by Sarah Picson
‘His wife isn’t dead.’
‘Huh?’
‘Robert’s wife. Jane. She isn’t dead. In fact, she must be living in Thistleby because he’s visiting her tomorrow.’
Jenny screwed her face up.
‘I don’t get it. Didn’t he tell you she’d passed away?’
‘No. I assumed that she had; I mean I’ve never seen her, he’s always wearing his wedding ring and there’s photos of her all over his house. It’s like a shrine, but I…’ She had a sudden flashback of being in his car with him yesterday. ‘I told him last night that I was sorry he’d lost his wife and that Abi had lost her mother, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he kissed me!’ Ellie’s heart thumped wildly. ‘He’s visiting his wife and he’s kissing me in his car. Oh my God!’
Ellie slammed her mug down on the table and buried her head in her hands.
‘So maybe they’re divorced? Separated?’ Jenny said.
‘I heard him on the phone to someone tonight. He said quite clearly tell Jane that I love her.’
‘Who was he talking to?’
‘I don’t know! All I know is that he’s married and that he loves her! And the look on his face when he realised that I’d heard his phone call. He looked, he looked…’
‘Yes?’
‘He looked guilty!’
Jenny sighed deeply.
‘This is just weird.’
‘I don’t care what it is. I trusted him.’
‘Oh, Ellie.’
‘He let me believe his wife was dead and I was so sad for him. I wanted to help him. I wanted to make him feel better, but all he wanted from me was…’ She sprung from the sofa, nerves tingling up and down her body. ‘What’s wrong with me? First Dominic and now Robert.’
‘We both know about Dominic, but it’s a shame Robert turned out to be such a jerk,’ Jenny muttered, her long orange fingernails tapping against the side of her mug. ‘God, you really liked him too, didn’t you?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It does matter! You’ve had a face like melted candle wax for months now because of Dominic, but since that date at Robert’s house, you’ve really perked up.’
‘It wasn’t a date!’
‘It was a date; it wasn’t a date. Whatever it was, it was you and him and a bottle of wine, sounds pretty definitive to me.’
Ellie let out a defiant grunt.
‘Whatever it was, it doesn’t matter now.’
‘Talk to Robert, see if there’s more to it,’ Jenny suggested.
‘There’s no point,’ said Ellie, crossing her arms.
‘But you like him, you should try —’
‘Why are you defending him?’
‘Defending him? No, I’m not doing that.’
‘No?’
‘No, I just think if you confront him about —’
‘Just like you advised me to confront Dominic, even though I never know what to believe when he opens his mouth and starts talking. Why should Robert be any different?’
‘Look you’ve been hurt by Dominic and maybe you jumped into things too quickly with Robert and —’
‘No!’ Ellie cried, surprising them both with the firmness of her tone. ‘I’ve had enough, Jenny. I’m done. I have other things I need to concentrate on now.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like trying to figure out where I’m going to live. Thistleby is so expensive and I can’t afford to cover two rents on my wages, if I have any wages at all soon.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘It means I’ve been given a verbal warning from Ted and I may be subject to an investigation,’ Ellie muttered, deflating back down onto the sofa in a crumpled heap.
Ellie rarely saw her friend at a loss for words, but this was one of those times. Jenny’s face contorted in confusion, followed by outrage, as Ellie told her about the conversation she’d had with Ted.
‘He can’t do that!’ Jenny shouted. ‘What a pompous, power-hungry lunatic!’
‘Well, he has.’
‘What a piece of work. He can’t tell people what they can and can’t do in their private lives,’ Jenny said, practically breathing fire. ‘Have you any idea which parent reported you and what exactly they saw?’
Ellie winced.
‘No, but they obviously saw enough.’
‘We can get you a union rep, they’ll be able to advise you,’ said Jenny. ‘I’ll look into it tomorrow for you.’
‘I can’t lose my job,’ Ellie whispered.
‘It won’t come to that, Els. You’ll be fine. You’re a great teacher and Ted is being ridiculous. It will be a waste of time doing an investigation, they’ll see that.’
Ellie found it impossible to mirror the hopeful smile on her friend’s face, as chunk after chunk of her life seemed to be disintegrating around her; sharp, jagged pieces falling away, threatening to bury her where she sat.
She looked down at her trembling hands and clutched them together, so that they became still. Exhaling slowly, Ellie remembered the moment of clarity that had hit her in The Hungry Bean, the strength that had flowed through her like a drug, as she had finally made the decision to break up with Dominic. She raised herself up and turned to face Jenny.
‘I think I need a change.’
‘Is that right? Sounds like we might need something stronger to drink then.’
Jenny collected their mugs and bustled out of the room, reappearing with a bottle of wine and two glasses in one hand and the biggest bunch of flowers Ellie had ever seen in the other.
‘For me?’ Ellie asked, as Jenny handed them to her.
‘Yes. Personally delivered as well!’
Ellie breathed in their sweet aroma and picked out the card nestled on top.
I miss you, Ellie. Come home. I’ll always be here for you. Dominic.
Ellie’s jaw dropped open. The last time she’d seen Dominic, he’d been enjoying his final hold over her by refusing to sort out the tenancy on the cottage, and now flowers? She let them drop to the floor.
‘He also asked me to give you this,’ Jenny said, fishing something out of her pocket. ‘He wants to talk. I told him you’re not interested, obviously, but he said he’d call you and hear it for himself.’
Ellie plucked her engagement ring from Jenny’s fingers and let out a short, mirthless laugh. Marriage; she’d had the idea of marriage up on a pedestal for far too long. A little part of her buckled inside at her naivety. As Jenny poured them both a large glass of wine, Ellie pushed the ring aside, vowing never to wear one again.
~
Long after the bottle of wine had been finished and Jenny had gone up to bed, Ellie lay on the sofa, willing sleep to overcome her, but in the darkness, a million unwanted thoughts continued to beat a path through her mind.
When her phone rang, she sat bolt upright, her head giddy. Squinting at the bright name flashing up on her phone, she considered not answering it at first, but she hadn’t spoken to her mum since she’d fled the café all those weeks ago.
‘Hi Mum.’
‘Hello Ellie.’
‘How are you?’ Ellie said.
‘Not too bad, I guess.’
‘Good.’
There was a pause. It couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds, but it stretched out before Ellie for what seemed like hours.
‘I hear from your father that you’ve not been doing so well.’
‘What did Dad say?’
‘Well,’ Anne begun, her voice an octave higher than normal, as if she’d just stubbed her toe. ‘That you’ve not been happy with Dominic and that you don’t trust him and…’ She heard her mother sigh deeply into the phone. ‘And I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t say all those things to me.’
‘I did try to tell you in the café, Mum, but you wouldn’t listen.’
‘That wasn’t the time or the place,’ Anne snapped. ‘Nancy was there and besides you seemed so happy when you got engaged, how was I supposed to know you were havin
g second thoughts?’
‘I thought I was happy, but a lot has happened since,’ Ellie said, wearily.
‘Have you called it off then? Your engagement to Dominic.’
‘Yes.’
She heard her mum’s sharp intake of breath through the phone.
‘And you’re absolutely sure it’s the right thing to do?’
‘Mum!’
‘Fine, fine,’ said Anne. ‘I had to ask.’
‘Okay,’ Ellie muttered.
‘Listen,’ Anne began, sounding unusually unsure of herself. ‘If you have any issues about things in the future, you can talk to me about them.’ Ellie almost dropped the phone. ‘I know you think I’m hard on you, but it’s only because I want the best for you. But I also know you’re a grown woman now and you need to make your own decisions.’ Ellie blinked; her mother had never spoken like this to her before. ‘Anyway,’ said Anne, bustling the conversation on. ‘I should be going; are you going to come and stay with us at Christmas?’
Ellie shook her head; where she was going to spend Christmas couldn’t have been further from her mind. However, she couldn’t think of anything she wanted or needed more right now, than to be in the warm, familiar surroundings of her mum and dad’s house at Christmas.
‘Yes, that sounds great, Mum.’
‘Good, good, well I’ll let your father know. Bye Ellie.’
‘Bye Mum.’
The line went dead and Ellie smiled; relief at having cleared the air with her mum, numbing some of her pain. A warmth tingled through her at the thought of getting away and celebrating Christmas with her parents and then Ellie became quite still as an idea begun to take shape in her mind.
She yanked her laptop from her bag and fired it up. With the white, pulsating light of a blank page before her in the dark room, Ellie’s hands hovered over the keyboard for just a moment, before typing furiously.
Dear Mr Stockton…
Chapter 28
Robert could tell Abi was nervous. She’d bitten her lip so much that morning that it had begun to bleed; she’d changed her clothes three times and her eyes kept darting up to the clock on the wall.
‘Time to go,’ he said.
As they pulled on their coats, he checked his phone again. There were no new messages. His fingers itched to send Ellie another message but he told himself to be patient and wait until Thursday evening, when he’d have the chance to explain about his relationship with Jane properly.
‘Has she replied?’ Abi asked.
Robert shook his head. He’d made the decision to confide in Abi about his feelings for Ellie and how they’d been growing close, including the mistake he’d made of not opening up to her about Jane earlier. Abi had been remarkably sympathetic, a sign of her growing maturity and his chest swelled with pride for his daughter, as she flashed him an encouraging smile on their way out of the house.
~
Entering Thistleby Care Clinic, he felt Abi shrink a little next to him. He reached for her hand as they walked the long, white corridors.
‘She has a lovely room,’ Robert said, keeping up a soft hum of conversation. ‘But she spends most of her time in the communal sitting room, so let’s try there first.’
He pushed open the double doors and searched the room for Jane, Abi hovering in his shadow. It didn’t take long for Robert to locate her, sat in one of her usual spots by the window. He gestured for Abi to take a seat next to her mother, and he took the chair opposite.
‘Hello Jane,’ he said, wincing when he saw her.
A large bruise, the colour of an angry thunder cloud, was spread out across her left cheek. It made the rest of her face look even paler than usual.
Abi let out a gasp as she studied her mother’s appearance. Jane had grown thin over the years; her cheeks gaunt and colourless from too little sunlight. She was a shell of the vibrant, beautiful woman they had once both known.
‘I’ve brought Abigail with me this time. Isn’t it good to see her?’
Abi grimaced over at him, looking young and helpless. He nodded at her reassuringly.
‘Hi Mum,’ she said, her voice small and uncertain.
Jane’s dull gaze drifted across Robert and came to rest upon Abi.
‘Abi’s doing really well at school, like I told you,’ Robert said. ‘A piece of her work has been chosen for an art exhibition at school. I’ve seen it, it’s wonderful.’
Abi’s cheeks gained a little pink swirl.
‘I’ll paint something for you, Mum.’
‘She would love that, Abi.’
Robert talked about the new project at work and their upcoming break to the coast for Abi’s birthday and gradually Abi relaxed and told Jane about her new room, her school and eventually she even opened up about the issues she’d been having with Leonie and the others.
As Abi chatted away, Robert sat back in his chair, the pride he felt for his daughter showing no signs of abating. He couldn’t quite believe she was finally sat there with him and Jane: their little family. Except that it wasn’t any more. Nothing was the same, but he now knew he had to move on, for Abi’s sake, as well as his own.
‘I should have come before,’ Abi whispered.
‘You’re here now.’
‘I hate seeing her like this. I think I’ve been pretending it didn’t happen and that Mum isn’t really this way. I mean she’s Mum, but she’s not….’
Abi’s words trailed off and Robert felt his chest constrict.
‘It should have been me,’ he muttered, under his breath.
‘You need to stop blaming yourself, Dad and get over it.’
Robert swallowed; his daughter’s sharp words sobering him up.
‘I do, don’t I?’
Abi sighed.
‘I’ve spent years crying in my room about what happened to Mum but I can’t spend the rest of my life crying. I don’t want to.’
‘Me neither,’ said Robert, humbled by what he was hearing.
‘Mum would want us to move on.’
Robert searched Jane’s soft, hazel eyes.
‘I believe she would.’
Abi picked up Jane’s hand and squeezed it.
‘See you next week, Mum.’
Robert placed a light kiss on Jane’s cheek and then threw his arm around his daughter’s shoulder and they strolled out of the clinic together.
~
For the rest of the weekend, Robert prowled around the house, trying to get odd jobs done and help Abi with her homework, anything to avoid picking his phone up. Ellie still hadn’t replied to his text and her silence was torture.
It was the same at work on Monday; Robert tried to immerse himself in preparing the early stages of the Websters Project and the steady stream of emails and phone calls that came with it, but he was struggling to concentrate. His heart hammered a heavy beat every time his phone pinged with a message, but it was never from Ellie.
When Robert strode into Carl’s office late in the afternoon for a meeting, he left his phone behind so he wouldn’t be tempted to glance at it every five minutes.
‘Everything okay today, Robert?’ Carl asked.
‘Of course.’
He wasn’t okay at all, he felt as if he’d left a limb back at his desk.
‘You seem out of sorts, that’s all.’
‘I’ve got a couple of things on my mind,’ Robert said, fidgeting on his chair.
‘Are you up for this meeting or shall we postpone until your head is in the game?’
‘Let’s get started.’
‘Still happy to drive this project forward?’
Carl smiled, revealing a straight line of impossibly white teeth sparkling out from his tanned, wrinkled skin and Robert felt a flutter of satisfaction. He’d worked hard in his career and here he was running a major project and perhaps his own company in a few years’ time.
At first, the thought of it had been overwhelming, but he had a plan: he would control his hours, leaving the office on time on certain day
s of the week, to spend more time with Abi. She had already decided that Friday would be their movie evening and declared herself in charge of snacks. They were looking forward to a long weekend at the coast for her birthday and he’d offered to take her into Ambleton on Saturday to buy her some new clothes. Robert could picture Ellie’s approving smile when he had the chance to tell her of their plans.
‘Definitely, Carl,’ he said.
‘Good, well let’s get on with it then!’
~
Two hours later, Robert strode out of the meeting with Carl and his phone was the first thing he grabbed when he reached his desk. There were no new messages. He dropped down into his seat and scanned the emails that had popped into his inbox while he had been away.
He jolted to the edge of his seat when he noticed an email from Ellie. His stomach flipped over as he opened it.
Dear Mr Finch,
I am unable to continue tutoring Abigail on a Thursday evening. Mr Stockton will be happy to recommend another capable tutor from Thistleby High School to replace me. I wish Abigail all the best for the future.
Yours sincerely,
Miss E Saunders
Robert recoiled away from his computer. There was no mistaking the formality of her email, she was trying to put distance between them. He shivered in horror. Distance was the last thing he wanted.
A need to see Ellie filled Robert from head to toe. He couldn’t let her finish whatever it was that was just getting started between them, without fully explaining his past. Grabbing his coat, he tore out of the office.
The cheerful, twinkling Christmas lights that hung from the lampposts along Thistleby High Street, were just hazy pinpricks in Robert’s peripheral vision as he drove past. His fingers drummed the steering wheel as he swerved around corners too fast and shouted at a driver who cut him up. With a screech of brakes, he pulled up outside Jenny’s house. Unlike the glowing windows from the houses either side, her house was wrapped up in darkness, but that didn’t stop him hammering on the door.
No answer.
He pummelled again, but the house remained steadfast in its silence. The only option left was to try the school, but as he threw himself back into the car, Robert had a sudden thought: he’d seen an address on the invoices that Ellie had sent him for Abi’s tuition. Pulling out his phone, he checked his emails and sure enough, there was an address in the top right-hand corner. His heart leapt into his throat as he punched the coordinates into his satnav and slammed the car into gear.