“I’m in love with Amber.”
I looked around like maybe it hadn’t been me who’d just blurted that fact out in front of my whole team at our daily staff meeting.
“Well,” Rollie said. “Hands up who expected that.”
Tank was looking between Hawk and me like he was concerned about the state the carpets were about to be in. Nico raised his hand without looking up from his computer and Rollie smacked him.
“No one asked you, numbnuts,” Rollie muttered.
Hawk had finished blinking and was now onto the opening and closing his mouth portion of disbelief. Finally, he found his voice.
“Do you want to run that by me one more time?” he asked slowly. “I’m sure I just heard you say you were in love with my sister.”
I sighed. “Because that’s what I said.”
Hawk laughed, but it was humourless. “You mean you fucked her.”
“What?”
“This is code for you fucked her, isn’t it? You think if you tell me you love her that I’ll… What? Take it easy on you?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not about the sex.”
“You what?” he spat.
“Okay!” I cried. “Yes. I… We had sex–”
“How many times?”
“Dude, I don’t think–”
“You’re a fucking dead man, Grayson!” he roared and launched himself onto the table at me.
I let him grab my collar and swung him away from the table. We landed awkwardly and each got to our feet.
“I will kill you!” Hawk hissed and I believed him.
“It’s different!” I yelled as I ducked his fist.
“Different? It’s not fucking different.” He swung again and I ducked again. “You knew the rules. I thought she was safe with you!”
“She is safe with me!” I winced as Hawk’s fist whistled passed my cheek.
“You know,” I heard Tank say. “I think we really need to develop healthier coping techniques. Better dispute resolution and all that.”
“I dunno,” said Rollie. “This has always worked for us.”
I ducked another of Hawk’s swings.
“An official dispute resolution policy would take forever to sort any shit out,” Nico added.
“Let me hit you!” Hawk snapped at me.
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“What do you mean, ‘not yet’?”
“I mean, you get to him me when you’re okay with it.”
“Hitting you might make me okay with it!” he paused. “I cannot believe the two of you went behind my back like this!”
“I can’t believe you didn’t guess,” Nico quipped.
“Not helping!” I yelled at him as I grabbed Hawk’s arm and shoved it away from me.
“It’s kinda obvious now I think about it,” Rollie mused.
“No!” Hawk said hotly. “No. There is no world where I’m letting my shit of a best friend date my little sister!”
“So, what does that say about you then?” I countered.
He pointed at me. “Don’t make this about how I’m going to die alone because I’m equally undeserving of love. This is about you being unable to keep it in your fucking pants. It’s Amber, Kit!”
Everyone in the room winced audibly. And not just because of how highly Hawk thought of himself.
Hawk hadn’t called me Kit since he’d given me the Chaos nickname when we were sixteen. I’d been Christopher twice when he legitimately thought I’d died, but they were stories for another time.
“I’m painfully aware it’s Amber, Pat. It only happened because it was Amber.”
Hawk deflated somewhat. “What does that mean?”
“It means I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone else, mate. She’s my one.”
He scoffed humourlessly. “Sure. Until you get bored and move on like we always do!”
“I’m not moving on,” I told him.
“You fucking will if you know what’s good for you!”
I caught his fist in one hand and pulled him to me with the other one. “Dude, I am trying really hard not to swing back right now. But you’re testing my fucking patience.”
“Oh, your patience? My apologies. Because it’s always about you, isn’t it?”
I shoved him away. “I thought about this, Hawk. I knew what I was risking and I only went through with it because I was sure. She sees me. Not the fucking mask. Me, mate! She always has and you know it. Other than the four of you in this room, she’s the one who knows me the best. Fuck it, she probably knows me better because I don’t feel the need to be ‘Chaos’ around her.”
“What? So now I don’t know the real you?” Hawk scoffed and I saw the hurt in his eyes. “After every-fucking-thing we’ve been through?”
I shook my head. “No. Of course you do.”
“But my baby sister suddenly knows you better?”
I couldn’t help it, I exploded. I’d been intending a semi-rational conversation followed by a good old fistfight as dictated by the unwritten Grace Grayson bylaws. But I couldn’t do rational anymore.
“Sorry I don’t feel like snuggling up on the couch with you after a hard day of work! Sorry that your kiss doesn’t make all those fucking horrible things we went through seem worth it! Sorry that your smile doesn’t fucking light me up inside! Sorry that your arms around me doesn’t make me feel worthy of someone’s love for once in my fucking life!” I yelled at him. “I’m sorry I fell in love with your sister, Pat. I tried not to. But I want to be the guy who’s worth her. Me. Not someone other shit-stain.
“I want to be the guy she comes to when she has a panic attack. I want to be the guy who’s got her back. And I want her to be the woman who’s got mine. Because God knows I love you fuckers more than almost everything in this world, but I think we all deserve a little romance in our lives!”
Hawk cleared his throat awkwardly, his fists falling by his sides. “If you wanted a candlelit dinner, mate, you just had to say so…” he said stiltedly.
The others were deadly silent. They’d never seen this side of me. Patrick Grace had been the only human to know I had feelings for about twenty-nine and a half years.
I huffed a rough laugh. “Forgive me, mate?”
Hawk looked at me. “I’m still going to have to hit you.”
I nodded, because I knew that was his way of saying yes. He wasn’t happy, but he’d forgive me. “Fair.”
I took a step towards him and let him swing. I barely even flinched. Tank, Rollie and Nico all did. Audibly.
“How about once for every time?” Hawk tried.
“I’m not telling you how many times I slept with your sister, dude,” I told him, already feeling the bruise smarting on my cheekbone.
“One more, then?”
I shrugged. “I’ll give you two as a sign of good faith.”
Hawk gave me a single nod. “I can live with that.”
He pulled back his fist and took another swing at my cheek. His third took me by surprise, landing square and sharp in my right ribs. Air whooshed out of my body as I buckled over and Hawk caught me to stop me dropping onto the floor.
“You hurt her and I’ll do a fuck-tonne worse,” he whispered in my ear.
I nodded, my eyes watering. “I’d expect nothing less,” I wheezed.
“Good.”
Hawk let me drop gently to the floor and I tried to get my breath back.
“Now the pissing contest’s done, I’m interested to hear more about this dating business,” Rollie said.
“Heads,” Tank said and I looked up just in time to catch the ice pack he threw me.
I nodded to him in thanks and dragged myself back into my seat. The ice pack in my hand hovered between my side and my face.
“Ribs,” Hawk said, kicking his chin at me.
“Yeah, he might need them late–” Rollie’s sentence ended on an ‘oof’ as Tank pushe
d him out of his chair.
I looked to Hawk and we shared a smile. It was small given the circumstances, but I knew all would be forgiven. I’d probably never be off probation when it came to Amber, but I could live with that. If I did ever hurt her, I entirely deserved to be beaten to a pulp or whatever other horrible scenario my best mate was already planning for me.
“If we’re all done, I believe Jefferson needs discussing,” Nico said, sounding bored.
But, when I looked at him, he spared me a brief knowing smirk.
****
I was limping a little as I walked into the lift from the carpark.
“Mr Grayson!” Nigel yelped. “Exciting day, sir?”
I gave him a wry smile. “If you told your best mate you were dating his little sister, what do you think his reaction be?”
I could see Nigel understood my meaning perfectly. “He’d be pretty happy actually, sir. His brother-in-law’s a real piece of work.”
I nodded. “Good for you, Nigel.”
“I presume Mr Grace wasn’t quite so forgiving.”
“Mr Grace,” I said sardonically, “is better at forgiving with his fists than words, Nigel.”
“Good for the sympathy, though, I presume, sir.”
I laughed. Properly laughed. And I could see he was surprised by it. “Oh, Nigel. If you believe that, you clearly don’t know Miss Grace very well.”
The lift came to a stop and Nigel grinned. “She sounds perfect for you, sir.”
“That she is. Night, Nigel.”
“Night, sir.”
I stepped out of the lift and dropped my bag by the study door. I winced as I took my gun off and put it away. I hadn’t been game enough to open my shirt and see the damage Hawk had done, but he had a killer left hook so I knew I’d be sore for a few days.
But it was worth it.
Amber was sitting at her usual chair at the table, surrounded by her books and papers. I’d left her naked in my bed, and I saw she was wearing the t-shirt she’d stripped me of the night before. My cock twitched at the sight of it, but I figured he was a big boy and he could wait his turn.
“Hey,” I said as I went to the fridge for a beer.
“Hey,” she said warmly. “How was your day?”
I popped the lid and leant against the bench. “Same shit, different day.”
“How was the…” She’d finally looked at me. “What happened?”
She got up and I held a hand up to her. “I told your brother about us.”
All her concern melted to be replaced by a barely restrained laugh. “You what?”
I nodded as I took a sip and walked around to her. “I told your brother I was in love with you.”
“And he hit you for that?”
I smirked. “He may have guessed there was more to it.”
“He may have?”
“Okay. He did.”
She got up and came around the table to look at me close up. Her fingers hovered gingerly over the welt forming under and around my eye. “And all you got was a black eye?”
“And a shot to the ribs.”
She winced, but there was no sympathy, only humour, in it. “Ouch.”
I nodded. “He actually flew across the table to murder me.”
Amber snorted as she tried not to laugh. “No? Really?”
I nodded again. “Scout’s honour. It was pretty impressive.”
“But you told him you’re in love with me?”
If there was a time to act coy, it was now. “I might have.”
“Were you, per chance, going to tell me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know if I’m ready for it.”
“You’re ready for Pat to try to kill you but not for…?”
I shrugged again. “You might not be ready to say it back. I wouldn’t want to pressure you.”
She laughed. “No. No pressure,” she said expectantly.
I looked down at her. “Why is it always the guy’s job to say it first?”
“Is that your problem?”
“I currently have quite a few problems.”
“Fine.” She fought a smile. “Hey, Kit?”
“Yes, Amber?”
“I love you.”
I fought a smile to stay in character. “You love me? I mean, I love Hawk–”
“I’m devastatingly in love with you.”
“Devastatingly?” I chuckled.
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Why devastatingly?”
“Because I’m devastated you were too wimpy to say it first.”
I put my beer down and picked her up. Her legs almost got around my waist before I shook my head and had to drop her back down.
“Nope. Bad idea,” I grunted through my apologetic smile.
She put her hand gently over mine on my ribs and she smiled softly.
“You might have to carry me to bed,” I told her.
Those violet eyes shone. “How about we get you changed first and maybe get you some ice.”
“I’ve had plenty of ice. I want something else,” I said as she led me to the bedroom, letting me lean my arm around her shoulders.
“How about you do what you’re told and maybe you’ll get a treat.”
“You know, I like bossy Amber.”
“Good. You’re stuck with her.”
“Perfect.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Because I don’t just like her, I’m devastatingly in love with her.”
She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Are you going to behave?”
“I promise nothing.”
“Christopher!” she sighed exasperatedly.
“Are you the treat?”
“I might be.”
“Then I promise everything.”
She laughed as she turned to look at me. “You sure about that?”
I looked at her and I knew I was sure. We weren’t ready for rings or white dresses. Yet. But I felt certain we would be, more certain than I’d ever been about anything else in my life. Amber Grace was my one and I was hers. Everything else would fall into place with time.
I took her face in my hands and nodded. “Everything, baby. I want to give you everything.”
“All I need is you,” she said softly and my heart skipped a beat.
“Oh. Then, my job’s done,” I teased.
She laughed with me, then we both just stared at each other, smiling those goofy, in love smiles. Amber Grace was nothing I knew I needed and everything I wanted. If all she wanted was me, I had to be the luckiest guy in the world.
“I love you,” I told her firmly. It felt like such a flimsy way to try to convey the depth of everything I felt for her.
“I love you,” she replied and suddenly I got it.
I got it.
I got just what those words did. It wasn’t a flimsy way to convey a depth of emotion that seemed bottomless. It was the promise. It held everything.
She was everything.
I wrapped my arms around her and promised myself I’d never let her go.
Chaos & the Geek
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This was my first public foray into the whole adult romance business and it was as terrifying as it was exciting. I did PLENTY of research (not at all for pleasure, no
Chaos & the Geek (Grace Grayson Security Book 1) Page 19