by A. R. Ford
There were no words. None were needed. Two people who might not live to see another day made each other feel better in the timeless, ageless way humans have for centuries. We turned to each other several times throughout the day, and night. Nick broke through the barriers erected around my heart.
I was exhausted, but knew when he turned to me near dawn that it would be the last time. His hands and body moved over mine with a tender, loving reverence, fingers digging into my breasts when he came. Our time together came to an end the second the sun peeped over the horizon.
Nick moved away from me, putting distance that didn’t need to be there. He was curt with commands, or answers. Worst of all, when I tried to talk to him, he cut my heart out with words. “What happened meant nothing. It won’t go anywhere. It can’t. Do you understand?”
The words burned a path straight through the center of my heart. Trusting Nick was a mistake I would never make again.
I left the cabin to get away from him. He regretted what had happened. I couldn’t say I did. Maybe he was married, and felt guilty after everything we had done. I walked along the shore searching for a place to linger.
A rocky outcropping on the other side of the lake became my solace. I sat there letting the sun beat down on my face, and body. I didn’t want to go back, not with the divide between us. I wondered if letting the hitmen find me wouldn’t be a better way of dealing with things. Of course not. Self-pity never got me anywhere. It sure as fuck wouldn’t get me anywhere now. Nick would not let me be alone. He came looking for me shortly after I left. I trudged back to the cabin, every bit of my body, and heart, aching.
Silence was a tool I used while growing up when bad things happened around me. Silence became the tool I used now. I watched without speaking while Nick managed to rig a phone charger to the car’s battery. Once the phone was charged, he made a call. I listened impassively as he talked to some agent with the FBI. Arrangements were made to extract us from the remote location. Before long, I would be facing the criminal everyone wanted to take down. My usefulness would soon end.
“THE TRIAL FOR LEO SORANNO’S men who killed that man starts tomorrow. That’s why they were so quick in trying to take you out, Leah,” the FBI agent said. “Are you ready to get this over with?”
“Yep.”
“You don’t talk much,” the agent observed.
“No need in it. Take me wherever you need me to go. I’ll do what I need to do, then I’m out.” My chest ached. The pain reminded me that Nick ripped my heart out, leaving only a jagged hole behind.
The silence in the helicopter was overwhelming. The agent discussed strategy with Nick when we neared FBI headquarters in the city. I stepped out of the helicopter, and didn’t look back, even when Nick turned toward me as if he wanted to say something. A female agent led me to a room with a shower, and a cot. I was grateful to wash the memories away.
I slept restlessly through the night, nightmares waking me every few minutes. Some of the dreams were of the men who shot a defenseless man in an alley. A good portion were about Nick, our time together, and how he broke my heart. Near dawn I could no longer lie in bed. I sat on the edge of the mattress, head in my hands. For the first time since finding myself in the middle of a life-or-death event, I cried.
Deep, heaving sobs wracked my body. I cried until my stomach revolted and my throat was a raw. I bolted into the tiny bathroom, barely making it in time. Everything in my stomach came up. Dry heaves ripped through my gut. I was miserable, but I would never admit it to anyone. Nick had completely screwed with my head and heart. I was an emotional, fucked-up mess.
I refused everything but coffee for breakfast. A simple blue cotton dress served as my outfit for the trial. The D. A. questioned me. I gave answers. The defense attorney hounded me. I parried at every turn. Eight hours later, my job was done. The criminals everyone wanted to put away were gone. And so was I.
I left the courthouse without another word. Someone called my name as I walked down the steps. It sounded like Nick. I broke into a run, knowing I could outrun almost anyone, including him. Cross country runners are good like that. It was time to get away, and put some distance between bad memories, and me. I made it to the bus stop, and climbed onto the bus that waited.
The diner was more than glad to hire me back. The owner put two and two together when he read the papers the day after I left. He agreed to rent me an efficiency apartment over the restaurant. Two months after the trial, I knew working myself to the point of exhaustion every day wouldn’t be enough to make me forget. I was miserable. Nightmares kept me awake most nights. Then, there were thoughts and dreams of him.
Nick had stolen, and broken my heart. And I let it happen.
THERE WERE TIMES IN the days and weeks after the trial when I imagined I saw Nick. Every patrol car that passed the diner drew my attention. Everyone at the diner knew what had happened. They eventually figured out something more than just me being in a safehouse and testifying at a trial had happened.
Some of the cops who were regulars figured out who I was. They treated me like some kind of heroine. I pushed off their compliments but hovered near their table. I realized it was only to catch wind of something about Nick. The realistic side of myself came roaring back to life. Why think about him? He didn’t think about you when he shut you down.
Reality hurt worse than the silly, immature dreams I dwelled on at least a few times a week. Dreams of finding Nick. Of hearing his voice. Of feeling his hands on me. Of feeling his lips on mine. Those dreams would only extend the pain that lived in my heart. I needed to be realistic about everything that had happened.
Nick said it meant nothing. By the look of things, he meant every word of it. I knew it would be best to forget him. At least that’s what my head said. The bleeding halves of my heart said something completely different.
Maybe that’s why every night since the trial I cried myself to sleep. I stopped eating, lost weight. Everyone worried about me. I pushed their concern away. Threw myself into work. Maybe if I dropped from exhaustion I could sleep at night. If I could sleep, my brain and heart would come to the same realization. Maybe, just maybe, I could forget Nick.
Chapter 6
Nick
I KNEW I’D SCREWED up that morning at the cabin. I had to remain focused to protect her. To protect her, I had to put a wall between us. Her beautiful face twisted in pain at my words. Then, she was gone, walking away, head held high. She didn’t return until I found her. There were no words between us as I rigged a cell phone charger from a stripped electrical cord, and the car’s battery.
After the trial ended, I followed her, calling her name on the courthouse steps. She ran like the wind yet again until she was out of my sight. That was it. It was the last time I’d seen the long brown hair with interspersed gold strands, the brown eyes with flecks of gold, the high cheek bones, or full lips. It was the last time I had heard her lyrical laughter, or smart-ass comments. I’d ruined the only chance at happiness I’d had since the divorce. Days passed with agonizing slowness.
The only thing that gave me hope was my sister Rose. We were always close as children. As adults our relationship grew even more. She dropped by for coffee one Saturday morning, and saw straight through the walls I’d built up to hide the truth. I could tell her anything, even Leah, and how I’d screwed up.
“Nick, what’s going on with you? And don’t tell me it’s retiring from the force. You’ve wanted to get out for some time now.” Rose sat with her chin in a hand while she looked right into my soul. I fidgeted, drank coffee, and mumbled some excuse about not sleeping well. The act didn’t fly with Rose. “You may as well tell me, because I’ll dig it out of you if I have to.”
“I met someone a couple months ago, right before I left the force.” The words came out in a rush. It felt like my heart was in my throat. “And I pushed her away. By the time I tried to tell her what happened, she was gone. And I haven’t been able to find her. No, I’m afraid to f
ind her.”
“She must be someone special,” Rose acknowledged.
“More than special. I think I’m in love with her.”
“Then find her. Tell her how you feel, Nick. Don’t close yourself up in the house, and lose yourself in work. I know Knight Security has had a lot of work for you lately, but this is important.”
“It was the lady in protective custody, Leah. I can’t say a lot about what happened, or where we were. After the safehouse was compromised, I took her to a cabin. Things got out of hand. And then I told her it couldn’t go anywhere, and it meant nothing. I’m such a fool.” The words burned like acid coming out of my mouth. The reminder of what happened with Leah was just as painful now as it was that day at the cabin.
Rose leaned close before taking my hand in hers. “Nick, if you love her, don’t give up. Keep searching for her. Then tell her how you feel, and be honest about what happened at the cabin. You deserve to be happy,” she said with a smile that gave me hope.
Rose and I met for lunch the next day at the corner diner where Leah worked before the trial. I don’t know why I chose the place. Wishful thinking that she might be there, I guess. And I’ll be damned, she was there. My heart and stomach both flipped at the same time.
The hair that hung past her waist was gone. It was replaced with a sleek, sexy pixie cut that emphasized her high cheekbones. She was thinner. Dark circles marred the delicate skin beneath each eye. What I saw concerned me. By some stroke of luck, we managed to sit in Leah’s section.
Her eyes flicked over my face then stayed on the order pad clutched in one hand. “I’m, Leah. I’ll be your server. What can I get you to drink?”
We ordered coffee. The instant she was gone, Rose leaned closer. “That’s her?”
“Yes, that’s Leah.” My heart and stomach weren’t the only parts of me to miss her. I shifted nervously as my cock sprang to life. One look at Leah brought back memories of that night, of how good it felt to be inside her. My body reacted the same way a horny teenager’s would. Instantly, and without regard to location, or embarrassment potential. The table thankfully shielded me from public humiliation. Rose and I drank coffee while chatting about life in Warner. The conversation ended when Leah returned with our food.
“Can I get you anything else?” she asked after sitting the plates carefully in front of us.
“Leah, this is my sister, Rose.” They shook hands while Rose chattered away. It was impossible to not like Rose. She was warm, funny, and welcoming to everyone she met.
“Hi, Leah. It’s good to meet you. Nick said he’s known you for some time now. I would love to get together some time. Maybe movies, dinner, or a mani-pedi? I don’t do manicures, or pedicures, but it might be fun to try,” Rose said after shaking Leah’s hand. Then she glanced at her watch before standing up unexpectedly. “I completely forgot! I have an appointment for a haircut. It was good to meet you, Leah. Nick, call me.”
And just like that, Rose was gone. I knew that she left to give Leah and I some time to talk. It was time to test the waters. “I looked for you that day after the trial.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Can I get you anything else?” Leah said without missing a beat.
“Leah.”
“Just don’t. Please.”
I saw tears glisten in her eyes. Way to go, Nick. You royally screwed this up. She turned, and walked away before I could say anything else. I cursed myself silently for putting the wall up that morning.
I was persistent. It might be the end of this encounter, but I knew there was no way in hell I’d give up on Leah. Putting my talents to use would give me what I needed.
By that evening, I knew where she lived, and worked. Leah worked two jobs, one at a temp agency, and at the diner. I waited until she climbed the stairs to the efficiency apartment before knocking at the door. She opened it, and sighed, head and shoulders sagging when she saw me. The t-shirt and panties she wore made the aching need in my groin come to life with demanding immediacy.
“Why can’t you just leave me in peace?” Her voice was tinged with sadness. It broke my heart to see the pain in her eyes.
I took her in my arms after closing the door. I held her stiff, resistant body until she melted against me with a wail. I managed to maneuver her to the sofa where we sat until the torrent of tears faded into an occasional sniffle. I rubbed her back awkwardly while she cried. It tore my heart apart to hear the pain.
“I love you, Leah. I made a horrible decision at the cabin in an attempt to protect you. I had to keep my head on straight. It’s the only reason I said those things.” My voice was hoarse with emotion. She sat quietly, listening to my explanation. “Come home with me. You have tomorrow off, I’ve already checked at the diner.”
“They shouldn’t tell you my schedule.” Her voice was flat, emotionless. Her eyes remained on her hands as if watching the nervous twisting of fingers was the most interesting thing in the world.
“They remember me from when I was on the force,” I acknowledged.
“Nick...”
I cut her off with a kiss. Every bit of longing, regret, and love in my heart went into that kiss. My soul was starved for Leah. She broke free, burying her face against my neck. Those cool, slender fingers dug into my biceps. “Say you’ll go with me, baby, before I embarrass myself.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I want to break down and cry, or strip you naked and make love to you on this sofa. I’m not sure which might win out.”
“You look tired,” she murmured. A hand reached out to stroke the longer scruff on my jaw. “I kind of like the longer beard. It makes you look dark, and sexy.”
“I’ve not been sleeping a lot. You look thinner. You’re not sleeping well, are you?”
Leah shook her head, tears welling. She turned away, wiping at her eyes. I leaned close, a hand on her back. “I’m so sorry, Leah. I hurt you. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about how stupid I was.”
She shrugged, eyes on her fingers. The silence made me nervous. I had to say something, anything. I had to break through the wall I erected between us.
“As long as it puts me in your good graces, I’ll stop shaving forever.” She allowed me to pull her close. It thrilled me when she didn’t resist. “Do I stand a chance, Leah? I’m a fool for pushing you away at the cabin. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone hurting you. I had to keep my head on straight,” I broke off when I realized the words were rambling, and running together.
Leah’s hands cupped my face, her eyes searching mine. “I can’t say no to you, Nick. I’m not sure where this will take us, but I’d like to try. You make me believe that love is real. I can’t go home with you, not just yet. How about a real date? I enjoy going to The Flying Crown.”
“Yeah, I’d like that,” I said
It wasn’t a manly gesture, but I buried my face against her neck, hands shaking as I held her. It was at that moment I realized just how much Leah meant to me. It was more than physical attraction. I felt complete when she was with me. It was something new, different, so unlike the feelings I experienced with my ex-wife. Jacinda. There was another bit of truth I needed to tell Leah. There would be time later. Right now, I wanted to hold her before taking her to The Flying Crown.
Chapter 7
Nick
LEAH CHANGED INTO A strapless white bustier with sheer lace insets beneath the bodice, skin-tight leather pants, and heels. The smokey eyeshadow and mascara made her gold-flecked brown eyes look larger. The deep rose lipstick accentuated her lips. Her musky perfume filled my senses.
“Damn, Leah. Is it safe to take you anywhere like this? I’ll end up fighting for you before the night’s over.”
She giggled; body pressed intimately against me. “If you have to fight over me, you have my permission to spank me,” she murmured.
My cock pulsed to life as arousal thrummed through my body. Eyes closed, I fought for control. “Do you have any idea what that does
to me?”
Her tongue circled the shell of my ear. “Of course, I do. I remember how damned good you felt inside me, Nick. I’m wet right now thinking about this.” Her hand cupped the length of my erection.
A hoarse groan burst free. Dammit! She knew just what to do to shred my self-control. “Let’s go, baby.”
The Flying Crown was packed with people. Leah knew the server named Brittney. “Hey, girl! I’ve not seen you in forever! This is my boyfriend, Nick.”
“It’s good to meet you, Nick. You’ll have to pardon the crowd. It’s mostly guys from an insurance agent convention at the hotel next door. They’re rowdy, but tip great. What can I get you guys to drink?” Brittney smiled.
“Draft beer for me,” I replied. Boyfriend. Leah’s words pleased me.
“Sex on the beach with double peach Schnapps,” Leah said with a giggle.
Not long after we arrived, Lukas Knight and his wife, Sarah, arrived. I waved Lukas over. It would give us a chance to discuss the job he offered me via email with a new business venture with his brother Morgan. Sarah and Leah hit it off immediately. They sat chatting companionably after the drinks arrived.
“Tell me more about this job you offered me, Lukas.” Working for Lukas in any regard was a dream job. He treated his employees with respect, and paid them more generously than other companies. After working for him in the past, I was more than interested in hearing what he had in mind for me.
“We’ve started working with the feds on a new government contract. I need your talents to investigate things we can’t check out with electronic, or computerized systems,” Lukas replied. He glanced at Leah, and Sarah. “They hit it off. I’m so glad to see that. Sarah needs a few more friends. She hangs out with the guys at work five days a week.”
“I love work!” Sarah protested. “Leah reminds me of Brittney in a lot of ways.”