by T L Swan
My eyes fly around my surroundings. Forest on one side and paddocks on the other. Which way, which way? The forest. I sprint as fast as I can towards the forest. Oh my god, I killed him, he’s dying. He is dying. My mind flicks to Joshua and the fact that it’s going to be him dying or Carl and I screw up my face and run faster. I need to get out of here. I get to a barbed wire fence and bend to get through it and keep running towards the trees. I am desperately out of breath. Keep going I chastise myself, keep going. The landscape is rugged and I am treading on rocks and my feet are hurting but I keep pushing. Get to the trees, get to the trees. I cry to myself as I run and finally, after what seems forever, I make it. I run into the shrubbery and under the veil of protection and I fall to the ground in exhaustion as I gasp for air. Which way? My eyes search my surroundings. On one side of me a hill inclines up and it seems to be bushland and the other way goes down a hill but seems much more rugged terrain. Up, I will go up the hill. I look down at my feet. Fuck, I wish I had some shoes. On getting my breath back I stand and start to run and the sticks break under my feet. Oww, my feet. Shit, I’m an idiot. I should have grabbed Carl’s shoes. Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t steal a person’s shoes that I had just stabbed. I put my hands on my head in disbelief. I just stabbed someone in the neck. What the fucking hell has my life turned into? If Carl hasn’t died he is either ringing for backup right now or bleeding to death but if he has died it’s going to be eleven and a half hours until the boy gets back. I need to get the hell out of here and with renewed purpose I pick up the pace. I keep running through the bush as I try to negotiate the terrain with my feet looking for the best places to stand. Why didn’t I run on that damn treadmill? I should be fit but no I have the aerobic fitness level of a ninety-year-old. This gasping for breath is not helping my escape at all.
Exhaustion doesn’t come close to what I’m feeling. It’s late afternoon and I’ve been walking for hours. I can’t physically run anymore. It will be dark in about two hours judging by the sun and I am staying on the edge of the forest that follows the road as I don’t want to get lost. I turn and look back the way I have come. God, am I even going the right way? I do seem to have come a long distance but what happens if the closest house is like eighty miles from anywhere. Shit. Just keep going, or the mind will hold you back. Stop thinking I remind myself. I won’t be able to see when night falls so I will have to find somewhere safe to sleep. Where is it safe to sleep here? My eyes search the forest. Now in Australia most of the scary things don’t come out at night, all the nocturnal animals are relatively harmless, but in America I have no frigging idea. My face drops. Oh shit, bears. Are there bears in these woods? My eyes widen. Do they eat people? What about wolves… I’m so screwed.
Shit, I need a fire. How do you light a fire without a match? I shake my head at my stupidity. Survivor… I hate that fucking show and now I know why. This is totally shit. I hate surviving. At least if I had watched it I would have a faint idea what to do now, but no… I had to watch Dating Naked. What the hell am I ever going to learn from a show like Dating Naked other than that people are surprisingly stupid? I’m such an idiot. I keep walking and looking up into the trees as I walk. Maybe I should climb a tree? Hmm, no. I will fall out and break my neck as soon as I go to sleep, but I should sleep under a tree so that I can climb it if a bear comes to eat me. Why didn’t I bring the knife, oh god. I had to think of that, didn’t I? It was lodged in Carl’s neck, Natasha, you idiot.
I carry on up a steep hill and when I finally get to the top I hear the rushing sound of water in the valley below. Omg, water. I start to run with renewed purpose down the embankment towards the sound of the stream. Shit it’s away from the road. I stand and look at the road and then back into the forest where I hear the water coming from. It could be a long way away—I’m not risking it. I get lost in a shopping mall carpark, no way am I getting lost out here. I have drank nine litres of water over the last three days in preparation for this so I should be ok. I really would love a drink though. Tough shit as Joshua would say and I trudge back up the hill towards the road as I smile. I’m going to see my man soon and I picture his face when he finds out I’m still alive. My eyes tear up. After tonight it’s only two days until our wedding. I look down at myself covered in dirt, filthy with ripped track pants on. This isn’t the preparation I had planned. Oh well, suck it up princess and get moving.
After another hour of walking I am too exhausted to carry on and I sit on a large rock just in the bushland. The road looks to be about 500 metres away and I see a car come out of a road up ahead that I hadn’t noticed before and turn onto the one I have been following. I dip down to go unnoticed. Shit they are going towards the house I have just run from—have I been busted? I look back in the direction the car came from. I’m going the right way. That car came from somewhere and I stand with renewed purpose and start walking again. I was going to stop and sleep somewhere for the night but forget it. I’m getting home to my family tonight, even if I have to walk all night. I stay just inside the line of trees and finally come to the turn-off in the road that the car came from and I look down it tentatively. What do I do? Which way do I go? Here I stand on the corner of two roads, not a clue in hell which way to go, and I know my and Joshua’s whole entire future rests on this decision. I look down the road that I just followed that goes to the house of hell and then down the road to the left. I’m going this way because that car came from somewhere.
I continue to keep walking but I keep tripping as sunlight turns to darkness and I can’t see where I’m going. This is getting dangerous. I have to stop or I am going to break my leg. I find a large tree that has a big flat rock under it and I curl up into a ball on top of the rock. My eyes look around at the dark, cold and scary surroundings and for the first time today I let my fear sink in and the tears start to flow. “Please let me get home,” I whisper into the darkness. I know nobody is looking for me. Everyone already thinks I’m dead and if I die out here nobody will be any the wiser. “Please let me get home, please let me get home,” I repeat as a mantra. The darker it gets, the noisier the forest becomes with insects and animals and I lie still as I listen to them. What’s my beautiful Joshua doing now in prison? Is he ok? I smile. I did it. I broke out. I’m tougher than I think I am.
Hold on, Joshua my darling. I’m coming.
I wake freezing and slightly damp. It’s dawn and I survived the night… just. I stand and pain rips through my muscles and I smile stupidly. Funnily enough rocks are uncomfortable to sleep on, fancy that. I stretch to try and relieve some of the tightness in my muscles. I’m so frigging sore from my sprinting yesterday. That’s it, if I make it out of here alive I’m getting fit. Hell I might start cage fighting too, why not? I just stabbed a guy in the frigging neck. I frown in disgust at my alarming thoughts. Oh god. I look back at the bushland following the road and I start walking. It’s overcast and cold, and I need to keep moving.
After walking for hours it’s late afternoon. I’m starving hungry and thirsty, and I need to find some water to drink. For the last hour I have been running. It’s raining and although I need the water I know I will be freezing overnight out here with no protection. I keep stopping and opening my mouth to the sky, trying to get some fluids into my system. Where’s that honey Bear Grylls when you need him to make you a tent and a water bottle? I keep going and up ahead I see a driveway go off the main road and up into a mountain. Oh a house. I start to run through the forest in the direction of the house until I reach the driveway. It’s on the opposite side of the road to the forest I am in and I have to go across a paddock and then the road to get to it. It’s risky. If the car comes looking for me at that same time I will be found as I will be totally out in the clear with nowhere to hide. They would probably be looking for me by now. Actually why hasn’t anyone driven down this road? I frown. That’s strange. He’s dead, Carl’s dead, so he hasn’t called for help at all. But then sometimes he would stay with me for twenty-four hours so m
aybe that was a long shift and so nobody’s found out yet.
I look both ways, scooch down and start to go out into the open paddock towards the road. I continually check the road to make sure nobody is coming and I continue up the hill towards the road. My feet are cut up and the socks have spots of blood on them but I haven’t taken my socks off to look because I don’t want to see the damage. I don’t need another barrier in my head. I finally get to the side of the road and bend down and look both ways. This is risky. The road is dirt with big rocks on it and I have to sprint which means my feet are going to be ripped apart even more. The rain starts pouring down and my heart starts to pump heavily. I take some deep breaths and then I sprint for my life across the road and up the winding driveway. My feet are hurting so much that my tears start to fall as I run up the driveway in the torrential rain. I keep running and running as I cry until finally I am out of sight of the main road and I slump on a rock and cry into my hands. This is a nightmare. “You’re nearly there,” I scream out into the raindrops. “Keep fucking going,” I yell at myself. I stand and keep hobbling up the hill. What if this isn’t even a house? What if it’s just a road that goes to nowhere? “Why are you raining on me?” I scream. “This is hard enough!” I yell. “Pull yourself together, fruitcake,” I mutter under my breath. The driveway has gone over a hill and down a few bends and darkness has fallen. I am deep in the forest and as scared as hell. I can’t even walk properly now. I’m hobbling like an old woman. I need to rest my feet, so I will just walk over this next hill and then I will sit down for a while and rest. Yes, keep going, keep going, I keep repeating to myself.
I get to the top of the hill and look down into the valley below and see a sight that makes me burst into tears. A house, there is a house down there on the cleared land, an oasis in my hell. “Thank god,” I whisper as the tears roll down my face. “Thank you, thank you.”
I walk for another half an hour until I finally get to the house. It looked so close but it’s so far away. The house is in total darkness and I walk tentatively up the creaky front steps. It’s a large house with a big wrap-around verandah and there are rooms in the attic by the look of the windows jutting out of the tin roof. I open the heavy screen door and knock loudly. My heart is in my throat with fear, but I have to knock. I desperately need help. I can’t get out of here alone. I knock again and wait but an answer doesn’t come. “Please be home,” I whisper.
I follow the verandah around the side of the house and go to the back door and knock loudly on the door and wait. No answer again. What do I do? I sit on the back step and think for a moment. No one is home but I bet there is a telephone inside so I could ring the police. I stand and walk back around the verandah, peering in the windows. I just need to get into this house. I pick up a pot plant next to the front door and smash it through the glass. Then I put my hand through and unlatch the lock, jiggle the handle and it opens. Shit I did it. I walk in and feel around for a light switch on the wall to the right but nothing. I then feel around on the wall to my left and finally find some switches and turn them on and the house lights up. I smile broadly for the first time in two days.
“Hello,” I call out. “Is anyone home?”
Silence is the reply.
“Hello, I need your help. Please help me,” I call again as I look up the stairwell.
I wait for a reply. The last thing I need is to be mistaken for someone breaking in and shot on the spot.
“I have been kidnapped. Is anyone home? I just need to ring the police,” I call again.
Nobody’s home. Right, I need to find the phone. I walk through the house and make my way into the kitchen and I immediately open the fridge. Shit, no food. Nobody lives here—it must be a weekend cabin. I turn on the tap and thankfully water appears. I bend and drink straight from the tap. My eyes close in gratitude. Thank god, water—it tastes so good. Phone, I need to find the phone. My eyes search the kitchen and then I walk into the living area and I see the phone on the sideboard and I run and pick it up. No sound, oh no. I push on the receiver repeatedly as I try to get a dial tone… nothing. Shit, the phone has been disconnected. My eyes search the room for a computer or something, internet. There must be internet in this damn house somewhere. Nobody could stay out here in the sticks without internet, surely. There are three rooms off the hallway and I make my way down to them and check each of them. The first is a weird little room with a highback wing chair and an ottoman but no internet. The next room has nothing but bookshelves. I open the last room and I screw up my face in disgust. Animal heads are all mounted on the walls—he’s a hunter. The man who stays here is a hunter. My mind goes back to my fear of being eaten alive overnight, so I wasn’t frigging imagining it, and it could have easily happened. There are definitely huge wild animals around here.
I walk up the stairs and I find two large bedrooms and a bathroom and no damn computer. Oh my god. I stand in the hallway—what am I going to do? Shit, I walk back down, pick up the phone again and repeatedly bang on the receiver. “Why is there no fucking phone?” I yell to myself. “Seriously, can I get one break? This is bullshit.” I walk back into the kitchen with my hands on my head. What am I going to do? The rain is really coming down now and I look out the back window into the cold wet darkness. I can’t stay out there unprotected overnight but what if they come here looking for me?
This is a nightmare and I feel my heartrate pick back up. I thought I was saved… obviously not. I sit down at the dining table and pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to think. “Is there anything to eat?” I whisper to myself. I open the pantry and am blessed with the sight of several cans of various foods. I open the drawer, find a tin opener and open a can of baked beans. I eat them cold from the tin as I walk through the house.
I’m uncomfortable being here. If they come looking for me I’m screwed. I walk to the front door and look at the smashed glass in the window pane and the rain pouring heavily outside. God, I’m such an idiot.Why would I smash the window next to the front door? It’s a dead giveaway that I’m here. My fear starts to reignite again and I start to eat my baked beans at double speed. I need to get out of here. I will be found here and the smashed glass will let them know from what direction I have come. Fuck. My heart starts beating fast as I realise I have sabotaged myself with my stupidity. I walk back into the kitchen and open another can of beans and eat them as I walk upstairs to check to see if there are any shoes I can wear. I open the closet in the bedrooms. Nothing but men’s clothes. They will have to do—at least they are dry. I take off my cold wet clothes and my eyes go to the bathroom. I would kill for a hot shower right now. No. If they come when I’m in the shower I will have no chance. Who am I kidding? If they come here at all I’m dead meat. I hate this. I walk into the bathroom, get a towel from the cupboard, then I quickly undress and dry myself. I dress again into a large pair of men’s sweatpants, a white cotton shirt and a large woollen knitted sweater. There is a dark green beanie and I grab that too for when my hair dries. I run back down the stairs with renewed purpose.
I need to find some weapons to defend myself and I walk into the kitchen and open the second drawer. I have never been so glad to see the large collection of carving knives in my life. I slowly pick one out and grip my hand around the handle. The memory of stabbing Carl fills my mind and I close my eyes in disgust at myself. I will never as long as I live forget how a knife feels as it slices through flesh or forget seeing blood spurt from a wound. I shake my head in disgust at myself. “Stop it,” I snap out loud. “He deserved it—he was going to kill you,” I mutter to try and justify my brutality.
Carrying the knife I walk back through the lounge room to look out the front door at the torrential rain. Maybe I should stay here, cut the power and then if they turn up I will have more of a chance to defend myself. Yes, and then I will be out of the weather and I can rest my feet while I wait. Ok, where’s the power box then? I walk up the hall and peer into the room with all of the hunting stuff and I see
a metal cupboard at the back. What’s in there I wonder? I walk over and jiggle the handles—it’s locked. Why would there be a locked metal cabinet in a room like this. I frown as I think and my eyes widen. Guns, there are hunting guns in this cupboard. I start to rattle the handle violently. I need to get into this cupboard. Shit. I run back into the kitchen in search of a tool to break open the cupboard and I get three big knives I can hopefully use as a jimmy. I start to desperately try to fit them through the crack in the door to try and break the lock. I bang repeatedly on the door as I try as hard as I can to open it. “Open,” I scream. “Open!”
I bang on the door and run back out into the kitchen in search of other tools. I look around desperately and for some reason I feel panicked as if any moment they are going to drive up the driveway and I need to turn the lights off immediately. My heart starts to pump adrenaline heavily through my system. Shit, shit, shit. What will I use? What will I use? I look under the kitchen sink and find a hammer and I run back up the hall and start to hit the lock as hard as I can. The noise is deafening on the metal but I keep hitting as hard as I can. “Open, please open,” I cry as I frantically bang on the cupboard door. I am in such a panic that I can hardly breathe and I start to bang on the door with both my hands in frustration.
I kick the door with such force that I dent it and I stop to think for a moment. Hang on, if I tip it over perhaps there is a weakness at the back of the cupboard. I narrow my eyes. Yes, tip it over. I move to the back of it and I start to rock it backwards and forwards and eventually I move it out from the wall enough that I can get my feet under it. I push with all my strength and I get it away from the wall. It rocks forward a little bit and just when I am about to tip it to the ground I hear a metal ping hit the ground and I look to see what it was. Keys. A set of silver keys have fallen off the top of the cabinet and I grab them desperately as a lifeline. I fumble to try and find the right key and eventually I do. I open the door and am blessed with the sight of two shotguns and ammunition. From sheer relief I fall to the floor breathless. “Thank you, thank you.” I whisper as I am momentarily paralysed. I grab the two guns and the bullets and run to the backdoor and out into the rain. Hang on. I need a torch or something. I run back into the kitchen and look under the sink and find a torch first thing. God, that was too easy. I run back out into the rain and around to the power box and I cut the power to the house. I return back inside, lock the doors and slowly make my way upstairs into the darkness. I walk into the main bedroom, sit on the bed and stare out the window at the driveway coming up to the house and I slowly load the gun. I then turn the torch off and stare out into the darkness.