by E. C. Land
“I’m capable of helping, Rage.”
“Babe, you gotta put the shit away. They can help me bring it to you in the kitchen.”
“Fine,” I huff going inside and waiting for them to bring everything in.
Doesn’t take me long to get the groceries put away once they’re all out of the bags an sorted on the counters, from items to go in the refrigerator and freezer to the cabinets. I’m a little OCD when it comes to them being placed right. Always have been. Comes with the territory of liking to know when I’m reaching for something, it’s right where it should be.
“Lavender, come take a look to see if this is where you want it. Fuck, this furniture is heavier than it looks, I don’t wanna have to move it around more than I have to,” Rage calls out from the living room.
A smile breaks out on my face at the tone of his voice. Seriously, the man can probably bench press the couch without breaking a sweat. Stepping just inside the room, I take in where they placed the furniture. They’ve placed the couch in the center of the room with the recliner on one side and the loveseat diagonally. With the way they have it set, the room looks cozy and nowhere near closed off. They even placed the end tables where they should be with the lamps. I knew they would look good with this set. “Looks great, guys. You did a good job, thank you,” I say.
“Good then these two can get out of here,” Rage says more to Ace and Shadow than to me.
Neither says a word as they leave.
“You could have at least given them a beer or something before kicking them out. I mean, they did just help bring all the furniture in here and helped unload the groceries,” I mutter placing my hands on my hips.
“Babe, they’re prospects, it’s their job to do whatever we fuckin’ tell them. Besides, prospects aren’t allowed to drink.”
“Wait, what? Why?” I ask confused.
“Because, Cleo, when someone wants to prospect, they’ve got to be able to prove themselves to be worthy of being one of our brothers. And one of the rules for being a prospect is don’t drink. They’ve got to be able to withstand being around booze without losing focus on what could happen. With all the shit our club’s gone through, we want to make sure our prospects have our backs before we even decide to vote them in. If we can’t trust them to stay sober when needed, what’s to say they will be able to focus on other shit when asked.”
I nod in understanding as I listen to Rage explain. As silly as it sounds, I get it. You’ve gotta be able to trust someone with the smallest thing.
A tense silence falls between us as we stare at each other from across the room. Now, with everything done for the day besides going to the club in a little while, I don’t know what to do. Before everything, I’d be in his arms in a heartbeat, it was one of my favorite things to do.
“We need to put some more cream on your tattoo soon. Don’t want it drying out. Why don’t you go grab the stuff while I find us something to watch on tv until it’s time to head to the club. We can pick something up in town for dinner.”
“Were you not with us when we almost bought out the grocery store? I am not eating more takeout when I’d prefer to cook. How about I fix us up some dinner really quick, then you can put that stuff on my back,” I suggest.
“Works for me. Gotta admit I miss your cookin’, Lave,” Rage says, moving to stand directly in front of me. “Fuck, Cleo, I’ve missed that smile.” The smile he’s speaking vanishes from my face as he touches me. Running his fingers along my arm. God the feel of him touching me sends bolts of lightning through my body. I want nothing more than to jump him. What would he think if he saw my stomach? He saw my back yesterday while I got my tattoo. I’m sure he thought it was bad but he hasn’t seen anything until he sees my front. For that matter, I can’t stand the sight of it.
“Umm, I’m gonna go start dinner now,” I whisper, turning to go to the kitchen. I don’t make it half a step when Rage stops me by bringing my back flush to his stomach. Panic hits me at the movement. Standing there, I can’t breathe, my vision becomes a blur. The feeling of darkness swarming around me starts to seep in.
“Breathe, Lavender, remember, it’s only me here. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’d never hurt you, babe, not in a million years,” Rage whispers running his hands along my arms with the barest touch. “That’s it, breath with me, Cleo, you’re okay.”
Once my breathing is under control, I sag against Rage’s chest, soaking in his warmth.
“I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t realize you’d react that way,” he murmurs against the top of my head. I know he didn’t mean it and I shouldn’t have reacted the way knowing it was only the two of us here, but it was on instinct.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, turning to face him. “Other than your little touches throughout the day, I haven’t allowed anyone close enough to touch me let alone have their body against mine.”
“I get it, Lave, it’s out of habit, wanting to have you in my arms.”
“I know, how about you hang with me in the kitchen while I cook and we can talk more. Maybe even find a way out of going to the clubhouse later.”
“Can’t get out of going tonight. I got a text earlier. We have church tonight. It’ll give you some time alone with the girls. If you wanna come home after church, we can, okay?” Damn, I wanted to keep from going to the clubhouse.
Nodding, I go about fixing our dinner while he watches me. All the while, wondering if he’d been with anyone else. I can’t be pissed with him over it if he had but I don’t want to run into any of his easy lays. Those clubwhores are nothing but a joke. Thinking that if they walk around in barely any clothes the men will fawn all over them. No self-respect for sure. These men deserve more than they offer. Hell, it takes a woman like Izzy, Lynsdey, and Kenny in order to handle this life.
I wish I could be more like them. Where those women show strength, I’m weak. As much as I want Rage, I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this life. A life where he needs a woman that can be his strength, not bring him down.
11
Rage
If I could’ve gotten out of tonight’s church, I would’ve. However, when your Prez calls an emergency church meeting, you get your ass there. Being Road Captain, I take my job seriously. If I don’t, it could end up getting one of my brothers hurt.
I didn’t want to leave Cleo in the main room even if all the ol’ ladies were swarmed around her. Shit, those women pounced her the moment we walked through the door. I’d barely been able to tell her I’d be back soon when Kenny through her attitude at me telling me Cleo would fine and to leave them the hell alone to catch up. Knowing Kenny, I’d thrown my hands up as I backed away shooting a grin at my woman. ‘Good luck,’ I mouthed to her, gaining a beautiful smile from her in return.
Now, here I am, trying to keep my thoughts on the meeting.
“Alright brothers, got some information today I found somewhat disturbing. Took it to Gadget to look into and I didn’t like any of the shit he was pulling up. We found out the Dragons Fire MC is in bed with the Diaz Cartel in Cuba,” Twister announces, looking directly at me.
“What the fuck?” I roar, the Diaz Cartel had been keeping quiet for years ever since I came back from overseas, slaughtering several of their top men trying to get to Miguel Diaz for what he’d done to my sister. The fucker slipped through my fingers and I hadn’t been able to find him since.
“Calm down, Rage,” Twister orders. “I get your pissed, we all are. Everyone in this room besides Badger here knows what Miguel Diaz did. Fuck man, Horse and I were there, we saw the shit firsthand.”
“Why didn’t we know the Dragons Fire MC was working with Diaz?” Burner asks. Looking at him, I grimace. He’d been dating my sister at the time. Wherever you saw her, Burner was right behind. Before I’d left for overseas, Burner came to both dad and myself asking for permission to marry Janie. We’d given it to him, proud to call him family. I found out not long after leaving he’d asked her, and her response made me laugh.
In my mind, I can still hear her laughter when she told me about it. How he’d taken her for a ride and asked her on the side of the road after making her think they’d broken down. Then not even a month later, she was gone. Took the club weeks to get her back. Janie was unable to deal with it all and took her own life. Left everyone to deal with the pain. I used to be pissed thinking she was selfish for taking the easy way. But then it dawned on me why and I understood. Burner and I’d gone on a rampage after the funeral, taking out as many as we could but the sick fuck Miguel got away. We haven’t heard anything from the Diaz Cartel for years, why come to the surface now?
“According to the information I’ve found, Dragons Fire MC only recently started working with them. Last I checked, they’d been dealing with the Alcazar Cartel. With them switching the way they have, the Alcazar Cartel isn’t too happy with them. They were supposed to be transporting a shipment for them. Instead, they handed the shipment over to Diaz,” Gadget says, keeping his eyes on the screen in front of him. A second later, he has the information on the big screen TV for us all to see. The fucker is a damn genius when it comes to technology.
“You all know what this means?”
“It means they’ve cast the first fuckin’ stone, Prez,” Burner growls out.
“Exactly, now, I’m not callin’ lockdown or anything right now, but that doesn’t mean we don’t keep our eyes open. We have a shipment coming in two weeks, are we ready?”
“Yeah, Prez, the last one went according to plan. I think we should take the same route,” Thorn suggests.
“I agree, the roads we took kept us off all main roads,” I say nodding my head in agreement, trying to keep my head straight. Now that the Diaz Cartel has resurfaced, it’s time to finish what Burner and I started. Looking across the table at Burner, he nods in agreement. Miguel Diaz will meet his end by our hands, whether the club is at our backs or not.
The rest of church is spent going over the list of artillery coming in, where it will be heading, along with when to set up for the next shipment. Since Grigory took over being our contact with the Russians, it has been moving smoother than in the past.
As church comes to an end, Twister turns attention back to me. “How’s Cleo doing?”
“I’m not sure. Honestly, I guess you can say she’s doing the best she can. Cleo’s been through a lot of shit. Everyone here knows the state we found her in. Last night she opened up some, telling me about when Jake had her. I’m sure she didn’t disclose everything,” I say shaking my head. “What she experienced is far worse than any of us could imagine. Out of respect for my woman, I won’t go into detail, however, I will say if that motherfucker were still alive, I take my time killing him slowly.”
“I’m sorry, brother,” Thorn speaks up placing his hand on my shoulder squeezing it.
“Same, brother, know the club’s here for both of you,” Twister says.
“Is there anything we can do for Cleo?” Horse asks.
“Actually, VP, there is something the club could do for her. Cleo wants to go back to work and I don’t want her working at Outlaw Racks. Any way we can put her at the garage in the office?” I ask. Cleo might be pissed about not working at the bar, though I think she’ll really enjoy being at the shop. I definitely would.
“Jobs hers, Cleo can start any time she wants,” Horse responds without even having to think about it. All the brothers love her like a little sister. Hell, all the ol’ ladies have a special place in all our hearts. Even before they became ol’ ladies. Kenny was Horse’s mystery woman years ago and they found each other again. Lynsdey had Thorn twisted around her finger within minutes of meeting her, if not for Burner being drunk and Horse attempting to stop him from doing something stupid, they wouldn’t have gone through what they did. Then there’s Izzy, everyone has a soft spot for her. She fooled everyone into thinking she was this easy, fun going person when inside, she’d been dying of grief. Blaming herself for the death of her brother. Fuck, she had it rough. Thankfully, Twister stopped her from doing something extremely stupid. Now they’re expecting their first child.
Fuck, I can imagine Cleo right now out in the main room. How she must be feeling sitting with her friends who have either had a child or are expecting.
“Fuck,” I mutter out without meaning to.
“What up, brother?” Twister asks lifting a brow.
“It’s nothing. Hell, it’s no.. . . . nothing, Prez. Shit, I just don’t know how to say it.” Everyone at the table grows eerily silent at my words.
“What do you mean?” Thorn asks sitting forward.
“Cleo lost our baby,” I blurt out unable to stop the words from coming out.
Throughout the room several mutters of words are spoken in harsh whispers, a few of them don’t say a word but the tension fills the room.
“I’m sorry, brother,” Thorn is the first to speak up.
“Yeah, brother, you have the club’s condolences,” Twister says, tapping his fist against the table.
“Thanks, brothers, I only found out last night.”
“Fuck man, you mean Cleo didn’t tell you she was pregnant before all that shit went down,” Burner speaks up for the first time.
“Naw man, she didn’t even know she was carrying our child until the hospital told her. Now she . . .” I stop, sucking in a breath, “With the damage done to her body, Cleo can’t carry a child even if we wanted to try again,” I finish on a harsh whisper.
No one says a word as they realize what I did last night— the true pain of everything my beautiful woman has gone through. That’s without me even telling them her story. That’s not for me to share. Hell, the only reason I even said anything about the baby is so they’d be prepared to deal with their own women if and when they do find out.
“Alright brothers, enough with this emotional bullshit. Let’s get out to the main room, enjoy a beer or two,” Twister says, banging the gavel down on the table.
Yeah, a beer right now sounds pretty damn good. Getting up, I walk out of the room followed by all my brothers. Walking into the main room, I stop, not expecting what’s in front of me.
Fuck, not this shit again.
12
Cleo
Emotions are a crazy thing to deal with. I’d never been able to handle them very well and right now is nothing different. The moment Rage guided me into the main room of the clubhouse, I couldn’t begin to process everything going through my head. At least not right then.
Now as I sit here with my best friends, a sense of relief washes over me. Here I thought the three of the most amazing women I’ve ever known would be pissed at me for leaving the way I did, instead, they all hugged me close, crying at seeing me again. The hard part about seeing them is finding out Kenny and Izzy are both pregnant. The news hit me right in the chest, but I’m happy for them. All of them.
“Cleo, you gotta tell us, did Rage really carry you out of Stoney’s club, as Momma B said?” Izzy asks giggling, pulling me out of my head. I can’t help but roll my eyes at her question.
“He did, much against my will,” I mutter. Rage has a way of getting what he wants one way or another.
“Well, I for one am glad he finally brought your ass back here,” Kenny says.
“Me too. I’ve missed you so much,” Lynsdey speaks up. Out of all three of them, she’s been mostly silent.
“You know, even though I didn’t think I was ready to come home yet, I’m glad to be home. I’ve missed you guys as well. I’m sorry I left like that,” I murmur not looking them in the eye.
“Cleo, we’re here for you. I totally get it why you took off. Kenny and I might not know all of it and I’m sure Lynsdey doesn’t even know the full story. However, when you want someone to talk to, we’re here. That’s what best friends are for, right?” Izzy asks that last part as she grips my wrist comfortingly.
“Izzy’s right,” Lynsdey whispers tears running down her cheeks. “You need to know how sorry I am you ended up being mixed up in m
y shit yet again. I blame myself for what you went through.”
Lynsdey and I never really spoke about what Jake did to either of us in the past except for the basics. I know more of what he’d done to her then she does of me. I didn’t want her to ever feel this guilt. I feel like a complete, self bitch right now for letting her think she was to blame. She never was. The blame needs to be laid where it’s always supposed to have been, with Jake.
“Lyns, you’re like my fuckin’ sister, woman. You have nothing to be sorry about. None of this is on you. It never has been. By you thinking that it’s your fault, Jake wins, even from the grave. How about we both put that day behind us and start healing. I know I need to. And maybe one day, I’ll have the courage to tell you guys everything that happened but for now, I can’t, it’s still too much. I’d prefer to simply lock it away in a box and never open it again,” I say, looking from Lynsdey to Kenny and Izzy.
“Sounds good to me. When you’re ready, we’ll be sure to do it somewhere that we can sit on a couch with lots of Blue Bell Dutch Chocolate ice cream and tequila for you to spill your heart out. Now, how about you tell us what you wanna do now that your back.” That’s Kenny for you. Always one for trying to make everything better.
“Oh, you should help me. I’m working on flipping my first house but I’m also working on organizing the first charity event for Letters from Above. I could use some help with it. The guys are doing a poker run for anyone who wants to join in. There’s also gonna be a small carnival type thing followed by a concert with local talent. Demons Among Us have agreed to be a part of it.” Izzy’s eyes light up as she goes about telling me everything she’s doing and what the cause is for. I think what she’s doing is amazingly beautiful.
“Whatever I can do to help, I’m in,” I say.
“Yay, if you want to help me with the concert part that would be great. I swear some people think there talented but aren’t. They need some sense of direction. And on top of that, you have the most beautiful voice there is when you sing.” I groan at realizing what she’s asking me to do. Ugh, I could bang my head on the table right now.