by T L Swan
Wilson’s eyes gaze at where I am looking. “You ok chick?” he asks quietly.
I nod and smile. “Yeah.” I bump him with my shoulder. “You?”
He smiles and bumps me back. “Yeah, I’m ok.” His eyes look over at Josh. “Have you spoken to him?”
I drop my head. “No. He won’t even look at me.”
He nods solemnly. “He will come round.”
“I never wanted to hurt him Wils, I loved him,” I sigh.
He gives me a sad smile. “Past tense?”
I shrug as I drop my eyes.
I look back over at Joshua who looks relaxed and gentle. Beautiful. Bridget does that to everybody she talks to, especially me. I’m jealous that the boys still want to spend time with her and yet neither Cameron nor Joshua have hardly said a word to me. It’s blatantly obvious that Cam is harbouring a grudge. I’m waiting to get him alone so I can have it out with him. I hear the electric lift doors in the background.
“Have you been to LA since we broke up?”
Wilson nods and smiles.
“Is Josh with Amelie?” I ask. I know I sound desperate but I need to know. Wilson will tell me the truth; he’s probably the only non-player in the Stanton family.
He shakes his head and slings his arm around my shoulder. “No.”
“Is he seeing anyone?” I ask. I silently cringe at the loser coming out in me.
He shrugs. “Josh has just been being Josh, no one special, in love with Natasha Marx from afar.”
I blow out a breath and raise my eyebrows. “So in love, he won’t even speak to her?” I stammer.
“So in love, he can’t speak to her,” he whispers.
“Where’s my girl?” Adrian’s voice echoes through the room and my eyes snap up.
“There she is.” He laughs as he spots me in the corner. Oh thank god, Adrian is glad to see me.
He marches over and scoops me up into his arms. “My beautiful chick, I’ve missed you.” He smiles.
My eyes fill with tears as I cuddle him. We stand still in an embrace for a moment. When I pull back my eyes flick to Joshua, who’s silently watching. Wilson is right, he is hurt. I can see it in his eyes. Adrian flops onto the lounge over in the corner and pulls me with him, holding my hand on his lap. Joshua’s eyes flick to our entwined hands across the room.
“How have you been?” he smiles.
I nod. “Ok, I guess. I could be better.” I smile.
“This is a terrible thing, huh?” Adrian sighs.
“It is,” I sigh. “Not to mention Joshua and Cameron have decided not to speak to me so it’s just shitty all round actually,” I whisper as I smile sadly.
Adrian’s eyes fly to the boys and he raises an eyebrow. “Are you that ridiculous you are not talking to her?” he snaps loudly. Oh shit, how embarrassing, please be quiet.
“I am talking to you—you haven’t talked to me,” Cameron gasps.
I drop my eyes in embarrassment.
Joshua raises his eyebrows. “The time for talking was six months ago, now I have nothing to say,” he sneers.
I don’t believe this, my blood starts to boil. “Actually if we are keeping score the time for talking was in the hospital,” I snap.
“Let’s get some coffee,” Bridget frowns at me, desperately trying to make a distraction. She stands, and Cameron and Joshua follow.
I stay seated and Adrian pulls me up by the hand. “Let’s go, Cinderella, coffee time. Enough,” he snaps.
We get down to the cafeteria and the stupid idiots behind the counter nearly wet their pants at the sight of the three boys.
“I’ve got it,” purrs fishface. “Two double-shot lattes. One with sugar. See, I remembered your order.” She points at Cameron and giggles. Joshua smirks. Bridget, Adrian and I all look at each other deadpan. Get off it stupids. Bridget does cross-eyes and I giggle.
“I’ll have what I have twice a day, too,” Bridget replies as she fakes a smile at the waitress. She rolls her fingers in a tap on the counter.
The waitress appears uncomfortable and looks at the other girls working who are all giggling. “I can’t actually remember your order, love,” she smiles.
“Of course not. I can tell you don’t have a very big memory,” Bridget snaps. “Or brain,” she mouths to Adrian and me. We put our heads down to hide our smiles.
“Meeeooow,” Cameron snickers.
“Sshh,” Bridget snaps.
We take a seat by the window that overlooks the outside garden—this is uncomfortable. Joshua’s large blue eyes glare at me as he runs his tongue over the front of his top teeth in contempt.
My eyes hold his. “Yes, Joshua. What is it you want to say?” I snap. I have been playing nice for four days and, you know what, I can’t do it one minute longer. I wish he would just come out with it and yell at me.
He is making me feel so uncomfortable with my own friends and I have done nothing wrong. He shakes his head and looks down angrily. This silent treatment is killing me and I start to perspire as fury heats my blood
Cameron and Adrian discuss the hotel they are staying at and Bridget starts telling them about some new place they should have stayed at. Joshua’s eyes stay fixed firmly on me. The thing is I should be jumping for joy that he is even looking in my direction and all I really want to do is climb over the table and strangle him. He comes back here, tells off Max, ignores me and then gives me dirty looks over the coffee table. Asshole.
“Here you go,” fishface coos as she puts the coffees down in front of everybody.
Bridget looks at the coffees and narrows her eyes at me. “Excuse me,” she calls after the waitress.
“Yes,” fishface answers.
“Can you take back these two coffees?” She points to hers and mine.
The waitress frowns.
“We would like love hearts in our froth as well. And where are our marshmallows? Do you have to be good-looking and have a penis to qualify for the optional extras?” Bridget asks way too sweetly as she fakes a smile.
The boys all choke on their coffees and I cringe in embarrassment.
She glares at Bridget and I hold my hand over my coffee. “I’m good,” I smile as I wave her away. She nods and takes Bridget’s coffee out the back.
“You idiot,” I snap. “She’s going out there to spit in your coffee.”
Everyone laughs. “She so is,” Cameron stammers.
I got one less problem without you. I got one less problem without you. My phone rings on the table. Joshua stops with his coffee midair and glares at me.
“New ringtone. What happened to ’Diamonds’?” he snaps.
Bridget laughs out loud. Oh crap, he remembered. “I thought this song was more suitable,” I stammer embarrassed.
“That should be my ringtone. Not yours,” he scowls.
“This is going well. Don’t you think?” Cameron smiles into his coffee as he raises his eyebrows.
Shut up Cameron. Dick. You’re pissing me off too.
I drink my coffee while I watch him … them. It’s no wonder every woman here is ogling these three men, they are utterly gorgeous. If Joshua was any more alpha male and virile he would impregnate women just by being in the same room as them. So not fair, why can’t he be ugly and weedy? He gets a message and he picks his phone up and smiles as he reads it. Who was it from? Is it her? That sick insecure feeling seeps into my stomach. Why do I do this to myself? I can’t sit here, I need to get away. Why does he make me feel like this? What’s wrong with me?
I stand in a rush. “I’m going back to the room.”
“But you haven’t touched your coffee,” Adrian murmurs.
“You have it Bridge, I wouldn’t be touching yours after your tanty. I will see you back there,” she nods and smiles.
Half an hour later I exit Gran’s room and go over to my bag that I left sitting on the lounge. I turn to the boys and Bridget who are sitting together in a large group. “I’m going to head off.” I point with my thumb at the do
or. “I will see you all tomorrow,” I sigh, defeated. Adrian must have left as he is not here.
Joshua’s eyes flick up at mine and he drops his head immediately. My stomach drops, still not a word, not even goodbye. I turn and start making my way up the corridor.
“Tash, I will walk you out,” Cameron calls as he runs after me. Huh, what now? Just leave me alone.
“I am talking to you anyway,” he snaps. I find I speed up as my anger starts to return. “That’s great, how big of you,” I mutter.
I keep walking at a quick pace and he follows. “I just don’t understand you, that’s all. So it pisses me off.”
I stop as I frown at him. “So you are pissed off with me?” I point at my chest.
He nods angrily.
“Why in the hell are you pissed off with me?” I snap.
“I don’t like the way you treat Joshua.”
Oh, the gall. “My past relationship with your brother has nothing to do with your and my relationship. I thought we were close.”
He puts his lips together. “Yes, we were. Are,” he corrects.
I screw up my face as tears threaten. “You know what. Forget it. I don’t need your fake friendship, Cameron. When I texted you on New Year’s and you sent me that nice reply I thought we were ok. I guess I didn’t realise you are so shoved up Joshua’s ass that you can’t even think for yourself.”
“Don’t start your crap with me. You didn’t even text me on New Year’s, so how would you know I wasn’t angry with you?” he spits.
I screw up my face again and shake my head. “You must have been drunk. You called me baby and told me you loved me. I was sober Cameron, I remember.”
He steps back and narrows his eyes. “I never wrote you a text, Natasha. I have had no contact with you since we left that coffee shop that night.”
I put my hand on my hip. “Then who wrote it?” I snap.
He narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “A fucking idiot that I know too damn well.”
He storms off in anger. I stand and watch him walk back up the corridor and around the corner. My mind is in overdrive. If he didn’t write the text, who bloody did? Please tell me it was Joshua.
Chapter 13
Today was my first day back at work since we found out about Gran. I worked from eight until four and have just arrived at the hospital to see her. I have purposely worn my black high-waist skirt and my cream silk blouse, sheer stockings, patent pumps. Hair up, glasses on. Going for the secretary thing I know he likes so much. If he’s going to hate me anyway, I may as well look good and rub his damn face in it.
Last night I wracked my brain all night about that text on New Year’s. Did he send it from Cameron’s phone? Is that true, does he still love me? Maybe Adrian sent it playing match-maker. Only one way to find out. Test him and, boy, is he going to be tested. I undo my top button. I’m feeling more myself today, more confident. I think I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. Finally—it’s only taken six painful months. I have had enough of trying to hold us together. If he really doesn’t care, why should I? Next time Jesten asks me out, I’m going. Stuff it, stuff him.
I walk down the corridor and see everyone sitting in a group, their backs to me. Bridget turns and sees me first, her eyes widen and she smirks a knowing smile. You got it sister, I’m back.
I walk up gracefully and take out my phone. “Hi,” I smile at the group.
Cameron smiles. “Hi Tash.”
“Hi,” the others collectively say.
Joshua looks up the length of my body and snaps his eyes away angrily. Robert walks over and puts his arm around me. “How is my beautiful Natasha today?” he smiles broadly.
I smile. “Good thanks, back at my new job today. Glad to return to some normalcy.”
“New job?” He frowns. “Where are you working now?”
I smile and from the corner of my eye see Joshua’s head snap back to me. “I have left the Sexual Psychology Clinic. I now work in the hospital system, just regular psychology.”
He smiles. “Really.”
Cameron butts in. “Wow Tash, big move. What made you move from what you were doing?”
I shrug. “Sick to death of dealing with infidelity and broken relationships.”
My eyes flick to Bridget and she winks at me. Take that, asshole.
My phone rings. I got one less problem without you. I got one less problem without you.
“Excuse me Robert.” I pull away to answer my phone as I look at the screen. Abbie, let’s play one of her charades. Game on.
“Hello, Natasha Marx,” I purr as I hold my finger up to Robert.
I walk away from the group and fake laugh.
“What are you doing?” Abbie snaps.
“Being you,” I smile.
“What?”
“I’m doing a little market research, seeing if you know who is still interested or not,” I whisper as I turn away from the group and face the window.
“Oh my god. Loving it sick. Fake laugh, make him think you are talking to a guy.”
I frown. “Oh god, so desperate,” I whisper.
“Trust me, this shit works.” She giggles. I laugh out loud. “Now make sure he can hear you and say yes you will see me on Saturday night if you’re there because you don’t know what you are doing yet, but thanks for the invite.”
“What, that’s ridiculous,” I whisper as I frown.
“Just say it,” she snaps.
I turn and walk back to the group, on the way saying, “I’m not sure yet. I might see you Saturday night. Thanks for the invite. Bye.” Oh shit, I stuffed it up. My phone immediately beeps a text and I stop mid-step to check it.
It’s Bridget.
Joshua just cracked his neck at you.
I smirk and take a seat. One can never underestimate the power of a naughty secretary outfit. I sit opposite Bridget and she smirks at me. I look away so I don’t laugh or high-five her or something equally ridiculous.
Robert stands. “This weekend all of Mum’s friends are coming from everywhere, so you kids have the weekend off. We can’t take up the whole waiting area, go out and blow off some steam. After you see her tonight, don’t come back until Monday.” Everybody nods solemnly. My heart drops—I won’t see him all weekend. Bridget must be able to read my mind.
“Tash, Abbs and I are going to the Ivy tomorrow night. Why don’t you all come?” she asks innocently.
Cameron and Wilson nod. “Yeah, ok.”
“I’m busy,” Joshua snaps.
This is backfiring. I pretend not to care and take out my wallet and for a distraction I walk over to the coke machine to get a bottle of water. Joshua leans back on his chair and throws his arm along its back in annoyance. His eyes scan down the length of my body and he cracks his neck again.
Ha, got you. You are still attracted to me. I take the lid off my water, put my hand on my hip and put my head back to take a sip, deliberately licking my lips. Yep, now I’m acting like some loser off a coke ad, but who cares? Joshua’s eyes run down the length of my body again and back up to my face. This time he doesn’t even pretend not to be aroused. His eyes penetrate mine—he’s giving me that look. The one I love, fuck me it screams, and boy it’s smoking hot. I can start to feel the heat from his stare burning a hole in my shirt, through my underpants. Oh god, I need some serious … it’s been a long time. I start to hear my pulse in my ears.
Everybody else in the room has disappeared and just as I picture myself walking over, hitching up my skirt and straddling the magnificent beast, I am brought back to the present.
“Tash, Gran wants to see you and Joshua together,” Mum smiles. My eyes snap to her as I pull out of my fantasy.
“Huh?” I frown.
“She specifically asked to see you two together.”
My eyes shoot to Joshua and he runs his tongue over the front of his top teeth, his angry sign. He stands in a rush and walks to the door.
He turns to me. “Coming,” he snaps a
s he raises his eyebrows.
Oh shit, I swallow the lump in my throat and we walk together tentatively into Gran’s room where she lies peacefully in her bed surrounded by flowers. She smiles when she sees me and holds out her hand affectionately. I grab it and smile as I kiss the back of it.
Oh Gran, I love you. My eyes fill with tears at the reality of this situation. How many more times will I get to see her? Spend time with her, laugh with her?
We both gently kiss her on the cheek.
“Are you ok Gran?” I whisper.
“I want you two to make an old lady happy,” she whispers as she smiles.
I nod. “Yes, Gran, of course.”
“I know you two are desperately in love. I want you to both stop this ludicrous charade and get back together.”
My eyes widen and Joshua shakes his head. “Gran,” he whispers.
Oh no, what’s he going to say? He might upset her. I can’t stand it. I butt in. “It’s ok, Gran. Joshua and I are working it out—we are trying to get back together.” He narrows his eyes at me and shakes his head.
She smiles broadly. “Really, I didn’t know. This is great news. I knew it. I always knew you would find your way back to each other,” she whispers.
I walk over to Joshua and put my arm around him to cement my story. Crap, he feels good. Why does he feel so damn good? Warm and hard, I feel my body soften with arousal.
His eyes flick to me in contempt. He grabs my hand, picks it up and kisses the back of it. I’m half scared he’s going to bite my finger off in anger. Oh shit, what am I doing? My eyes widen in fear. The door opens and two nurses walk in with a doctor and a trolley. “Sorry to interrupt, we will just be five minutes,” the doctor smiles.
Joshua and I smile politely and move to the back corner of the room, and he stands behind me. We both watch silently for a minute, and then I feel it. Joshua runs his finger from the base of my neck down my spine to my bottom where he grabs a handful of my behind. Holding onto my hips tightly, he slowly pulls my hair around my neck and he moves so he can whisper in my ear.