by Robyn M Ryan
No one—not even Caryn—knew the disaster she’d left in Vancouver. And Lauren intended to keep that part of her life buried in the past.
#
Dave couldn’t resist kissing Lauren’s hummingbird when he caught her napping in her office. She stirred and stretched, then wrapped her arms around his neck. “Did you just get home?”
“Yes.” His fingers lightly traced the tiny tattoo. “What inspired that, babe? I don’t remember.”
Lauren shrugged and he caught a hint of sadness flash briefly in her eyes. “I may not have told you. It’s just some old song I remember from childhood. Amanda liked to play old songs—from at least forty or fifty years ago. I just remember one line… telling a hummingbird not to fly away.” Lauren laughed at her inability to sing the line or even come close to its tune. “Thus, began my infatuation with hummingbirds.”
“Why don’t you have feeders around the porch? And the kitchen windows. I’ll help you put them up—do you know what you need to feed them?”
Lauren scooted back to sit up. “I can find a recipe. I don’t know when they migrate, though.” She pulled her hair back and slipped a band around it. “I bet Google knows.”
Dave saw the sparkle in her green eyes. “How about we look it up, then go shopping and get some lunch? Great day to ride with the top down.”
“Ah, an excuse to drive my car!”
“You can drive. You know your way around here better than I do anyway.”
Lauren narrowed her eyes. “No thank you, Mr. Martin. You make me nervous when you clutch the seat. White-knuckle passenger.”
He stood and held his hand out to her. “Never. We can take turns; maybe drive out to the Gulf, too.”
Lauren threw her arms around him. “You always make me smile, Marty. It’s been magical since we—I—agreed to try this committed relationship.”
“So, no regrets?”
“None. Any second thoughts, Mr. Martin?”
“Just that I waited so long to tell you how I felt.” He kissed her, and he felt the promise in her response. Nope. No second thoughts about my Energizer Bunny. Have no intention of letting her go.
32
STUFFING CHILDHOOD MEMORIES, family dynamics, and actions she regretted into a locked box pushed to the recesses of her mind had worked for most of Lauren’s post-secondary school life. On occasion, an odd thought would interrupt her consciousness or cause a nightmare, which disappeared as quickly as she awoke. Adept at compartmentalizing unpleasant memories, Lauren questioned her motives after Amanda’s comment that hiding her childhood from Marty would backfire. What would he think when he learned she’d buried the truth about that part of her life?
She couldn’t avoid Vancouver forever. Marty’s parents lived there—at some point, he’d question her refusal to visit her sister—the same sister she once had held up on a pedestal. What could she say? “I can’t see Amanda because the woman who gave birth to me wants a happy family reunion.” Lauren wanted no one to share her memories of a lonely, unloved, unwanted child, nor the young teen with such low self-esteem she tried all the wrong tactics so she could belong to the right group.
Lauren had believed all the unpleasant memories were behind her. Amanda’s comments unleashed a fear that someone would uncover her past. Now that she and Marty were “significant others,” how long would it take for someone in her past to make comments on social media? It would only take one of her secondary school classmates to recognize her. How perfect if someone added a hashtag with any of the demeaning names she’d pretended not to hear. #easylay #slut, #whore, or much worse could appear on a Tweet or Instagram post. How wonderful for his public image. Amanda was correct—Lauren and Marty’s relationship was built on a flimsy sand castle that the tide could sweep away at any moment.
Glancing at her watch, Lauren figured she had maybe thirty minutes before the guys returned from morning skate. Now that the thought had planted itself in her brain, Lauren felt compelled to scour her social media accounts, seeking any connection to Marty—or worse, to her past.
She’d allowed her online presence to slide—after spending days with her clients’ accounts, posting on Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook was the last thing she wanted to do. All her accounts looked clean—only a few posts from college friends or colleagues. She recalled the social media assignment at the university that she and Caryn had worked on together to discover what information each could uncover about the other. Caryn warned me then to tone down my posts, not to reveal too much personal information. And she had taken this advice, and over the following months removed anything unprofessional that could jeopardize a future job.
Now, the stakes had risen. Not about what I post, but what others post about me? Hopefully, nothing. She knew Caryn wouldn’t include her in Marty’s feeds without checking with her first. Her wildcard Cliff Camden had his wings clipped. But, if any of the group who had humiliated her during secondary school discovered her connection with Dave, they could embarrass him. What if the twins didn’t delete those photos?
Lauren remembered that Amanda said someone had sent an Instagram picture to her. She searched “Dave Martin hockey,” and hundreds of photos popped, posted by fans. Many were selfies. Someone took others in public venues—arenas, restaurants, hotel lobbies. She flipped through the images, realizing it would take days or weeks to examine all.
She logged out of her accounts, then she googled her name plus Dave’s. Nothing popped connecting them…maybe not today. Something new to obsess about going forward, though. She visited her secondary school’s website and logged into the alumni portal. She rarely visited the site and never updated her information or left a comment. Lauren barely remembered most of her classmates—except those who’d made her feel worthless. She discovered her name on a list of alumni with no current contact information. Tempted to replace Amanda’s address with her P.O. Box in St. Louis, Lauren didn’t want to add any bread crumbs that could lead to her.
A sudden wave of nausea swept over her, and Lauren swatted the laptop closed. She needed to put those memories back into her box and not obsess. She walked out back and watched the blue heron dive for a fish over the lake. A deep breath of fresh air helped relieve the queasy feeling. She checked her new hummingbird feeders by the sides of the house and frowned when she saw that bees had discovered the sweet nectar. Not about to mess with those guys. Need to continue to research feeders. Her secrets continued to haunt her. Why hadn’t she told anyone—not even her best friend? Afraid they’ll look at me differently? Lose respect for me? Feel sorry for me? Her inner child and adolescent harbored the pain and humiliation. Lauren chose not to allow it to define her adult life.
If she told Marty, what’s the worst that could happen? Would it change the way he looked at her? Would it tarnish his reputation if her misguided teen years became public? Or, what if he decided her genetic pool was poisoned? What if her destiny included repeating her mother’s or sister’s path? Could she risk that? Put him in that position?
Lauren sat on the cute teak bench near the front door and closed her eyes as she turned her face toward the sun. Continue to hide the “real me” and hope my secrets are never revealed? Face my worst nightmare—go to Vancouver and confront the past? Tell Marty about my promiscuous secondary school actions? One thing was painfully clear—she could no longer pretend her childhood never existed.
Perhaps she should put the brakes on her growing feelings for Marty? Put on hold the best thing that has ever happened to me? Just until I sort through the past. Will he wait for me or finally decide I’ve pushed him away for the final time?
Her heart ached at the thought of losing him and desperately, she wished she could find another solution. Denial. A beautiful place to visit, perhaps stay for a while longer.
33
THE SUNS’ ANNUAL casino night and auction—an event Lauren knew nothing about—suddenly loomed like the shining harvest moon. Caryn had mentioned it in passing—the event benefitted the Suns Fou
ndation and raised most of its funding each year. She’d asked both Tom and Katie to babysit that evening, then shared her fear that either or both would face emergencies at the hospital.
“Hey, I’ll be your backup. I’d love an evening with the twins.”
Caryn looked at Lauren with a slight smile. “That would be a great backup solution, but you’ll attend this black-tie gala on the arm of a certain winger for the Suns. Hasn’t Dave mentioned it?”
Lauren shook her head. “He may not even know about it. Perhaps he’s planning to go solo.”
“Oh, no way! The rich and beautiful come to mingle with the players—and your guy will work one of the game tables when he’s not mingling with the upper crust. It’s expected the wives and girlfriends attend—believe me, I tried to get out of it. Drew made sure Tom and Katie had plenty of notice.”
“Black tie?”
“Definitely.”
“Craptastic. Marty hasn’t mentioned it. I have nothing to wear. Maybe I’m not invited.”
Caryn laughed. “He’ll know all about it when he comes home from practice. Angela’s distributing a detailed fact sheet and owners’ invitation. I need to go shopping, too. Nothing appropriate in this mom’s closet—ugh, I haven’t worn heels in ages.”
Lauren shook her head as she leaned her face against her hand. “You have that beautiful gown from your rehearsal dinner.”
“Mm, no. My body has shifted a bit too much…but you, too, have yours. You looked beautiful in your dress.” Caryn’s eyes teased her. “Remember Mr. Martin didn't leave your side that evening.”
“Again, until Marty invites me, I’m not making plans.”
Caryn patted her hand. “Just keep thinking that, Lauren. I’ll see when Drew can babysit so we can shop.”
#
When Dave saw Lauren’s car in the driveway after practice, he followed Andrew into the house. “Might as well break the news here.” He nudged Andrew with his shoulder when he saw the smirk cross his face.
“Still don’t get how you could not know about Casino Night.”
“No one fucking told me. One of you guys—my best friend and teammates could have mentioned it.”
Andrew shrugged. “Guess we all just assumed you knew.”
Dave found Lauren in Caryn’s office. “Interrupting anything? Can I borrow you a minute?” He saw Lauren’s eyes narrow and deduced she’d heard about the gala. “Can I assume you also learned the good news today?”
“What news?” Lauren’s voice oozed with sweet sarcasm.
Andrew laughed. “You told her, Caryn, didn’t you?”
“I had no idea Lauren didn’t know about Casino Night. And, I’ll wager no one had enlightened Mr. Martin, either, until Angela distributed the packets today.”
Lauren laughed as she stood and walked toward Dave. She placed her hands against his chest. “I already made plans that evening.” He saw the green eyes spark as she teased him. “Besides, I have nothing to wear.”
He grasped her hands and pulled her toward him. “I’m sorry, babe. Can you change your plans?” He punctuated the question with a kiss.
“Perhaps you can persuade me.” Now her eyes revealed a devilish gleam. She looked over her shoulder at Caryn. “Do we need to discuss anything further?”
Caryn failed in her attempt to quell her giggles. “Go, enjoy. I’ll call when we can go shopping!”
Dave saw Lauren’s smirk as they walked to the car. “Planning a shopping expedition?”
“Um, I assume I need to dress ‘appropriately’ for this gala. Nothing in my closet works. Your tux cleaned and shoes shined?”
“Yes, to the first. I’ll take care of the second this afternoon.”
“And the gala is Thursday?”
He heard the sarcasm dripping from every word. “Yep.” He opened the door for her. “We both heard about it today. I’m sorry, babe. It shouldn’t take you or Caryn more than a couple days to buy something stunning.”
“That’s if there are no alterations. Remember, we both are vertically challenged.” Lauren’s pout morphed into a giggle. “I’ll find something suitably festive…and tantalizing.”
Dave reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Spare no expense, squirt. I’m picking up the tab for this.”
“That’s a dangerous thing to promise, Mr. Martin. And totally unnecessary. I’m not Cinderella—I can afford it.”
He stopped the car in the driveway and turned to face her. “Use that credit card I gave you when you bought the furniture.” He pressed his fingers against her lips as she opened her mouth to protest. “I insist, Ms. Gentry. Don’t look at price tags. Buy what you like. I’m sure the girls will know the best places to shop.” He covered her lips with his to squelch her protest and didn’t stop until long after he felt her body melt against his. “Shall we continue this inside?”
Her green eyes glistened as she nodded her head. “Absolutely inside, Marty.”
#
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Lauren hissed to Caryn, Kelly, and Terri. “How can I shop when nothing has a price tag?”
Kelly laughed. “That’s the whole point. Our guys obviously conspired with the store. Private shopping experience? Champagne? Personal shoppers, plus a car service.”
“I plan to enjoy and pick out something tastefully risqué—who cares what it costs?” Terri laughed as she sipped her champagne. “Since the gala is a command appearance, they obviously took preemptive action to keep us happy.”
Caryn looped her arm through Lauren’s. “Let’s look through the petite dresses.” She pulled Lauren toward the rack of gowns the personal shopper had selected for them.
“Is this something they set up every year?” Lauren fingered the silk material of one gown.
“No idea—wasn’t even on our radar last year, you know. Either way, it’s the least they can do if we must attend this function.” Caryn allowed a giggle to escape. “Though it feels like shopping for a wedding gown and bridesmaid dresses again.” She examined several gowns and held a glittery silver dress toward Lauren. “Look how it changes color depending on the light. This would be beautiful with your auburn hair.”
Lauren took the gown and held it up in front of the mirror. She could see the iridescent colors but hesitated when she saw the deep V-neck and noted the dress only reached mid-thigh.
“That’s beautiful, Lauren,” Kelly commented. “With your skin tone and hair color, you’ll be a beautiful butterfly.” She held up a dress she had selected, then shrugged. “Maybe.” She hung the dress outside the dressing room, then returned to choose more gowns.
This is so not me. Doubt I could pull this look together. Lauren hung it outside her dressing room as one of the personal shoppers approached.
“We just received the dress this week. I can guarantee you won’t see it on another woman at your event.”
Seriously? Not an off-the-rack design? She forced herself to focus on two new gowns the attendant brought to her.
“You’d be stunning in any of these.”
Lauren managed a smile and murmured her thanks before picking up a glass of champagne and walking to Caryn’s side. “Designer gowns?” she whispered. “I’ve never even touched one.”
“You’ll be wearing one Thursday.” Caryn hugged Lauren and continued, “Just pretend they’re off-the-rack at the mall. I promise you’ll look gorgeous in any of these.” She handed her choice of dresses to the attendant. “Shall we try them on?”
The four women took turns modeling dresses, and Lauren relaxed after her second glass of champagne. She worked backward from the gown she least liked, saving the iridescent one for last. Terri knew what she wanted—a glittery blue gown with a modest halter bodice that highlighted her dark hair, and as she turned to reveal the plunging back, Kelly led the group in applause.
“You’ll drive Steve crazy if you wear that.” Caryn’s comment caused Terri to smile conspiratorially.
“My intentions, exactly.” She n
odded toward an attendant. “Does it need any alterations? Suggestions for shoes?”
Caryn chose a shimmering golden design, even as she worried about the high split on the right leg. “Definitely need heels for this look.” She exchanged a glance with Lauren. “You think Drew will hate this? Too much leg showing?”
“Never. He won’t want to work the tables, though. Something tells me he’ll be glued to your side.” Lauren laughed softly when she saw Caryn blush.
Caryn narrowed her eyes. “Are you going to even try that spectacular dress?”
“Yes. Right now.” The attendant helped her slip the gown over her head, and Lauren worried that the side zipper would not close.
“Perfect. Stunning.” She turned Lauren toward the mirror, and for a split second, she wondered who was staring back at her. The plunging V-neck offered tasteful coverage, and the dress fit like a second skin. Lauren turned to the side and moved so she could see just how much leg she’d show. The attendant swept Lauren’s hair off her neck. “You can style your hair either up or down. You look beautiful, my dear.”
Even as she inwardly screamed she’d never pull off this look, Lauren walked toward the area where her friends waited. She felt self-conscious as she twirled in the dress, her mind telling her ‘No!’ while her friends showered compliments.
“You don’t think it’s too…revealing?” Lauren pointed to her chest and then her legs.
“You look like a movie star, Lauren. This dress is you.” Kelly smiled, then walked around Lauren. “You’re beyond stunning. All you need are some slinky stilettos and a clutch.”
“You’ll distract him.” Terri’s prediction included a toast of champagne. “I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees you.”