by T L Swan
His eyes close. “Fuck,” he whispers. Oh yes, what this man does to me. He moves his hand and grabs my behind as he pulls me forward into his waiting hard cock. God I want it. I want it now. We are suddenly bumped from the side. I look up to see Josh looking at someone over my shoulder. He looks down at me and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.
“Go home, naughty girl.” I frown and then he pushes me to the side as Todd comes in with a punch. What the hell? I feel like I am in a scene from fight club. Joshua and Todd are in a full–on fist fight in the middle of the dance floor. I am getting bustled around by the crowd when I feel a hand grab my arm and pull me free. I turn and see Adrian looking very concerned.
“Natasha, come with me.” I nod and follow him off the dance floor just as I see Ben run onto it. He separates the fight but the bouncers have a hold of the two of them and drag them off somewhere. Ben follows.
Holy shit, what the fuck just happened?
Chapter 6
What on earth does it mean when you see a man at a wedding and he kisses you…passionately? Then the next time you see him he tells you to fuck off…Unnecessarily, and then you are forced to watch him fondle a stripper… Painfully. The next time you see him he tells you he wants to fuck you so hard on the bar you won’t remember your name…most orgasmically, only to not call you for four days? I sit at my desk tapping the end of my pencil, as I go over the case notes of the nut job I can’t stop fantasising about. It’s been four days and I have to say it’s exactly as I expected— doesn’t he know how to use a fucking phone? What’s with the hard core act? I’m so over it. I know he’s attracted to me—does he really think I can’t feel it? I could cut the air with a knife when we are together, the sexual chemistry is blanket thick. Like nothing I’ve ever felt. When he’s away from me, however, it is totally another story. I can’t read him at all. How come he doesn’t call me? I put my head into my hands. Ring damn you! I glare at my phone trying to send a telepathic message through it to him. My google alert on Monday morning did its job, and alerted me at 8.00 am that Joshua had in fact spent the night in jail after being arrested on Saturday night. Obviously something else must have happened with Todd after the bouncers stepped in. I hope he’s not hurt. What if he gets charged? He’s probably pissed at me… again. Well good, ‘cause I’m getting pretty pissed off myself here. Who the hell does he think he is? If he wants to start a fight he’s going the right way about it, the asshole. How dare he interrupt my night with promises of passion and legs over shoulders only to tell me to go home? Which I did of course, like a lap dog secretly hoping he would turn up there? I wonder how long he was watching me, as he seemed to step in just in the nick of time. I can’t help but imagine what would have gone down if Todd the idiot hadn’t stepped in.
Perfect bloody timing Todd, good one.
By Friday I am sick of the sight of myself and have just about slipped into a carbohydrate coma so after work I head to the gym. I have put on three stress kilos since a certain Mr Stanton re–entered my life and the joke of it is I actually reprimand people all day about the repercussions of comfort eating. When in fact I should be teaching them how to do it right. I hammer myself on the treadmill for forty minutes only to get off and feel faint. I drain my water bottle and head to my locker to retrieve my belongings and check my phone. Nope, still hasn’t called. Asshole. I have three missed calls from Bridget though. I head down the stairs as I dial her number.
She answers first ring.
“Hi Tash.”
“Hi, what’s up?”
“Nothing just checking in.”
I lean on the side of my car as I take her call. “Where are you?” I ask.
“Um,” she sounds evasive.
“So, where are you?” I repeat.
“I’m at Josh’s.”
“What,” I snap.
“He’s not here,” she quickly adds.
“Where is he?” I immediately ask.
“I’m not sure, I’m with Cameron and Will.”
“Oh that’s right,” I reply, disappointed. Josh’s two younger brothers are staying with him for the week. Mum had told me this, although I had forgotten. “Say hi for me,” I whisper.
“I will,” she smiles down the phone. I pull my jacket around my shoulders as the cold air chills me.
“Do you want to come out tonight?” she asks.
“Where to?” I ask.
“The boys have tickets for some show and they bought some extra tickets in case we want to come.”
I smile at the two muscle men leaving the gym. “Oh, I don’t know, I told Abbs I would catch a movie.”
“No, I’ve spoken to her. She’s keen to come to this show.”
“Oh,” I answer flatly. “Is Josh coming?” I scrunch my eyes shut as I say it, knowing how desperate I sound.
“No, the boys said he’s going to some kickboxing thing.” She lowers her voice so they can’t hear her. “If you come we might be able to get some info on him,” she whispers. I nod as her plan rolls around in my head. This is true—they are staying with him so maybe I can find out if he is seeing someone else.
“Do you think they know anything?”
“Who knows? Of course, they must. Brothers talk, don’t they?”
Three hours later I find myself at the Luna Park Convention Centre with Abbie, Bridget, Cameron and Will. We grab some drinks from the bar and head to our seats. As we are walking to our seats, I notice the crowd is all mostly male and a bit rough around the edges.
“Why did we come here again?” I frown at Bridget as we walk through the rows of numbered seating. “What are we seeing?” Bridget hunches her shoulders.
“Beats me. Cam, what are we seeing?” she asks.
“Josh is fighting tonight.” I stop dead in my tracks. Cameron and Will turn to face me.
“Fighting,” I repeat. “What, what do you mean?” I am shocked, this was not in the brochure.
“He is in a cage fight tonight.” Will starts to laugh at the distress on my face.
“Cage fight,” I repeat.
“Yeah,” Cameron nods.
“That’s crazy talk, you can’t be serious?” My eyes are bulging out of their sockets. Will laughs again.
“He’s done it before Natasha. Chill.”
“Josh,” I repeat. They nod. “Josh, Josh. Like our Josh.”
“Apparently he is pretty good. I haven’t seen him but Will has in America. He kicks ass.”
I put my hands up to my face and push on my cheeks. Oh my god, this isn’t happening.
“Are you mad?” I whisper. “I can’t watch Josh in a cage fight. What if he gets hurt?” Bridget looks from me to Abbie and starts to giggle.
“Since when has Josh been cage fighting?” she asks Will. “This is ridiculous.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe six months.”
“Why?” I ask.
“I don’t know. He likes it I suppose.” He smiles.
“What, he likes bashing the shit out of people?” I frown.
Cameron and Will laugh. “Yes, exactly.” They keep shuffling up the row to our seats while checking the numbers on the tickets.
I stand still. “I don’t think I can stay,” I whisper to Abbie. I feel like I am going to be sick.
She shakes her head. “Just stay for a bit and then I will come with you.”
“Ok, deal.” In quick succession I scull my drink and head to the bar for something stronger. I stand in line at the bar and take in my surroundings. There are massive screens around the perimeter and two bars fully stocked with all the trimmings. The crowd is eclectic from age eighteen and up. I notice more women seem to be lingering at the bar, probably escaping the brutality of this horrible place. I hear the crowd roar and my eyes are drawn to the big screen to see two men in capes walk into the fighting arena. They remove their capes, looking like body builders or something. Jeez. I look away from the screen suddenly panicked at what I am about to witness, and the crowd goes wild again. My
eyes are once again drawn back to the screen, my heart racing. The two men touch fists and then start to push each other around, inciting the other to make the first move. One man is of European descent, maybe Italian or something, and the other is bald but very Anglo Saxon, maybe English, but it’s hard to tell. Shit, this is hard to watch, but I find I can’t look away. These men are huge and aggressive and they are fighting in a frigging cage in front of about 10,000 people. Every now and then they get too rough and the umpire steps in. They do seem pretty evenly skilled. I see what Cam means, it is sort of kickboxing. Although every now and then they connect and wrestle to the ground. I find I’m holding my breath. They would have to be hurting each other. I can almost feel the hits myself. I wince as a punch connects. I can’t work it out, from what place deep inside does a person get the anger to get off on this shit? The adrenaline in their systems must be through the roof. How in the hell has Josh strayed so far from the man I knew? He does this, he does this for fun. I run my hands through my hair as this information sinks in. I honestly don’t know him anymore. I haven’t a frigging clue who in the hell he is. He isn’t the smart, witty, surfie guy I fell in love with. He’s morphed into a smoking, stripper–loving, cage–fighting bad boy. Who, unfortunately, I find totally fascinating and not to mention utterly gorgeous. There is definitely nothing left of my Josh though, my beautiful gentle Josh. The thought saddens me deep to my bones. I’m grieving for a man that no longer exists. A man who for reasons beyond my control I can no longer reach.
It is with a heavy heart and a clear mind that I buy the drinks and head back to our seats. Perhaps this is a good thing, the realisation of the current events. I suppose that in all honesty it is definitely better for both of us that we never hook up again. We are related after all. I just wish I didn’t have this visceral attraction to him, it’s becoming embarrassing, and damn hard to control. On my return I am surprised to see Abbie and Bridget standing and cheering with the boys. Oh no, they are getting into it, and Abbie is wolf whistling. They are going for Mr Italy and he seems to be coming out on top. A few more rounds and finally the ref steps in and announces Mr Italy the victor. The crowd goes wild. Abbie and Bridget are jumping up and down on their seats. They are so annoying. I am sitting, head down, playing on my phone. I could not be more distracted if I tried. After the fight is over there is a ten–minute break until the next one. Cam sits back with his arm over the backs of the chairs. The others are all standing.
“Tash, are you ok?” he smiles behind everyone’s legs. I nod. Though at the moment I really don’t think I am. The dam in my throat is threatening to burst. It’s all too much—how much more can I take? He holds out his hand to me and I grab it. He squeezes it in a reassuring gesture.
“He will be ok,” he whispers, and my eyes widen at him. Does he know? As if he can read my thoughts he nods his head.
“Yes I know,” he answers.
My eyes widen. “How long?” I whisper. He stays silent and looks at me, slowly stands and moves over past the others to sit beside me. He sits down and puts his arm around me but doesn’t answer, then pulls me in and kisses my forehead.
“How long Cam?” I repeat. He blows out a breath and shrugs his shoulders. “Please,” I beg.
“All along,” he sighs. “I’ve known all along.” I put my hand over my mouth. Tears fill my eyes, I’m so ashamed.
“Hey, stop it.” He squeezes my shoulder, “It’s ok.”
“No Cam, it’s not ok.” I hang my head. “How do you know?” I ask, my quivering voice revealing my oncoming tears.
“We all know,” he shrugs his shoulders. What.
“Who’s we?” I ask, horrified.
“My brothers.” Oh god. “And my mother.” What the fuck!
“Your mother,” I stammer once again, putting my hand over my mouth. “How, but why, but how?” He smiles at my babbling.
“Let’s just say, Josh didn’t handle it very well when you broke up with him.” My heart drops for the ten–thousandth time this week.
“What do you mean?” I ask, as the tears once again burn the backs of my eyes.
He shakes his head. “I’ve said enough already, speak to Josh.” He gives me a sympathetic smile as if he knows what torture I am going through at the moment.
“Josh is acting weird Cam,” I whisper.
He nods. “I know, you make him crazy.” He takes a gulp of his beer as he looks straight ahead. The next fight starts and once again the deafening music begins, and the crowd jumps to their feet. I stay seated. My mind is in a total jumble. He didn’t handle it well, what does that mean? I pinch my bottom lip as I think. Abbie climbs over the seats to get back next to me. She’s having the time of her life.
“Check this out.” She hands me the binoculars and I shake my head.
“No thanks.” I hold up my hands. “I’m good.”
“Ok, you’re missing out, these guys are hot.” I roll my eyes, whatever. She really is acting like a little kid.
“Smell that testosterone!” Abbie inhales deeply while holding her stomach and Cameron and Wilson burst out laughing.
“See, I told you girls you would love this shit.” I am totally distracted. I am not even watching what’s going on. His mother knows, bitch. I was right—she has been rubbing my face in it all these years. Bridget returns from the bar with more drinks, two for me. I look up and she gives me a sympathetic smile and a wink. She must have overheard the conversation between Cam and me. I nod as I take my drinks.
“Thanks babe,” I whisper. She bends and gives me a kiss on the top of my head and then wrecks it by running her hand through my hair and messing it up. I swat her away as I giggle. I am distracted from my disturbing thoughts of not handling things well by Will yelling.
“Here he comes.” I stand up instinctively. Oh shit, my hand flies up to my mouth. I go to walk out but Cameron grabs my jacket.
“Stay,” he yells over the crowd. I swallow and nod, what a total nightmare. Joshua is wearing a black dressing gown sort of thing and he is followed by a man who is talking to him.
“Who’s that?” I yell across to Will.
“That’s his trainer,” he yells back.
“How do you know?” I ask.
“I met him in LA.”
“Oh what, he travels with Josh?” Cam nods.
“Yeah he goes where Josh goes.” I frown. Cam shakes his head and smiles. “You know, life of the rich and famous, entourage and all that.” I nod, I really have no clue what’s going on do I? I am still trying to digest the whole entourage thing when he takes off his cape. Sweet mother of god. Every single muscle on his body is visible to my eyes, he’s so cut.
“Holy shit!” Abbie yells so close to my ear that she nearly bursts my ear drum. I pull away and frown as I clap my hand over my ear. “You could grate cheese on that stomach.” I nod, shocked at the fine specimen before me. He turns and I see a massive tattoo running from his hip bone up the length of his torso on his side.
“He’s inked,” Abbie whispers. She grabs the binoculars from Will and looks at the stage. I am still staring dumbstruck at him. Fuck, he’s hot. Seriously, how can anyone be so goddamn attractive? I look over at Abbie and she has handed the binoculars to Bridget who is now looking at the stage. She pulls the binoculars down, her face filled with horror.
“Fuck off,” Bridget whispers, her eyes bulging.
Cameron bursts out laughing. “I’ve been waiting for you to see that.”
“What?” I snap. She hands me the binoculars. I look at the stage and see him deep in conversation with his trainer. What are they going on about? He turns and all of the blood drains from my face. The ink isn’t a picture as I first thought. Joshua has the word Natasha in running writing down the whole length of his body.
Holy Fuck.
Chapter 7
My eyes are seeing it, but I don’t believe it. Why in the hell would he do that? Before I can apply my brain–to–mouth filter, I call Will over to me.
&n
bsp; “When did he get that?”
He shrugs. “A couple of years ago.”
“How many?”
“How many what?”
“Years?”
“Um, I don’t know, three or four.”
“Is it me?” I frown.
“Of course it’s you.” I sit back down, my mind now officially in overdrive. We haven’t been together for seven years, so why three or four years ago? Abbie comes over, cuddles me and whispers in my ear.
“Looks like you’re not the only fucked up one Tash.” The crowd goes wild and I immediately stand to see what’s going on. Joshua is going ballistic, kicking and punching this guy. I think he’s trying to kill him. Good grief, he’s so aggressive. I sit back down and put my hands over my eyes. This is unbearable. He’s going to jail again tonight, probably for life. After what seems like an eternity, the fight finishes and Joshua is announced the victor to the once again screaming crowd. I, however, am furious. What in god’s name does he think he’s doing here? This is definitely not a sport; this is barbaric. The kind of shit you see on cable.
“Can we go?” I ask Cameron.
He smiles and nods. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom, then we will head.” He disappears up the steps two at a time. Abbie and Bridge flop down onto the chairs either side of me.
“OMG,” Bridget whispers. “Let’s talk about Josh’s tatt.”
“Let’s not,” I reply.
“Why are you so pissy?” she asks.
“Are you serious?” I snap. “This is bullshit.”
“What’s bullshit?”
“This,” I gesture at the arena around us. “This isn’t fucking kickboxing. This is how to kill a person in fifteen minutes.”
She nods, “But it’s totally hot, right.” I shake my head in disgust at her.
“You’re an imbecile,” I snap. Will’s phone rings and he smiles and talks to someone on the other end and hangs up.