming. We are becoming.”
The ‘we’ he whispers causes my heart to skip a beat.
“The awakening of . . . me . . . is what’s bringing on the darkness, the evil that will attack our world, and what wants us. That could be the Qualms. Everything has wanted this power, I’ve been told, but it was unobtainable until I opened the door by bonding with you. That’s why it was so quiet in the beginning and then went to shit so fast. The Qualms have likely and will probably defeat anything that stands in their way of making it to me. And while they may not try to kill me, they could attempt something worse.”
He throws his fist to his forehead and blurts, “Why was I so stupid?” Meeting my eyes, he adds, “I knew how wrong it was to bond with you. I knew what I’d be risking and the trouble I’d be getting you in. But I did it anyway. Why would I do that?”
Again, he rams the side of his fist against his forehead. “I lied and tried to hide things from you, thinking it would protect you and we wound up here anyway! You’re in just as much danger not knowing as you are knowing.”
I jump to my feet and take his diamond-hard fist in my hands. “Bonding takes two. It was my decision as much as it was yours. Honestly, I didn’t make it any easier on you.”
“Tracey, what you don’t seem to understand is, if I wanted to stop it, I could’ve. I could’ve changed your mind and your feelings by a single thought. If I truly wanted to protect us from this, I could’ve stopped it. I could have ended our mating, changed the feelings of your heart. It probably would’ve hurt me to do so, but it would’ve saved us. And I couldn’t stay away, before laying claim to you, I should’ve first found a way to fix our future, and if there wasn’t one, explained to you the risk and why we needed to avoid it at all costs. I, honestly, never should’ve pursued our mating.” He breaks away from me.
I knit my brows and have to stop myself from getting angry when I yank him back. “Nate.” I grab his shoulders. “Because, we’d take that once over nothing or never at all.”
I can’t help the burn in my throat, the sting in my nose and sudden twitch in my eyes. A sudden urge to cry because I’ve ruined his happiness, and I’m a source of his regret. It was what I wanted to avoid, and I’m just as guilty for giving in to my desires over rationality.
“Even knowing we’re cursed, Nate, if I had the chance, I’d still do it again. I’d choose you every time, no matter the cost. I’d prefer to have you once than to suffer through never having you at all. And now more than ever, Nathan. If none of this had ever happened, I’d never have met my best friend, who also happened to be my mate.”
“You’d never have lost your best friend,” he counters, dragging my hand from his shoulder to his heart. Well . . . where his heart should be.
My cheeks puff out as I blow a heavy breath past my lips that holds my confliction for his rebuttal. “If we were to go down that road, which we dare not travel, there’s a lot of never-would-haves. Remembering everything, Nate, can you honestly say you regret asking me to say yes? Do you remember giving me that choice? Are you wanting to take it back?”
Looking me over, he slips his index finger under my chin and tilts my head back. “Honestly?” he asks, and I nod. “No. You’ve given more than I could ask.” He slips his fingers through my hair, grabs me, and reels me to him. He gazes upon me, and though his eyes don’t churn, the look of affection in those hazel eyes tells all the words he won’t say. He grumbles, “Why do you exist?”
“Apparently for you.”
Nathan nods as he’s backing away and heads for the bookshelf. He drops the book off and says, “I need to find out what all this means, and what can be done about it.” Snatching up the hourglass from the ground, he admits, “I recognize this, but I don’t know the full of it.”
And he thinks to me, My mother would be quite useful at a time like this. I miss her a lot. And I can’t help but think how disappointed in me she’d be. I’ve fucked up everything.
I come up behind him and rub his back. “She loved you, Nate, monster and man. And she wanted you to have the desires of your heart. I saw it in her eyes. Nate, her last words were, fight for what they said you can’t have, and you’re doing that to the best of your ability. She was one of the smartest women I knew, and if she didn’t believe you could win this, she wouldn’t have told you to fight. She never led you wrong, so if you need any type of reassurance that your choices haven’t been wrong, remember what she said.”
He turns to face me, eyes soft and relieved. “Thanks.”
“Anytime, Nate.” I leave him for Jason, to scoop him up. “Take some time, gather your thoughts. I’m taking Jason to the bedroom and will start on my quiz after I grab a bite to eat.”
Parts Per Million
Nathan
Tracey’s right. My mom wouldn’t have encouraged me to be with Tracey if she didn’t believe I could beat this. I want to beat it, may it be Qualms, my father, Lunis. My mate and I need to find a way to change our future. Not just our future, but this world’s future, if that’s what’s at risk.
What will it cost for her happiness? What’s the price of our peace? How much do I give to have a life my mother swore I’d one day experience?
“Tracey, I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back later.”
“Okay,” she returns. “Call me if you need me.”
I’ve got more questions than answers, and I hate this feeling. The first thing I need to figure out is how my—why—my father’s back. If it’s him who’s orchestrated this, as Jucenta believes, Lunis would know. Laine has been working for Lunis in more recent months. I remember seeing Laine in Lunis’ office while I milled around that warehouse. It’s about time I check on Lunis anyway.
I walk to the cellar I’m holding Lunis in. Nothing but land for miles. I lift the hatch and jump down into the cellar. He’s been hanging for days now, and it reeks of his stench.
“You can’t just leave me down here without food or water!”
“Ehh, yes I can.”
Maximum capacity of this place would be ten people comfortably. There are no outlets or windows. A perfect place for torture, out in the middle of nowhere, where there’s no one in hearing or seeing distance.
My father had plenty of these spots throughout Bennington and the surrounding cities. Maybe more than the ones I know about. He once told my mother they were for storage, but many made of stone are still stained in blood. No matter how hard he tried to clean it up and douse these spaces in bleach or ammonia, blood can’t be washed out of stone. A reminder to him of his faults.
The similarities between him and Lunis are appalling, and I’m disappointed in myself for never seeing them before.
It takes every ounce of me to not act out the top ten ways I want to kill Lunis when I look at him. My Burdened, not fond of us leaving Lunis alive, makes sure I can’t forget what he did to Tracey and my mother. My mot
her’s last minutes sat in a circle of light with Tracey across from her, her eyes a circling sky-blue holding no fear or regret for what she knew would be her exit from my life. Dammit, if she didn’t know how much hate would burn within me for Lunis killing her, it takes a lot to keep down that evil. An evil I used to wish would take me over when I got a little too annoyed with my father. The one without regret.
I lean against the wall and propped the sole of my boot to its smooth stone. “How long has my father been alive in Laine’s body?”
Lunis shrugs, chains clinking from the movement. “Not long after your mother died.” He barks a breathy laugh. “You’ve been doing some research I see.” After a yawn, he droops his head to the left and rests it against his arm.
The comfort he’s displaying is repulsive, and knowing he’s doing this just to get under my skin, makes me want to react the way he hopes. But I’m doing my best to stay in control. “If you and my father were already in cahoots, why’d you murder my mother?”
“We were never in cahoots,” he spits with distaste for the assumption. “Your father came to me to clear your debt after he’d discovered I had a contract on your mother and your mate.”
His words sucker punch me in the face. “We’re not talking about the same person.”
“Listen more than you talk, Nathan. Your father came to me to clear your debt after he’d discovered I had a contract on your mother and your mate, in exchange for you. My watch seems to run faster than everyone else’s because just like yours, his time ran out. I never break a promise.”
“Then it wasn’t because of my aunt why you killed my mother?”
“Oh, your aunt. . . Your father’s sister. Yes. She wanted her deceased husband returned to her side, she didn’t care what was inside of him. So, I asked her to lead me in the right direction.” He lifts his head and his brows rise. “And I didn’t expect it would be she who helped me. I thought your mated sister would be the one—Roehl’s sister.” He laughs three heavy chuckles. “You want to know what she told me? If they must be taken down, the one person she’d allow to take down the Newcombs was herself. And I, Lunis, could go and find seventy-seven different ways to kiss her ass.”
Finite: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Sephlem Trials Book 4) Page 29