“What?” I prompted.
“He’s just turned thirty-one.”
My eyes bulged. “I didn’t realize he was that much younger than the rest of them.”
“Me neither, he’s seems more mature. I’m officially a cougar.”
“That was your first younger guy?”
She nodded as the door opened and Jasmine looked to me to check her face for traces of weepy black streaks. When I nodded to let her know she was in the clear, we remained in the hammock as Ian greeted us.
“So, we’re off.” He looked mouthwatering in board shorts and a T-shirt that stretched over his new build. Gray eyes implored the both of us. “Julian said you won’t join us either, Jasmine. You two sure you won’t change your minds?”
“Nope, we’re going to hang out here—girl stuff.”
He nodded unsure of how to leave me. Making it easy, I stood and planted a wet kiss on his lips. Smiling into my kiss, he gripped me tightly to him and deepened it before he pulled away. I smoothed his cheek with my palm before I leaned in on a whisper. “See you later… pleasure prince.”
Rewarded with another smile, I sank back into the hammock as Drew, Doug, and Julian stomped down the steps. Julian paused halfway to the alley and gripped Jasmine’s hand over the railing. “See you tonight?”
“Sure.”
“Have fun, fellas,” I called out as they made their way toward Ian’s truck. We eavesdropped as they packed their coolers.
“So, you’re going to see her tonight?”
I think it was Drew who asked.
“Hell yes, if she’ll have me.”
Jasmine and I shared shit-eating grins.
“She doesn’t know you well enough to deny you,” Doug said. “But it’s nice to know someone’s getting laid around here.”
“You’re married, dude.”
“Exactly, like I said, it’s nice to know someone is getting laid.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Drew said as the truck doors collectively opened.
“She won’t even let me take my socks off in bed anymore.”
Julian spoke up next. “Have you seen your fucking feet, man? Get a damned pedicure already, or hacksaw or something. Get a little man care going on.”
I covered my mouth as Jasmine gripped my thigh.
“What kind of pussy gets a pedicure?”
Two of them spoke up in unison, “I do.”
Ian spoke up next. “Don’t look at me, no one touches my feet. But hey, do any of you guys know what blasted means?” The truck doors slammed as Jasmine and I sank into the hammock with tears of laughter pouring down our faces.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Koti
Later that night, four sunburned and drunken Marines came barreling through my front door with victorious stories about being captains at sea. Doug, I had learned, was always the first to pass out and went straight to his guest room. Julian and Jasmine made themselves scarce as Drew and Ian faced off in a game of dominoes. Games seemed to be the guys bonding medium. I pretended to read my book while spying on their progress.
“You are a sloppy drunk, figure it out,” Ian slurred.
“I’m working on it.”
“Working on losing your ass,” Ian said. “You already owe me fifty for the bet on the boat. You need to go ahead and cough it up now.”
“Put it on my tab.” He snickered at Ian as he popped open another beer.
“I best not have to clean up after your ugly ass tonight.”
“Calm down, Mom, I can handle another beer.”
Drew downed his beer in spite and Ian looked my way and gave me a drunken smile. “Hey, you.”
I couldn’t help my giggle. “Hey back.”
Drew leaned over the table and spoke in nothing close to the whisper he was aiming for. “You two are soooo cute. You’re sleeping with a supermodel, we get it.”
“I can hear you, Drew,” I said, turning a page.
“Well, I hope you take it as a compliment. Hey asshole, here’s your fifty. I’m out.”
“It was earned,” Ian said, pocketing the money as Drew gave me a wave goodnight before turning it into the bird for Ian. I laughed as he retreated while Ian sauntered over to me, close to rearranging the furniture with his drunken sea legs.
“And it’s time for bed for you.”
His perma-smile only got wider. “I’ll agree to that.”
“Not that kind of bedtime, professor.”
He pushed his lips out in a pout which was so unlike him, and I laughed.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he said as I pulled his arm around my neck.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. I think you’re stronger than you think you are. Much.”
“Ian, please don’t try to fix me.”
“I’m not. I swear, I’m not.”
“Did you Google anxiety and now you’re an expert?”
“Give me credit, I know it’s more complex to understand than watching a YouTube video.”
We stumbled down the hall and he pulled away from me, pointing an index finger at my lips.
“Hey, did you know miraculous things can happen more than once? It happens. It happens every day to someone who says never. I mean you think you know. You’re sure of it and it all falls apart or fades away and you can’t remember when it happened. Do you understand?”
I shook my head. “No clue.”
“Pity, try to keep up. It’s not simple, any of it. Not one part of life is simple. There are no arrows to guide you that help you make one fucking thing simple. Every important decision is complicated because it leads to more decisions. You decided to step into my life, instead of sipping tea.”
“Coffee,” I said with a smirk.
“A beverage,” he said in drunken agitation. “Anyway, emotions are a horrible catalyst for making decisions that matter. And some choices aren’t yours, they float away on a cloud of emotions and come back made for you. Committing to how you feel is a recipe for disaster.” He stumbled into my bedroom and I followed, tempted to kick him right in his smug ass. To my horror, he continued his reverie.
“All of it’s ridiculous and cruelly unnatural for a realist.”
“That’s, uh, sad, Ian, if that’s your outlook, and horribly put by someone who claims to be an educator. It’s a good thing you don’t teach philosophy, professor.”
Ignoring my comment, he struggled with his sneakers as he began to undress.
“Free will is a bitch, puffer fish, and half the time it’s got both signals on which can only confuse you further.”
“Ah, the ponderings of a drunken sailor.”
“Marine,” he said, looking up at me pointedly, “and don’t you forget it.”
“Right.”
He ripped off his shirt and glared at me. “You aren’t taking me seriously.”
“Oh, I’m listening.”
“Good, you should.”
“I was taught young to listen to my elders.”
“Cute, that’s the second time you’ve made fun of my age. I’ll be reddening your ass for that.”
“I look forward to it.”
“So, I’m finally free to be a little selfish and I intend on enjoying every moment of it.”
“Haven’t we already had this conversation? I’m on your side and kudos to you.”
“Look, I know this,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been through this before, so I know this mystery, the need, the goddamn ache in my chest.”
“Ian—”
He slowly raised his head, his glossy eyes boring into mine. “You’re so beautiful.” It sounded agonizing coming from his lips as if it were a burden for him.
“So are you.” The irony was his beauty was just as much of a burden for me.
“I’m smashed, Koti.”
“I’ve gathered that.”
“You really are the most…” his voice turned hoarse, “what’s inside of you is a heart that is dying to live, and
your head is too afraid to let you do it fully, the way you deserve. It’s the most tragic thing I’ve ever seen. You’re a prisoner of your own making.”
“Gee, thanks,” I said, crossing my arms despite my ache to touch him.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Good to know.”
“But what your mind won’t let you understand is you can’t control a single fucking thing. Control is an illusion and all your home remedies for coping aren’t ever going to change that.”
“I’m aware. This isn’t news, Ian. In fact, it’s redundant, and it changes nothing.”
“Exactly, because anxiety stems from emotion, it doesn’t listen to reason.”
He wasn’t saying it for me, to help me understand, he was explaining it to himself, so he could understand me.
“What’s your point?”
He laid down and threw his arm over his face. “The point is—I don’t believe in miracles, but I’m falling for mine.”
And with that, he passed out cold.
I stood stunned as I watched his breathing. Never had I thought he was capable of feeling for me the way I did for him. But I had to remember they were the ramblings of a drunk and confused man. Even so, his confession filled me with a warmth that I didn’t expect.
I took off his other sneaker and once I was sure he was comfortable, made my way to the kitchen. Julian was closing the fridge door with a water in hand. “Advil and a bottle of water before bed and you’ll never have a hangover.” He grinned, and I returned it.
“Have fun today?”
“Too much. I love the Virgin Islands, you’re lucky to live here.”
“Jasmine told me you live in Iowa.”
“Yeah, I run a farm with my dad. He’s getting ready to retire.”
“Do you like it?”
“Love it, wouldn’t dream of living anyplace else. I’ve seen the world and I like my version best. But yours doesn’t suck. Want me to grab you something?”
“I’ll take a water.” Sitting on the other side of the island, I thanked him when he passed me the bottle and took a long drink.
“Ian got drunk early, try not to hold it against him.”
“Does he always get so philosophical when he drinks?”
“Only when he’s got something to think about. Today I’m thinking it was you?”
My cheeks heated slightly, but Julian was easy to talk to and far from hard to look at. He was shirtless and had an incredible build. I was happy Jasmine’s last fix was with a man that hot, and for the most part he seemed to be intuitive and kind.
“He’s a stand-up guy, but a bit opinionated and a little arrogant.”
Raising my pointer and thumb, I showed Julian an inch. He pushed my fingers wider apart and we both laughed.
“Did you know his wife?”
Julian nodded. “I was his best man.”
I left the question open because I was dying to know if his presence here had anything to do with her.
“He didn’t tell you why he was here, did he?”
Intuitive Julian. I liked him.
“I bet you’re the peacekeeper of the crew.”
“Yep, Drew is the clown, Doug is the “always up for it” guy. I’m the peacekeeper and Ian is the thinker.”
“I love that you guys still keep in touch.”
“Ian’s passed on most of our trips over the years, but he surprised us all with the invite out here.”
“Why do you think he passed?”
“His daughter. Always Ella. He’s a helicopter dad and won’t miss anything when it comes to her. None of us blame him.”
Finishing my water, I stood and threw it in the trash.
“I will tell you this. He’s not here because of his ex-wife.”
I nodded.
“But he’s been through hell because of her and the damage she’s done is going to fuck with him for some time.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure.”
“As long as we’re giving fair warning, you should know Jasmine’s in a… strange place.”
“We’ve been talking most of the night.”
“Okay, cool,” I said, relieved to be off the hook. “Well, see you in the morning.”
He pushed off from the counter. “Night.”
I got halfway to the hall when he spoke up. “Koti?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for having us.”
“Of course. I had fun.”
“And just in case you need to hear it from someone who knows him, you won’t be easily forgotten.”
But I would be forgotten, at least that’s the way I interpreted it. Unable to think of Julian as spiteful or having any reason to hurt me, my new hopes, even with Ian’s confession of falling, were obliterated. Though I was confused, I refused to ask Julian for a better explanation. I’d already shown too much vulnerability when it came to Ian. I’d given Julian a rock to my glass house and he’d used it.
“Night, Julian.”
“Night.”
Chapter Thirty
Ian
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, brat.
Pain ripped through my chest and threatened my smile as I stared at my daughter on the screen. How many of his features did she have? Were any of her traits, the ones I thought were mine, his? Her smiles, especially those I earned, were those as hard-pressed to get from him? Did she suspect anything? Tara obviously hadn’t told her.
You look happy.
I am happy. It’s beautiful here. I can’t wait for you to come.
Next week?
Yes. I’ll be waiting at the airport. Are you sure you’re okay with flying alone?
She rolled her eyes and I cut my hand through the air to tell her that was not okay. It was a sign of disrespect and she got away with little in the way of that.
Sorry.
Forgiven.
Her beautiful smile faltered by the presence of someone coming into her bedroom.
Mom’s here, she wants to talk to you.
Later. I want to know how things are going. One more week until school is out. Are you excited?
Hell yes.
Language.
I reprimanded her even though I often let her get away with calling me an asshole. It was a long-running joke between us.
Do you love Koti?
No. Why would you ask that?
You can’t lie to me, Dad. You look happy and she’s behind you, staring at you.
That’s because she’s fascinated by sign language.
You should teach her.
I will.
Good.
What else is new?
Mom keeps asking me if I like Houston. I don’t want to move; all my friends are here.
I’m working on that.
Work harder.
Easy, brat. I’m not going to let her move the two of you without a fight. But that’s our business.
My business too.
True. But trust me to handle it.
She signed okay, but I could see the fear in her eyes which only infuriated me. It was only natural for Tara to move on and build a new life for herself, but her selfish choices were always an issue when it came between our daughter’s happiness and her own.
Are you getting excited about Washington?
Yes. They had us start writing to our camp roommates to get to know them before we went. I have a pen pal, her name is Melissa and she goes to The School for the Deaf and Blind in South Carolina. She might be going to DC next year too for the program so we can be friends.
Do you think you’ll like her?
I think so. Not sure.
No boys.
Dad!
If you roll your eyes again, you’ll be grounded.
Fine. But Jessica gets to date.
I’m not Jessica’s father.
Why are you so hard on me about this?
You know why.
I’m deaf, not stupid.
Exactly.
Then why ca
n’t you trust me? What if I like a hearing boy?
No boys period. Let’s talk about something else.
She blew her bangs out of her eyes and nodded. Are you staying in St. Thomas for the whole summer?
Yes, and you know you can come here with me instead of Washington. I would love it.
She was already shaking her head.
That was a quick decision. Don’t worry about my feelings being hurt. I bulged my eyes and she laughed. That sound would forever be the best sound of my life.
Sorry. I just don’t want you hounding me. You are the fun police.
Have I lost my little girl already? I finished signing slowly. My devastation unintentional.
Daddy? What’s wrong?
Nothing, baby. I’m just sad you’re growing up so fast.
Mom keeps telling me she wants to talk.
I shook my head. I’ll call her later. I’ll see you at the airport.
Can’t wait. Love you.
Love you so much. Be safe and get to me in one piece, okay?
She rubbed her chest with the sign of the P. Promise.
You are my heart, Ella Danielle Kemp.
You are my heart, Daddy Asshole.
I laughed as the screen cut off and then spoke to the sun-kissed beauty behind me.
“Ella says you were staring at me during our whole conversation.” I glanced back at the island where Koti stood peeling potatoes, her cheeks reddening.
“I love to watch you two sign, it’s fascinating.”
I drew my brows and stood. “That’s the only reason?”
“Yep. Love it,” she said, toying with me. Everything about her from her chin-length, gold-spun hair to the tip of her polished blue toes made my veins ache. I wanted to possess her. Her silver-blue eyes bled me and often. It was damn near physically painful to be so attracted to her. The warmth I felt when I was with her was something else entirely.
“If you really want to learn, I’ll teach you.”
“Really?” My heart began to race at the appearance of her smile. Nothing affected me quite as much as the sight of it.
“We can start tonight after dinner. I’m going to teach you exactly as I was taught. There are strict rules.”
“I’m up for it. I learned the alphabet for sign language in grade school. I still remember it.”
Beach Reads Box Set Page 281