by Sarah Picson
‘Robert!’ Ellie screamed, sitting bolt upright.
Her heart pounded in alarm and tears cascaded in jagged rivers down her cheeks.
‘You’re in shock,’ Doctor Teesdale said, placing a firm hand on Ellie’s shoulder, preventing her from leaping off the narrow bed.
The door swung open and footsteps clattered into the room.
‘Abi?’ Ellie cried.
Abi’s pale face stared at her with wide, fearful eyes. Rory stood behind her, hovering awkwardly in the doorway.
‘Oh my God,’ Abi moaned, moving closer, her fingers wrapping round the metal rail at the foot of the bed.
‘You weren’t in the house?’ Ellie whispered.
‘No. Rory and I took the bus into town to get something to eat.’
‘Oh, Abi,’ Ellie croaked. ‘I’m so glad.’
‘What happened?’ Abi asked. ‘Are you okay?’
Ellie could only nod, words seemed to have deserted her as she slumped back on the bed.
‘She needs to rest,’ Doctor Teesdale said.
‘Where’s Dad?’ Abi asked, urgently.
‘I don’t know,’ whispered Ellie, trying not to burst into a fresh bout of tears in front of Abi. ‘I don’t know.’
‘If you come with me, I’ll show you,’ Doctor Teesdale said in a hushed tone, ushering the two teenagers from the room.
As their footsteps receded, Ellie pushed herself up, summoning a strength from somewhere deep within her. She swung her legs off the bed, ripped the plastic tubes from her nose and urged her wobbly legs to carry her out of the room.
In the corridor, Ellie saw that Doctor Teesdale, Abi and Rory had stopped outside a room further along. Doctor Teesdale was pointing into the room, her face grave and her lips moving fast as she explained something to them. Abi’s hands flew up to her mouth and she seemed to suddenly wither before them. Rory’s arms flew out just in time to prevent her from falling to the floor. Ellie gasped. She opened her mouth to call out to Abi, to let her know she was here for her, but Doctor Teesdale was leading them away down the corridor.
With small steps, Ellie pushed herself towards the room. Upon reaching it, she found the door slightly ajar. She pushed it open a little further, clutching at the door frame for support.
Doctors and nurses were rushing around a bed in the middle of the room, using words she didn’t understand. Ellie staggered further in, trying to see past the flurry of activity but there were too many people. Machines beeped frenetically, orders were barked and the room was hot and thick with urgency.
Finally, Ellie saw him. Robert lay motionless on the bed, tubes flowing out of him. A masked man, brandishing a pair of scissors, was cutting the shirt from his back. His skin was peeling off with it, his red, raw body peppered with angry, swollen blisters, the size of craters.
Nausea rolled over Ellie and her legs gave way.
‘Robert!’ she shrieked, before crashing to the floor.
~
‘Aaaaagggggghhhhhhh!’
A scream ripped from Ellie’s throat. Her hands clenched the damp bedsheets. Her heart pulsed a frenzied rhythm against her ribcage. She sat up, pushed her tangled hair from her face and tried to steady her breathing.
There had been too many nightmares to count lately, and it was always Dominic’s venomous expression and cutting words that haunted her just before she woke up.
Soft footsteps padded down the landing and Abi’s head poked around her door.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked, rubbing her eyes.
Ellie nodded.
‘Yes.’
‘I heard you scream again.’
‘Sorry about that, but I’m fine, really. I just need a glass of water.’
Ellie eased her dressing gown on and taking Abi by the shoulders, guided her back to the spare bedroom.
‘School tomorrow, you need to get some rest,’ Ellie said, giving her a hug.
Abi disappeared into the dark bedroom with a gentle grunt of agreement.
In the kitchen, Ellie splashed cold water onto her face and poured herself a large glass of water, which she drank with the hum of the fridge for company.
Shuffling through to the living room, she sank down on the sofa and switched on a small lamp. In its soft glow, she studied the back of her right hand, tracing over it with her fingers. In the three weeks since the gas explosion it had healed well, just as Doctor Teesdale had said it would. There was a slight difference in skin tone to the rest of her hand, but unless you looked for it, you couldn’t tell it was there. In fact, after Doctor Teesdale had found Ellie slumped in the doorway of Robert’s hospital room, she had informed her how much worse her injuries would have been if Robert hadn’t shielded her from the second explosion.
Ellie had been beside herself with hysterics when she’d discovered that by wrapping himself around her, Robert had taken the brunt of the blast and the fire. She didn’t know whether to be furious with him or in awe of his bravery. She squeezed her eyes shut, a fervent need shuddering through her body: a deep longing to be wrapped up in his warm embrace.
Throwing a blanket over herself, Ellie burrowed down under it and switched the lamp off. Tomorrow was going to be a tough day and she needed all the sleep she could get.
~
January rain pelted recklessly against the kitchen window the following morning. Ellie stared out at it from the sink, where she’d been washing up the same cup for ten minutes. The sky was a moody grey that showed no signs of clearing.
Putting the cup down and wiping her hands, she smoothed down the front of her black jumper and trousers and swept her hair up neatly with a clip.
Her fingers were itching for something else to do. The service wasn’t until later that morning, but Ellie had been up for a while and was buzzing with the caffeine from two strong cups of coffee.
Grabbing the broom, Ellie began poking it into the corners of the kitchen, trying to find any crumbs that she may have missed an hour ago.
‘Morning.’
Abi strolled into the kitchen dressed in her school uniform.
‘Morning,’ Ellie replied, with a smile. ‘What can I fix you for breakfast?’
She leaned the broom against the wall and began pulling cereal boxes out of a cupboard.
‘I can do that,’ Abi said.
‘Of course, you can,’ Ellie muttered. ‘Sorry.’
She stood back and watched as Abi poured milk onto a bowl of cereal, thinking how strange it was that she was living with her; the home that she had once shared with Dominic.
A twisting feeling of confusion crept under her skin at how things had turned out. It was the strangest thing; she didn’t miss Dominic, but she was aware of his absence. Sometimes Ellie thought she could smell the faint whiff of his aftershave and other times, she expected to see him come striding in through the door from work.
‘Are you okay?’
She looked up to find Abi watching her and was struck by how glad she was to have her company. Abi was living with her during the week so they could go in and out of school together and she spent the weekends with Moira, in her cosy flat, just off Thistleby High Street.
Ellie had flung open the doors of her cottage to Abi, it was the least she could do after what Dominic had done to her home.
The destruction of Robert and Abi’s house was extensive. Nothing had survived. It had been totally gutted by the fire and left structurally unsound from the explosions. It now stood empty and forlorn, with thick plastic tape wrapped around the outside of it, declaring it too dangerous to enter, while the insurance company dragged its heels.
Ellie was proud of how well Abi was dealing with everything. She was aware of the emotional stress she’d been under, seeing her house and all her belongings destroyed and her father in a critical way at the hospital. She completely understood when Abi sometimes burst into tears in the middle of dinner or when she heard the sound of muffled sobs coming from the spare bedroom. But Ellie also knew that Abi had developed a quiet stren
gth over the years, after her mother’s accident and she was confident that she was getting through this tough time with the love and support of those around her.
‘Are you okay?’ Abi asked, again.
‘I’m not sure, to be honest,’ Ellie replied.
‘Do you want me to come with you today?’
Ellie smiled.
‘That’s very sweet of you, but you never even met him.’
‘I wouldn’t be doing it for him, I’d be doing it for you.’
Ellie laid a hand on Abi’s arm and squeezed gently.
‘You are so lovely, do you know that? But I think I need to do this on my own.’
‘I get it,’ Abi said, and shovelled a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
‘Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll drop you at school,’ Ellie said, as she reached for the broom.
~
When they arrived at school, Abi jumped out of the car, her dark hair swishing from side to side, her bag bobbing up and down on her shoulder, as her long legs ran to catch up with Rory. Abi grabbed his shoulder and Rory turned round with a grin.
A sharp rap on the window caused Ellie to swivel round in her seat. Ted’s face loomed outside the car, rain streaming down his waterproof coat. She wound down the window.
‘Miss Saunders. Might I have a word?’
‘Now?’
‘Yes, now. Could you come to my office?’
‘It’s not a good time, Ted. I have somewhere I need to be this morning.’
The corners of Ted’s mouth turned down a fraction.
‘Very well,’ he said. ‘I just wanted to let you know that I’m happy for you to resume your position here.’
Ellie’s stomach flipped over in relief. She had told Ted of her wish to rescind her resignation two weeks ago, but he had kept her waiting for his decision. Jenny had told her that Ted had been struggling to replace her and was spending a small fortune on supply teachers, so she wasn’t entirely surprised that he was agreeing.
Despite the tiredness she’d been experiencing lately, she felt a little burst of energy. She couldn’t wait to get into the classroom and back to the familiar rhythm of her life.
‘Great,’ Ellie replied. ‘Thank you.’
Ted gave a small nod as he pulled his hood a little tighter around his face.
‘I’d rather you came back in a full-time capacity though, Miss Saunders.’
‘It has to be part time, Ted. I have some personal things that I need to prioritise. I can only work three days a week. Hopefully things will change by the summer, but for now, I can’t negotiate on that.’
Ted narrowed his eyes. She pushed her shoulders back and matched his stare. He must have seen the steely determination blazing from her eyes because he sighed.
‘Okay, Miss Saunders, three days it is.’
Ellie clenched her fists in quiet triumph, as Ted straightened himself up and marched away across the school car park.
~
There had been no ease up in the rain all morning. Ellie’s smart shoes sunk into the mud as she made her way across the soggy grass of the graveyard. Raindrops, like shards of ice, slipped down inside the collar of her coat, as a numbness invaded her body.
The short service had gone by in a blur and before she knew it, she had been staring down at a coffin tucked neatly into the ground, unable to believe that it was Dominic inside. And as she’d stood there, her eyes dry, she’d realised that she had needed to say goodbye to him.
Dominic had died instantly outside that small window, into which he’d thrown his lighter with such jealousy and hatred, and the huge force of the explosion had been unforgiving.
She had been attacked by so many waves of fierce anger for Dominic since the night of the explosion, that a dull sadness, deep in the pit of her stomach, took her by surprise. Dominic had destroyed his own life and come close to destroying hers too, and Ellie had convinced herself that she hated him, but seeing his coffin lowered into the ground, she knew it wasn’t that simple.
She’d spent seven years of her life with him and even though their relationship had unravelled quite spectacularly towards the end, she found that a small part of her grieved for him.
As Ellie reached her car, she paused to watch the long line of people that had attended the funeral, file out of the graveyard beneath a canopy of umbrellas. Murphy caught her eye and nodded. She’d never seen him so ashen-faced before; she knew he’d miss his drinking partner.
She caught sight of Scarlette not far behind Murphy, her stomach protruding from her coat. Ellie pulled her umbrella down further over her face, but she needn’t have worried, as Scarlette’s arm was clinging on to one of Dominic’s friends that Ellie recognised from the pub.
Ellie was pleased that the frustration and jealousy that had once bubbled to the surface upon seeing Scarlette was no longer there, even if she was carrying Dominic’s child. She almost felt sorry for her, having to go through having the baby alone, but as she watched her smile up at Dominic’s friend, Ellie knew she’d be okay: Scarlette was a survivor.
The windscreen wipers on her car swished from side to side as Ellie drove away from the graveyard, shivering in her damp clothes. A few tears rolled down her face and Ellie groaned as all the tension that had been building up to this day drained away. She knew that she’d never visit Dominic’s grave again and she acknowledged that these were the final tears she’d cry for him.
Wiping them away with her sleeve, her eyes firmly on the road, Ellie allowed her mind to race ahead to all the things she needed to prepare back at the cottage; a fizz of impatient anticipation smouldering in her chest at the thought of welcoming her new house guest.
Chapter 34
Footsteps thundered down the stairs and Abi burst into the living room. Robert looked up from his laptop.
‘Are you in a hurry?’
‘Yes!’ she said, her eyes glistening with excitement. ‘Rory’s got a new puppy; I’m going round to see him.’
Abi planted a tender kiss on Robert’s forehead.
‘I thought we could do something together this afternoon. I’m almost finished up here,’ Robert said.
‘Oh, Dad, you won’t miss me this afternoon.’
‘I won’t?’
‘Definitely not,’ Abi said, with a giggle. ‘Besides I’ll come and see Mum with you tomorrow.’
‘Great, I —’
‘And I’ll be back later for movie night, so don’t eat all the popcorn! I’ve got to go.’
Robert’s mouth was still hanging open, mid-sentence, as his daughter tore from the cottage like a tornado.
He heard voices outside; there was a burst of laughter, followed by the slam of the car boot.
He tried to focus on his email again; it was an update on the Websters Project, which Carl was running until Robert was ready to go back to work. Carl had been incredibly supportive during Robert’s recovery time, but there was no doubt that his emails and phone calls were becoming more frequent. Robert had begun doing a few hours of work whenever Ellie was at school and he was confident he'd be ready to return to the office soon.
‘What are you doing?’
Ellie had appeared in the hallway.
‘It’s just one email.’
‘It’s one too many,’ she said, marching into the living room. ‘You’re not ready to go back to work yet. You don’t want to tire yourself out.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You will be when you turn that laptop off,’ she replied, sitting down beside him on the sofa.
‘You’re more demanding than all the nurses at the hospital put together,’ he grumbled, as he closed the lid of his laptop and frowned at her over the top of his glasses.
But his frown was always hard to maintain, when deep down he couldn’t get enough of her gentle concern. It was like a drug that he never wanted to stop taking. And then she smiled at him. An indulgent smile. A smile that could rival the blazing sun in the sky. Her golden hair was tucked messily behin
d her ears, faint crinkles creased the edges of her pale, blue eyes and a bridge of freckles was emerging over her nose, from sitting out in the garden. She looked radiant.
‘I’m going to take that as a compliment,’ Ellie said. ‘Now it’s time to see to your back.’
‘Can’t it wait? I’m incredibly tired after reading that email,’ Robert said, with a mock yawn. He closed his eyes and snuggled into the sofa, trying to conceal a grin he knew was tugging at the corners of his mouth.
‘No, it can’t, not if you want to be comfortable when we go out this afternoon.’
His eyes shot open.
‘Where are we going?’
‘Actually, maybe you’re right. If you’re tired, we probably shouldn’t go out.’
‘Ellie?’
Robert furrowed his brow and waited. She looked as though she had something dancing on the end of her tongue and he didn’t have to wait long to find out what it was.
‘We never did have that first date, did we?’ she said.
His eyes softened.
‘No, we didn’t.’
‘Well, that’s what we’re going to do this afternoon. We’re going to have our first proper date: a picnic at White Willow Lake. It’s a gorgeous, sunny day and I’ve packed up everything we need in the car.’
Robert allowed himself to bask in the warm glow of happiness that soothed him whenever she was nearby.
‘I can’t wait.’
And then he couldn’t help himself; he leaned across the sofa, hungrily searching out her lips, which he knew he’d never tire of tasting.
Robert felt her melt against his chest with a soft moan, which made him shudder with desire. He often wondered whether her attraction for him was diminished now, but as her arms wound up around his neck and she pushed herself against his body, her deep kisses seemed more fervent and passionate than ever before.
He could have stayed on the sofa with her all afternoon, but he found he had to break away, as a familiar tingling down his back began tickling him relentlessly. With flushed cheeks, Ellie studied the cloudy look that had flittered across his face.
‘You’re itchy, aren’t you?’ she asked. Grunting in reply, Robert rubbed his back awkwardly against the sofa, trying to find some relief. ‘Now, where did I leave it?’