by Frost Kay
She quirked a smile at that. “Somehow, Sam and Emma always got the worst of it.”
“They didn’t have a lick of sense between the two of them. Troublemakers.”
“True.” Mira set her folded sheet on top of the organized pile to her left and picked up another one. “They were daredevils.”
“It cost Emma her life.”
She stiffened, her fingers crushing the linen. This was dangerous territory. When Gav spoke of Emma these days, it always led to something negative. She stared at the cot, feeling the heavy burden of guilt. Emma’s death haunted her. She had been riding with her that day. When the horse went down with Emma on it, Mira’s heart had stopped.
Sucking in a shallow breath, she managed to say, “She would never have made that jump if she’d known what was on the other side. It was an accident.”
“She is gone, nonetheless.” Bitterness seeped into his tone.
Mira choked on her pain, blinking back tears as old memories flooded to the surface: Emma’s crushed body. Blood-spattered lips. Her friend’s last gasping breaths as she died in her arms.
“I’m so sorry,” she murmured.
“What are you sorry for?”
“I should have done something.” There should have been some way for her to save Emma’s life.
The rocking chair creaked. “Mira.”
She inhaled slowly but focused on the gurney.
“Look at me.”
Mira shook her head. She couldn’t take one more drop of his sorrow.
“Look at me,” Gav pleaded softly. “Please.”
Slowly, she turned her neck and glanced at him over her shoulder.
“You know I don’t blame you, right?”
“I could have—”
He sliced a hand through the air. “No! I helped prepare her body for burial. There was nothing you could have done to save her. Emma made her own choices. I’ve never held you accountable for her accident.”
Her bottom lip wobbled, and she bit it.
“We both lost her that day,” he continued. “But it was neither of our faults. Let the guilt go.”
“Have you?” she whispered.
Gav looked away, his jaw working. “I’m trying to.” He ran a hand through his black hair, tousling the locks. “So why the sorrow over Sage’s news?”
Mira turned back to her work, shifting. “I’m truly happy for her, but…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m envious.”
Silence, and then: “You want to be married?”
“Yes and no,” she said, tossing down the linen and placing her hands on her hips. “I want a child, but that isn’t possible.” Her mind strayed to Raziel and his handsome smile. She missed him.
Gav snorted. “You’re attractive enough. I’m sure you could find a man to marry you and give you a babe of your own. All you would have to do is let men know you’re available.”
She rolled her eyes, faced him, and gestured to the infirmary. “What man would accept me as I am? I am a royal healer. My duty is first to the Crown, then to family, hearth, and home. Do you know any man staying at home to raise the little ones while his wife works?”
“It could be done,” he replied, eyeing her.
Now it was her turn to snort. Raziel was the closest she’d come to finding someone like that, but even he’d wanted her to leave her post. Then there was the fact that children were almost an impossibility for her. Not that she was going to tell Gav that.
“Let me know when you find such a mythical man.” She rolled her neck. “There’s always the option of taking a lover, but that would bring disgrace upon myself and my child.”
Gav’s purple eyes narrowed. “You would do such a thing?”
Mira crossed her arms and glared at him. “No, but why is it such a horrible thing for a woman to do that, when it’s acceptable for a man?”
“You’re putting words in my mouth,” he argued, leaning forward in his chair. “I never said it was acceptable for anyone. I’m of the opinion that if you love and desire anyone, you should marry them. There is comfort and protection in such a bond for each spouse and for any children born into the union.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Such lofty ideals. So, you’re telling me, you’ve never taken one lover?”
“Not before Emma, and not after her.”
That wasn’t what she’d expected to hear. “I am sorry I assumed.”
Gav waved a hand at her. “Sex isn’t everything.”
A giggle slipped out. Mira slapped a hand over her mouth as her old friend shot a glare in her direction.
“Are you laughing at me?”
“Only because I’ve been assured many times that men must have sex to survive. Your perspective is different from anything I’ve heard.”
“I’m not saying that I don’t want sex, just that it’s not something to base your relationship on.” Gav clucked his tongue. “But enough about me. Here you are, a maiden, speaking about marital relations with a widower. How scandalous.”
“I’m a healer. You’d be shocked by the wicked things I know.”
“So, our court was right about you,” he teased.
Mira’s heart fluttered. This was the friend she missed. “They will never accept me. Why try to conform to their standards?”
“Fair enough.” He scratched at his beard and rocked back in the chair. “So, what will you do about this desire you have?”
“Ignore it.” She shrugged. “I’ve chosen my path.”
“That sounds healthy,” he retorted. “Unbelievable.”
“What?”
“You have your whole future before you, yet you’re choosing to be miserable.” Annoyance blanketed his tone.
Her hackles rose. He knew nothing about what she’d dealt with over the last few years. “As opposed to you?”
Gav stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve given me more grief than all my patients combined in the last six weeks. You’re not helpless. You can walk, which is more than I can say for many men. You’re alive and healthy, have a family that loves you, and yet you stew here in bitterness and self-pity.” She gestured toward him. “And you have the gall to look down on me while I sacrifice my wants to help those in need. You have a family when some of us are unable. How dare you!”
His expression turned to stone. “Mira—”
“No.” She sucked in a lungful of air, her hands shaking at her sides. She’d told him her shameful truth. Heat pressed at the back of her eyes, much to her horror. She would not cry in front of him. “I know you’ve lost a lot, but what right do you have to judge me, Prince?”
“You couldn’t understand what I’ve gone through,” he growled through clenched teeth.
“No?” Mira stormed up to him. “You’re not the only one who’s lost someone they loved dearly. Your suffering isn’t greater than anyone else’s.” She stepped around his chair, intending to get some air, but Gav’s fingers curled around her wrist, halting her exit. Mira slowly met his gaze. “Let go.”
A purple flame of rage burned in his eyes. “Stop playing the martyr. You’re just as broken as I am.”
She leaned into his space, so close that their noses almost touched. “You’re not wrong. But I’m not the one sulking in the infirmary or cursing my dead wife’s memory.” His fingers tightened slightly, but Mira didn’t stop. “Wake up and stop punishing yourself and everyone else around you for your pain.”
She yanked her arm from his grasp and stalked out of the infirmary as the first of her tears fell down her cheeks.
Chapter 6
Jasmine
Jasmine landed on her back on the mat and groaned. Mer sure could hit hard. “Did you have to kick me that hard?” she complained.
Mer crouched beside Jasmine and arched a brow. “If you’d been paying closer attention, it wouldn’t have been that bad. What’s going on with you? Where’s your mind at?”
“I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Bec
ause of the babe?” the Sirenidae asked.
“No.” She focused on the high stone ceiling, afraid to reveal her feelings.
“Out with it.” Mer dropped onto her butt and poked Jasmine with her right foot. “You know I will never judge you.”
“I mourn them,” she blurted, and then squeezed her eyes shut.
“As in them?” her friend asked softly.
Jasmine nodded and pressed her palms against her eyes. “What is wrong with me? They hurt me, and yet I feel regret that I didn’t get to say goodbye. I regret their deaths. I should hate them.”
“What you’re feeling is natural—”
She sat up and glared at Mer. “How is this natural? I am mourning for my attackers.”
Solemn magenta eyes held her gaze, and Mer took Jasmine’s hand in her own. “Grief isn’t something we can control, nor does it follow any rhyme or reason. You’ve been through so much in a short period of time. Your mind is trying to work through all of it. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Let it come, and then, when the time is right, let it go.”
“Wise words, but it’s not like I can talk to Sam about this. Any time I even bring them up, he loses his mind.”
Mer gave her a smile. “As is his right. To him, they are just the monsters who hurt you and then abducted you, which almost led to him losing you and Lana forever. There will never be any sort of forgiveness from him for those warriors. I’m sure your husband still blames himself for your capture. Guilt is powerful.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Jasmine argued.
“Doesn’t make his fear and anger any less valid.” Mer squeezed her fingers and then released Jasmine’s hand. “Don’t expect too much from yourself so soon. It’s okay to take time to heal.”
“Wise words, my friend.” She rolled her neck and glanced at the bassinet that Sam had set up in the corner for Lana. Her daughter slept peacefully, her little lips pursed. How could she have been worried that she wouldn’t love that baby? Despite all the hardship, Lana was a gift Jasmine wouldn’t change for the world. “She’s beautiful, no?”
“The most stunning babe I’ve ever beheld.”
She turned back to Mer, smiling. “You’re just saying that because you’re her honorary auntie.”
“Are you accusing me of being biased?” Mer cracked a smile. “Because I am.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Jasmine pursed her lips and took a minute to study her friend. Mer was thinner than she’d been before. Dark smudges marred the skin beneath her eyes, and it seemed like her friend had lost her spark. “Are you okay?”
The Sirenidae nodded, her gaze traveling to some distant place. “As well as I can be.”
“You know you’re not alone. You can always speak to me about anything. I won’t judge, either.”
Mer shot her a deprecating smile. “What a pair we are. Both of us mourning traitors and monsters.”
“He was still your husband,” Jasmine said.
“Was he?” her friend mused, tugging at the hem of her waistband. “How can I know if anything he told me was really the truth? The more I dig into his life, the more I ask myself if I knew him at all.”
Jasmine pushed up onto her knees and pulled Mer into hug, inhaling the Sirenidae’s familiar scent of citrus and sea. “I didn’t get to know Ream but—” She pulled back and cupped Mer’s left cheek. “But I know you. You’re easy to love. Even if he made mistakes, he loved you. How could he not?”
Mer nodded, but her expression stayed blank. “I’d like to hope so.” She blinked and then pecked Jasmine on the forehead before untangling herself and standing. “I have a few things to do this afternoon.”
Jasmine stared up at the Sirenidae, full of worry. Something was off about Mer. “I’m concerned for you.”
“Don’t be. See you tomorrow?”
She nodded. “I’ll be here.” She’d have to pry it out of her friend tomorrow.
Mer winked and exited the room with a little wave.
Jasmine stared at the empty doorway, her mind whirling. Mer could be as sarcastic as herself, but she’d never been this…numb before. It was like only a shell of her friend existed. And Jasmine didn’t know what to do for Mer. Each day, the Sirenidae seemed to lose more of herself, and Jasmine didn’t know how to stop it.
A whisper of sound caught her attention, and she glanced over her shoulder.
Her husband had arrived.
Sam leaned against the wall near the northern exit. He smirked at her, and butterflies fluttered in her belly. The bloody man seemed to get more handsome each day. It was unfair. Since Lana’s arrival, Jasmine felt like she became uglier. Her body was squishier than it had been prior, and stretchmarks covered her belly and parts of her breasts. Plus, it seemed like she was always covered in vomit, her hair was perpetually greasy, and she constantly had bags under her eyes.
“What do you want?” she grumped as he sauntered toward her.
“Came to see what my lovely wife was up to.”
Jasmine waved a hand at the room. “Sparring as usual.”
His attention moved to the bassinet. “She slept through it?”
“It was Lilja’s suggestion.”
“I would have thought the noise would have woken Lana up.”
“Me too, but, apparently, it does the opposite. By getting the child used to noise, they can sleep pretty much anywhere or through anything.”
Her husband’s attention moved back to her, and a wicked smile tugged at his lips. “Anything?”
She cocked her head and crooked a finger. “I’m not sure. Maybe we should test it out?”
Sam prowled to her, dropped to his knees, and then tugged her close. “Are you teasing me?” he whispered, his lips grazing her own. “I should warn you that you’re playing a dangerous game.”
“Oh, really?” Jasmine ran her hands over the firm planes of his chest and stomach, fingers pausing at the waistband of his leather trousers. Her stomach fluttered at the desire burning in his eyes. “I love to live dangerously.”
Sam froze and then groaned, the sound vibrating against her own chest.
She gasped as his hands curled around the backs of her thighs, and he wrapped her legs around his waist before pressing her back against the mat. Her hands sank into his gilded waves as his lips trailed down her neck and stopped to lavish the spot above her collarbone.
Stars above. That felt amazing.
“You know I visited Mira this morning,” she murmured.
Sam’s head snapped up, and his heated gaze latched on to her own. “And?”
She wiggled her brows.
He groaned. “You are a cruel woman. Don’t keep me in suspense, love.”
“The healer has declared that my womanly parts are healed enough for certain activities.” Jasmine wiggled her eyebrows again.
“Is that so?” her husband crooned, brushing his nose along hers. “Whatever are these activities?”
“Kissing, for sure,” she whispered before nipping at his chin.
“Anything else?” he asked as he pushed her shirt off her shoulder and placed more kisses along her skin.
Jasmine lifted her head and nibbled his earlobe. “And anything else you can imagine.”
“You should never say that to a degenerate. You have no idea what depraved fantasies might lurk in his mind.”
“I’m counting on it.”
“What a wicked mouth,” he teased. “Give it here.”
She shivered as his hands moved to the waistband of her trousers and pulled her shirt free. Jasmine crushed her lips to his, her hands running along the bands of muscles hidden beneath his clothing. She slid her hands under his linen shirt and gently scratched her nails up his back, her eyes closing.
Sam’s breaths came faster, and he exploded into action.
His hands were everywhere, like he was trying to touch every part of her that he could. Gooseflesh rippled down her arms as he bit her bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue.
&
nbsp; “All mine—” Sam paused as a little cry cut through the air.
Jasmine opened her eyes and stared up at Sam’s. She giggled and pointed at his disgruntled expression.
“The look on your face,” she gasped, shaking with laughter.
His lips twitched. “Just my bloody luck.”
Sam pecked her on the lips and rolled off of her. Jasmine sat up, watching as her husband scooped Lana from the bassinet and tucked her into his arms, crooning sweet nothings at their daughter.
“I think someone is hungry,” he commented as he walked back to Jasmine.
“When is she not hungry?” Jas retorted and began to unbutton her linen shirt. It still surprised her how her body responded automatically to Lana’s cry. A woman’s body was clearly a miracle. She held out her arms, and Sam gently placed their whimpering daughter into her embrace. Jasmine pulled her close, and Lana nuzzled in for food. She winced as the babe latched on.
“Still painful?” Sam asked softly as he sat behind her, and gently pulled her between his legs so she could lean against his chest.
“At the beginning, each time. It’s not as bad as it used to be,” she murmured, running a finger along the babe’s soft cheek. Lana’s eyes blinked sleepily, the color so much like her own that it was uncanny.
Sam pressed a kiss against the column of her neck, and she sighed. Their alone time had been thwarted again. “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for, love.” His hands came around her, and one cupped the back of Lana’s small head, his thumb stroking her black hair. “I can’t wait to take you to my bed properly, but this? This is everything.”
She snorted. “A sweaty wife, three screaming children, and no sleep or intimacy?”
“A family. Each one of these little moments you share with me is precious. I don’t want to miss one.”
Her eyes teared up, and she twisted so she could get a good look at the man who’d changed her life. “How did I get so lucky?”
He smiled and gave her a tender kiss. “I’m the lucky one.”
Chapter 7
Tehl
At one time, he’d appreciated the silence when forced into the company of others for dinner. Not so with his wife.