We had gone back and forth on the fact it was way earlier than the traditional time frame for a shower, but she insisted. Her reasoning was sound. I needed to have the shower, take inventory, and then buy the rest of the stuff I was going to need.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked as I read the box for a wipe warmer. “Doesn’t that seem, I don’t know, fancy? It’s like a towel warmer.”
“If you had the choice of a warm towel when you stepped out of the shower or a boring cold one, wouldn’t you take the warmed one?”
I looked at her. “Uh, I don’t know.”
“Just hit it with the gun. You do it, or I will.”
Whoever let the two of us into this baby store armed with scanners, was crazy. “I feel like I am asking for way too much.”
“You need all this stuff,” she said as we moved down the aisle. “Asking for it doesn’t mean they are obligated to give it to you. It’s just putting it out there. If they don’t buy it, you can decide if you really need it.”
“How am I going to fit all of this stuff in my apartment?” I groaned. “This baby needs an entire apartment itself.”
“You’ll make it work,” she said and scanned a bottle-warming machine. “Have you heard from him?”
She wasn’t talking about Lukas. “No.”
“Do you think he’s busy with the new semester getting ready to start?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “He hasn’t replied to the invitation?”
“Nope. I assumed he would come, but maybe he’s old-fashioned. This is a new way of doing things. Men aren’t used to being invited.”
“But you did invite him. He could at least respond to the invitation.”
“Yes, that is good manners, but maybe he’s busy,” she reasoned.
I rolled my eyes. “That doesn’t mean he gets to blow me off completely.”
“I think you need to talk to him,” she said. “You are both adults. Ask him what the deal is. If it’s just the baby shower, that’s kind of understandable. He might feel out of place with a bunch of people he works with and that are half his age. If it’s something bigger, I think you need to know now. You aren’t going to have the energy to deal with drama after this little nugget makes its grand entrance into the world.”
She was right. “I’ll invite him out to dinner,” I said.
“Tonight?”
I grimaced. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t put this off,” she warned. “I need to know if he’s coming.”
“I know, I know,” I said. “I’ll call him when we’re done here.”
“You’ll feel better,” she said. “I know it’s stressing you out. You’re not supposed to be stressed. It’s not good for the baby.”
“Now you sound like Lukas.”
“Baby daddy is worried about you,” she said. “We both are.”
We finished registering for the shower. It was late, but I already had an Amazon registry. This one was more for those last-minute gift buyers and it was a lot more fun getting to see the stuff in person.
After leaving Gwen, I figured I needed to just bite the bullet. I drove straight to my father’s house. It was time we had this thing out. Things had been tense since I was fired. Since he found out I was pregnant by a man that was really nothing more than an acquaintance at the time.
I knocked on the door with nerves rolling through my body. I was so nervous. “River? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Dad,” I said. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“Is everything okay?” he asked and pulled open the door.
I walked inside and turned to look at him. “I don’t know, Dad. Is it okay?”
He sighed like the question was a huge inconvenience. “Do you want to do this now?” he asked.
“Yes, Dad. Now. I want to know what your problem is. You’re not speaking to me. Don’t you think I’m a little old to endure your anger and disappointment at getting pregnant? It’s not like I’m in high school. I’m a grown woman. I live on my own. You obviously have a problem with this—with me.”
His shoulders sagged forward. “Have a seat.”
I did what he asked because I was hoping he would tell me what was on his mind. I had always known my father to be controlling, but he never held back. I was hoping he would use that same bluntness to talk to me. We were never going to solve anything if he didn’t tell me.
“What’s going on?” I asked gently.
“I’m just having a hard time with all of this,” he said.
“With what? The pregnancy? Me not working at the university? What?”
“This isn’t what I wanted for your life,” he said. “I wanted more for you.”
“Isn’t this more?” I asked. “I’m having a baby.”
“You’ve thrown away everything you worked so hard for,” he said.
“You fired me so I could be with Lukas,” I said. “Don’t pretend that wasn’t your intention.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t have a choice. You were so unhappy. You said you loved the guy. You basically told me you couldn’t be with him because of your job. I had to fire you. That baby deserves to have both parents in its life. I just wish there wasn’t scandal involved. This moment should be a time to celebrate.”
“It is a time to celebrate. I’m not ashamed. There is no scandal. Again, I’m not some young teenager sneaking around behind your back. I’m an adult. Lukas is an adult. We are both settled and have careers. This baby is not going to be looked at as a scandal. I forbid it.”
“Everyone knows you’re my daughter,” he said. “My assistant, whom I’ve since terminated, overheard us. She told someone and they told someone. Everyone knows you’re my daughter and I fired you!”
“Are you ashamed of me?” I asked with surprise.
“No. Yes. I just wish this could have been done differently. You had such a promising career.”
“This baby isn’t ending my career,” I said. “I might not work at the university, but I am still an artist and I am still a teacher. I don’t have to work at the university to be successful or happy. In fact, I think I will be much happier not working there. I couldn’t spread my wings and fly with you constantly looking over my shoulder. If you are ashamed of me, that’s on you. That’s your baggage to carry around, not mine.”
“You could have at least waited a bit,” he said.
“I’m thirty-one! If I wait much longer, I’m going to be too old to have a family!”
“But your career was just taking off,” he insisted. “You had such promise. Now you’ve got scandal attached to your name. When people see you, they won’t see the artist or the professor, they will see the scandal.”
I rolled my eyes. “You really need to get over this scandal nonsense. He isn’t married. I’m not a minor. There is zero scandal. If anyone is suggesting there is, that’s their problem. We are two adults who met and fell for one another. If the premarital sex is the hiccup, get over it. This is not the fifteenth century and let’s be honest, they were doing it back then too. You act like this is some big deal. No one gives a shit about me and Lukas. There is no scandal here.”
“For you! You’re not the one that has to look at those people every day.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You are ashamed of me. Wow. I cannot believe you think this is something to be ashamed about. That’s really too bad. For all of us. For your grandchild. I won’t apologize for getting pregnant and having a relationship with a man I want to be with.”
“Couldn’t you have at least gotten married?” he asked. “That would lessen the sting of it.”
“Oh yes, Dad. This is all about you and what will make you feel better. Shame on me for not thinking about your feelings. Most parents are thrilled to become grandparents. I forgot I had the one father stuck in the old days. To be honest, I’m disappointed in you. I thought you were more accepting.”
“It’s a lot to take in,” he said.
“I’m not askin
g you to take care of me or my child,” I said. “I’m asking you to be a part of our lives.”
He shook his head. “I just wonder what I could have done differently. I feel like I let you down.”
There was no changing his mind. “All right, Dad. Good talk. You know where I live. If you want to be a part of our lives, we welcome you with open arms. I want my child to know his grandpa. I hope you can look past all these issues you have and realize you are being given a gift.”
I got up and walked out of his house. It hurt my heart a little to know he thought I was such a huge disappointment. I tried not to take it too personal. He had a different view of life than most people. In some way, he was a lot like Lukas. They had the highest standards for themselves and expected other people to fall in line. I’d been trying to live up to my dad’s standards my entire life. I had taken a backseat and let him decide what was best for my life.
I didn’t think getting pregnant was the right choice when I was staring down at that positive pregnancy test, but now I knew it was the right thing for me. I wanted my baby. I wanted Lukas. There were some details to work out, but I wasn’t trying to plan my entire life. I wanted to live in the moment. I was taking it day by day and enjoying every minute.
I drove home and dropped my purse on the table. Even if my dad chose not to be a part of my baby’s life, I knew Lukas’s family would shower the child with love. I had to be okay with my father making the wrong decision. It was his decision to make, and he was the one that would pay the consequences.
“Just make the right choice,” I said and rubbed my tummy.
My dad was my only family. I needed him to be a part of my life. I needed my child to know him. To think I could lose my father for something I just couldn’t bring myself to think of as bad was too much to think about.
26
Lukas
I checked myself in the mirror. It was another suit, and I knew it fit well, but tonight was special. I knew there were going to be few opportunities like this for us over the next few months. I wanted to let her know how happy I was and how much I was looking forward to a future with her. Tonight was all about spoiling her. The woman who was carrying my child deserved to be treated like a queen.
I drove to her place and climbed the stairs. When she answered the door, she quite literally took my breath away. “You’re glowing,” I blurted out. I hadn’t meant for that to be the words I said, but she was glowing. She looked radiant.
“I think everyone says that about pregnant woman, but let me tell you, I don’t feel like I’m glowing. I feel bloated. I’m not big enough to look pregnant, but big enough that stuff doesn’t fit right.”
I shook my head and leaned back to check her out. She was wearing a little black dress that draped over her bump. She was wearing a pair of black heels and her hair was pulled back in a stylish ponytail. “Beautiful,” I said. “I love the dress on you. You’re stunning.” I leaned forward and gave her a kiss. “Anyone that sees you is going to understand why I knocked you up.”
She laughed and slapped my arm. “You know just what to say. I can’t believe I never realized how romantic you were.”
“I’m about to show you romantic,” I said. “Grab your purse. We’ve got reservations and trust me, they will not hold them.”
“Where are we going?” she asked and grabbed her jacket.
“It’s a surprise.”
“I’m craving meat,” she said and then held up her finger. “Before you let your dirty little mind go there, I mean steak.”
“You can have steak,” I promised before adding, “and the other kind.”
She shook her head and walked to the door. “You are so bad. Any more time with you and it was a given I was going to be knocked up.”
I slapped her ass. “Damn straight. You know you’re irresistible.”
I drove to the dock for us to board the dinner cruise ship. Twinkle lights led the way. There were plenty of heaters to ward off the chill as we made our way to the dining room. We were shown to our table and presented a wine list. I asked for sparkling cider instead.
“This is so nice,” she whispered. “I feel fancy.”
“Only the best for my baby mama,” I said with a wink.
The waiter returned and filled our champagne glasses with cider before promising to return with the first course once the boat was underway.
She smiled but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. “Thanks.”
“I checked the menu before I booked the cruise,” I told her. “Steak and lobster with some tasty sides. Dessert is something chocolate.”
“It sounds amazing,” she said. “This is incredible.”
“Have you ever been on a dinner cruise?”
She shook her head. “No. This is a first.”
“Do you get seasick?” I asked. I hoped I didn’t screw everything up. “I’m sorry. I probably should have asked first.”
“I’m fine. I don’t think I get seasick. I can hardly tell we are moving at all.”
The waiter delivered our first course before disappearing again. I took a bite of the scallops and nodded. “Good.”
She took a bite. “It is so good.”
I tried to make small talk with her. She was playing along but I could tell there was something on her mind. This was not the way I envisioned this evening. I pictured good conversation, laughs, and a lot of fun. I wasn’t getting that tonight.
“River, what’s going on?” I asked. “Something is off. Please don’t say nothing.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I’m sorry. This was all perfect. It is perfect. I don’t want to ruin tonight.”
“What’s going on? Are you not feeling well?”
“I’m feeling okay,” she said. “I went to see my dad today.”
And there was the crux of the problem. “I take it things didn’t go well.”
“Not really.”
“What did he say?”
She took a drink of water. “He thinks I’m ruining my life. He thinks this baby is a scandal. He’s embarrassed.”
“Why is he embarrassed?” I asked.
“Pick a reason. There are plenty to choose from. He’s upset I’m pregnant. He’s upset I’m pregnant with the baby of another professor. He just hates all of it. He is convinced my life is over. I don’t understand why he thinks it’s bad. I’m old enough to do this. We’re both old enough. It’s not like it’s a drive-by impregnation. You’re still here.”
“He doesn’t have a reason to be embarrassed,” I said with irritation. “You are a good woman. You are respectable. Like you said, it isn’t like you were out sleeping around. I don’t think I’m the worst you can do.”
“You’re great,” she said. “This isn’t on you. This is on him. I’m a disgrace. I’ve disappointed him.”
“The hell you are,” I growled. “You are one of the youngest professors I’ve met. You’re a talented artist. I don’t understand how anyone can find fault with you. I think you’re too good for me. Our kid is lucky. Your father should know that.”
“My dad has his own ideas about what success is. He always sets the bar high. I’ve always done my best to reach his standards, but I failed this time. He had such grand plans for me.”
“Like what? Didn’t he think you would want a family at some point? I’m not calling you old, but you are much older than most first-time moms.”
She smiled. “I kind of told him the same thing. I’m thirty-one and my ovaries are not getting any younger.”
“Glad I hit them when I did,” I teased.
“You are just full of all kinds of zingers tonight, aren’t you?”
“You know I’m teasing,” I said. “Forgive me for being crass.”
“No,” she said. “I kind of like it. I’m sorry to be a killjoy. I promise I will not let this spoil my dinner.”
“You know I respect your dad,” I said. “Like really respect him. He’s the man I want to be one day, without the judgmental attitude. Your dad
is damn lucky you turned out as well as you did. You’re not just beautiful. You’re kind and smart. I know you are going to be an amazing mother. He’s a fool if he doesn’t think he can be proud of you.”
“Thank you,” she said with a soft smile.
“I’m serious,” I said and reached across the table to grab her hand. “I’m so glad I met you. This is going to sound cheesy, but when we first met that day at your office, you rocked my world. I saw you and I was into you. You hated me and I was thinking about kissing you.”
She smiled. “You were?”
I nodded. “I was. When Brad was hitting on you at the mixer, that pissed me off. You shot him down and I was certain fate was intervening. I never actually expected you to want me. I’m not the least bit bothered I got you in bed under the influence of alcohol.”
“I could say the same about you,” she said.
I grinned and took a drink. “Oh?”
“You know you’re hot,” she said with a laugh. “Maybe it was me who got you a little drunk.”
“And now we have that little guy or girl. Your dad is going to come around. He’s going to figure out he’s making a huge mistake. He’s going to want a relationship with his grandchild. I can’t pretend to know him well, but he doesn’t seem like a monster. He raised you and you certainly turned out okay. If he wants to be around his grandson or granddaughter, he’s going to have to accept you. Be proud of yourself. Be proud of your accomplishments. It doesn’t matter if those accomplishments are what he wanted for you. It’s your life.”
She sighed and squeezed my hand. “Thank you. You are very good at this.”
“I try.”
“I hope you are right, but I am not going to let his decisions affect me,” she said. “I have you and I have our child. If he can’t accept that, it’s on him. I’m not going to let him ruin this for me. For us.”
“Good. The next few months are going to be exciting. I don’t want to focus on the negative. This is all about us and our baby. I know it’s not the same, but just know I think you are amazing. When our baby is born, he is going to think you walk on water.”
Our Little Secret Page 16