by Kyle West
“I’ve been trying to get Sam to relax ever since we got married, but he doesn’t slow down for anything.”
“That’s Samuel,” Anna said. “When you have to deal with men like Augustus, Onyx, and all those provincial jackals, I suppose you can’t afford to slow down.” She sighed. “And I’m not much help, for understandable reasons...”
“You know that’s not true,” Ruth said. “This city would fall apart without you. Just because you aren’t overseeing the construction or giving orders...”
“It’s not that,” Anna said. “I don’t just wonder what the hell I’m doing. I wonder what the hell I’m doing here.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t really know what I mean,” Anna said. “It’s not just...him.” Ruth didn’t have to ask who Anna was referring to. “I keep thinking of the Great Blight. I keep having these weird dreams. They’re peaceful, but I also know they’re not coming from me. They’re very vivid, very...alien.” She looked at Ruth. “Do you have those dreams?”
Ruth hesitated. “Sometimes. Not often, but...sometimes.”
“I keep feeling like I have to go back,” Anna said. “I can’t explain why. When we became Elekai...” She shook her head. “I’ve often wondered how human we are. We look like we’re human, but at the same time, have you noticed how people treat us? They’re friendly enough, but even with Char and Marcus, there’s this...barrier. As if we can only know them so much.”
Ruth listened patiently, but didn’t voice her agreement.
“I don’t know,” Anna said. “The whole war happened so quickly that I can hardly believe we managed anything. When I think about it, it’s all a blur. I can hardly believe it happened at all. How we survived everything. I wake up in these cold sweats sometimes, my heart racing, not knowing where I am...”
Anna stopped herself before her emotions could get the better of her. She felt Ruth’s hand on her arm, and the touch calmed her. She looked down at baby Alex, cradled in her other arm.
“I think my problem is...I can’t deal with my memories. Not anymore. I literally cannot allow myself to think or else I’ll go crazy. With the baby here, I’ve had nothing to do but think.”
“Makara was the same way,” Ruth said. “I think all of us are like that, to some extent.” Ruth withdrew her hand. “If you need to take your mind off things, Samuel could sure use you in administration. He’s talking about starting a senate. Has all these grand plans of building a place to meet. He even talks about building walls. Can you imagine that?”
Anna nodded. “Of course I can. We’ll need those before long. I guarantee it.”
Alex cooed, trying to get his mother’s attention. Anna smiled, rubbing his cheek softly with her thumb.
“Maybe you’re right,” Anna said, after another moment.
“I know I’m right,” Ruth said. “I know how life works, or at least that aspect of it. We can’t live in a vacuum. I know you’ve had it hard, ever since Alex passed. I...remember what that’s like.”
Anna remembered, what seemed so long ago, how she and Alex had come upon Ruth in Bunker 108. For two months, she had lived alone, surviving in Hydroponics with nothing but ghosts.
“I don’t like remembering that, and I’m so busy that I rarely think of it these days,” Ruth said. “Everything became better once I met you guys. I had something to take my mind off the past. Our natural inclination is to live in the past if there’s nothing calling us in the present, when there’s no hope in the future...”
Anna looked down at Alex. Ruth’s words sounded familiar to her. She had Alex...Alex was her present. But she knew she needed more than that.
“I think I’m missing the hope,” Anna said, quietly. “I can’t know the future will be good. And it’s worse when I can imagine all the bad things that could happen...”
“They haven’t happened yet, dreams or not,” Ruth said. “If we work hard, maybe this city could be the best thing to ever happen since the Rock fell.”
“Maybe,” Anna said, though she didn’t feel Ruth’s optimism. Baby Alex’s eyes opened, and Anna smiled. “Your Aunt Ruth is here.”
Alex responded with some babyish babble.
“He’s talkative, isn’t he?” Ruth said.
“He’s been babbling like this for a few days, now. It’ll be a while before he says proper words. He’s learning, though.”
She looked at her baby, knowing that she wasn’t worried about the future merely for herself. It was Alex she cared the most about. What would the world be like when he reached her age, all too soon? Would it be a better world, or a worse one? Only time would tell, and maybe that was where Anna could find her inspiration.
“Is he still keeping you up?” Ruth asked, breaking Anna from her thoughts.
“You kidding me? Every night. In fact...”
Anna trailed off, not sure whether she wanted to continue. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to think about it. Alex had been in his crib, crying, and Anna had gone to tend to him. But when his eyes opened, they had revealed something that made Anna’s heart nearly stop. Those eyes had glowed white in the darkness, only returning to normal when Anna started comforting him.
“I think...” Anna paused. “I think whatever we have...our Elekai genes, or whatever you’d call it...I think they do pass on.”
It was something everyone had been wondering. Would the descendants of Elekai humans also be Elekai?
“How do you know that?” Ruth asked.
“It was his eyes,” Anna said. “They were completely white. It happened for the first time a few nights ago, and it’s happened two times since. It’s usually when he’s upset in some way. Whenever I hold him, or feed him, it goes away.”
Ruth put a hand over her stomach. “I wonder if it’ll be the same for me.”
“Probably so. I don’t want Alex growing up thinking he’s...different. I guess that’s inevitable, though. At least he’ll have friends who are like him. Michael and Lauren have theirs on the way.”
“Michael keeps saying something about how it’s his duty to repopulate the Earth.”
Anna smiled at that, but what Michael said wasn’t exactly true. There were plenty of people down south. If things kept going with all the immigration from Nova Roma, the Wasteland might not be the Wasteland for much longer.
Were their children the beginning of three Elekai dynasties? Anna couldn’t say. It was possible, though, even if its realization seemed so far away.
“He’s kicking,” Ruth said, with a smile and a hand on her abdomen.
“It’ll be good to have someone going through it with me,” Anna said. “It gets lonely, sometimes. By the time yours is born, Alex will be getting close to his first birthday. Our children will grow up playing together. Isn’t that a happy thought?”
“Of course. It’s the only reason we’re doing this. We do it for our kids.”
Alex was now fast asleep, lulled by the women’s voices. She stood carefully and laid him carefully amongst the blankets of his crib.
“Are you sure you don’t want to step outside for a minute?” Ruth asked. “I can watch over Alex for you.”
Anna shook her head. “I...think I’d rather stay here. I know it’s good to get out, but...I’m just not feeling up to it tonight.”
Ruth nodded. “All right. We’re all here for you. If you need anything...”
“I know,” Anna said. “Sometimes...”
Anna felt tears come to her eyes, and her hand covered her mouth. She felt a deep stab of grief, the type she thought she’d buried long ago. She was more used to a dull ache by now, but this was visceral and real.
Within an instant, Ruth was standing and hugging her, and Anna let herself sob and show weakness. Before she could control herself, words spilled out of her mouth.
“I miss him so much, Ruth. How could he just...die, and just leave me like this? How could I just let him do what he did?”
“It’s all right,” Ruth said, still holding h
er. “It’ll be all right.”
Anna felt a stab of guilt, knowing it wasn’t fair to blame him, or even herself, for what had happened — for what had to happen. If it hadn’t had happened, there wouldn’t have been anything to celebrate tonight. But still, Anna couldn’t help wondering, what if? One year later, the pain hadn’t gone away. It had only become a different kind of pain.
Anna pulled back, brushing the tears from her face. She sat back down, and Ruth joined her at the table. They sat like that for a while, Ruth’s hand on Anna’s arm. After a moment, the worst of the grief had passed, leaving the familiar ache that Anna always carried with her — an ache she hardly even noticed unless she tried to search for it.
“Come eat with Samuel and me tomorrow morning. I’m sure Sam has a lot to tell you about his plans for the senate.”
Anna gave a weak nod. “I’ll do that.” Anna sighed. “You don’t have to stay, Ruth. I know I’m a mess, but I’ll manage. I’ll go to sleep, and tomorrow will be a new day.”
“It will be for all of us.”
They both stood and hugged, and when they parted, Ruth spoke. “We’re always here for you, Anna. Never forget that.”
“I won’t,” Anna said. “I could never.”
Anna walked Ruth to the door, shutting it behind her as she left.
Anna walked to the crib, looking down at her son, sleeping on his back with each of his tiny hands curled. Another tear came, which she wiped away. Maybe Alex was gone, but in a way, he wasn’t. He was laying down right in front of her. Alex would always be with her.
Anna reached out with her mind, felt it connect with her baby’s. He was dreaming, now; strange dreams and memories that came from beyond himself, memories of an alien past no human had ever been privy to. Anna wondered what he would be like as he grew up. How would he be different?
All that Anna knew now was that she loved him, deeply and more powerfully than she’d loved anyone besides her husband.
I love you, Baby. I love you.
Anna felt, within Alex’s mind, a response — a sure feeling that he had heard and understood, and that he loved his mother, too.
CHAPTER TWO
I WOKE WITH A START, clutching the covers of my bed. It took a moment to remember where I was. My room was still dark, and Isa still snored softly on the other side of the room. I took a few deep breaths, my eyes still closed, willing my heart to slow down.
It was my first dream in two months, ever since the reversion — at least, my first dream that meant anything. It had been a snippet of Anna’s life; of that I had no doubt. And even if it had happened four hundred years ago, I couldn’t see any particular message behind it.
Ruth had to be none other than the goddess Retha, or at least, who people assumed to be the goddess Retha. And Samuel would be Samal, Michael would be Makai, and Lauren would be Larana. I remembered the Wanderer using these names when I had entered the Xenofold, but in the waking world, it was hard not to think of these people as gods, as I had my whole life. Besides Ruth and Anna, I had yet to see any of their faces, but perhaps there would be more dreams — and perhaps next time, they would make more sense. Regardless, it was something Isaru, Fiona, and Elder Isandru needed to know as soon as possible.
It was well that I had woken up, anyway. I had been rising early for weeks to practice my dueling with Aela. Practicing was my way of blowing off steam. I usually made time for it in the afternoon as well, after my lessons, but I also wanted to practice my forms in the morning. Aela was the only person I knew who was willing to train me, and she had only agreed to do so after I offered to take some of her chores. We met an hour before the first bell in front of the Sanctum. I had signed up for the Spring Tournament, which took place in Nava Village every year during the Spring Festival. This one time a year, the Seekers and those in their charge went down the hill to celebrate with the villagers. I had never been, obviously, but apparently there was food, dancing, music, games, and competitions of all sorts. People were drawn from as far as a hundred miles around, and the Seekers held their own tournaments for the entertainment of the people.
I rose from bed quietly, taking care not to disturb Isa. I put on my initiate’s robe, straightening my hair as much as I could in the darkness. Where I was going, looks wouldn’t matter. Last of all, I threw on my green cloak, the same as I’d received in Haven, before slipping out the door and shutting it quietly behind me.
A few minutes later found me in the front Grove. The sky was still full of stars, but the gray of dawn could be discerned over the Sanctum behind. Within half an hour, orange rays would be slanting around the mountainside, but it wouldn’t be until midmorning that the sun itself would creep above the line of the mountain.
I found Aela already warming up, as was her custom, in the center of the square in front of the Sanctum. She held her blunted practice sword aloft — light, thin, and slightly curved. Seekers were well-practiced in a variety of armaments, but the katana was the one most commonly used in dueling. Every movement was designed to go for a single cut that, in a real battle, would slice through flesh and bone. The sword’s point also made it effective for stabbing, and the object of winning a duel was to avoid your opponent’s mechanizations while working to set up your own. A bout could be over in seconds, or it could take much longer.
Being the weapon Annara herself used, and given its time-tested effectiveness, it was seen as fitting that every Seeker be trained in its use, although Champions were also skilled in the use of long swords, maces, quarter staves, and short bows, among other armaments.
I went to pick up my practice blade, which Aela had brought with her. It lay on the stones a few feet away.
“We still need to work on your Treeform,” Aela said.
I sighed. “Again?”
“It’s the most important to master. As I’ve told you, it can transition into most other forms while providing a stalwart defense.”
“It’s also predictable,” I said.
Aela shrugged. “Not if used correctly. Besides, at the level you’re competing at, you’d be best served mastering one form. If you’re great at one thing, you can beat someone who’s good at ten things.”
“It’s still boring.”
“People who can endure a bit of boringness become victors. This boringness, as you call it, is Resistance building up inside you.”
I resisted the urge to sigh again. I still wasn’t used to thinking in terms of the Four Disciplines, though Aela always seemed to connect my emotions to one of the four.
“See?” Aela said, with a smile. “I can see it in your face. If you can’t learn to love pain, you won’t get anywhere.”
I planted my feet on the ground, imagining that I was a great tree whose roots were sure and unbreakable, as both Champion Garin and Aela had taught me. I allowed calm to settle over, focusing on my breaths. Seeking Silence had become more natural, and within moments, I could calm my mind and not dwell on any particular thought. It was essential to enter combat from a state of calm. On the surface, fighting was chaotic, but in reality, it was anything but. When things move quickly, nothing is more important than silence and order. That is why seeking Silence is the first lesson every initiate learns. If an initiate can’t learn to calm themselves, they’ll be a slave to their emotions, doing whatever feels best in the moment.
The best fighters, Aela had taught me, weren’t merely calm, but so calm that they could envision a fight ten moves ahead, and not just in one direction. They could see a number of scenarios, and knew which forms to transition into. Though they still fought in real time, their concentration, aided by the power of the Xenofold, made it such that they saw things more slowly. This was called Battletrance, and a Seeker entering it could fight and defeat multiple enemies. The Champions trained for hours every day, but the other Sects also made time for training. Most Seekers took great pains to ensure they were in tip top shape, though there were exceptions. Because of the Champions and their Gift of Battletrance, the Coven
ant feared attacking into the Wild.
I was nowhere near that point, though. Even with six weeks of training, I had yet to score a hit on Aela. She never let me come close. Aela had been apprenticed to the Champions for almost two years now, and unless she allowed me two years to catch up, I’d never be her match. But practicing against someone much better was the best way to improve. I hadn’t entered the Spring Tournament just out of a desire for victory. In the back of my mind, I was already making plans for returning to Colonia. And in order to do that, I had to be skilled at defending myself.
Suddenly, Aela moved. My eyes widened only a moment before I brought my blade up to bear, barely knocking away the blow. I was pushed off balance, taking several steps back. I managed to keep my feet, but before I could resume my form, I felt the blunted edge of Aela’s blade on my side.
“You must be vigilant,” Aela said. “Your form broke as soon as I made a move.”
“I wasn’t expecting it,” I said.
“The key to Treeform’s defense is that you have to move less to defend than I do to attack. Over time, this will wear me down, no matter how good I am. My body only has so much energy, and as long as you maintain perfect form, you will win...even with inferior strength. This applies not just to me. Champion Tellor himself would fall if he couldn’t break your defenses.”
I laughed at that. Elder Tellor was one of the most powerful Champions in the Order, famous for his size and strength. He easily weighed twice as much as me in muscle.
“Again,” Aela said.
So, we practiced. Now more alert, I made a better showing of myself, but only managed to last a little longer. It took a few of Aela’s precise movements for her score a hit on me again. She held nothing back, and no matter what I tried, her blade found a way to pierce my defenses — or rather, my lack of them.