The couple with the prints approached the counter.
‘You’re sure that’s okay?’
‘You’re friends now, aren’t you?’
I nodded, feeling my cheeks flush. Jed must have told her that. Be brave. This might be your only chance to catch him. Taking a deep breath, I crept upstairs to the first floor.
‘Hello? Jed?’
No answer.
I stepped into his studio but it was empty and the lights were off. He’d obviously been in there as I could hear the kettle bubbling.
The streetlights outside illuminated the dark shapes of the two easels. I could tell that neither were covered but it was too dark for me to make out any detail on the paintings.
Feeling like an intruder, I felt my confidence seeping away and was about to turn and run back down the stairs but curiosity stopped me. What’s on that second painting? He’d been very cagey about it. Was that because it was another one of me or was that my overactive imagination at work and it really was a case of an unfinished project being unfit for reveal?
The sound of footsteps on the stairs from the top floor rooted me to the spot. The light flicked on and Jed burst into the room, stopping abruptly when he saw me, no doubt looking very guilty in my position halfway between the door and the paintings.
‘Tara? What are you doing in here?’
‘Sorry for intruding. I wanted to speak to you and Anastasia said you…’
His eyes flicked towards the paintings and I could see what looked like panic in his expression.
‘I didn’t look at them.’ But as I said the words, I automatically turned my head towards them, my heart thumping as I took in the scene on the second painting. Oh my God!
‘You weren’t meant to see that.’ He rushed forward, grabbed the dust sheet off the floor and opened it out.
‘No! Don’t cover it up.’
‘But, I…’ He lowered the sheet and sighed. ‘I guess I’m too late.’ There was such defeat in his voice.
‘Can I take a closer look?’
Silence.
‘Please?’
Jed nodded slowly and I took a few steps forward.
The setting was unmistakable – the covered walkway by The Bay Pavilion. A full moon shone in the starry sky, releasing a silvery ribbon across the sea, leading towards one of the stone arches. A woman wearing a sparkling purple dress was locked in a passionate embrace with a man wearing a tuxedo. My heart raced even faster as I was transported back to the evening of the awards when Jed held me and I’d longed for him to kiss me beneath the stars. Had he felt that way too?
I took a deep breath as I turned to face Jed. ‘You have an amazing gift.’
‘Thank you.’ He cleared his throat and the confidence returned to his voice. ‘It’s lucky that others agree because I was starting to run out of career choices.’
‘You are a brilliant artist, but that’s not what I meant. Your gift goes far deeper than that, Jed. You see things. Really see things. Emotions, thoughts…’ I pointed to the other picture. ‘I said that you’d captured my thoughts on that painting. It was like you could see into my soul. And, on this one…’ Be brave. You can say it. He painted it so he must have wanted it too. ‘You’ve done the same. When you held me that night, I didn’t want you to let me go. I wanted what you painted. I still do.’
He frowned. ‘But I asked you out and you blew me off.’
‘I know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that and I came to apologise on Tuesday but I got side-tracked by the first painting and didn’t get a chance to explain…’
His expression softened. ‘You don’t have to explain. It’s my fault. I should have taken things more slowly, especially knowing what you’ve been through.’
I shook my head. ‘My response to your email was nothing to do with that. Something else happened on Monday that was completely unexpected and long overdue and it distracted me from everything else. I spoke to Kirsten.’
His eyes widened. ‘Tara! That’s amazing. Oh my God! How was it?’
‘It was pretty special.’ Tears rushed to my eyes and I tried to blink them away but there were too many. ‘She had cancer. They caught it but… I could have lost her. I shouldn’t have pushed her away like that for so long. She’d done nothing wrong. She’d only ever…’ My voice cracked.
‘Hey! Come here.’ Jed pulled me close and held me again while I sobbed, transporting me back to the arches, being held by a man who had stirred feelings and emotions in me that I’d never expected to experience again.
‘I’m sorry.’ I stepped back and wiped my wet cheeks with my hands. ‘I’m such an emotional wreck at the moment.’
‘I’m not surprised. Speaking to your foster mum after all these years… That’s huge.’
‘I know. It’s not just her, though.’ Be brave. ‘It’s you as well. It’s dreaming about having that—’ I nodded towards the second painting ‘—but being scared of it too.’
Jed looked at me with such tenderness that I felt like I could melt. ‘You’re not the only one who’s scared, but great things come to those who have courage.’
‘That’s what Carly keeps telling me. I’m trying.’
‘Why don’t we face our fears together?’ He cupped my chin in his hand and gently tilted my head towards his.
‘I’d like that.’
I swear my heart skipped a beat as his lips met mine, softly at first, as though worried about pushing things too far. He’d taken that first step and now it was my turn. Stepping a little closer, I slid my arms round his neck and intensified the kiss. Oh my goodness, it was worth it. I’d always thought that my first kiss with Garth was pretty special, but my first proper kiss with Jed completely eclipsed it. So tender yet so passionate.
He brushed my curls back from my face. ‘Even better than I imagined when I painted that picture.’
‘Even better than I imagined when I was standing in the arches with you.’
I kissed him again, running my hands through his hair and down his back. We both gasped for breath when we parted.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.’
Jed smiled. ‘Please never apologise for kissing me like that. And, if it was a dream, it was a million times better than any dream I’ve ever had.’
A flush spread from my cheeks to my toes and I couldn’t stop grinning. Unfortunately, work called. ‘I hate to say this but I’m going to have to get back to the café.’
‘Can I see you tonight? We could go out for a meal or just a drink if there are things you need to do.’
If any sort of relationship with Jed was going to work, the starting point needed to be absolute honesty. I’d told him my story but I needed to show him the real me. Which meant he needed to see my home and meet the other man in my life.
‘Can you come over to the café at seven? There’s someone I want you to meet. He needs to give you his seal of approval.’
Jed looked confused for a moment, then smiled. ‘Ah! Hercules. I can’t wait to meet him.’
‘I can’t wait for him to meet you too. I think the two of you are going to be great friends.’
37
I felt ridiculously nervous as I waited in the café shortly before 7 p.m. I’d dressed carefully again, pulling on pale ripped jeans, a plain lemon T-shirt and a thick cable-knit grey cardigan, with my hair tumbling in loose waves over my shoulders.
My heart raced as the door to Yorkshire’s Best opened and Jed stepped out onto the cobbles clutching a bottle of wine.
‘Very punctual,’ I said, opening the door. ‘I’m impressed.’
‘The traffic was horrendous,’ he joked, placing the wine on the countertop. ‘It was touch and go as to whether I’d make it on time.’
As soon as I’d locked the door behind him, he took me in his arms and kissed me again, his hands running through my hair. Desire flowed through me and I imagined unbuttoning his shirt and… I reluctantly pulled away. This was meant to be going slowly
and my thoughts had been anything but slow.
‘Can you still picture how it was before?’ I asked as we made our way up the stairs.
‘Dark and poky. I remember stud walls everywhere creating all these tiny rooms. It was pretty grim actually. We only ever used it for storage but I used to look up at that amazing arched window and imagine how it could be if it was open plan instead, perhaps with a mezzanine.’
I smiled to myself. He was about to find out.
Taking a deep breath at the top, I opened the door. Hercules was waiting for us, twitching his nose. I scooped him up. ‘This is Jed, Hercules. Are you going to say hello?’
‘He’s gorgeous.’ Jed stroked his ears. ‘I’ve never painted a rabbit before. I think he might have to become my first.’
‘We’d love that, wouldn’t we, Hercules?’ As I stroked his back, my fingertips met Jed’s and I felt a zip of electricity pass between us. I’d never felt that sort of intensity with Garth. He’d made my heart race, but there was something so much more powerful happening between Jed and me. It excited me yet terrified me at the same time. Could I really do this after shutting myself away from relationships for so long?
‘Ready for the big reveal?’ I asked, putting Hercules down.
We stepped forward.
‘No way!’ Jed turned from one side to the other. ‘You did exactly what I imagined.’
‘Do you like it?’
‘I love it.’
Even if he hadn’t verbalised how much he loved my flat as we moved round the different sections, I’d have known it from the sparkle in his eyes. I hadn’t realised until that moment how much I wanted his approval.
After he’d had the tour, I opened the bottle of wine he’d brought with him and we stood in the lounge, each with a glass in our hands, looking at Jed’s painting of the lighthouse which had pride of place on the wall opposite the sofa.
‘You know what’s weird?’ he said. ‘I’ve never actually seen one of my paintings in someone else’s home.’
‘Really?’
He nodded. ‘Customers have sent me photos but I’ve never seen one in the wild, as it were. Seeing it up on your wall right now, it feels like it was always destined to be here, as though I painted it just for you.’
‘I can’t help thinking you did, even though you didn’t realise it. The lone sheep, the lighthouse at night, the daisies, the inscription. Seriously, Jed, it couldn’t be more perfect for me.’
We sat down on the sofa, still gazing at the painting.
‘I was so upset when I thought it had been sold. I kicked myself so much for not buying it immediately.’
‘What stopped you?’ he asked.
‘Something really stupid. I thought you might ask me why the picture spoke to me and it was too personal to share.’
‘And how do you feel now that I know?’
‘Still absolutely terrified but the hardest part is done. You know why I built that wall round me and yet you’re still here. My shipping container full of emotional baggage hasn’t scared you away.’
Jed reached forward and took my wine from my hand and placed it next to his on the coffee table. He twisted round to face me and took both of my hands in his. ‘Nothing you say could scare me away. If anything, it makes me feel closer to you. We’ve both been badly hurt by the people we loved and should have been able to trust. It is hard to take that chance again but I understand that about you and you understand it about me. I think I might have a great big shipping container full of emotional baggage parked right next to yours but I think we can help each other deal with that and come out stronger together. If you want to, that is.’
I picked up our wine glasses again, handed Jed his, and clinked mine against it. ‘To dealing with the crap life’s thrown at us and making it out the other side.’
‘To letting people in,’ he said.
‘In a year of trying to open up and let people in, I never expected that one of those people would be you. You were definitely not one of my favourite people at the start of the year and I don’t think you were in my fan club either but look at us now. What changed for you?’
Jed smiled. ‘I saw you. Really saw you. That day on the cobbles, when you were looking at the sky, something in me completely shifted. Then when I saw you outside the Pavilion, thumping that wall…’
I grimaced. ‘No! You saw that?’
‘I did, but what I saw was the same sort of pain and anguish I’d been through. I didn’t know what had happened to you but I understood and I wanted to be the one to take the hurt away. I wasn’t sure whether you’d want me to, though.’
‘Is that why you painted the second picture?’
He nodded. ‘It was my little fantasy of me being your hero but you being mine too. That’s why I couldn’t show it to you on Tuesday night.’
‘You said it was unfinished.’
‘I said it wasn’t ready. The painting was complete but I thought it would be too much. After that email, I didn’t think you were interested in me and I thought that it would scare you off completely.’
‘That’s why you were vague about whether you’d ever show me it. You said it wasn’t working out as you’d hoped. You meant with me rather than the painting.’
‘Busted.’
‘What about now? Things working out how you’d hoped?’
‘Better than I’d hoped.’ He smiled at me tenderly. ‘What about you? When did you stop thinking of me as an “arrogant con artist”?’
Cringing, I lowered my head. ‘Can you please forget I ever said that? Although that’s actually the point when things changed. When I discovered that you didn’t know about the extra money or the roof, some of the reasons I’d hated you no longer existed and I started to see you. Then I saw your paintings and I felt like I understood you too.’
Jed kissed me again and that zip of electricity I’d felt earlier made every nerve-ending fizz. We put our drinks down and kissed once more.
‘I know you’re scared but I promise you we can take things as slowly as you want.’ He stroked my hair as I snuggled against this chest. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
And I believed him. Feeling the rise and fall of his chest and listening to the steady thump of his heart, I had never felt so relaxed or safe. I’d never have predicted that when he returned from Australia.
38
‘Are you absolutely sure you don’t want me to come with you?’ Jed asked as we stood by my car on Tuesday morning the following week. Kirsten and Tim had arrived at their holiday cottage in a village south of Whitby late last night and I was about to drive up to see them. ‘I can ring my mum and ask her to help Anastasia. I’ve already got her on standby just in case.’
‘I really appreciate that but, after so many years apart, it’s only fair that I see them on my own. There’s so much to talk about.’
‘How are you feeling?’
‘More nervous than I’ve felt about anything in my entire life.’ I put my hand out to show him how much I was shaking. ‘I’m worried about tackling the “big” conversation.’ Kirsten and I had spoken several more times on the phone since the first call but had agreed to stick to general chit-chat, saving a discussion about what happened until we met face-to-face so we could support each other through it, knowing how emotional it would be.
Jed pulled me into a reassuring hug. ‘I know it will be difficult but it’ll also be amazing. The phone calls have already broken the ice and you know they’re not mad at you or anything like that. I bet they’re nervous too after all this time but you only need to tackle the past this once and then it’s out in the open and you can all move forward.’
He gently kissed me, setting off a different type of nervous sensation.
‘Let me know when you’re back and I can come over if you want some company. I won’t be offended if you need some time to yourself, though.’
‘Thanks for understanding.’ I hugged Jed again. ‘I guess I’d better hit the road.’
‘You�
�ve got this.’
‘Thank you.’
I waved goodbye, pulled out of my parking space and drove across town in the direction of Whitby.
My thoughts raced as I drove up the coast road, getting ever closer to our reunion. There was so much to say. Where would we even start? They knew about Leanne and Garth but did they know it all? Did they know about my ‘playmates’? Did they know about The Manor? There was no mention of any of it in Kirsten’s letters but that didn’t mean they weren’t aware. And if they knew everything, how must that have affected them? I’d only been ten when they’d taken me in – still a child at primary school. How devastating must it have been to discover that the child they were there to protect had been manipulated and ‘educated’ in their own home right under their noses by their own daughter and nephew?
Half an hour later, I pulled into a gravel courtyard in front of the stone cottage and stepped out of the car. Deep breath. Be brave.
A large wreath on the wooden door transported me back to The Larches at Christmas. Every year, Kirsten and I would make a wreath together from conifer leaves, holly, ivy and bright red poinsettias; another thing Leanne seemed to resent us doing, telling us it was a pointless waste of time when we could easily buy a “far superior” one from a florist.
I was about to knock when the door burst open and there she was, Kirsten Sanderson, the kindest woman I’d ever met. Her long blonde hair was gone, replaced with a short pixie-style crop. She’d gathered a few wrinkles – no doubt caused by stress and worry as well as the passing years – but was otherwise exactly as I remembered her.
She pressed her fingers to her lips, her eyes filling with tears as she looked me up and down as though trying to match the thirty-six-year-old woman before her with the twenty-two-year-old girl she’d last seen. ‘It’s really you!’
‘It’s me!’ My voice cracked as the tears tumbled. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’
‘We’ve missed you too. Come here.’
Starry Skies Over the Chocolate Pot Cafe Page 24