Healthy Scratch

by Robyn M Ryan

  “I’m not much of a baker, but maybe you could share your recipe?”

  “You’re welcome to join us, Lauren,” Amanda added.

  “Mm, we’ll see.” She looked at the papers in her hands. “I know I’ve acted like a royal bitch…I’m sorry for putting you both through all this. The whole Internet storm threw me into a pretty confused and dark place. I came to Vancouver to apologize for pulling you into the mess. I thought I’d confront my former ‘friends’ from school then ended up getting sucked into stuff I’d buried a long time ago.” She flicked a finger against her eye. “When it first started, Caryn and the Suns PR director said I could help bring attention to cyber-bullying if I wanted to tell my story. I just wanted everything to go away…”

  She shrugged. “I ended up following random comments and then researching everything I could about our family. Not everything appeared black and white any longer. I decided to try to pull something good out of this…mess. I wrote my story as Caryn suggested. I changed locations, names, etc. Unless someone knows the entire story, there’s no reason anyone would tie it back to our families. I hope you’ll read this and understand my motives. Amanda, it’s up to you whether Cassie sees it. Maybe this also will help to explain why I’ve acted like I did.” She stood and handed each a copy of her writing. “If you object to something, I’ll either take it out or disguise it further. I’m not even sure it’ll ever get published.”

  She walked toward the door. “Lauren.” Her mother’s voice stopped her. “I’d enjoy teaching you how to make scones.”

  Lauren hoped her smile looked genuine. “I’d like that. I have a packed schedule today. Raincheck?”

  The older woman nodded. “I’ll look forward to that, Lauren.”

  43

  DAVE ATTEMPTED TO contact Lauren over the next few days, doubts creeping back that she’d decided to go off the grid again. He didn’t know if he was worried or furious with her. Probably somewhere in the middle. Just tell me what you want, Ms. Gentry. You want out of this “committed relationship,” just freaking tell me. Don’t string it out. If you need help, say so.

  He looked at Lauren’s presence throughout the house. It both calmed and irritated him. Left the muscle car she had to buy in the driveway. She must plan to return. When? This week? This month? This year? Maybe avoiding me is her way of sending a message I need to listen to—Lauren doesn’t do relationships, remember? Fool to think you could change that mindset, Martin.

  The Suns had swept Pittsburgh but now waited for the results of the other semi-finals, with at least a five-day break before the Conference Final could begin. Even though the Suns had an off-day, Dave headed for the practice facility. Working out in the gym and getting on the ice always took his mind off things he couldn’t control. Not surprisingly, a good number of teammates were already on the ice as others straggled in. Spontaneous two-on-two drills took place, and after goaltender Reese Eckstrom warmed up, he challenged any takers to a shootout. Putting a puck past him, either on-ice or during practice got under his skin—this ensured that Dave and the rest of the team would experiment with various moves to beat the All-Star netminder.

  Not in the mood to be subtle, when Dave’s turn came, he skated across the blue line and packed his frustration into a slapshot. It hit the back of the net before Eckstrom could react, earning the goalie’s ire and comments from his team.

  “Where you been hiding that, Martini?”

  “Don’t take out our goaltender.”

  “Bring out the radar gun.”

  Dave laughed off the comments and skated to Eckstrom to tap his pads. “Sorry, man. Wasn’t planning to let it rip that hard.”

  Reese pushed his mask back and eyed Martin. “Do it again, and I’ll buy you lunch.”

  #

  After an hour on the ice and a supervised work out with the team’s weight trainer, Dave returned home and vowed he would not allow himself to reach that level of frustration again. Especially not over a girl who has jerked my chain one time too many over the years. Maybe the “Friend Zone” makes more sense with Lauren. The level of non-commitment that obviously makes her content. No strings attached. Even though I want more?

  He grabbed his iPhone and earphones to relax on the screened porch. He detoured to the front door when the bell rang, half-expecting a solicitor who’d by-passed the guards. His irritated expression morphed into a warm smile when he found Caryn on the front porch.

  “Hey, Caryn. Have I messed up my accounts again?” He stepped aside and invited her to enter. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No, don’t go to any trouble, Dave. I need to deliver this, but I’d like to talk to you about it first.” She held up a manila envelope.

  “Come in.” He led the way to the living area, his mind running scenarios for the visit. New troll on social media? Compromising photo on Instagram? “Pick a seat—you sure I can’t get you a drink?”

  “I’m fine.” Caryn looked away for a moment. “When all the cyber-bullying began with Lauren, both Angela in the Suns’ PR office and I thought it could serve as an impetus for the Suns to raise awareness of the issue and its ‘unintended’ consequences.”

  “Lauren wanted no part of that, correct?”

  “She just wanted to make everything disappear…”

  “You did a pretty good job using all resources at your disposal.”

  Caryn laughed. “One time I’m grateful my dad employs powerful attorneys. The Suns’ wives, girlfriends, and front office rallied behind Lauren also. Pretty much shut down the trolls within a few days…Unfortunately, Lauren had to cope with the fallout, especially within her family.” She took a breath before continuing. “She emailed me the other day, saying she was ready to get involved in an anti-bullying campaign. She attached an…I don’t know what to call it…a statement…from her perspective as a target. She also explained everything that has occurred after the bullying.”

  Dave nodded toward the envelope. “That’s what you have?”

  “Yes. Lauren did a good job of disguising herself, her family, and people close to her. I understand her thought process—not to pull anyone else into the spotlight—so she changed names and wasn’t specific with locations. She asked me to give you a copy and for you to change anything that makes you uncomfortable. She’s doing the same with her family. So, long prelude over, here’s the copy.” He took the envelope from Caryn. “When I read it, I realized how little I knew about my best friend…And maybe she went a bit deeper than necessary to make her point.” Caryn stood and shook her head as her eyes filled with tears. “Lauren has faced much more in her life than I ever imagined.”

  Dave nodded as Caryn took a deep breath. “I’m sticking my two cents where I shouldn’t, but before all this started, Lauren was the happiest I’d ever seen her—and that’s because you made her feel secure enough to get past her commitment phobia.” She touched his arm. “I understand Lauren so much better after reading this.”

  “Do I need to get back to you?”

  “Please. I haven’t heard from Lauren about her family’s wishes, so no hurry. Also, I want to make certain that Lauren’s one-hundred percent sure she wants to do this.”

  “Thanks, Caryn.” Dave walked her to the door. “You’re a good friend.”

  “She’s more than a friend to me. Lauren’s the sister I always wanted.”

  #

  When a day passed with no feedback from her sister and mother, Lauren grew apprehensive. Did I go too far? Break some secret family code of silence? She’d only spoken to Caryn once since sending the article. Caryn had said it made a powerful testimonial but asked if she wanted so much exposure about her life. She pointed out that her statement dealt with two topics—cyber-bullying and the foster care system. Did she want to include both?

  If she were not waiting for her stuffed rabbit’s repair, Lauren would likely get on a plane and go…somewhere? Back to Tampa? No, not until Marty reads the article and gives his feedback. He may want to dista
nce himself from my screwed-up life. Caryn will receive some input from him if he doesn’t contact me. She thought about calling Caryn to see if she’d given him the statement but refrained—Caryn always kept her in the loop.

  Escaping to the Caribbean sounded better each time she considered avoiding everyone she loved. Calling Jim Wesley to inquire about European job opportunities flashed through her mind. No, not ready to take that path—not without knowing Marty’s feedback. I broke my promise to keep in touch. He’s probably over my drama. Who needs it—during the playoffs? Will he call after he reads my response to the cyber-bullies? Lauren’s heart ached when she thought about the last few months with him—before her world collapsed. He taught me how to trust, take a risk, and believe I could commit my heart…I should have confided in him before everything blew up. He committed without knowing the “real Lauren.” Is it too late now? What will he think when he reads what I wrote…what I should have told him myself?

  Unconsciously, she touched her bunny necklace. Never told Marty how I feel about him…Admit it Gentry, you love that man—the most thoughtful, patient, kind boyfriend any girl would want—not even mentioning that he can reduce me to a puddle with that crooked smile, carry me to another dimension when we make love, and make me feel I’m worthy of love—does he love me?—or whatever he feels for me. Had she run away from the one person she needed most in her life?

  #

  Amanda surprised Lauren by inviting her to dinner with Cassie and their mother. She mentioned a small Italian restaurant that had hosted many special occasions in their lives…birthdays, celebrations, new school years, and most recently her college graduation. Cassie’s graduation loomed on the horizon—perhaps the occasion for this dinner?

  Lauren declined the offer for a ride, insisting she’d either walk or call Uber. Her common escape plan in case she felt the need to leave. Where does my mother fit into this scenario? Can’t call her “mom,”…maybe use her first name, Allyson? I can no longer despise her, either. Perhaps she had no one to call, nowhere to escape? Who am I to judge?

  Luckily, she knew the restaurant was casual, so she didn’t need to rush out and buy something to wear. The mid-spring weather felt glorious and as always Lauren rejoiced at the return of longer days. Cannot wait for summer. Tampa spoiled me.

  She arrived at the restaurant just as her family had stepped from Amanda’s car. Cassie spotted Lauren first and ran to her, giving her an enthusiastic hug. “I hoped you’d come,” she whispered.

  “How could I pass up an opportunity to see my favorite niece?”

  Cassie’s hazel eyes sparkled in mischief. “I’m your only niece, silly.”

  “Still my favorite.” Lauren greeted Amanda and their mother with quick pecks on the cheek. “Do you mind if I call you Allyson?”

  The older woman smiled. “Honey, you can call me whatever makes you comfortable. I’m happy just to hear your voice and have you join us for dinner.” Lauren didn’t expect her mother’s shy smile, nor the flicker of emotion that ran through her.

  “Are we celebrating anything?” She held the door and followed the trio into the restaurant.

  “Family dinner?” Amanda offered. “It may be a while before we can get together like this again.” She hugged Cassie. “With this one determined to take a year to decide what she wants to study…”

  “You’re doing the gap year?” Lauren looked at her niece, whose smile brightened the room when she nodded.

  “Mom and Dad gave me a year…not a day more.” Cassie giggled like a giddy teenager. “After that, it’s university or find a job.”

  They followed the host to a table in a quiet section. “This is perfect.” Amanda smiled at the host. “Thank you.” She ordered appetizers, then locked eyes with Lauren. “We all read your article, Lauren. It hit me like a bucket of ice—I never realized the battles you fought in school. You hid your feelings too well.” She waved her hand as Lauren started to reply. “You didn’t hesitate to explore your family roots when this bullying affected our entire family. I just want to tell you how incredibly proud I am, Lauren. The three of us discussed what you wrote—and checked with Trevor. You do not need to change names to protect us. You have a powerful story to tell. We’re proud to stand by you.”

  Lauren fought against the lump in her throat. “I don’t want you to receive any backlash.”

  “Lauren, you wrote the truth,” her mother interrupted. “Reading about your earliest years through your eyes haunts me. I chose booze over motherhood and allowed our home to turn into a battleground. It’s too late to change the past. I just hope I can get to know the strong, brave woman you are…and, perhaps, someday develop a relationship…on your terms.”

  The lump in Lauren’s throw threatened to turn into a boulder. She sipped water as she nodded. “I’ll try…Allyson…I’m not sure what to think about the future.”

  “Of course, I don’t expect you to forgive and forget. Just keep in mind I’m here and will treasure any time you can share with me.” She placed her hand over Lauren’s. “If and when you’re ready. Either way, I’m proud of what you’re doing. There’s no need to protect me by changing names.”

  Thankfully the appetizers arrived, and Cassie changed the subject. Lauren expected to wake up any second and realize this was a dream. As if reading her thoughts, Cassie grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I think Tampa is the perfect, most awesome place to begin my gap year…if you’ll have me?”

  Lauren managed a small laugh and made a show of rolling her eyes. “As if I have any input into this decision.”

  44

  STARBUCKS CALLED OUT to Lauren as she walked back to the hotel. The invitation to dinner and declarations of support from her family unnerved her. She could barely eat her favorite eggplant parmesan—which she now carried in a to-go box—and her brain buzzed from ecstatic to suspicious. Did her statement genuinely have an impact on Amanda and her mother? Or were they placating her because of guilt? She knew it would take a long time to reconcile the two possibilities.

  She took her chai to a chair tucked into a corner and pulled out her iPhone to check messages and email. Nothing other than the usual. Plus, bills to pay. Can’t ignore them any longer. She’d chatted with Caryn earlier that day and knew that Dave had a copy of her article. She gave it to him yesterday. Hope he’s not too furious or disgusted with me. So much drama for an easy-going and low-key guy like Marty. Too much drama? Can’t blame him if this pushes him away forever. If only I’d been honest with him when everything blew up on social media…he’d have talked me off the ledge or climbed to the top beside me. Instead, I went off on my own and pushed him aside. She alone could fix everything and keep her secrets. She needed no one’s help. How’d that work for you, Gentry?

  Her family’s surprise support rocked everything she believed. She didn’t understand how they could say yes to exposing the family in such a public manner. She wasn’t even sure she felt comfortable putting her own name back in the spotlight. Impulsivity—not her best friend.

  Now she’d lobbed a grenade at Dave…she couldn’t contact him. All that would do was to put him on the spot where he’d feel compelled to offer support. He could either respond or not, and she’d respect his decision. The overwhelming urge to flee descended, and before she realized it, Lauren researched flights to Europe, Mediterranean cruises, Caribbean getaways. Always good at avoiding stressful situations, right?

  Instead of feeling bolstered by her family’s sudden show of support, Lauren faced discouragement. Don’t even know what I want. Dropping the empty cup in the trash, she returned to the hotel and self-imposed isolation in her room.

  #

  Her iPhone rang as Lauren opened a bottle of water and reached for the television remote to search for something to occupy her mind. Marty’s ringtone. She dropped the remote and grabbed her phone from the charger beside the bed. She said a quick prayer before pressing the screen. “Hey.”

  His voice sounded equally subdued. “Thanks f
or taking my call.”

  “I know I promised to keep in touch. I just couldn’t…I’m so sorry, Marty.”

  He didn’t comment, except to say, “You worry me, squirt.”

  “I worry myself.” Lauren tried to deflect. “I did what I do best—run away and cut myself off from the people I…need…. most.”

  “You are predictable.” Dave’s tone grew gentler. “I read what you sent via Caryn. I wish you had trusted that I’d help you, known that what happened over ten years ago doesn’t define you or change the way I feel about you.” He paused a long moment. “Shutting me out only made me question your commitment to us, our relationship. It also pissed me off more than I can describe.”

  “Marty, I didn’t want to push you away. Really, I only wanted to take my issues as far away as I could from you. You didn’t deserve getting pulled into my problems.” She paused, searching for the correct words to explain her reasoning.

  A loud knocking on the door startled Lauren. “Um—sorry, Marty. Someone’s banging on the door. I didn’t order room service. Do you mind if I check?”

  “I’m not going anywhere. I need your undivided attention. Take care of room service.”

  She carried her phone as she crossed the room, unsettled by Dave’s words. Hope he’s not saying he’s done with me. She pulled open the door, prepared to refuse the room service, but she didn’t find that outside her door. No, it was Dave, that cocky, tempting smile on his face as he leaned against the doorframe.

  Lauren’s phone slipped to the floor, and she reached to touch his arm—she must be hallucinating. “Marty? How? When? What…” Her voice trailed off as Dave grabbed her phone off the carpet, then scooped her against him in a bear hug. “I am so freaking proud of you, Lauren!”