Her seeing me in a pair of shorts? Scary thought indeed. The burns on my chest and back were worse than the ones on my face. They ran in scar lines, ridges and wrinkled chunks. It wasn't sexy as I knew Julie would be. It was horrific.
Julie, knowing me as well as I did her, hugged herself closer in my arms. “You'll be fine. It's just you and me,” she replied.
It was strange how the statement could always make me feel better. Just Julie and Falon. Just Sketch and Freddy Krueger.
Just my Julie, and her lovely monster.
♥
I hadn't packed swimming shorts, but Julie had already stolen some from Liam's room when he had been packing back home. She tossed them to me, and I went in the bathroom and changed.
I didn't take off my shirt, and came out to Julie watching TV. She looked at me, frowned and stood up. “Cheater,” she stated as she started toward the bathroom. “I'll meet you at the pool,” she called from the other side.
“Are you sure?” I asked her, and she told me yes, so I grabbed my towel and left. I didn't worry much. The pool itself was just around the corner from our room.
I opened the gate and went inside. It was at least midnight or later, so no one was there, just as Julie said. The lights around the pool were on, and I suddenly felt like the braless chick in a scary movie.
I can't help it. I literally looked in the pool to make sure no one was hiding in the water. It's a defect in my generation, but I refuse to be the guy that runs up the stairs and investigates the strange noise.
I placed my towel on the chair and watched the water that seemed to sparkle. I could smell the chlorine without getting in the water, but that was okay. Any body of water was fine with me.
No shoes on my feet, so I toyed with my shirt. Taking it off felt the same as if I were removing my shorts too. Naked and vulnerable, and it wasn't pleasant.
Though, with Julie, I had slowly undressed myself, and was constantly feeling naked and vulnerable in front of her. There was nothing different with the multiple times I had done so before to the simple move of taking off my shirt.
Tentatively, I peeled the shirt from my body. I pulled it over my head and stared at it for only a moment. It got tossed with the towel.
I looked down at my body, and though fear was still prickling at my neck, I also knew that it wouldn't bother Julie. Julie wasn't fazed by the appearance of things. This was just unexplored territory.
“You're exquisite,” her voice said from the gate. I turned to see her standing there, a towel wrapped around her, but a soft smile on her face. She had been watching me, quiet as a mouse, and she had used a big word to describe me.
I smiled, staring at her. “You're a stalker,” I told her.
She shrugged and opened the gate, coming inside the fence with me. “And you should watch undressing all by your lonesome. Some crazy psycho killer could be waiting to kill you while you're getting all naked,” she said to me.
Generation defect I tell you. We immediately think psycho killers are coming to get us.
Or zombies.
I looked at her, but her body was hidden beneath the towel. All I could really see was her head, and legs, the rest disguised behind the soft whiteness of her towel.
“Now who's being a cheater?” I asked her as she came up.
She wasn't wearing shoes either, but there was some fear in her eyes. She took in a deep breath as she slowly pulled the towel away from her body and dropped it to the ground behind her.
I saw no reason for the fear. She was perfect. Although the cancer and the treatments had definitely been taking their toll on her body, she was still gorgeous. Too thin, but beautiful nonetheless, standing there in the moonlight and red and white polka dot bikini.
“You're lovely,” I told her, but didn't move toward her. We stood a few feet from each other, both staring at one another like the virgins we were: scared and eager.
She bit her lip in the enchanting way she always did. She self-consciously wrapped her arms around herself. I knew she was scared of my perceptions of her body.
“If I wasn't sick, I wouldn't have been so nervous about this,” she tried to assure me.
I smiled. “If I wasn't so in love with you, I wouldn't be nervous either,” I told her.
Julie smiled, and she looked down. I did too, my eyes running across the rib bones I could see, the hip bones, the way her chest bone was visible. She couldn't help that, but she seemed to think she could.
“A lot of girls die trying to get a body like this, you know? I wish I was at least twenty pounds heavier, and maybe a few sizes bigger in this area,” she said circling around her breasts. “And maybe a few sizes smaller in this area,” she said, then placing her hands on her butt.
I laughed, and looked down at my own body. “You know, if I was smoother in this area,” I replied, circling my entire upper torso. “And a few muscles more in this area,” I said, indication to my stomach. “Maybe then I’d feel more like a sex magnet.”
Julie smiled, rubbing her neck. “Yeah, I know I sound stupid. The only person that opinions matter to me is yours though,” she told me with a sheepish grin.
I smiled, and finally bridged the gap between us. I held to her arms, and smiled down. “The feelings mutual. As long as you think I'm, what was the word, oh! Exquisite, then nothing else matters,” I told her, as she smiled.
That was when her fingers touched my scars, and traced the lines. She looked lost in their varying forms and routes. “You are exquisite. I could stare at you all night,” she replied softly, so soft I almost couldn't hear her. If the only other sound hadn't been the night air, I probably wouldn't have.
“I've never seen a girl more beautiful, and amazing than you, Julie Michaels,” I told her, running my fingers over her arms. Her flesh instantly broke out in goosebumps and I knew it was because of me. Because of my touch. I took satisfaction in that.
“But you have to admit, you would rather see me like before. When I had hair and meat, and not looking at you like I was a skeleton,” she replied.
I raised a brow. “Would you rather see me as I was before?” I asked.
Julie widened her eyes and shook her head. “Of course not. This is different though,” she replied.
“Because I saw you before you got sick?”
She nodded.
I shook my head. “If you had been with me before I was burned, you would still feel the way you do now, because you love me. Seeing you like this is just as perfect as it would have been if you were still healthy. I'll still feel the same if you grow fat and old and wrinkled,” I told her.
Julie smiled at that, and she spread her hands across my chest. She took in a deep breath, and she smiled. “Old, fat, and wrinkled,” she commented. “It's a nice future to look forward to.”
I didn't say anything. Because I knew she'd realize the significance in her words, and she might take them back.
She was actually looking forward.
“Right now, let's worry about that water,” I replied, and we both stared at the rectangle of clear blue liquid.
“It'll be cold,” she replied.
I shrugged. “Probably.”
“We have to just jump in. No toe testing. Just one quick cannonball in,” she told me.
“No swan dive?” I asked.
Julie looked up and smiled. “Only ladies swan dive. Us spontaneous runaways, we cannonball,” she replied.
So, we did.
♥
The water was indeed cold, and we both felt it as we came up for air. Julie's eyes were widened as she looked at me and shivered.
“Bad idea, very bad idea,” she said, her teeth chattering. She was doing her best to stop them, smiling as she did, but it wasn't any use. They continued to do so.
I swam the short distance between us and swept her into my arms. She held to me as I moved us to the wall. Trying to swim and hold her was not any easy task, despite how it looked in movies. Moving her to the wall was easier.
/> The closeness wasn't so bad either.
I got her to the wall, and had managed to box her in. Her hands were holding to my shoulders for support, her back against the concrete wall of the pool, and though her teeth were still chattering a little, she didn't seem to mind it.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
Her eyes met mine, and held them. She smiled, nodding. “Perfect. You are, you know?” she replied.
I smiled, using a hand to pull her face closer to mine. Kissing her seemed like one of those things that I was always doing, but I enjoyed it. I was a teenager in love, and kissing was the one thing I could do to her that neither hurt her or aggravated her.
Julie pulled me in closer, aiding our kiss. Her mouth met mine wantonly, and seeking comfort that I was more than happy to give. I couldn't hold her, because I knew I would bring us both under, but I had her pinned to the wall, and her body was pressed against me.
I couldn't help from being completely enveloped by her. Julie was all I was, and all I ever wanted to be, and I would give anything to go one step forward.
It wasn't just my teenage hormones either, just like it wasn't hers. This was love that we shared, and with that came a certain amount of lust too. It was impossible for me to look at her, and kiss her, and feel her beneath my fingertips, and not want her. I'd give anything to have all of her.
But that wasn't how things were suppose to be.
I was the one that pulled away, because for a while, Julie had lost her control, and I knew it. If I didn't pull away now, we would both regret it later, and when your girlfriend is dying, regrets are not the best company.
I could move on from not having slept with her, if she died. I would get over that, because it was, after all, just sex. Compared to the love I had shared with her, the way she had become a part of me, and I had completely succumbed to her, sex was just a missed pleasure.
I couldn't live with helping her do something she would regret until the day she died, whether she realized today or not. I couldn't live with doing that to her soul.
She slowly opened her eyes, and there was a trace of hesitant embarrassment as they finally met mine. I watched her swallow back an apparent lump in her throat, and then roll those envious green eyes of hers.
“I guess I lost my head, for a while,” she said.
I used one hand to lift her chin back to me. She looked at me as I leaned down to kiss her softly and innocently. When I pulled away, I whispered, “You're entitled to lose it.”
She sighed, pressing her forehead against mine. “I don't want to regret not knowing how amazing it could be between us,” she replied. She slowly pulled away, looking at me directly. “I know you're thinking the same thing. I know you want me as much as I want you,” she told me.
Now, I had a lump in my throat. I swallowed it back, laughing slightly. “Of course, I want you,” I said, but I also felt a little guilty about saying it. Because of how much I did want her. How if a few more seconds, or the slightest touch could have pushed me past my control, and we could have been having a different conversation.
Julie sighed, shaking her head. “And then I also know that I don't want to ruin everything. Since I can remember, I've always known that I was going to marry someone wonderful, and he would be my first and only. I'd never want anyone else, and I wooed be able to control myself until then,” she replied, then touching my chest.
Her fingers once again traced along the lines and got caught in their webs. She did this absentmindedly, but I felt every touch, and it was driving me crazy, however I was unwilling to stop.
“And then I meet you, and I fall so hard and so fast because you're more than wonderful. You're perfect, and beautiful, and I want nothing more than to be with you in every way possible, and I start to think, 'One day I might marry this guy' and then everything goes completely crazy and I realize I might not even live until Christmas,” she says, stopping abruptly and looking up. Her eyes were watery, and moving over mine. “And I'm scared I'm going to be cheated from all of the things I could be sharing with you, and that terrifies me.”
“It scares me too,” I admitted. “But, it is, in the end, just sex. You can't really miss something you never did,” I told her.
She smiled. “How is it you can do that?” she asked.
“Do what?”
“You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better.”
I smiled, and ran my hand over her skull. “Because you aren't a part of me. You are all of me. Every single part of me is completely controlled by you, so it just comes naturally,” I reminded her.
She leaned forward and kissed me again. It was delicate, and nothing more. It was sweet and passionate, and then gone as Julie ducked under the water and swam away from me.
♥
We swam around for a while, playing around, dunking one another, and just relaxing. We eventually got out, and sat at the edge of the pool, kicking our feet back and forth in the water.
I knew the time was late, so I suggested we headed in. Check out was at eleven, and we both still hadn't slept much. Plus, I would be the one driving, and falling asleep behind t he wheel didn't sound nice.
She agreed, and we went inside. I let Julie go into the bathroom first, and she washed the pool off and came out in pajama shorts and a tank top. I went in and did the same, only, I came out in a pair of pajama bottoms. I hated sleeping in a shirt, and since Julie was use to my chest now, it wasn't a big deal.
Julie had the TV on, but she turned it off when I came out. She was already beneath the blankets, and held them open so I could get under them with her. I did, and we both turned off our lamps and laid down together.
I still had yet to ask about her phone call with her parents, so I asked. Julie rested her head on my shoulder, laying close to me as I held her. I knew later my arm would fall asleep because of this position, but I wouldn't be able to move it. She would look too much like an angel for me to risk moving her.
“It wasn't pleasant,” she finally confided.
“Were they mad?”
She shrugged. “I guess so. Mom was. Dad was just upset that I didn't tell him. He says he would have been okay with us leaving, but we both know that was a lie. Mom would have convinced him otherwise,” she replied.
“You're mom hasn't been really happy with any of your decisions lately,” I reminded her,
“I know, and she swears that if she didn't respect me so much, she'd force me to have the transplant. That was what she was telling me the other day. She said that legally, I'm still a child, and if she wanted, she could force me to have the surgery. I know that she probably could too, but she doesn't want to force me to stay no more than I want to force her to let go,” she replied.
“So, she was really mad about us leaving?” I asked, running my hand over her head as she sighed.
“Kind of. She said that it was selfish. If something were to happen to me while we're gone, she said that I was robbing her and dad of being there in that last while,” she replied. She then turned over, and propped herself up on her elbows. I could see her face in the shadows. “She said that you were not the only person that loves me.”
I touched her face and smiled. “I'm not, but I do love you. I'm trying to give you what you want for a change,” I told her.
“And I know that, but she doesn't,” she told me. “She's old, and a mom, so she forgot what it was like to be a teenager in love,” she replied.
“So, you do still love me?”
“Forever.”
♥
We woke up only because Liam was banging on our door. I got up, fell, heard Julie laughing because of this, and stumbled my way to the door. I opened it to Liam, who was grinning widely.
“Nice, sexy pants. If you're trying to come on to me, I'm already taken,” he told me.
I grimaced, covering my eyes to the morning light. “Not even if you were a girl. What's going on?” I asked.
He tapped his watch. “Time to go, jerk-face. I
t's almost eleven,” he said, then grinning as he walked away. If he hadn't been turned around I would have called him something too.
No use when he couldn't hear it.
I shut the door and came back in. Julie was stretching out her arms, and yawning. “Maybe we should have went to bed earlier,” she offered.
I shrugged and jumped on the bed in front of her. She laughed as I rolled onto my back and looked up at her. “Tonight, you and I will completely ignore whatever city we're in and go to sleep,” I told her.
She shrugged. “No fun in that. We can be sleep deprived, or try to catch a nap when we get in the bed of the truck,” she answered.
I shrugged. “Yeah. Sounds good. I'm going to get dressed,” I told her.
“I'll pack up.”
I went into the bathroom and did just as I said. I got ready, and when I came out, Julie had our things packed. I took them to the truck as she got dressed. Liam was bringing their things out too.
We threw them in the back of the truck and hooked them up. Then, we both went to the office and returned our keys.
The girls were waiting when we came back. Liam told me to stop by the nearest Walmart before we left, so we did, and Julie and I looked over the CD’s to pick which one we wanted to listen to. We both decided on the Beatles CD and listened to it while we waited.
Liam came out with a big box, and I smiled as I realized what he had bought. Both Julie and I got out, and he grinned as he came closer.
“I figured it would be more comfortable,” he said.
“Did it come with a pump?” Julie asked. “Because I'm not blowing that sucker up.”
“Yes,” he said, rolling his eyes, and the next thirty minutes were spent with Liam and I struggling to make the foot pump blow up a twin mattress. Liam had even bought sheets, but Julie ran in and bought pillows and a blanket.
It fit in the back of the truck, and after being made, we finally got back to the road and started out of Nashville, and toward whatever city came next.
Lovely Monster Page 24