I stood stunned as he walked away. I expected him to head back to the house, instead, he walked down the beach.
Chapter Sixteen
Ian
I was so close to tasting her, but I knew I’d be forced to spit that taste out. And that was the part that made me walk away. I had restraint. I could give myself credit for that, but not much. I’d been so close to taking her into my bed and losing myself, that I practically had to run from her.
An entanglement couldn’t happen. As beautiful as she was, as much as I loved the sound of her voice and the sight of her smile, my heart was completely out of the equation. I didn’t think it had even made an appearance in the time I’d been on the island. Friendship… I was fine with that. And the wine hadn’t helped the fact that I was dangerously attracted to her. My cock grew rock hard at the sight of her frolicking in the water. She was pure temptation, an itch I was growing desperate to scratch and unknowingly receptive to me. Tonight, I made her aware of it and I could see the same need in her eyes. We were in hazardous territory and in no way was there any outcome other than hurting her.
Beautiful, smart, intoxicating, and exhausting. Koti came with a string of issues I had no intention of helping with.
Selfish.
That was the point of my new crusade. I’d played my part for two other women and had no intention of auditioning for the role of lead in anyone else’s life.
It was finally time for me to check off a few things on my own list.
Koti was right in the sense that the time was now. I had no obligation to anyone other than Ella. I needed to get back to my daughter, but I still felt the irrational burn every time I thought of her mother. I wasn’t ready. And I wasn’t sure when I would be but touching Koti would be a mistake.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I cursed when I saw Tara’s name. Thankfully, the wine hadn’t worn off yet.
“Yeah.”
“Ian?”
“Is my daughter okay?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Again, is Ella all right?”
“She’s fine.”
“Then we have no reason to be speaking.”
“I feel terrible.”
“Fuck you.”
“Please don’t say that to me.” She was crying, and I couldn’t muster a single ounce of pity.
“What do you want, Tara? Forgiveness would be laughable.”
She sniffed, and I had the urge to snap my phone in half. “A chance to explain.”
“Explain? Here’s an explanation. When I was deployed, you fucked your ex-boyfriend and you had a fight or better yet, let me guess, he dumped you. So instead of telling him he’s a father knowing he would be a dead-beat dad, you decided to tell your devoted soldier you were pregnant two days before he was set to re-enlist because he would do the honorable thing. Did I miss anything?”
“It was a mistake, one I regret every day.”
“A mistake that you decided to let me pay for. And now that we’re clearing the air, maybe it’s time I told you something.”
“Whatever it is,” she said her voice hoarse, “I deserve it.”
“I never loved you. Not the way I should have. After a few years, your charms wore off and I realized then I was stuck in a marriage I didn’t want. In fact, I grew to despise you as the years passed. You were annoying and needy and didn’t have a selfless bone in your body. You weren’t the kind of woman I could respect, let alone truly and deeply love. I spent years suffering at your hand because of my love for a daughter that wasn’t mine. But here’s the thing, you conniving bitch, you can’t change her love for me. You can’t twist it or turn it or direct it toward Daniel, no matter what you do. If you want to tell Ella, be my guest; but if you do, you’ll get exactly what you deserve, her hatred. And she won’t love Daniel more. He has to earn her love and affection the way I had to for the whole of her life. I dare you to try to piss away at the years I’ve built being a father, but let me repeat myself so we’re clear. You will never, ever ruin what’s between us. Ella and I are what true love is supposed to be. She and I were the best thing to come out of our marriage and it had nothing to do with you.”
I was being vile, but it was the truth for the most part that she hadn’t been kind enough to spare me.
“You never loved me?”
“No.”
I ended the call and walked the beach until sunrise.
* * *
“Disco,” I called out, rousing from sleep. I stood and stretched stepping into a fresh puddle of her piss. “Get over here, you little rat, it’s time for our jog. Disco!”
I heard a muffled squeal of delight and made my way to my porch. Staring out of the screen, I finally spotted my dog and her kidnapper. Koti was running the beach with the tiny beast in tow, her timid bark sounding rapidly as she chased at Koti’s heels.
Disco’s ears flew back as she tried to keep up with her captor’s sporadic movements. She dodged the puppy left and right as the storm winds blew in and thunder sounded in the distance. The only rays of sun left shone through the clouds on our beach and lit them both up as they pranced around on the sand. Koti’s smile and delighted laughter took my breath away.
She had on a pair of barely-there shorts that showcased the insane length of her toned legs. A thin top covered her gorgeous tits and tight stomach. The woman was radiant, so fucking beautiful, that it hurt to look at her. I couldn’t imagine the life she explained to me where she wasn’t in control. She seemed so at ease in both life, and in her skin, but apparently, that had taken her back-breaking, life-changing effort and I admired her for it.
She was the best possible muse and completely unaware of it which only made her more alluring. She’d always been a gentle soul, even when she was a little girl her strength remained hidden. I couldn’t help my chuckle when Disco lost her footing and toppled over, ending up as a rolling ball of fur before popping up again. Koti’s smile radiated in the space between us as I tried to catch my breath from the sight of her.
This. This is what happiness looks like.
I remembered her words from the night before. “It’s already yours.”
I was so far from the place she spoke of, but just for a moment, I hoped I would be able to navigate my way there. I knew that hope was dangerous. I wished for the same thing after gaining my freedom from Tara and so far, had been nothing but disappointed. I knew I had to give myself time to adjust from being a family man. I just didn’t realize in leaving my wife, I might have lost my entire family.
Koti plucked Disco up from the sand and held her over her head before bringing her in for a kiss. The puppy lapped up every bit of her attention as I let my eyes feast. She was stunning. Silver eyes, full lips, and that killer body all taunted me from where she stood. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
Not only was she temptation. Not acting on the need to touch her last night was agony and she’d been so incredibly responsive.
Beautiful, stubborn, and full of quiet strength. I knew that about her even when we were kids. Back then she’d been nothing more than a distraction to pass the time with while I waited to get back to the States.
My parents had forced my hand the way they had hers to keep us occupied together and out of their hair for the summer. But even then, with our age gap and her temperament and squeaky voice, I liked her. She made the time on the island bearable. She softened me with her vulnerability. I could never forget the first time I saw her cry.
I found her sitting on the side of the house, her body shaking as she sat with her back to the siding, her knees drawn.
“Koti, what’s wrong?”
“Go away, Ian. I don’t want to play.”
“Well, that’s good then because I’m a little too old for a play date.”
“You know what I mean,” she sniffed. Her eyes watering even as her words came out in an angry huff.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, taking a seat next to her.
“My mother is an asshole.
”
“You sure swear a lot for a little girl.”
“I’m seven now,” she defended. “I’m getting bigger every day.”
“Yes, you’ll be driving in no time.” I laughed as she glared at me.
“Go away, Ian.”
“Fine,” I stood and brushed the sand off my shorts. I had better things to do, a Sega game on pause. She spoke before I’d taken my first step away from her.
“She’s so mean.”
“What did she do?”
“She found some Twinkies I snuck into my room and she went crazy.”
“I’m sure she didn’t mean whatever she said.”
“That I was going to get fat? And that nobody thought much of a fat person because they looked like they had no self-control and that made them weak.”
“Jesus,” I sighed. “They are just Twinkies.”
“Tell that to her,” she said choking on another sob.
I squat down in front of her. “I just so happen to have some banana pops at my house. So much better than Twinkies, want one?”
“I can’t, I’ll be spanked.”
“You’re getting too big for spankings. And no one needs to know but us.” I held out my hand. “Come on, puffer fish.”
She looked up to me. “Don’t make fun of me for crying.”
“Never.”
“Okay.” She grabbed my hand and I sat her on my parents’ couch with a banana pop.
An hour later, I had to scrape her off the ceiling. As it turned out, she didn’t do well on sugar, probably because she was raised on a lack of it. Giving her those banana pops had been like giving her speed, but her smile had been worth it. The same smile she wore now as she collapsed on her back with the puppy in her arms before moving her gaze toward the sea.
I would have given anything in that moment to be kissing her breathless, before sinking between her legs on that sand. I closed my eyes tight as I imagined those legs wrapped around me while I slid my tongue against hers.
She sat up as if she’d heard my thoughts and glanced toward the house. I was sure she couldn’t see me staring at her through the screen. Resigned that acting on my desire for her was still a terrible idea, I made my way to the bathroom just as my screen door creaked open and seconds later heard the pitter patter of Disco’s feet.
Chapter Seventeen
Koti
I gripped the phone to my ear while being browbeaten by the person on the other end of the line. “I paid for the rental months ago.”
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Tartar. We’ve arranged for you to stay—”
“I’m not having it, I’ll just cancel the whole trip.”
“I don’t want you to do that,” I pleaded, glancing at Jasmine, helpless. “Please just let me speak to the tenant at the property. I’m sure we can work it out.”
“I want an answer within the hour. I’ve been planning this trip for months!”
“I completely understand. You’ll have it.”
I hung up the phone and let out a breath of frustration. “Do not book the Kemp house anymore until we know how long he’s staying. I have to somehow get him to a hotel.”
“Is he still pissing and moaning?” Jasmine asked, looking up at me from her computer.
“Nope, I mean yes and no. He’s come a long way in only a month. He’s gotten some sun. He’s lost some weight. He loves Disco and he takes long walks with her. He’s no longer catatonic and doesn’t live in darkness, I would say that’s progress.”
Jasmine pulled her ridiculously thick hair through the tie on her wrist. “How observant of you.”
“It’s my job,” I defended. “And he’s a really nice man.”
“Handsome, right?” She snickered.
“Beautiful,” I whispered.
“Beautiful, huh? Ask him to sleep with you.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I mean at your house. You have three spare bedrooms. Let him crash there for a few days so we can keep the commission. It’s not like he’s a total stranger. You knew him when you were kids, right?”
“Yeah, we spent a summer together.” I chewed on the idea for a moment. “I think he’s repaired the kitchen. He’s been sawing nonstop for a week.”
A week he had barely acknowledged me. But I promised him space and in turn, he stopped the sawing when the sun set and even offered me a friendly wave when I got home from work.
“Okay, so ask him.”
“Nah, he can stay at a hotel.”
“Do you have the money for a hotel? Because I sure as hell don’t. We need the commission and you have the space.”
I stood and went to grab some coffee. “He’s the one imposing, he should pay.”
“Koti.”
I sighed. “Fine I’ll ask him, but I doubt he’ll go for it.”
“You need sex.”
“How many times do I have to explain this to you. Sex is mostly painful for me. My body doesn’t like it.” I pulled some Chapstick from my pint-sized purse and coated my lips before I lathered on a small layer of sunblock.
“Every time?”
“Almost. I suffer for days and hardly ever orgasm.”
“God, that’s horrible,” Jasmine said, terrified at the thought.
“It’s my life. I’ve been dealing with it since I lost my virginity at a Cheap Trick reunion concert.”
“That’s even more horrible.”
“It doesn’t bother me,” I said before I gripped her around the neck and gave her a hug from behind her chair. “You are loved, my little filifuckingpino.”
“You too,” she said staring up at me. “I want so much more for you, Koti.”
“And I’m happy where I’m at,” I promised. Ian’s comment last night by the bonfire made me smile.
“What?” she asked, trying to read my expression.
“He said I was happy.”
“Who?”
“Ian.”
“Well, if Ian says so,” she smirked. “Bow chica wow wow.”
“Shut up.”
“You like him, it’s okay to tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell. Look, he’s newly divorced and already had a revenge screw outside of my house. He’s emotionally incapable and we are on two different planets. There’s no potential.”
Jasmine shrugged. “Okay, so he’s not a commitment candidate.”
“Not in the slightest. But, God, Jasmine, he’s so hard not to look at. I’m seriously having a terrible time not staring. I forgot how pretty men can be.”
“Yes, yes they are, and then they open their mouths and it’s like playing the lottery.”
“He’s still got a bit of a South African accent, it’s so sexy.”
“I’ll come over tonight and check him out,” she said, inviting herself before she tested the waters by glancing my way.
I was already shaking my head. “No, you won’t because I’m going to be nervous enough asking him to sleep with me… I mean to sleep there. At my house.”
She shrugged. “So, I’ll be a buffer.”
“Not tonight, okay? I don’t need you coming over and making him feel weird.”
She stood in her hot pink sundress and thin scarf and puckered her full lips before she crossed her eyes. “I would do no such thing.”
“Sorry.”
“Fine, I have a potential date anyway.”
“With who?”
“I’ll let you know if it happens. But all I have to say is that when it comes to this one, my body is ready.”
“All you do is talk about sex. I’m over it. Unless you can grace this office with something educational or a topic that doesn’t consist of it, I’m closing my ears to you. No more penis talk.” I reached in my desk and pulled out my earbuds.
Jasmine stood with her mouth gaping as I began typing. Twenty seconds later, I got a company email from my pest of a boss that was marked urgent. It was a YouTube video of talking cats.
Chapter Eighteen
Koti
&n
bsp; The Cranberries’ “Zombie” blasted through my speakers down the narrow road home. Ian’s rental, a large cab Ford, sat in the driveway. I ignored the small thrill that raced through me at the thought of having him at my house for a week. We’d barely spoken that morning, but I could feel his eyes on me while he stretched before he took off for his run. I turned off my Jeep and made my way straight to his back door.
I knocked twice, and to my surprise, he met me with a faint smile before opening the door and inviting me in. Paint was smudged on his fingertips and across his bare chest and the floor was covered in plastic. The paint fumes filled my nose.
“Looks like progress in here. Good for you.”
“Yeah, thanks for telling my mother I was remodeling. She’s making a special trip soon just to see it.”
“My pleasure. And you should thank me, I was covering for your ass.”
He resumed his work to hide his smile. “Thanks. So what’s up?”
“Sorry to bother you, but…” Disco yapped from her box. I kept my eyes averted from a shirtless Ian and peeked over to see her bouncing off the sides for my attention. “Hey, baby. Want a break from the smell?” I picked her up and hugged her tiny body to me before I scanned his progress further. “It really looks great in here.”
Ian had replaced the cabinet doors with glass paned frames and was distressing the freshly painted wood with metal wool. “Rowan is going to love it.”
“Thanks,” he said as he resumed rubbing wool down the side of one of the doors.
“You have a talent for this.”
“I went through a few houses with my ex-wife.”
“Well, she definitely brought out the artist in you.”
Ian said nothing, so I decided to keep those comments to myself. “You were saying?” Briefly, I admired his budding physique as he lifted another door to fasten it in. He’d spent most of his hours since he’d arrived at the island working out and it showed. I had to catch myself to keep from being embarrassed when he looked back at me expectantly.
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