by T L Swan
“Stop worrying, baby. We can do this. Just think of it as we are coming out as gay. They will be shocked at first and then they will be angry and that’s when we leave and in time they will have to accept us. We are not doing anything wrong Josh, it is legal in most countries for us to be together,” I smile.
He frowns and shakes his head. “Stop talking, you’re making it worse,” he snaps.
“We had better get going.” I smile.
He nods and stands to face me and takes my two hands in his. “Promise me one thing,” he whispers and I nod. “Promise me that whatever happens we will leave your parents’ house together today.” I smile and nod and give him a tender kiss while cupping his face in my hands.
“I promise you we will leave together today and then we will go out for dinner to celebrate our bravery, followed by awesome hot sex.” He gives me a nervous smile and nods.
“Sounds like a plan.”
Walking up the steps to Mum and Dad’s house is the most terrifying thing I think I have done. Joshua is as white as a ghost and the tension on Cameron’s face is priceless. But this means we can finally be together in public. We walk into the lounge room, oh shit, Brock is here. Joshua and I quickly glance at each other, knowing exactly what the other is thinking.
“Come out the back everyone,” Mum calls from the kitchen in her best entertaining voice. Ok, this is it…it’s go time. Cameron and Bridget are sitting on a stone bench and Joshua’s mum and dad are sitting at the table with my mum, Brock and Dad. Holy fuck. I feel like I am going to vomit. Joshua runs both of his hands through his hair and I stand still on the spot. I give him the nod symbolising now.
“You are probably wondering why I have brought you all here,” he stammers. “I…we have something to tell you,” he continues.
“Joshua, no…stop,” Margaret snaps. He swallows and ignores her and continues, “Natasha…Natasha.” He looks at me and I can’t stand it any longer. I stand and grab his hand.
“Joshua and I have fallen in love.” The room falls silent. My eyes flick around the room to see five sets of shocked eyes staring at us.
“What do you mean?” Joshua’s dad snaps.
Joshua swallows the lump in his throat. “We have been seeing each other and we have fallen for each other,” he stammers.
Brock breaks the silence. “You’re a fucking prick, Stanton.”
My mother yells. “Brock, enough.”
I need to speak quickly—everyone is just too quiet.
“We fell in love when we were seventeen and only just got back together. We couldn’t stay apart any longer.”
“He was with a fucking stripper just a week ago, Natasha,” Brock yells. Oh shit, he did have to see that, didn’t he? Joshua glares at Brock and I grab his arm signifying for him to calm down. Joshua’s dad stands. “Back up—did you say seventeen?” I frown. “How old were you then, Joshua?” he asks. Joshua bites his lip, knowing what’s coming.
“How old?” he screams. Oh shit, this is getting out of control and Cameron stands up and walks around next to Joshua as if to signify support.
“Nineteen,” Joshua answers.
“So Natasha is the girl you nearly didn’t go to America for?” Josh hangs his head. “And she is the girl in your goddamn tattoo?” he yells.
“Yes,” Joshua sighs as he rubs both of his eyes with his hands. Margaret, Joshua’s mother, bursts into tears and my mother stands and starts pacing.
“You’re cousins,” she screams. This is bad…worse than I thought. I look to my dad to see his reaction and he picks up my hand.
“This is wrong, baby girl…you can’t do this,” he whispers.
My eyes tear up. “Dad, nothing has ever felt so right..Don’t say that.”
Joshua gets a new bout of bravery. “Natasha is moving to LA with me,” he announces.
“Over my fucking dead body,” Brock screams.
Joshua glares at him. “Don’t temp me Marx,” he snaps.
Brock jumps up and knocks the chair over and runs at Josh and Cameron steps in the middle. Brock punches Cameron with full force and he falls over and everybody starts screaming for them to stop it. Joshua loses control and grabs Brock off Cameron and then punches Brock in the face. Bridget and I are screaming.
“Stop it now…Brock, no.”
From behind me I hear Margaret yelling. “John, John. Oh my god…John.” We all collectively turn to see my father slumped in Margaret’s arms and clutching his chest. Oh dear god.
“Call an ambulance,” I scream. Joshua and Brock still have a hold of each other, slamming into the wall, and the table tips over as they fall into it.
“Stop it now. Call an ambulance,” Joshua’s dad yells. Suddenly the room spins. What’s happening? I feel like I am having an out–of–body experience. I am in shock with no emotion. My dad is on the ground and Cameron is doing CPR frantically. My mum and Margaret are crying and holding each other. Bridget is screaming down the phone for an ambulance.
“What’s the address?” she screams. “What’s the address?” Even though she has lived at the house her whole childhood. Joshua is pacing with both of his hands on top of his head.
Cameron screams to Bridget. “Tell them it’s a heart attack. We need defibrillators urgently.” Oh dear god…please no. I drop to my knees and pray.
“Please god let him be ok…please god let him be ok…please god let him be ok.” The ambulance finally arrives and I run out to the road to show them the way. Cameron quickly fills them in on the situation and they run him to the ambulance. They shut the doors and I can hear Cameron call from inside…”Clear”…”Clear”… Oh my god they are trying to shock him back to life. I start to hold my head and scream “NO…No…No…This isn’t happening.”
The ambulance driver yells to my mum.
“Royal North Shore Hospital,” and they scream off. Everybody starts to run to cars, my family in one and Josh’s family in another. Josh comes over to me and puts his hand on my back.
“I will drive you,” he whispers.
“No. You stay away from her and the hospital. You fucking caused this,” Brock screams. “I swear to god I will kill you if you come anywhere near the hospital.”
I look at Joshua, my eyes wide with shock.
And this is the moment…you know the one in the front of the book. When I said the next thing I was going to do would change the course of my life, and would I still do it knowing heartbreak was imminent.
I know what I want to do. I want to go with Josh to the hospital but my family is all screaming at me to get into the car and Brock is so mad. I look again at Josh who is holding his hand out for me. “Natasha, you promised we would leave here together,” he whispers. I am crying hysterically with snot all over my face. This situation is totally out of control, totally fucked up. I hold my head, what do I do? I can’t handle this. My poor dad. I shake my head at him and get into the car with my mum and brother and sister and we scream away. I look back to see Joshua alone in the middle of the street…alone…I left him alone.
It’s been six weeks, six weeks since my beautiful father died. A death I caused. Blood is all over my hands.
I am in a living hell with no escape. I killed my own father, my own flesh and blood. I was in bed for a month—the pain too much to bear. I don’t even remember the funeral. The doctor had me so drugged up for stress, I was a walking zombie. I have stayed with my mother since Dad’s death. I don’t want her to be alone because of me. I have made her lose her soulmate and in turn I have lost mine. I haven’t spoken to my love Joshua since the day Dad died.
My life is a living hell and I have no one to blame but myself.
I wish I had died instead of my dad. It would be easier than living without him and my beautiful Josh. Crying myself to sleep every night. Dry–retching myself through every day. Grief…guilt…what a horrible…lonely combination of emotions. It is true, what they say. A broken heart really does hurt your chest. I feel like I can’t breathe.
I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow. I can’t go on like this.
It’s been eight weeks and I have finally gone back to work. Bridget, Abbie and my mother haven’t left my side since that dreaded day that is burned into my memory. My boss Henry and Simon have visited me daily and Henry offered me my job back. I was supposed to be moving to LA and had resigned. Cameron has also visited me every day since it happened. He has just sat at my bedside while I wept…sometimes for hours, or I lay and stared at the ceiling with no words. He too is suffering at the loss of his first patient, his uncle. I refuse to talk about Joshua. My father’s last words to me were, “This is wrong, baby girl, you can’t do this” and so I haven’t. I killed my father so I will do as he asked, even if it kills me. I have no doubt that it will. My mother has begged me again and again to go to Joshua, saying that Dad could not have borne seeing me like this. But I can’t do it, even though it’s killing me. It’s twelve o’clock and I am about to go to lunch when the receptionist comes in.
“Excuse me, Natasha. A Margaret Stanton is here to see you.” I roll my eyes. I don’t even have the strength to fight.
“Send her in,” I whisper.
Margaret walks through the door and takes one look at me and bursts into tears.
“Natasha, my dear girl. Look at you. You’re so thin.” I smile and nod and gesture for her to sit. She shakes her head and continues standing. She’s nervous and she has a good reason, I have absolutely no patience for this bitch anymore.
“Excuse me for intruding but I need to tell you something. Something that involves you and Joshua.”
I roll my eyes. “Margaret, your boy is safe. I won’t go near him again.”
She tears up again. “Please don’t say that. He loves you, Natasha. With all of his heart.”
The nasty caustic tears start to burn as they run down my face.
“And I love him, but I will respect my father’s last wish.” I stare deadpan at her. I have nothing left. She puts her head into her hands.
“You and Joshua are not genetically related.”
I frown. “What do you mean?” I ask.
“I had an affair and Joshua is another man’s child. He doesn’t know of course.” I step back from her in shock. Oh my god.
I drop into my seat.
“Joshua and I are not cousins,” I repeat and she nods. Horror again.
“JOSHUA AND I ARE NOT COUSINS!” I scream again. She nods and starts to cry uncontrollably.
“I’m so sorry. If I told you my life would be in danger. But I fear Joshua’s life is more in danger. You must go to him, Natasha. I have never seen him like this—he is not coping. He hasn’t been to work for a month.” I stand still, rooted to the spot, shock coursing through my body.
“So you knew all along how in love we were and you kept us apart!” I scream. She cries into her hands and nods. I scratch my head and start to pace.
“You said Joshua doesn’t know. Why are you telling me?” I ask.
“Because I know that it is the only thing keeping you apart. Now that your father has passed your father would know the truth, Natasha. He knows now you are not related and he would give you his blessing.” I step back in shock wide–eyed as I sum up the words just spoken. I lunge forward and slap her hard across the face.
“Murderer,” I scream. “You killed him with your lies… I fucking hate you. Get the hell out of my sight.”
Cabin crew cross check. I am on a flight to LA with Max. Joshua left him behind to watch over me. I stare out the window as adrenaline courses through my body. It’s hard to sit still. Hold on baby…I will be there soon. I sit back in my chair and for the first time in eight weeks I smile and I have hope in my heart. I’m coming my love…I’m coming.
Katy Perry’s voice rings out to her track ‘Dark Horse’. I am in bed watching Tash in the movie I made of the two of us. I have had it on repeat since I got home on Friday…it’s now Sunday. I have a drink in my hand and a tray on my side table. I know every ripple of her muscles. I hear every sigh that she makes and every smile, complete with her beautiful dimples. I watch the back angle as her perfect body takes mine again and again. I sit forward each time she whispers the words ‘I love you’ to the camera and my heart breaks just that little bit more.
I’m low…I’ve never been so low.
I can’t seem to snap out of it. The guilt is eating me alive. I blow out a breath as I lean my head back against the headboard. She is supposed to be in this bed with me, curled around me. Starting our life together.
I have had too much…I know that. I just needed a little something to give me a lift. It’s just not fucking working. I go to reach for my Cointreau and my arm doesn’t move. What the fuck. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and I fall.
Shit, what’s happening?
The room starts to spin and my body starts to convulse.
Oh fuck. What have I done? I go to call out but my mouth doesn’t open.
I hear Adrian’s voice scream out.
“Joshua, dear god. HELP…HELP…BEN. Jesus, what the hell are you watching? Turn off the fucking television.“
“Call an ambulance… He’s taken an overdose.”
“Joshua, hold on baby. It will be ok.”
“NOOOOOO. Dear god, no.”
Panic…Fear…Darkness…Nothing!
Thank you, thank you for reading.
Stay tuned for the next instalment from Natasha and Joshua.
Visit my website for updates and release dates.
www.tlswanauthor.com
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
I would like to sincerely thank the following beautiful people for their friendship, support, encouragement and craziness, I am so blessed to have you in my life. Vicki, Emma, Andy, Jo, Brooke, my beautiful Mum Kerry, Rachel, Nicole, Anne, Renee, Sharon, Carly, Emma G, and Keeley. To the amazing people who have embraced me as a new author and purchased my first book Stanton Adore, thank you so very much. I hope to repay your loyalty with many more books to come.
And to the loves of my life who have sacrificed the most in my search for the perfect story. My beautiful husband, two sons and daughter. I love you all more than words can convey and the support you give to me daily is mind blowing. Writing a book is a team effort and I am so very lucky that you are my precious team. Without you all I wouldn’t be able to write about true love because I wouldn’t know if it truly existed.
Thank you for believing in me and I love you.
Unconditional
Unconditional love: does it really exist or is it an urban myth? What does it really mean?
Do you love someone because of their flaws?
Or in spite of them?
And at what point are the conditions more to bear
than the love is worth?
This is what I’m trying to decipher.
This is my story.
I’ll let you be the judge.
Chapter 1
Adrian
“Hi Birgetta. How is he today?”
“No change, love. He still hasn’t left his room. He’s been locked up there since Friday. Go and drag him out.”
I shake my head in disgust.
He needs to snap the hell out of it—it’s been weeks. I knock on the door … knock … knock … knock. No answer. I open the door, expecting to be told to go away, just like he has told me every day for the last week. My eyes flick to the television. Jesus, he’s watching porn. Actually, that’s a good sign—maybe he’s returning to some normality. I can’t see him so I look back down the hall and into his bathroom. No, nothing. My eyes are drawn to the television again as I hear the girl’s voice … Australian. I narrow my eyes at the screen. Shit, that’s Natasha! He is on his back and she is on top and topless … Oh fuck. I don’t want to see this shit. Why do they film themselves? Then I see it: a bare foot coming from behind the bed on the floor. I frown and walk around to the other side of the bed. To my horror Joshua is lying on the floor, unconscious. My eyes scan the room and I see a tray of cocaine on his side table.
My eyes widen as I put the pieces of the puzzle together. Oh fuck—he’s taken an overdose!
“Ben! … Help! … Call an ambulance!” I scream. I drop to my knees beside him. “Ben!” I scream again.
Ben casually walks to the door eating an apple. “What’s up?”
“Joshua has taken an overdose! Call an ambulance.” Ben’s eyes scan down Joshua’s body. He stands still , eyes wide with shock.
“Fucking move, Ben!” I yell.
He snaps out of it and runs down the hall, yelling to Birgetta. “Call 911—the stupid fuck has overdosed.” I hear Birgetta scream and at the same time Joshua starts to convulse.
“Oh my god. Hold on … Joshua hold on.” I start to panic as fear grips me, then I try to roll him onto his side.
Ben runs back into the room. “Get him on his side,” he yells.
“What does it look like I’m trying to fucking do? Help me,” I scream. We both work together and roll him onto his side and he has what seems to be another small fit. “What’s happening?” I yell.
Ben shakes his head, “I don’t know.”
I put Josh’s head in my lap as I start to hear my heartbeat in my ears. What the hell do I do? “Go and find the fucking ambulance!” I scream through my tears. Ben nods and runs back out of the room. “Josh … stay with me. Wake up. You can’t die …What the fuck were you thinking?”