“I don’t think so.”
My dad’s eye darted between us and Ian looked at me with a mix of curiosity and something I couldn’t put my finger on.
My father smiled at me with pride. “This little woman has great taste in music, though. I think she got that from me.”
“I have your flat butt, that came from you.”
“Maybe” he laughed. “And my business sense.”
“Not sense enough,” my mother jabbed and everyone at the table ignored her.
She eyed me curiously and then let her gaze drift between Ian and me. Ian ignored her scrutiny and kept his beautiful grays on me, filling me with much-needed warmth. My father stepped in, offering us a reprieve from her silent interrogation. “Let’s go to bed, Blair. It’s been a long day.”
“I’m fine,” she said as she looked at me pointedly. I was too tired for the conversation she wanted to have and to answer the questions in her eyes, questions even I didn’t have the answers for when it came to me and Ian.
“Now, Blair.”
My mother’s eyes said it all as she reluctantly bid us goodnight and followed him upstairs.
Ian didn’t miss a beat before speaking up. “Jesus, you’re that uncomfortable with your own mother around?”
“I’m tired,” I moved to stand.
“Stop, look at me.” I turned to look up at him feeling the zing of his touch while electricity rode through my body and sent a shock wave to my core. He peered down at me. “Koti—”
“Please, just don’t. This isn’t fixable, no matter how you see it—she’s not going to let up, ever. I’ve been down this road so many times I could drive it blindfolded. So whatever suggestions you have, just know I’ve tried it. And I have to agree with you to some degree. When it comes to her, words mean nothing.”
Ian peered down at me as I bit my lip and shook my head. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t tell me.”
“You have no idea what I’m thinking.” His fingers drifted up my arm slowly until they reached the strap of my cami. Eyes intent, he toyed with the material between his fingers before he gently pulled it down. His breath hit first sending goosebumps up my spine. I tilted my head back as soft lips landed and I sank into him. His teeth grazed my shoulder as his tongue darted out. I soundlessly moaned as he gripped the side of my neck with his palm and blazed a trail from the nape to just below my ear. I kept my moan internal as I gripped his hand, leaned into his mouth, and let out a word filled whimper. “Please.”
“She doesn’t hold a candle to you.”
I attempted to pull myself away, but he held me firmly in his grip.
“What?! Why would you say that?”
“She is beautiful, Koti, but you are so much more,” he whispered, continuing to explore, “so soft,” he murmured, his scent consuming me. It took all my strength to fight him.
“You kissed me because you decided I was insecure about my mother?”
“It’s apparent you’re insecure about your mother, and I haven’t kissed you, yet,” he assured as he palmed my face in his hands.
“Look, I don’t need your reassurances.” I pulled away from his hold and faced him head on.
“Fine, my mistake,” he whispered heatedly. “But I’m going to tell you how beautiful I think you are and what you do to me.” He inched forward, his breath hitting my neck as he spoke low. “Before you let me, and even though I was angry, I thought about touching you every day for a month. You were a dream.” He pressed his lips against my neck and I let out a soft moan. “The most perfect dream,” he whispered. “I thought about the feel of your lips, my tongue in your mouth, my cock stretching you, the look in your eyes as I invaded you. I thought about sucking your tits while I buried myself deep enough, so you would never forget I was inside you. I thought about your ass and how red it could get under my palm. At night as I lay in bed, I thought about nothing but you. I’m so fucking hard for you right now it physically hurts, and I just had you hours ago.”
Without an ounce of fight, he tugged me toward him by pulling my arms around his neck. I licked my lips as his arousal brushed my stomach. Mouth parted, my panties soaked, I threaded my fingers in his hair. Leaning in, he pushed the hair away from my ear as he whispered the rest of his seduction. “And even though I’ve had you, I’ve touched your skin, and buried myself so far inside you that you won’t forget, you’re still a dream for me, so beautiful it hurts.”
We shared a breath and I could feel the frustration and need rolling off him.
He pulled back, demanding my eyes before our mouths met, his tongue diving deep as he fully tasted me. Between his confession and his perfect kiss, I was at his complete mercy. He thrust his tongue deep and I felt his every word match his desire. Returning it with the same fervor, he pulled away when I began to get aggressive. “I want you so much right now.”
“So, take me to bed.”
He shook his head. “It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“Like you care.”
“It’s my respect for your father and nothing more.”
“Okay.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll make myself scarce.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Koti,” his face twisted in regret. “I want to. I have to.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling my heart sink a little at his admission. But there were unspoken rules and he was holding us both to them. This was a family matter and highly personal. He wasn’t mine to claim, he didn’t want to be involved and he was making it known.
“I can’t do this with you.” That admission left a crack in my chest.
“I know.”
“Damnit.” He ripped his arms away and instantly I felt cold. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“I understa…” but before the words left my lips, he was through the door to his room and I felt the finality as he softly shut it behind him.
Could Ian and I be more?
I had my answer.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Koti
“What’s wrong?”
Jasmine peered down at me as I entered the office mid-afternoon the next day. I explained I would be late due to the unexpected visit from my parents.
“I told you, my mother is here, need I say more?”
“She can’t be that bad.”
I shrugged. “She’s not unless she decides to bring up my future, and she always does. I can’t believe I was dumb enough to miss work to have breakfast with her, it was a massacre. My dad had to practically peel her off me so I could get to my Jeep.”
“She needs a hobby,” Jasmine frowned. “You aren’t a project.”
“Tell that to her,” I said as I sat defeated in my chair. Ian was gone when I woke up, no doubt on another run. I spent most of the night tossing and turning and hadn’t slept a single minute. I still felt his lips regardless of his words, but that was the scary part. No matter how transparent he was about our situation I’d ignored it and only saw him. And oh, how I wanted him in every way.
“If it’s okay, I’m going to knock off early to deal with the inevitable fall out, so they can leave.”
“Of course, you can take the day. I told you that on the phone.”
“I had to get out of there for a little while. I need to prepare.”
Her eyes rolled over me in concern. “You think it will be that bad?”
“I do, but I’m tired of running away from the conversation. It’s time.”
“Well, call me if you need me. I’ll drop everything.” She gave me a quick hug before the phone rang. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her what happened with Ian. To wait around and see what she had to say on the matter, but inside I knew the truth. He’d laid it out for me and I knew it. I’d be asking Jasmine to give me hope, which would be pointless. He would never be mine to love.
* * *
On the porch with my parents later that day, my mother sat expectantly. “So, you won’t come back and you’re determined to st
ay here? Why?”
Ian had made himself scarce as promised and I couldn’t help my wandering eyes as I searched the beach every so often for a sign of him. The renters had left that morning and I was sure he’d resumed residence at his house.
“I’m happy here.”
“You’re wasting your life,” she argued, “your potential.”
“I’m saving my fucking life,” I snapped before my father shot me a warning look.
“Easy, Koti.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat. “I’m happy here. Why can’t that mean anything?”
She glanced at my dad for backup and got none. I could already see the war brewing that she would wage on him later.
“It does mean something. It means a lot that you’ve finally pulled yourself together and now you can come back swinging.”
“This isn’t a resurrection, Mother. I’m not coming back for another round, I’ve accepted defeat as far as that goes and I wish you would too. I can’t hack it out there, not in that world and not in that atmosphere. I have limitations, and I’m learning to deal with them.”
“I can’t believe you’re hiding behind that excuse,” she said incredulously. “We all have our stresses.”
“You’ve talked to my therapist, Mom. You know I have it a little bit harder than that.”
“It’s an excuse.”
I was on my feet instantly. “You have no idea what it’s like to feel like you’re drowning while life goes on around you, while people smile like they don’t have a care in the world, while you’re struggling to breathe! You have no idea!”
My mother bared her teeth. “Calm down.”
I took a deep breath. “That’s just it, Mother,” I said with defeat, my bones aching from the emotions she stirred. “Sometimes I can’t calm down until I’m so weak I can’t move. You made an imperfect daughter—deal with it already. I’m tired of trying to explain it to you.”
She looked at my father for more backup and he finally stepped in.
“Blair, listen to her. She’s happy.”
She shot daggers at him. “We agreed.”
“We also agreed to hear her out.” My father let out a heavy sigh as he looked over to me. His rehearsed question coming out as an obligation. “You won’t even consider coming back?”
“No, Dad. I love New York but it’s too hard for me. I won’t go back to live in a place I can’t breathe in. This is my life. I’m happy with it. The sooner you two accept it, the better.”
“I’m selling this house,” my mother stated plainly. “You can hide somewhere else.”
“I was hiding in New York, Mom. This is who I am.”
“We spent all that money on education, prep schools, what the hell was the point?” She argued, ruthlessly reminding me of the trouble she’d gone through to raise me.
“Maybe it was so she could figure this out on her own. Jesus Blair, give her some credit. She suffered for all those years just to please us, can’t you see that?” My father had taken a side and from the look on her face, it wasn’t the right one. “And you’re not selling this goddamn house.”
I felt the earth shift as he defied my mother and my pulse began to kick up.
“What in the hell did you just say?” She paled as he leaned forward, his face defiant.
“You heard me. Her happiness comes first, just like yours has for the last thirty-four years of our lives. I won’t let you alienate our little girl. This whole situation is your doing.”
Oh shit.
“Mom,” my voice was shaking. I could feel the rattle begin in my brain. “Look at me, please.”
Hurt and anger coursed through me as I pleaded to keep the situation from escalating further. “Please don’t fight. I never wanted to disappoint you. I love you both so much. Please don’t do this.”
She looked over to me as I begged her once again to try to understand. “I will never live up to what you want me to be. Ever. This won’t change. I’m not changing my mind and I can’t change yours. Don’t ruin what you have with daddy because you think I failed you. He didn’t disappoint you, I did. But I can’t let your ridiculous expectations ruin another minute of my life. If you can’t be proud of me this way, please just leave.”
“Blair, let’s go.”
Blair Vaughn stood five foot, nine inches of relentless beauty and never-ending expectation “The hell I will, we aren’t done talking.”
Twin tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked at my mother and accepted our fate. “I’m done, Mom. Please try to understand. I’m done.”
“We’re leaving. Blair, go get your bags.”
“Daddy, you don’t have to leave. Please, can we please just try to enjoy our time together?”
“We aren’t done discussing this!”
My father turned on her, his eyes cold. “Now, Blair, damn you! This is the last time you make our daughter feel unworthy of your love. Do you hear me? This is the last time. She’s a grown woman and old enough to choose her own happiness. Give it up and go get your things. We’re leaving!”
My mother swallowed as incredulous tears built up in her eyes.
“Now, Blair, go!”
We both jumped at the anger in his voice. Her eyes flitted to mine and I saw the rest of our ties start to snap. “Mom,” I called after her as she slammed the front door shut behind her.
Unable to handle the idea that I’d caused a rift between my parents, I pleaded with my dad who was shaking as he stared at the ocean. “Daddy, I’m so sorry.”
He took a few steadying breaths before he pulled me into his arms. “I know. Jesus, Koti, I feel so responsible. I should have stopped this shit years ago, I’m so sorry.”
“I hid it, Dad. I hid it from you both. This is just the way she is, she’ll never get it and that’s not your fault either.”
He pulled back and searched my eyes. “I’m proud of you anyway. Always. I hope you know that. I’m so proud of you. I’m so sorry you had to save yourself, but so proud you did.”
We cried together on the porch as my mother slammed her way through the house.
Licking the tears from my lips I apologized again, the guilt of what was in store for him hard to bear. “I’m sorry, I just can’t cater to her anymore.”
“I know. Just be happy. I know it’s hard to believe, but I think a majority of this is because she wants you home.”
“Daddy,” I said tearfully as I pulled away, “I am home.”
* * *
I sat on my porch hours after my parents left. My father’s tearful goodbye on the forefront of my mind. There was a rift between my mother and I that may never be repaired, at least not in a way it would mend anytime in the foreseeable future. Though I was finally okay with it, I knew it had just broken his heart and ripped his family apart. And the sad part was, only the two of us knew it to be true. My mother would forever maintain this was my fault.
“Hey.”
Ian walked up to the bottom step and looked up at me.
“Hey.”
“Your parents left?”
“Yeah. Feel free to move about the cabin.” The smile I offered was weak. “Sorry about that impromptu visit. They won’t be back.”
Ian winced. “That bad?”
“It always was.”
He made his way on the porch and sat on the hammock.
Unexpected anger surfaced. “I don’t need you to be here to tell me it’s okay.”
“Then I won’t tell you it’s okay.”
“How’s this? I don’t want you here. And you didn’t want to be here, remember?”
Ian flinched, pulling himself up from the hammock. He nodded, sliding his hands in his shorts before moving toward his house.
“Ian?”
He stared at the sand but stopped walking.
“You need to be out by Thursday. You can take the room.”
“I can get a hotel.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’ve invited some friends to the islan
d.”
I wiped a tear from my eyes. “It’s fine, I have the space.”
“Koti…”
“It’s fine.”
He nodded before he disappeared down the beach.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ian
It was fun while it lasted, right?
Fuck me. I was an unbelievable asshole. She’d been there to hold my hand and I’d practically burned hers when she needed mine. That sort of guilt was exactly what I’d been trying to avoid. For once in my life, I didn’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s well-being and I should have been satisfied she’d let me off the hook. But that wasn’t what bothered me. What bothered me was that I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to sit next to her and hold her hand. I wanted to kiss her worries quiet and pull her back into our bubble. Stomping down the sand with thoughts of her had me rattling with disquiet and threatened the peace I’d only just found. I glanced at her house in the distance with no idea what state she was in. If the devastation on her face and the quiet tears she was trying to hide were any indication, she was in a world of hurt.
“You’re a son of a bitch, Ian Kemp,” I muttered as my phone buzzed in my pocket. Reluctantly I answered. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, darling. How are you?”
“Good, I’m good.”
“I’m calling because I’m afraid we’re going to have to cancel our trip to see you. Your father has developed a case of the shingles. Terrible. He’s hurting something awful.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“I am too. I was looking so forward to seeing you. Maybe we can meet you and Ella next time you come home?”
“Sounds good. Give my best to dad.”
“Not so fast, son. Tell me how you are really.”
“I’m fine.”
“Bullshit.”
I chuckled because a curse out of Rowan Kemp was rare and sounded totally out of place.
“Tell me what upset you.”
“I can’t. Just trust me that I can’t talk about it yet. Soon. Okay?”
Beach Reads Box Set Page 278