"Good."
Felix got in and started the engine. Lester stood there looking at us with his arms folded as the limousine started down the driveway. I turned and looked back at his house. Alanis had come out again and was standing on the small porch, watching us. She couldn't see I was looking back because of the tinted windows, but I saw her slowly lift her right hand to wave. Then she realized what she was doing, dropped her arm to her side and rushed back into the house,
The car turned at the base of the driveway and we were off.
"When is Great-aunt Frances coming home?" I asked my father.
"Very soon. I've arranged for someone to stay with her for a while," he said. 'She needs a full-time housekeeper and companion. I'm informing your grandmother."
"What about Mommy?" I asked. "We'll go see her."
"And Ian?"
"Ian hasn't been well. Jordan, so he's been moved to a different facility." He smiled quickly. "I understand he's doing better already, complaining and offering suggestions for improvements."
"He is?"
"Yes."
"Can I visit him. too?"
"We'll see. I have to get you organized first, get you enrolled in your school again," he said. "I'm making all the calls today after we're home."
"You are?"
He started to speak, then stopped and glanced out the window for a moment. "Yes." he said, still looking out the window. "It's time I accepted who I am."
The blood rushed to my face. Did he know? Had he always known or was the secret out?
He turned back to me.
"I'm Emma March's son," he said. "I have to start acting like a mature, responsible person. I resented my mother. I know there were lots of times I thought I hated her and there were lots of times she wasn't really a grandmother to you and to Ian, and certainly not a mother-in-law to Caroline, but life's too short to fill your time with resentment and," he said. smiling. "self-pity. If she says that to me one more time...-. He shook his head. "It's too easy, too convenient to blame other people for your own mistakes. Jordan. Yes, it makes you feel better on the surface, but deep down inside you know you're lying to the most important person in your life."
"Who?"
"Yourself" he said. "Lies are the worst kind of ghosts... they constantly haunt you. They wait behind the mirror and emerge every time you look at yourself."
No lies, no secrets, I thought. If that was the pledge between two best friends, why shouldn't it be the pledge between a father and a daughter? I have to tell him.
But he wants to be Emma March's son now, another voice inside me said. Hers finally become comfortable with it. How can you send him reeling- back into what Ian would.1 surely call a web of deceit? How can it be right to hurt him so much?
Besides, you're not the keeper of this truth. It belongs to Grandmother Emma. She is the only one who can unlock it, if it is to be unlocked.
Oh, how I miss my mother, I thought. She would surely know what I should and shouldn't say.
"Isn't Mommy getting any better. Daddy?" I asked. My eves started to fill with tears just asking.
"Yes, there's improvement. I don't want to build up your hopes too much. I don't know how long it will take or if it will ever happen that your mother returns to us the way she was. We can only hope and pray."
Will we pray?
When did we pray together last?
Isn't it stronger when we're all together or there is more than one of us saying the same prayer? Won't our voices be louder? "You and I should go to church and pray then. Daddy," I said. He looked at me, smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, maybe," he said. "Hey, Felix, does our church provide for the disabled?"
Felix looked in the rearview minor. Daddy was smiling.
"Mr. March, everyone who goes to church comes with some disability or another."
Daddy laughed.
Laughter. I thought as we rode on. What a sweet sound when it comes from the people whom you love and who love you. It's as comforting as warm milk. Maybe that was why Great-aunt Frances wanted it so much in her life and turned everything she could, even a simple dinner, into a party.
As soon as we arrived at the mansion. Daddy was surprised to hear immediately from Mr. Pond, Grandmother Emma's attorney. He told him that she wanted me brought to see her as soon as possible. She was now at a special clinic for stroke victim's therapy. After my father spoke with Mr . Pond. He asked Nancy to tell me to come down from my room.
Although I had spent so much time in this roam before I'd been taken to live with Great-aunt Frances, it seemed so strange for me to be returned to it. All of the things I had left in it were still there, of course, and there was nothing different about the room, nothing added or changed. Yet without Ian nearby or my parents down the hall, and without even
Grandmother Emma close, I felt what everyone had feared I would feel-- terribly lonely. I immediately fantasized bringing Alanis here to live with me and go to my school. It was an impossible dream. I knew. but I sat there imagining it, imagining how we would enjoy the mansion, the grounds, the pool, all of it. With a sister it would all make so much more sense. I thought.
"Apparently," Daddy told me after I came downstairs. "your grandmother thinks it's more important for you to see her before I even get you enrolled in your school. And," he said. smiling, "you're to visit her alone. She knows about Great-aunt Frances, of course. She knew almost as quickly as I did. She'll probably ask you a lot about it. and I'm sure, now that she knows you're here, she probably wants to find out the nitty- gritty about me as well. She wants to make you her little spy. That's all right," he added. "If I have to have anyone spy on me, I'd rather it be you."
"I won't be a spy, Daddy," I said.
"Whatever. Go make her happy. Tell her whatever she wants to know. She still the queen. Felix will bring you there in the morning. I'll start the process to get you back into school. I've ordered that specially equipped car I told you about, by the way. Soon. I'll be the one who brings you to school and picks you up. when I'm not tending to business, but I promise, that'll be the only reason I'm not,"
"I'd like that,Daddv," I said.
"Me. too. Nancy's preparing one of your favorite meals. Southern fried chicken."
I smiled. "I should get dressed up for it," I said.
"Pardon?"
"Get a Gone With the Wind dress."
"Huh?"
"Nothing, Daddy. Just kidding."
"Yes, well that's something we haven't had around here for a long time, kidding. Go settle yourself in your old nest, little bird."
He smiled at me, and I stood there for a moment remembering an earlier time. I didn't know exactly when, but I remembered running up to him when he was sitting at the dinner table and him holding out his arms. He lifted me and put me in his lap and hugged and kissed me. Was it a dream?
He held up his arms, and I went to him now. He embraced me. "I'm so sorry for everything. Jordan."
For a long moment, we just held on to each other. Then he kissed my cheek and I turned and ran to the stairway. The tears flew off my chin as I hurried up to my room.
I sat on my bed right where I'd sat the day Felix had come to take me away, only now I closed my eyes and worked hard on Ian's telepathy. I concentrated on reaching my mother. and I tried and tried until I was sure I heard her voice, heard how happy she was that I was home again. She promised me she would return soon. too.
It had been a long time since I'd sat and had dinner with my father. Of course. I missed Ian and my mother at the table, but Daddy talked about all his new plans.
He spoke to me as if I'd already been a grownup and he wanted my opinions. After dinner, he went to the office and made some phone calls to see how Great-aunt Frances was doing. Later, he told me she would be heading home even sooner than expected.
"Won't she wonder where I am?" I asked.
"She's been told and she's also been told that as soon as she's strong enough, she's being brought here to visit you a
nd me and, who la-lows, maybe even your grandmother."
"Good," I said.
I asked again about Ian, and he promised he would work on our visiting him as soon as possible.
"I've been speaking with your mother's doctor. Jordan. We'll be going to see her this weekend. I want to stress that you shouldn't get your hopes up too high, but they're leaning toward a more positive prognosis, which means more hopeful. It might take a long time yet, if at all. Okay?"
I nodded, too terrified that I might think or say something that would change his mind. He smiled.
"You are growing up so fast. I feel like I'm in a rocket ship watching."
Comforted with all this new promise and hope, I was able to curl up in my own bed and fall asleep quickly. I had once again been riding on an emotional roller coaster and was far more tired than I had imagined.
After breakfast the following morning. Felix took me to visit Grandmother Emma. For the visit. I put on the dress she had bought me on my birthday. She'll be surprised to see me wearing a bra now, I thought. I fixed my hair and put on a string of pearls my mother had given me some time ago. When I thought I looked good enough to make a proper presentation to my grandmother. I left the house and walked toward the limousine. Daddy wheeled out to wish me luck.
"Well, look at you, a young woman, a beautiful young woman.'
"Daddy." I said. even though I soaked in the compliment. He laughed.
"I guess it all comes natural to you girls." "What?"
"Never mind. You'll know. Now remember, you don't look the queen directly in the eyes," he joked. I started toward the limousine. "Tell her I made you sleep on a bed of nails in a closet," he shouted after me. "Tell her I installed the chair lift on her stairway."
"I will not. Daddy," I said, and he laughed.
Moments later, we were on our way, and my heart was beating as quickly as the wheels were turning on the road. The ride wasn't as long as I'd anticipated. Grandmother Emma was in a building that Felix said had been recently bought by a group of Yen' wealthy people and was supported through charity balls and events and heavy donations. The building and the Grounds had been constructed to make it look like anything but a place to house and treat stroke victims. In many ways it looked like the March mansion.
It was a large, light-gray stucco structure with beautiful stonework around its entrance and first-floor windows. With its round tower, it did look like the castle my grandmother thought she owned. I wondered if she now imagined she was really the queen she pretended to be.
The parking lot was in the rear so that anyone who approached it and didn't know what it was would not assume it was in any way a medical facility or any sort of institution. There were no big sips announcing it either. I asked Felix about that and he said. "If you have the money to be brought here, you don't need signs telling you you're here."
I guess he was right. Exceptionally detailed care was taken with its grounds. The perfectly trimmed hedges looked like they had been pruned with scissors from a beauty salon. The small ponds had water percolating over colored rocks, and there was statuary placed everywhere I looked. Some of it was of people, some of angels and some of birds. I saw some benches and smiled in amazement at the beds of beautiful flowers full of rainbow colors. Were they real?
I saw the curtains on the windows as we drove closer and then around the building. They looked like velvet drapes. In the rear there were a few dozen automobiles and a large van. The rear lawn flowed on and on in wavelike ripples until it reached a wooded area. Two men on large grass cutters were busy leveling out the autumn grass, and when I stepped out of the limousine, the sweet aroma perfumed the air around me.
There were still flocks of birds fluttering about in the clear sunshine to make for a pleasant, happy, melodic morning. If someone couldn't recuperate here. I thought. they couldn't get better anywhere. Looking out your window at this world certainly had to raise your spirits.
Felix led me to the entrance off the parking lot. Whoever had designed this place had basically put a false front on it, because the real entrance opening to the lobby and receptionist was here, and not up front.
Even inside it didn't look at all like a medical facility. The lobby was plush, with big, soft leather sofas and chairs, beautiful standing lamps and table lamps. There were flowers in vases everywhere and, spread evenly over the panel walls, large oil paintings of scenery, ocean views and lakes. The floor was an immaculate-looking black marble, so shiny it worked like a mirror reflecting all that was on it. Soft classical music was being piped in through invisible speakers.
A tall man in a dark blue suit, with curly light brown hair, and carrying what looked like a briefcase spoke quietly with a nurse in front of a counter that looked more like the kind seen in hotel lobbies. I saw another two women behind them working on files and papers, one at a computer. As we continued to cross the lobby toward them, the nurse and the man she was speaking to turned our way.
"Can I help You?" she asked Felix.
"Yes. I've brought Jordan March to see her grandmother."
"Oh," she said and smiled at me. "I'm Mrs. Sanders," she said. "Chief administrator and head nurse." She smiled at me. "I know your grandmother is waiting anxiously to see you. She asked after you four times already this morning."
No one keeps my grandmother waiting I thought. I remembered my mother once saying how she pitied a dentist who ran late and kept her in the lobby for nearly forty minutes. "He'll be wishing he were haying his teeth cleaned instead of cleaning hers," she told me.
"Right this way." Mrs. Sanders said. "I'll have that report for you in the morning, Dr. Stevens," she told the man with whom she had been speaking. Doctors didn't look like doctors here either. I thought. He didn't wear a doctor's coat or carry anything that doctors carried. He looked more like a lawyer or a banker.
"Fine. I'll call first. Marion," he told her.
"This way. Jordan," Mrs. Sanders said, nodding at a door. I trailed just a little behind her.
"I'll be waiting here for you, Jordan," Felix said, moving toward one of the sofas and lifting a magazine off the side table.
I continued to follow Mrs. Sanders through the doorway and down a long, wide corridor.
"Your grandmother has made very good progress." She stopped and turned to me. "You know how we know?"
I shook my head.
"She doesn't stop complaining,'" she said and laughed,
That'swhat Daddy told me about Ian in his new place, I thought.
We walked on, then stopped at a doorway. She glanced at me, then knocked and opened the door. There was a small entryway with a closet on the right and a bathroom on the left. Instead of a rug or tile, the floor was a rich-looking dark wood. There was a kingsize bed with a large headboard. The bed had matching end tables and lamps. The large television set was mounted on the wall across from the bed. and I saw there was a stereo unit of some sort beneath it. The wall to my left had shelves of books, interrupted by vases that looked like they contained fresh flowers,
This room is almost as big as Grandmother Emma's room back at the Mansion, I thought. Directly ahead of us, there was a sliding glass door opening to a tiled patio with a table and chairs, potted plants and a view of one of the bigger ponds.
Grandmother Emma was sitting outside, wearing a fur-collared ruby robe. Her hair was spun and tied with a light green ribbon, and she looked a lot better than she had when I had seen her in the hospital.
"Your granddaughter has finally arrived. Mrs. March," Mrs. Sanders said.
Grandmother Emma didn't respond. She nodded at the chair across from her, which was her way of telling me to get to it and sit.
"Is there anything you want or need? Should I bring the young lady something to drink?"
"No," Grandmother Emma said with perfect clarity and sharpness.
Mrs. Sanders smiled at me.
"Enjoy your visit, dear." she said and walked out.
I took the chair and sat back with my hands fol
ded in my lap.
When Grandmother Emma spoke, her lips seemed to writhe because some of the muscles in her face weren't working well. Her tongue looked swollen, which I imagined made it difficult for her to speak. The words streamed together, parts of one tacking onto another before it had been pronounced. but I could understand.
"I know about Frances," she muttered. "That woman," she added. and I wasn't sure if she was complaining about Great-aunt Frances or Mrs, DeMarco.
For a long moment we just stared at each other. What was I supposed to tell her? Was she waiting for the story? Was she unsure about what I knew and didn't know?
She made it clear.
"What did she tell you?" she asked, this time almost perfectly.
"That Great-aunt Frances is really my grandmother." I replied. She was blinking fast, and her mouth opened and closed, opened and closed. She struggled to keep herself erect in the chair, and she pounded the arm in frustration. This time the words she wanted to come out were stuck in the mud. She took a deep breath. Then she just nodded.
"Does..." She had to wait, as if the air to make the words had been coming up out of her lungs like a bubble rising to the surface of the ocean. "Father know?"
I shook my head. She pointed at me.
"I didn't tell him," I said. understanding.
She nodded slowly. but I saw how her eyes focused on me, a slight relaxing in the corners. It was hard to tell whether she was smiling, trying to smile, or it was nothing,
"Why?" she managed to ask.
"Because he wants to be your son now," I said. Her eyebrows rose so fast that I thought they would lift off her head.
She pointed at me again. I understood.
"It doesn't matter now whether she's my greataunt or my grandmother. It's too late. but I love her." I wanted to add. "I love her more than I love you," but I didn't.
She sat back, nodding slowly.
"Do you want me to tell Daddy?" I asked. She shook her head and pointed to herself. "Okay," I said.
"Your mother?" she asked.
"She might be getting better." I said. "We're going to visit her. Ian's getting better. too. They moved him to a nicer place. Daddy says."
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