by Jay Gill
With a sob, Danny started to run towards her. Cutler swung round; I couldn’t let him grab the boy. I saw him raise the knife. I stepped towards Danny and then, sheltering him with my body, I swept him up into my arms. As I did so I felt a searing pain in my shoulder, a sickening pain like I’d never felt before. Then another terrible pain shot through my body. I had no doubt I’d been stabbed.
Whether it was pure adrenaline that kept me on my feet I don’t know. I ignored the pain and kept moving. I held Danny tightly in my arms and ran back into the dining room. Circled back around then ran back down the hallway. Melanie was waiting with the front door open and her arms outstretched for her son.
‘Go,’ I shouted, handing him off. ‘Run, run, run!’
I watched in relief as Melanie and Danny ran to the safety of waiting officers.
I collapsed to my knees in the doorway. My world began spinning. A dull, aching pain engulfed me, followed by a wave of nausea that made me lightheaded.
I could feel Cutler behind me but I couldn’t move. My legs wouldn’t move. I was losing a lot of blood. My body was shutting down and diverting its efforts to my vital organs.
I remember being pulled clear of the doorway and the sound of running and shouting as officers stormed the house to arrest the Angel Killer.
The angelic face of a paramedic appeared over me. I could see her soft mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I had to close my eyes. I had to. I could sense her tugging at my clothes as she cut them to get to the stab wounds.
I felt cold. So cold. I had to keep moving. Who would protect Alice and Faith? I couldn’t die. I had to move. My body was too heavy. Nothing moved.
An overwhelming silence pressed down on me. The light faded. Finally, everything disappeared into black.
Chapter Sixty-Three
I woke on the third day. My eyes scanned a room I didn’t recognise. I was surrounded by flowers and cards. It looked like there had been a birthday party and I’d missed it.
I’d been lucky; I’d make a full recovery. The blade had gone deep but hadn’t hit any major organs or arteries. The doctor later told me I’d come round a few times over the last few days, which surprised me as I didn’t remember it. She told me the pain relief drug I was on can sometimes have a kind of hallucinatory effect and memory loss was quite usual.
‘Hello, stranger.’ Monica looked at me with tears in her eyes and kissed my hand, which she was holding.
‘Hello, beautiful. How have you been?’
Monica started to cry and laugh. ‘I thought I’d lost you, just as I got you.’
‘No chance. I’m not going anywhere. You and I have got a lot of living and a lot of loving to do.’ She leaned over and kissed me. Her soft lips and the tenderness of her kiss made me wonder if this was another hallucination. ‘I love you,’ I said. It felt good to say it and I knew I meant it, more than ever before.
‘Someone’s feeling better. And he’s not wasting any time,’ said Rayner as he and his wife Jenny entered the room. ‘Nurse, whatever he’s on, I want some.’ Jenny gave him a playful slap.
‘Stop fooling around,’ said Mum. ‘I want to see my son. Now move that mountain-sized body of yours out of my way.’
‘Daddy, Daddy!’ Faith and Alice came barrelling in and then stood by the bed staring at me. I guessed someone had told them I’d be in pain and not to jump on me for a while.
‘Can we see where you got stabbed?’ said Faith. ‘You had stitches. Can I see them? Will there be a scar? Can I see it? When the nurse takes the stitches out, can I do some, please?’’
‘Let Daddy relax,’ said Alice. ‘He needs his rest. Stop being so gruesome all the time.’
‘How about you both come round this side of the bed and give me a hug and a squeeze? I’ve missed you so much.’
‘How are you feeling, son?’ said Dad.
‘You know, a bit groggy. I ache all down my right side but I think that’s got to be a good sign.’
Everyone was quiet for a moment and I knew what they were thinking. All the people I love, and who love me, were in the room and collectively they were thinking I was lucky to be alive, and I knew it. Once again, I’d put my life on the line for the job. Unless I changed, there might eventually come a time when my luck ran out.
I broke the awkward silence. ‘When can I go home? Has anyone heard?’
‘That’s a good question. I’ll see if I can find a doctor,’ said Rayner. He and Jenny stepped outside to see what they could find out.
I could see from Mum’s face that she was deeply upset and ready to give me a piece of her mind for putting myself in danger, yet again. But apparently right now wasn’t the time. She leaned over and kissed me, then stroked my hair and kissed me again. ‘Take the job, sweetheart,’ she whispered. ‘Move to the coast. Start over. No more of this. I want my precious boy safe.’ She looked at me with tears in her eyes. Seeing me like this was breaking her heart.
I smiled and nodded gently. It was time for a fresh start. ‘Only if you promise you’ll visit as often as you can.’
‘You try keeping me away. Just you try it,’ she said with a smile.
Chapter Sixty-Four
‘I’m sorry,’ said Cutler. ‘About stabbing you, I mean.’ He was unshaven and was sporting a cut and swollen eye. I felt sure there would be plenty of people in prison who would want to make his life a misery.
I didn’t want him to see me while my arm was stiff, but I felt duty bound to speak to him. My shoulder was healing fast but I was still in a lot of pain and discomfort. Detectives had informed me Cutler was being uncooperative, and even though I was still signed off I’d insisted on seeing him. I realised almost immediately my assumption he’d want to open up to me about the murders had been wrong. I’d hoped that by facing the detective who had finally tracked him down, coupled with the realisation it was over, he might show some remorse.
‘I don’t know why I did it. I was in shock, I suppose.’ He chuckled to himself. ‘Women never cease to amaze.’ He lifted his clothes to show me the scar where Melanie had plunged the knife in. ‘We’ve got even more in common now, I suppose.’
Listening to Cutler I was finding it difficult to understand whether he was insane or incredibly intelligent. Either way, he was showing no sign of remorse.
‘How about the people you killed? At least twenty young women, that we know of. Are you sorry about that? The lives you destroyed? The suffering you inflicted on them and their families? It would be a good thing if you could work with us to give those families closure. Perhaps it would help you too.’
Cutler shifted in his seat and looked down at the table between us. He shrugged, like he was nothing more than a naughty schoolboy in front of the headteacher.
I couldn’t help feeling anger at his apparent lack of interest.
‘What does that mean? Do you feel any kind of pity? Your victims had lives, dreams, futures. Do you understand that?’
‘Of course I do. What do you think I am?’ Cutler looked annoyed.
‘You don’t want me to answer that.’ I shifted in my seat and winced from a shooting pain.
He tilted his head. He saw the pain in my face and watched me trying to get comfortable.
‘You must be in a lot of pain. The pain has clouded your judgement.’
‘Is that right?’ I asked.
‘We could have had a far more productive conversation if you weren’t sitting there like a bear with sore head. Your approach is all wrong. There’s no psychology behind your questioning. You know it and I know it. You know you should be talking to me like you understand me, like you want to help me. You haven’t asked me one question about my childhood, my parents, my schooling, my first love, my sexual preferences. Instead, your discomfort and pain are causing your mind to work like a blunt instrument.
‘You forget what makes you such a great detective. You’re behaving like all the others. I find that very disappointing. I suppose we can talk again when you’re fe
eling better. After all, I owe you that much, seeing as how I am the creator of your pain.’ Cutler looked at his hands and rubbed his fingers together.
‘Perhaps I have no interest in the inner workings of your depraved mind.’
‘Now, now, James. If that were true, we wouldn’t be having this little chat. I’m curious. Do you think you caught me because you’re smarter than me?’
‘I never assume I’m smarter. I just know you’ll have disadvantages.’
‘Disadvantages?’
‘Whatever drives you to do the sick shit you do will sooner or later cause you to set aside caution.’
Cutler smiled. ‘Good, James. That’s better. In time we’ll have some proper discourse. Maybe you are someone whom, after all, I can open up to.’
‘Are you going to tell us everything? We need you to make a formal statement. It will bring peace to a lot of families. It’s the right thing to do.’ The pain was getting to be too much and I wanted to leave. I shouldn’t have visited him. It was too early and all I was doing was amusing him. I was being foolish thinking I could appeal to his humanity by simply asking for his help. I knew from experience it didn’t work that way with creatures like Cutler. I should just leave. Right now, I was doing more harm than good.
Cutler stared at me. His dull and impassive eyes became ferocious. There were two sides to this monster, and here at last was the Angel Killer. ‘You’re talking like I’ve finished. I haven’t finished. I realise now my feelings for my family held me back. I no longer have that. . . that handicap. I’ve been released. Think caterpillar. Think butterfly.’
‘You are finished. If you haven’t already figured it out then I’ll spell it out for you: Your future is life without parole. Your future looks like bars, brick and one hour’s exercise a day. Instead of caterpillar and butterfly, think rat and trap.’
‘Maybe. Then again, maybe not.’ Cutler leaned forward, his eyes searing into mine. He was the same man, but somehow he’d grown. He looked bigger, stronger, more self-assured. ‘I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but I’ve seen the future. It looks very different to your version. Things look very bleak for you, Hardy. In my version your hands are covered in the blood of your children. I see you holding the lifeless bodies of your angels in your arms. I’m just getting started. You, James Hardy, helped me realise my full potential. Not everyone gets that opportunity. I want to thank you.’
‘So you think you’re just going to flutter out of here?’ Cutler said nothing. He simply stared back. ‘I’ve put smarter and more dangerous men than you behind these walls. Some have said similar things to you. All are still residing at Her Majesty’s pleasure.’ I got up to leave and indicated as much to the guard. I’d had enough of this prick’s bullshit for one day.
‘Maybe so. But how many were sat here by choice?’ said Cutler with a smug grin. ‘Do you really think I went undetected all those years without a little help and lot of planning?’
I stopped in my tracks, turned and looked at him. I didn’t want to think it and I couldn’t ask. Was he another disciple of The Mentor? I hadn’t heard from Kelly Lyle, The Mentor, since a case involving the serial killer Simon Baker. But I felt like she was in the room now, and this was her way of reaching out to me. Letting me know she hadn’t forgotten me.
The prison guard let me out and I watched as Cutler was walked back to his cell. He could see I understood. He winked at me, nodded and mouthed, ‘Angels.’
He laughed to himself and got moved on by the prison guard.
Chapter Sixty-Five
I was stood in a room full of packing boxes. The move had gone well even though I was still recuperating before returning to work in my new role. The slow speed of recovery was frustrating and I was being a real grump to live with.
In reality, Monica had dealt with the move, and until recently I’d felt pretty useless and miserable with my lack of mobility.
On the positive side, I’d been able to spend a lot of time with Monica and the girls. They were settling in well and enjoying all the attention that came with being the new girls in the school. The media attention that the Angel Killer had attracted had also given them the status of having a hero dad, and from what I could tell, they were cashing in on that big time.
‘They’re here,’ shouted Alice and Faith. ‘Nana and Granddad are here.’ They ran past me, almost knocking me over.
I put my good arm around Monica’s waist and pulled her to me. I kissed her lips then repeatedly kissed her neck. My hand began to wander.
‘Enough of that, James Hardy,’ said Monica. ‘I want you to behave while your parents are here. We can play catch-up once they’ve gone.’
‘In that case I’m going straight out there now and suggesting they only stay for a cuppa. I’ll come up with something good. I’ll make it sound genuine.’ I put up my hand, pretending to be getting their attention.
‘Don’t you dare. You’re such an idiot. Come on.’
‘I love you,’ I said, and kissed her again.
‘I love you too. Now let’s get out there and welcome them.’
Monica pushed me gently, taking care not to hurt my shoulder. I leaned back as though I were reluctant. In fact, I was keen to show them around and let them see how happy we all were.
With my injury, the unpacking had been slow. The house was still a mess and there was still a lot that would have to wait. We had time, though; we had years to get things just how we wanted them. This was our new family home and so long as we had the essentials, we’d be okay.
Monica and I grabbed our phones and prepared them for photos and video. There was one essential part of our new family home that we both agreed was necessary and it had arrived with Mum and Dad. They waited until we were ready, and then Mum asked the girls to close their eyes while Dad opened the back door to the car and lifted out a travel box.
‘Daddy and Monica have asked us to bring you a new friend,’ she said to the girls. ‘She’s very little, so you must be gentle,’ said Mum. She took the girls by the hands. ‘No peeking. Don’t look until I say so. Sit here on the grass.’ The girls sat down and Dad put the wriggling bundle down between them. It was a golden Labrador.
‘You can open your eyes now,’ said Mum.
‘A puppy!’ cried Alice. ‘Whose is she? Is she for us?’
Faith’s eyes were shining. She reached over and let the puppy sniff her fingers, then stroked her gently. ‘She’s so cute. Is she ours? Daddy, is she ours?’ said Faith softly, as though she hardly dared to breathe.
‘Yes, she’s yours. So long as you promise to clean up after her. Don’t let her chew our stuff. Give her plenty of exercise. All the things you said you’d do. Deal?’
‘Deal. Does she have a name?’
‘No, not yet,’ said Monica. ‘She’s beautiful, isn’t she? We’ll have to think of a name that suits her.’
We all gave the new member of the family a stroke then took her indoors to give her some space to explore her new home.
After giving Mum and Dad a tour of the house, we sat down to lunch. The puppy was in her crate in the girls’ room, fast asleep. It had been hard to tear them away from her.
‘How are you healing up?’ asked Dad.
‘It’s okay. A few shooting pains and I ache a bit at night, but it’s healing well. I was lucky.’
‘Lucky is the right word,’ said Mum. ‘You’re lucky that psychopath didn’t kill you. I don’t know what it is about you, your brother and your father that makes you think you need to be heroes.’
‘Well, I guess all that’s behind me now. Here in sleepy Dorset I’ll be safe and sound. No more chasing psychopaths around the streets of London.’
Monica couldn’t help herself. ‘The most drama you’ll have from now on will most likely be judging marmalades and signing autographs at the school’s summer fete. He’s something of a celebrity, you know,’ she said conspiratorially to Mum. ‘Word’s got out about the big-shot detective chief inspector from London. We’re conc
erned he won’t be able to walk the streets without having to sign autographs every two minutes.’ She reached over and affectionately messed up my hair.
‘That’s all the drama I need,’ I said, playfully pushing her hand away. ‘No more chasing killers. I’ll leave that to younger detectives. My role in the future will be nothing more than advisory.’
‘We’ll see,’ said Mum. She didn’t look at all convinced. ‘I just hope you keep your word. For everyone’s sake.’
In truth, my concerns were far from funny. It was going to be difficult to walk away but I had to, for my family. I hoped the demons from my past would allow me fade into the background. I was worried my past would catch up with me and bring all of my troubled history to Dorset.
I knew there were those from my past who seemed to think they had unfinished business. The Mentor, a female serial killer I’d encountered, still liked to check in on me from time to time and let me know she hadn’t forgotten me. Most recently, she’d sent me a Get Well Soon card from Venice. Enclosed were some graphic photos of a young man she’d stabbed to death and posed with arms crossed, presumably in some sick homage to the Angel Killer. I’d bagged the card as evidence and arranged for it to be sent to the Italian detective heading the investigation into the young man’s disappearance. I hoped that was the end of it, but deep down I felt uneasy.
Before the next chapter in my life began, I wanted to spend as much time as possible enjoying and exploring my new home. Life from now on would be less intense than my years at Scotland Yard. I was ready for a fresh challenge and a new start.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Sunday morning and I was cooking breakfast for everyone. The house was bright and the morning sun was shining through the windows and warming the house. The smell of a traditional English breakfast drew everyone to the kitchen. Local sausages and bacon, fresh eggs, mushrooms, grilled tomato and beans and thick slices of freshly baked white bread were almost ready to be served up.