by Maya Banks
And he’d be home shortly.
In agony over how to face him with this, she carefully pried herself away from Brody’s grasp. He mumbled something in his sleep but turned over, and soon his soft, even breathing filled the room again.
She scrambled from the bed, picked her clothing up off the floor, and hurried across the house to her room. Hers and Chase’s room.
How was she going to tell him? There were no secrets between them, and there damn sure weren’t any lies. She detested lying and so did Chase. This wasn’t something she’d ever hide, but what the hell would it do to the friendship the four of them shared?
She dressed and sat on the edge of the bed. A glance at the clock told her Chase would be here any minute. She buried her face in her hands. If only . . .
She couldn’t even bring herself to regret it.
She flinched when she heard footsteps in the hallway. Chase.
“Zoe? Baby, what’s wrong?”
His concern made her flinch all the more. She raised her head to look at him. He looked tired and disheveled, like he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. She closed her eyes again. How could she tell him? How could she not tell him?
“Zoe, talk to me,” Chase demanded as he came over to the bed.
He sat down and pulled her into his arms, but she went stiff as a board.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said quietly.
Chase loosened his hold and pulled away. His gaze was worried and seeking. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then looked away for a moment.
Finally he turned back to her and reached for her, tucking away a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Whatever it is, just tell me, baby.”
“Last night . . . last night I broke down on my way home from work. It was dark, cold and raining. It happened out on Old Bridge Road—”
“Why didn’t you call me?” he demanded.
She held up her hand to stop him. “Just listen, Chase. I knew you were at work, so I called Brody and Tate. They came out to get me. I was soaked and cold. They took me home and made me some soup. We were sitting on the couch and ...”
Her voice trailed off. She swallowed nervously but kept her eyes on him. She owed him the unvarnished truth. She wouldn’t be a coward.
“And?” he prompted.
“I had sex with Brody and Tate.”
He kept staring at her as if he expected her to continue, like there was something else to add. She remained silent.
“That’s it?” His features relaxed, and relief spread into his eyes. Relief? Her brow furrowed in confusion.
“I slept with them both, Chase. You weren’t here. It shouldn’t have happened.”
He blew out a long breath and then, to her further amazement, he smiled. The smile grew larger, and then he yanked her into his arms, crushing her against his chest.
“For God’s sake, you scared the shit out of me.”
She struggled to loosen his hold on her, and she pulled away, staring at him in astonishment. “Is that all you have to say?”
He chuckled softly and touched her cheek. “Tell me you haven’t tortured yourself the entire night over this.”
“No,” she mumbled. “Only when I woke up this morning.”
He sighed. “Did you expect me to be angry? Feel betrayed?”
“Well, yeah. I guess.”
She was truly bewildered by his reaction. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected. Anger? Disappointment?
He took her hands in his and rubbed his thumbs over her wrists. “I’m not any of those things, Zoe. If I were, I’d be a flaming hypocrite. I opened that door, not you. I’m the one who asked them to participate in your fantasy.”
“But—”
“Let me finish.”
She shut up and waited for him to continue.
“I guess if it had been someone else, some random guy you decided to hook up with, then yeah, I’d be pissed. Brody and Tate are different. They live here with us. They’re friends. Good friends. They care a lot about you, and I know you care a lot about them. I thought about what might happen if I opened the door to them having sex with you. I had a lot of thoughts. Things might get awkward. Or things might go really well. I even considered the possibility that one or both of them would have sex with you away from me.”
“That didn’t bother you?” she asked.
He seemed to consider it a moment, and then he shook his head. “I can’t explain it. The thought didn’t bother me. Don’t get me wrong, if it had been someone else, then yeah, I get pissed even thinking about it. I know we didn’t talk about this. Maybe we should have, but I figured things would evolve or not evolve and we’d take it as it came. But if you’re wondering if I feel threatened or jealous because you had sex with them, the answer is no. I don’t see the difference whether I involve them in a fantasy and they have sex with you, or they have sex with you outside that fantasy. The result is the same.”
She bit her bottom lip. “I didn’t feel bad about the night with Dillon because it was a decision we made together. And it didn’t mean anything. But this . . .”
“This?”
“It meant something,” she said softly. “And you weren’t involved. I feel like I cheated on you, and you have to know Chase, I love you. I’d never do anything to purposely hurt you.”
He leaned in and kissed her. “I love you too, baby.”
“But Chase, it meant something,” she persisted. “It was different than it was with Dillon. With him it was hot sex. Playful and fun. I loved teasing you and the idea that you were watching. Last night . . . last night I just wanted to be with them. You weren’t here and I wanted to make love with them.”
“If I had to guess, I’d say it meant something to them too,” Chase said quietly. “You have to know how much they care about you, Zoe. And if you reach down, I think you’ll see how much you care about them too. Loving me doesn’t preclude you loving other people. It’s just a different kind of love.”
“How the hell did you get so philosophical?” she blurted.
He smiled. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.”
She closed her eyes. “So what do I do? I can’t pretend it didn’t happen, but I don’t want it to fuck things up either.”
“Just see how it goes,” he said. “It doesn’t change things between us. I love you. You love me. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together, okay?”
She went into his arms and circled her arms around his waist. His heart thudded reassuringly against her ear, and she sighed.
“How can you be so perfect? It must be damn exhausting.”
He shook against her cheek as he laughed. “As long as you think I’m perfect, that’s all that counts.”
She picked up her head again and kissed his jaw. “You need a shave. Rough shift?”
He sighed. “Yeah. You?”
She nodded. “I didn’t get out until past two.”
“Damn, and you broke down on the way home. That sucks.”
“Yeah, Tate and Brody said they’d take my car to the shop today.”
“Where are they, speaking of?”
“I left them in bed,” she said lamely.
“Together?”
She nodded.
Chase burst out laughing. “I’ll have to go wake them up. Would be worth it to see their expressions when they figure out they’re in bed together.”
“Maybe that’s not such a good idea,” she hedged.
If she felt as guilty as she did, would they feel the same way?
Chase squeezed her hand. “The best way to handle this is to go on, business as usual. I don’t want you beating yourself up over something that in the end I’m responsible for. If it weren’t for me, they would have never had sex with you in the first place.”
“And if it happens again?” she asked softly.
“Are you asking my permission?”
Slowly she shook her head.
“Good, because that’s n
ot what this is about. It’s a little ridiculous, the idea that I somehow control the actions of three other people and that sex is only okay if everyone involved has my permission. In actuality I gave it when I asked Brody and Tate to participate. It’s not reasonable that I’d have to be present or that somehow you have to ask me beforehand if it’s okay.”
Her mind buzzed with the implications of what he was saying. He couldn’t be saying what she thought, and that not only did he expect that it would happen again, but he was okay with it. It was just too . . . weird.
But at the same time, the relief she felt was unmistakable, so what did that say about her?
“This is stupid,” she muttered. “They might not ever want to have sex with me again anyway.”
Chase smiled. “Somehow, I don’t think that’s going to be the case.”
Despite the fact that Chase was obviously tired, he and Brody and Tate drove out to get her car and tow it to the garage. She made their favorite lunch so that when they got back, they’d have a decent meal for their efforts at least.
All the while they were gone, she worried over the fallout from the night before. Chase had shocked her with his acceptance. And on the surface, she agreed with him. It wasn’t any different from her having sex with them before. But somehow she couldn’t quite convince herself that it was the same. It felt different.
All her worry wasn’t reserved for how it affected her and Chase either, and maybe that was what bugged her the most. She was in agony over trying to figure out how Brody and Tate would react to it.
She was being a total girl and getting all emotional over sex. But she knew it wasn’t just sex. Not with Brody and Tate. With Dillon she’d been able to easily separate the act and the emotion. Not so with Brody and Tate. She cared about them too much, and she didn’t want to lose them. She couldn’t lose them.
The table was set—something they didn’t often do. Most of the time they ate at the bar or just ate in the living room. How positively domestic of her. The guys would give her shit when they got home.
She hoped. Because if they didn’t, and things changed, it would kill her.
Half an hour later, she put the finishing touches on the potato salad and draped a towel over the container of fried chicken. Chase had called her a few minutes earlier, and they should be rolling in any minute.
She sweetened the tea, filled glasses with ice, and put everything out on the table just as she heard a truck pull into the drive.
Her stomach promptly took a nosedive.
Chase came in the door first, followed closely by Brody. Tate brought up the rear. They all stopped inside the kitchen and Chase sniffed appreciatively at the air. “Tell me that’s what I think it is.”
She smiled. “Lunch is on the table.”
Brody’s eyes widened. “Table? As in a place to sit at and eat?”
She relaxed. Yeah, they were going to give her shit.
They sauntered into the dining room and Tate whistled. “Damn woman, you cooked, set the table, and everything. Oh hell, is that potato salad?”
She shot over and smacked his hand just as it darted into the bowl. He drew back with an injured look and held his hand like she’d broken it.
“I figured you guys deserved a decent meal for taking care of my truck.”
Chase tucked an arm around her and kissed her temple. “Not that we don’t love being cooked for, but that’s what we’re here for. To help.”
She smiled up at him and then gestured for them to sit.
They all took their seats and promptly dug into the food.
“This is kind of nice,” Brody said. “We should do it more often. Beats eating in the living room.”
“How long will it take them to fix my truck?” she asked Chase. “And did they say how much it would cost?”
Chase winced. “We need to talk about that. The electrical system is shot all to hell. They could fix it, but honestly I think you should consider getting something new. You’ve had it forever, and at this point, it doesn’t make sense to sink a lot of money into something that’s likely to break in another week.”
Tate and Brody studied her closely. They were staring. Why? She scowled at them and turned back to Chase.
“New?”
Brody made a brave attempt to stifle his laughter. Tate did no such thing. He laughed and continued laughing when she turned her murderous stare on him.
“What the hell is so funny?” she demanded.
Brody chuckled. “You are. We were just waiting for you to squeak at the idea of buying a new car. You’re such a tightass when it comes to money.”
“I am not!”
Chase managed a straight face. “Baby, you are so. When was the last time you bought anything new?”
“Just because I save money and don’t throw it away on shiny new toys all the time does not make me some miser.”
“So go buy a new truck,” Tate challenged. “Come on. It’ll be fun. We’ll help you pick out something.”
Okay, so the idea of a bright new vehicle with that delectable new-car smell did appeal on a certain level.
“Oohh, we have her,” Brody said triumphantly. “I can see that calculating gleam in her eyes. She wants it.”
“I have no idea what to get,” she said faintly.
“Leave that to us,” Chase said with a grin. “We’re guys. That makes us expert auto shoppers.”
“So, um, when can we go?”
“As soon as we finish with lunch. We can go into Beaumont and check out the dealerships there,” Chase said.
Excitement bloomed in her stomach and fanned out until she grinned a little idiotically. “Okay, I’ll go. But I’m not promising to buy anything. There’s research to do.”
Tate rolled his eyes. Brody just gave her a patient look, and Chase leaned back and smiled warmly in her direction. Maybe he was telling her that things were okay and that they were still the family they’d always been. Family.
As she looked around the table at the people who meant the most to her, she realized they truly were a family.
After lunch, they cleared away the dishes. Chase and Tate attacked the dishwasher, and Zoe took a dish towel to wipe off the table. Brody came in as she was finishing her wipe-down and stood just a few feet away.
“Hey,” he said as she started to return to the kitchen. “Can I talk to you a second?”
Dread formed in the pit of her stomach. She glanced back toward the kitchen, but Chase and Tate were preoccupied with the dishes.
“Don’t look so worried,” he said softly. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night. I mean not about what happened but . . . I didn’t use a condom. It was stupid. I’ve always used them with you, but last night wasn’t planned. I wanted to make sure things were okay, I mean with birth control.”
“Oh,” she breathed. “Yeah, I mean Chase and I don’t use condoms. I use birth control, and Chase is the only person I’ve been with. Without condoms I mean.” Heat bled into her face at her admission.
“Hey, don’t worry. I wasn’t saying it because I was worried about you. I know you and Chase have been together awhile. You should be more worried about me. I’m clean, though. I worried about you getting pregnant. I didn’t want us to make a mistake, because last night was incredible.”
She smiled at his discomfort, which seemed to mirror her own. Then she went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“Thank you for caring so much about me.”
He hesitated for only a moment before enfolding her in his embrace. “I’ll always care about you, Zoe.”