by T L Swan
Chapter 8
I stagger back at the sight of him. Shit. He’s standing with his hands linked on top of his head. His eyes are cast down, and he is leaning against the wall.
“Josh,” I whisper. “What are you doing here?” He looks at me and shakes his head, unable to answer. “Baby, answer me.”
“Stop calling me that,” he snaps.
“No, I told you I won’t.”
He swallows and looks down again. It is then I notice I am totally naked. I quickly grab a towel from the rail and wrap it around me. He stills looks down and his hands are still on top of his head, as if he is trying not to touch me, trying to restrain himself. The room is filled with steam, I am dripping wet in a towel and the man I am beyond physically attracted to is looking at the floor rather than at me. What’s wrong with this picture?
“Josh, answer me,” I repeat.
His eyes meet mine with a sadness in them that nearly breaks my heart. His hands are still linked on top of his head. “I’m not strong enough, I can’t do it,” he whispers.
“Strong enough for what?” I frown.
“To not want you.” He closes his eyes as if in pain.
“Baby,” I whisper as I wrap my arms around him. “I want you to want me.”
“No, Natasha,” he pushes me away. “I can’t do this.”
“Josh, talk to me. What’s going on?”
He shakes his head.
‘Why did you do it?”
“What do you mean, Josh?”
“Why did you leave me before you even gave me a chance?”
That’s what all this anger is about? I smile.
“You find this funny?” he snaps. “I knew this was a waste of time.” He turns to walk out of the room.
“Josh, no.” I am suddenly panicked. “I didn’t do anything but save you from yourself.”
He frowns at me. “What do you mean?”
“Josh, you weren’t thinking straight. You were going to ‘fess up to our parents.” He frowns again. “I was young and you were my older cousin.” He shakes his head as he listens. “Josh, if my father found out he would have killed you—he would have thought that you forced me.”
He steps back, shocked at my insinuations. “It wasn’t like that,” he whispers as his face drops.
“I know, but that’s how it would have looked. I had to do it.”
His anger reignites. “You had to conveniently sleep with someone else to save me? Do you think I’m that stupid?” he yells.
I step back. “No, Josh, I lied to save you.” He frowns again. “I lied. I would never sleep with anyone else, Josh.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I can feel those uncontrollable frigging tears appearing once again.
“How could you, Josh?” I choke out past the lump in my throat.
“Do what?”
“How could you think I actually slept with someone else? I was totally in love with you. It broke my fucking heart, Josh, and you believed it. Just like that you believed it.”
“It came from your mouth,” he points at me. “You are the one who said it. Let me see, it went like this. Have you slept with him? And you replied yes!” he yells.
I step back and cross my arms. “So you don’t believe me?” I whisper.
He drops his head again, his hands still linked on top of his head. “Let’s just leave it.” He drops his hands. “This is stupid.”
“No, Josh, you’re stupid.” His eyes ignite with rage.
“Do you really expect me to believe you didn’t sleep with him?” His eyes are questioning and hurt.
“I didn’t, I promise. I would never have done that to you. I kept waiting for you to work it out. Why didn’t you work it out, Josh?” Hot tears stream down onto my cheeks, tears of guilt. Through the lump in my throat I whisper. “Have you ever thought of me, Josh?” He nods, his eyes sallow. The sight of the emotion in his eyes opens a wound in my chest, and a sob escapes.
“Josh, I’ve missed you, so damn much it hurts,” I whisper. He stays silent as he inhales precious air deeply into his lungs. He lifts his hand and runs it over my hair.
“Show me.” He continues stroking my hair and wraps his fingers around the back of my neck. I look up at his lips as he lowers them to mine. He kisses me gently, swiping his tongue through my open mouth. A shiver runs through my body and a groan escapes me, one I can’t control. The kiss deepens and his tongue takes over every sense I own, taking what he wants. He brings his hands to my face and holds my cheeks as he kisses me again, deeper this time. His tongue demanding arousal. My body happy to oblige. A shiver runs through me as I feel a very familiar pulse start to throb between my legs. I can’t believe it, we are alone and he knows the truth. The last thought scatters goose bumps over my body.
“Show me,” he whispers in my ear as he bites it. “Show me how much you have missed me.” He runs his open mouth down the length of my neck. I pull back to look at him and his eyes have changed. They are now dark with desire. They call to a part of me that only he knows. Without breaking eye contact he grabs the bottom of his T–shirt and pulls it off over his head. Each breath I take is deeper than the last, my heart racing out of control. My eyes drop to his chest, holy fuck this body is ridiculous. It takes my breath away. He is tanned and muscular and his chest has a scattering of dark hair that picks up again below his navel in a thin line that disappears into his cargo pants. I look back up to see the anxiety etched on his face. I run my fingertips down the length of his body until I reach the tattoo. Ahh, that’s why he looks nervous, he doesn’t know how I will react. I turn him and lift his arm. He lets me and raises his arm for me to see. I follow my name with my fingertip slowly. My god, I adore this man.
“When did you get this baby?” I whisper… silence, he doesn’t answer. “Josh, answer me and I want the truth.”
“On your twenty–first birthday—it’s your birthday present.” He closes his eyes as if pained. I can’t help it, tears instantly overfill my eyes. I bend and slowly kiss the tattoo. Overcome with emotion I can’t hold the tears back as they run freely down my face. I hold him in an embrace around the stomach as I sob against his body. He runs his fingers through my hair.
“Happy birthday, precious girl.” I stand up and that’s it. I know it’s over. I will do anything he wants. With dark eyes he ticks his jaw and cracks his neck. I love that. “Now stop with the blubbering and show me how much you’ve fucking missed me.” He smiles and bites his lip as he grabs my shoulders and pushes me down onto my knees. I drop, eager to taste him. Desperation hits as I rip his pants down. His engorged length falls into my hands and I lick my lips as I size up the perfect manhood in front of me. Holy mother fuck, he’s frigging huge. Has he always been this big? He gently runs his fingers through my hair and lifts himself into my waiting mouth. I close my eyes as I swirl my tongue around the tip and gently suck.
“Fuck,” he hisses and leans back against the wall, unable to hold his weight on his legs any longer. His response urges me on and I take the full length of him. I suck harder and hold onto his hips for balance. Slowly but surely I build a rhythm, each stroke deeper than the last, each suck more powerful. The contrast between the hard powerful lurches of his hips into my mouth and the gentle stroking of his hands on my hair bring me to an involuntary groan. I am rewarded with a gush of pre–ejaculate. God, he tastes good. His breathing is laboured and he leans his head back against the wall.
“Fuck Tash, you suck me so good,” he breathes. He pushes the hair from my forehead and runs his fingers down my cheeks, feeling them dip in as I suck. His mouth drops open as he watches me, and the look in his eyes is pure predatory. Our eyes lock and something shifts between us— memories reawaken. An unspoken language that only we can understand. I close my eyes to block out the intimacy. It’s too much. Too fast. He pulls himself free of my mouth and bends to kiss me, a slow gentle tongue kiss.
“Stand,” he whispers. “I need to be inside y
ou, precious girl.” I stand and he kisses me again as he pushes me back to the vanity and lifts me to sit on top of it. He slowly undoes my towel from my body and stands back to look at me. I feel self–conscious. It’s the middle of the frigging day and I’m spread–eagled in front of the most beautiful man on the planet. His eyes drop to between my legs.
“Perfect,” he whispers. I smile as I internally thank Abbie for the appointment at the Beautiful Behinds waxing salon yesterday. I owe her…big time. He runs his hand down the front of my neck to my breasts which he cups with his hands, my nipples hardening under his attention. He lets out a low groan and closes his eyes. Seriously, this man is hot. I think the phrase god’s gift to women is definitely appropriate in this situation. His mouth drops open again as he watches with dark eyes his fingers run down the length of my body and he swipes them through the wet flesh between my legs. I whimper and throw my head back to lean on the mirror. He starts to kiss my neck with an open mouth and gently starts to spread my knees with his hands, running slowly both hands backwards and forwards from my knees to my hips. I know he’s trying to calm himself. His breath is quivering as he sucks in air. Just the thought that he could be this aroused from my body starts to liquefy my insides and I find myself panting, anticipating his next move. His fingertips circle through my swollen flesh and his thumb rubs over my clitoris. I shudder with arousal. “Fuck, you are dripping wet,” he smiles into my neck. I grab the back of his head and bury it into my neck. I can’t even speak, let alone answer. A low moan escapes me. Even if I wanted to stop and I don’t, it would not be physically possible at this point. My body has gone into overdrive and is on a one–way race track to orgasm. He steps back and once again stares down at my open weeping flesh, he cracks his neck hard and I know he’s gone past his physical limits of restraint. His mouth slackens and he slowly pushes one of his fingers into me, twisting his hand as he does. He closes his eyes as he moans. “Fuck!” I smile and bite my lip. I like that response, I like it a lot. Standing back with eyes still focused on my sex he slowly fucks me with his finger and then adds a second as he twists his hand again. I groan and lean my head back. Shit, I think I’m going to come from just this, how embarrassing. He seems to lose control and bites my neck hard as his strong fingers pick up the pace.
“You’re so tight, precious. I wanted to come with you first time, but it’s not going to work.” He bites me, taking possession, and it’s almost painful. Goose bumps scatter again.
“Huh,” I whisper. “What do you mean?”
“If I don’t make you come first I won’t be able to get in—you’re too tight, baby,” he whispers into my ear as he bites it. On hearing those words my legs open wider by themselves, and he starts to scissor his fingers. Oh dear god. This is too good. Once again he takes my mouth hard, a take no prisoner’s kind of kiss, biting my bottom lip as he pulls away. He bends and picks me up over his shoulder and walks down the hall, bangs open my bedroom door and throws me onto the bed. Oh fuck, this is going to hurt. I just know it. I think I said once before who does he think he is? I can tell you one thing, he puts Dirk Diggler to shame. Shit, and he said I’m tight. Before I can think anymore he crawls over me and settles his hips to cradle between my legs. He gently starts to rub the side of his shaft through my swollen flesh, while holding his weight up on straightened arms as he kisses me passionately again. A gentle hard rub, one that has my body involuntarily lifting off the bed to meet him. Damn, he’s good at this. His hand runs from my jaw down to my breast to my hipbone, then underneath my knee as he brings my leg around his hip. All the while he is kissing me passionately. I don’t have a fucking chance against this god. Slowly he kisses down my throat to my breasts which he immediately brings to attention as he sucks both of my nipples hard between his teeth. My back arches off the bed, a sheen of perspiration now covering both of our bodies. I run my fingers through his hair. He pushes my legs apart until they are touching the bed and he gives me a carnal smile as he disappears down my body. Shit, it’s daylight, surely we can ease into this in the dark for Pete’s sake. But my thoughts are instantly erased as his hot tongue swipes through my flesh. I jump off the bed, the sensation burning through me.
“Sshh, precious girl, I’ve got you. Relax baby, I won’t hurt you.” He reaches his hand up and links his fingers in mine, and our eyes lock. The intimacy of the act once again undoes my emotions and I put my head back onto the mattress to hide my glassy eyes. Fuck, what am I doing? I’m going to get hurt, I just know it. This can only end badly.
His tongue goes to work stroking deep long licks through the length of my sex. I start to quiver. “Sshh baby,” he stops and stills to calm me. “Take your time, relax. Let me enjoy you.” I nod and squeeze his hand, unable to articulate words. This is too much. He squeezes my hand back and then brings his fingers down to part me open to his gaze. I’m holding my breath. Actually, no, I’m not holding it, I can’t breathe, my lungs have no air. I‘m waiting for his reaction, for him to say something.
He closes his eyes and whispers. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to have you like this?” My glassy eyes meet his and I nod. I too have waited long and hard for this.
“Let me come inside you.”
I frown at him. “Josh, I don’t think.”
“I’m clean, I promise. I don’t want anything between us. I want it to be just you and me. I’ve waited for this. I’ve never had sex without a condom on before and I want that with you. Don’t take it away from me,” he whispers. Oh shit. Goose bumps scatter and his words ramp up my libido to fever pitch. As if he can sense my desperation he starts his oral assault again, his tongue taking what it wants from my body, his eyes closed in reverence. I start to whimper as my hips start to sway on their own to the rhythm of his tongue. I’m close. He brings my legs up over his shoulders and he too is losing control. He can sense my oncoming orgasm approaching like a freight train. I’m panting, covered in sweat, as I watch his head move between my legs, feel his strong shoulders under my legs. He closes his eyes and groans into me. That’s it, I can’t hold it any longer and I scream out as I am racked with violent shudders.
“Fuck,” he whispers as he lets me gently come down with gentle laps. I look up into the face of a triumphant male as he whispers, “Again.”
“Josh, no.” I try to move up the bed to escape. It’s too much, I’m way too sensitive. He grabs my legs and pulls me back down the bed. He parts my legs with force and once again his tongue is on me. I shudder. Holy fuck. Any chance I had of escaping is out the window and I know he has crossed the line and is running on pure instinct, race to orgasm. I lie back and try to calm myself. He runs his teeth over my clitoris and I jump again.
“Sshh, presh, let me have my way. I don’t want to hurt you later, and I need you soft and open from orgasm. I’m, well, not small and you’re too tight and I’m way too turned on to be gentle.” He reaches up and grabs my hand again, my other hand rubs over his head and shoulders. He’s right. I need to lie back and relax. I try to calm my breathing. Within seconds my hips are swaying again and he adds a finger, then another, as he twists his hand on entry, his dilated eyes boring into me. He slowly fucks me with his strong fingers and I fall apart just watching him, he’s so turned on, so frigging hot. He adds a third finger and I wince.
“Baby,” I whisper as my spine involuntarily lurches me off the bed. “Josh, I need to…” I whimper again. “Oh god…Josh please,” I beg, as I run my both hands over his head.
“Natasha, I have you for one night, don’t fucking rush me.” I nod once again, unable to speak, his fingers now working me with such force the bed is rocking. It feels so good. I’ve needed this for so long, needed him to do this to me. I can’t wait to take him inside me. He bites my clitoris and I moan and he sits up to watch me. I can see the muscles in his arm and shoulder flex as he rides me hard with his hand, the veins in his forearm pumping with blood. A thick sheen of perspiration covers his body. He smiles a sly smile at me as his thumb swip
es over my clitoris and with three more pumps of his finger he mouths the words, “Come for me.” I explode into a violent shudder as I scream and spiral into the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. Before I even move he’s on me and with one hard lunge he’s in to the hilt. Oh fuck, he’s big.
“I had to go fast, baby, so I didn’t hurt you,” he whispers. I nod, trying to catch my breath. He stays deep and still, allowing me to adjust to the overwhelming sensation that has my heartbeat sounding in my ears. His breathing is heavy, his eyes closed, as he rests his forehead onto mine, trying to calm himself. Holy fuck, I am so out of my depth here. This isn’t sex. This is a life – changing event. He opens his eyes and I see a depth of arousal I have never seen before in any man, in life or porn, and it’s somewhat unsettling. This is going to hurt.
“I’m going to move now, presh. Are you ok?” I nod and he circles his hips as if trying to stretch me. God I can’t stretch anymore. I’ve reached my physical limits. He slowly pulls out, his eyes shutting as he does and gently pushes back in. Ok that felt good, no pain. I will myself to relax. He pushes forward again and circles his hips, repeating the addictive movement of before. I grab his behind, my lust taking over, and the next time he pulls out I pull him back into me.
“Again,” I whisper. “Faster.” He bites my neck painfully and slams back into me, his physical limits reached, and he starts to move against me so hard the bed sounds like it’s going to break when it hits the wall. I groan as I run my hands over his perspiration–covered muscly body. His kisses turn aggressive and I am so overwhelmed at what this man is doing to me I can’t even kiss him back. I lie there with my mouth open, groaning into his mouth.