by Terri Reed
“Until we know what’s on the drive, you need to stay with them,” Alex said. “In the morning I’ll have Daniel or Chase drive out to pick it up.”
“All right.”
“Nick, I’m sorry about Lexi,” Alex said.
Nick glanced over his shoulder. “Thank you, Alex.”
After saying goodbye and hanging up, Kaitlyn moved to stand next to Nick. The view of Bristle Township and the county was stunning and took her breath away once again. The many lights of the residences glistened like little diamonds on black velvet. She took Nick’s hand and laced her fingers through his.
If the circumstances were different, she’d find this very romantic. But someone had just died, and the persons responsible were still at large.
When Nick faced her, his eyes were red rimmed and angry. “Why did she have to die? She was so young,” he said. “What was she involved in? Why would she risk leaving her child? Now Rosie will grow up without her mother.” He shook his head, his lips tightening into a thin line.
Kaitlyn’s heart ached for him. He’d lost his mother at a young age. That had to have been difficult. “Rosie is safe, and she has you,” Kaitlyn said. “You’re taking great care of her and you will continue to until other arrangements are made.”
Nick straightened. “No other arrangements need to be made. She will have everything she needs and everything she deserves. And more. With me.”
Kaitlyn knew what she had to say, even though the words were heavy on her tongue. “Nick, I have to find her father.”
Pain crossed Nick’s face. He opened his mouth, no doubt to argue with her, but then he heaved a sigh. “I know. It’s the right thing to do. And you always do the right thing.”
She frowned, not sure his words were a compliment. “Going outside the lines of what’s right is wrong. It’s that simple.”
“But there’s a reason Lexi put my name down on the certificate. You have to keep that in mind.” Nick stared her in the eye. “If Rosie’s father is a bad man, you cannot give Rosie to him.”
“If Rosie’s biological father is a bad man, you can be sure I will do everything I can to prove he’s not fit for custody. But it’s not my call. A judge will determine what is in the best interest of Rosie.”
“Staying here with me is in her best interest,” he insisted.
She wanted to comfort him, promise him that he’d never lose Rosie, but she couldn’t. Even if she couldn’t find Rosie’s biological father, would a judge deem Nick fit as an adoptive parent? She cringed. His reputation didn’t exactly bolster confidence. “Nick, you have to be realistic. You have a record.”
He blinked. “You did a background check on me?”
She wouldn’t apologize for doing her job. “Yes. When your father launched the treasure hunt, we needed to know who we were dealing with.”
“I see.” Nick’s lips twisted. “So whatever is in my file means that’s who I am. No wonder you—” He shook his head. “A person isn’t the sum of a report. There’s always more to the story.”
She knew that all too well. “Then tell me your story. Explain to me why you were arrested several times.”
“Arrested, but never charged,” he shot back. He visibly swallowed. “Come,” he said, pulling her into the library, where they sat down on the leather sofa in front of the window that was riddled with pockmarks, reminding Kaitlyn how close they’d come to losing their lives.
She made a mental note to talk to Nick about replacing the window and door, but it would have to wait. She wanted to hear his version of the events that had led to his being arrested multiple times. She had to admit to herself that reading those reports had colored her opinion of Nick. Her mother was always lamenting that she saw the world only in black and white and never shades of gray. But being a cop shaped her view of life. She only knew what she could prove for herself. Which had made believing in God difficult, but somehow, He had softened her heart enough for her to accept Jesus. Accepting others was still a trial.
Over the past few days she’d come to realize she’d misjudged Nick on many levels. Though it was difficult for her, she needed to keep an open mind.
“I’ve already told you that my mother was fragile.”
Kaitlyn nodded, but refrained from asking what his mother’s health had to do with his police record.
He made a face, then straightened his spine and shoulders. “She loved her children.”
His words sounded wooden and rehearsed, as if he’d repeated them often. Kaitlyn’s heart squeezed tight. Had he doubted his mother’s love?
“She did her best.” He seemed to slump slightly. “After the many nannies who came and went, Ian and I were sent away to boarding school. I was eight.”
Kaitlyn’s breath hitched. “You came home on holidays, right?”
“Not always. Boarding school was year-round. At first, Ian and I were sent to the same school.” Nick’s shoulders lifted, then fell. “We had each other. But then he was sent on to a different school. And I was left alone.”
“That’s rough.” She thought back to her own childhood. It had been idyllic in many ways, with two parents who loved her and each other, and she’d had horses as her companions.
His lips twisted. “I was angry. Hurt. I lashed out a lot, mostly verbally.”
Sympathy wove through her. She could only imagine how his young boy’s heart had felt abandoned.
“We’re not too different, you and I,” he said.
She frowned slightly, having just thought how different their childhoods had been. “Really? How so?”
“You work to bring justice for those who need it. Only you do it in ways that society accepts. Me, I sought justice in less accepted ways. It only got me in trouble. But I could handle it as long as those who were being hurt were left alone.”
Kaitlyn turned his words over and over in her head. “I don’t understand.”
“I was always in trouble for fighting, mostly. I can’t abide bullies.”
A sentiment she understood and shared. “So you...did what?”
“One day I saw a bigger kid picking on a smaller one and I lost it.” He gave her a lazy grin. “I got in between them. The bully thought he could take me on.” Nick laughed softly. “Little did he know, even though I was small myself, I’d had some training.”
“Training?”
“One of our many nannies had a brother who was into mixed martial arts. He taught Ian and I some grappling and striking techniques. Enough that we could defend ourselves if we were ever grabbed. I’m pretty sure my father arranged for the lessons. Back then he was concerned that one of us would be kidnapped.”
Kaitlyn nodded. “I’m sure being from a rich shipping family would attract some unsavory attention. That explains the security measures.”
“The shipping company is only one of many endeavors that my father, and grandfather before him, engaged in that made our family targets. The most recent being the treasure hunt. But those men who shot up the front of the house had nothing to do with my father or the family businesses.”
“True.” This present danger had come from Lexi. Directing the conversation back to the matter at hand, she prompted, “The bully. You beat him up?”
“I bloodied his nose and blackened his eye. But, apparently, I should have told a teacher instead. I didn’t last long at that school.” He stretched his legs. “And so it went at every school I attended. When I tried to explain that the person I was fighting with had been bullying the weaker kids, I was not believed. Nor was I believed when I did go to the school admin about a teacher who was abusing his students.”
Empathy cramped Kaitlyn’s chest. Her blood pounded in her ears as the old wound knocked at her mind, wanting to be let out of its box.
“I was kicked out of one boarding school after another,” Nick continued. “After a while, I stopped trying to
explain. But I made it known at every school I attended that if I ever heard of students being bullied, I would come back. And I did return to a couple of schools that I’d been expelled from as a reminder that bullies wouldn’t be tolerated, which accounts for the arrests. I was considered persona non grata. But my father had good lawyers on retainer, and I was a juvenile. At least, for most of the arrests. It was trickier when I turned eighteen. Still, I was charged, but the charges were later dropped. By then, I had discovered that money had more power than my might. Many of the schools realized stricter non-bullying policies came with hefty donations.”
Kaitlyn was reeling. She didn’t quite know how to process what he was telling her. The fact that he’d stood up for his classmates who were being bullied made her respect him in surprising ways. And brought back horrible memories of her own. Tears pricked her eyes. Despite her best efforts, her vision swam with the increasing moisture until she couldn’t contain it anymore.
“Kaitlyn?”
She vehemently wiped at the tears streaking down her cheeks, doing her best to stem the flow. Why was she letting his story dredge up her own horrible nightmare?
“What is it?” Nick took her hand this time, his fingers curling over her fingers, his palm pressed flat against hers, which was both reassuring and unnerving.
“It’s nothing.” She tugged at her hand, but he refused to release her.
“It is something,” he said. “My story shouldn’t upset you this badly.”
“I know what it’s like to not be believed when unjustly accused of something.” She cringed at the admission.
His eyes widened. “Please, tell me.”
A heaviness descended onto her shoulders. The words stuck in her throat; taking a breath became difficult. “I—I can’t.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Is it classified?”
She pushed out a small laugh in spite of the dread gripping her chest. “No, it’s not classified. It’s just very personal and very painful.”
Even saying that made her feel vulnerable, and she didn’t like being vulnerable or helpless. Her foot bounced as panicky energy coursed through her veins. Anxiety twisted along her nerve endings. She recognized the sensations, ones she’d long thought she had under control, but here she was, on the verge of a panic attack with Nick as a witness. She had to get herself under control. She didn’t want him to see her as weak. Ever.
“Pastor Brown once told me,” Nick said softly, his voice soothing as he held her gaze, “fear holds us in prison to keep us from God’s love. And the only way to break out is to look that fear in the eye and say I will not be afraid.”
Her mouth dried.
He continued, “Did you know that the Bible says fear not nearly eighty times?” Nick squeezed her hand. “God wants us to hear His message. With God, we don’t have to be imprisoned by fear.”
She stared at him, her mind grappling with Nick’s wise words. Yes, he was repeating what he’d been told by Pastor Brown, but Nick had internalized the message.
Try as she might, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him about what had happened to her. He was her assignment, not her confidant. It wouldn’t be professional for her to talk to him about her past.
She dried her tears and stood, forcing him to let go of her hand. “Thank you for sharing the truth about your police record. What you did was wrong in the eyes of the law. You should never take justice into your own hands, but I believe your intentions weren’t criminal. You are more than a file, Nick. Much, much more.”
* * *
Nick sat on the couch and watched Kaitlyn hurry out of the library. His heart sank. How could he help her? She was so full of distrust that he ached for her. He’d always thought it was just him, that he rubbed her the wrong way. But now he recognized that her distrust stemmed from something else. His story had triggered some painful memory in her past.
He didn’t regret revealing the true reason he’d been in trouble so much as a youth. But he did feel bad that he’d caused her pain. He never wanted to intentionally hurt this woman.
Heeding an inner nudging to go after her, to not let her continue to stay frozen in fear, he rose from the couch and hurried out of the library. He caught up with her before she could take the stairs. He threaded his fingers through hers again, liking the feel of her capable hand in his. “Kaitlyn, please, don’t run away from me.”
Slowly, she turned to face him. Her stoic expression made his heart tumble. This fierce, independent, strong woman was struggling so hard not to allow any vulnerability to show. He couldn’t resist the need to take her in his arms. He fully expected her to resist, but she came into his embrace, though her body was tense and wooden. He rubbed little circles on her back until she finally melted against him. Everything inside of him sighed with tenderness that she would allow him to offer a bit of solace.
“I’m sorry, Kaitlyn, for whatever happened to you.”
She shook her head against his shoulder. “It has nothing to do with you.”
“But it does,” he said. “It’s keeping you from trusting me.”
She pulled back to look into his eyes. Her right hand rested over his heart. His pulse spiked. Her touch was electrifying, but the emotions welling up inside were unfamiliar, terrifying and exhilarating. If he wasn’t careful, he could fall hard for this woman.
“You are a good man, Nick Delaney.”
His chest expanded with affection and pride. “Then talk to me.”
“You are also persistent.”
He couldn’t help but grin. “It’s a Delaney trait.”
Her mouth softened. Her lips beckoned. He wanted to kiss her with every fiber of his being. But he instinctively recognized that giving in to the yearning would most likely send her scuttling away from him like a scared rabbit. He didn’t want her to be scared. Not of him. “It’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to tell me.”
She bit her bottom lip, once again drawing his gaze. “Maybe I will someday. But I can’t right now. Not yet.”
Her gaze dropped from his eyes to his lips. He swallowed, his throat as parched as if he were in a desert. He needed to retreat now, before he changed his mind and gave in to the yearning to sweep her off her feet.
Who was he kidding? She wasn’t a woman who would allow herself to be swept away. When, and if, she gave her heart away, it would be by her choice.
And he couldn’t envision a scenario where he’d ever be so blessed that she might choose him.
NINE
Kaitlyn paced the yellow bedroom. Early morning sunlight, made more intense by the reflection off the snow covering the ground and trees, filtered through the gauzy curtains. She’d been dressed in civilian clothes, jeans and a fresh sweater, for hours and ready to get the day started but hadn’t heard Nick leave his room or a peep from the baby.
So she waited. And paced.
The knot in her stomach tightened with each step. All night she’d wrestled with the fact that Nick wasn’t the degenerate man she’d once thought him to be. Her mind was blown.
Why did learning Nick was a champion for the underdog make him so much more appealing?
She’d already been struggling with her unwanted attraction to the man. Now, learning he was actually a good guy... No, that wasn’t fair to him. He’d always been a good guy; she just hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it.
Why?
Because she’d built him up to be just like Jason.
She put a hand to her forehead in regret for not being brave enough to talk to Nick about her painful history with her college crush. Just thinking about Jason brought back the feelings of helplessness and vulnerability that she’d vowed never to allow herself to experience again. Telling Nick about that awful time would only make her weak in his eyes and give him power over her. And she couldn’t permit that.
A light knock on her door froze her in place. Steadyi
ng her breathing, she opened the door to find Nick standing there holding Rosie, looking so cute together her heart ached.
Nick wore khaki pants and a long-sleeve Henley shirt in an amber color that complemented the tone of his skin. Rosie wore a sweet knit hat over her dark smattering of hair, and her chubby cheeks beckoned for a kiss. Kaitlyn had never felt the urge to kiss a baby before. What was that about?
“Everything okay?” Nick asked. “You’re frowning.”
Intentionally clearing her expression, she said, “I’m surprised to see you both up so early. It’s only six a.m.”
Wagging his eyebrows, Nick said, “I don’t think Rosie cares much about time.”
“I didn’t hear her cry,” Kaitlyn said. Or him leave his room. She must have really been wallowing too deep in her head. Not good. Or professional. Definitely time to get back to the station and her job of protecting the whole town, not just one handsome man and an adorable baby. Back to where she was safe. At least emotionally. She needed to talk to the sheriff.
“I got to her before she could cry out,” he said and nuzzled Rosie.
The tender expression on his face made Kaitlyn’s insides melt and at the same time stirred an unfamiliar yearning deep in her core. He really had fallen in love with the baby. What would it be like to have him look at her with such tender regard? With love?
She swallowed back the panic the thought generated. She wasn’t interested in falling in love. Or having Nick love her.
Because... All her old excuses for holding him at bay had disintegrated last night, leaving only an uncomfortable, hollow space. She straightened her spine against the emptiness.
“Breakfast should be ready soon,” Nick said, forcing her to regroup and refocus. “Are you hungry?”
Before she could respond, the chime of her cell phone sounded. “I’ll be right there.”
Nick nodded and walked downstairs.
Kaitlyn closed the door and grabbed her phone off the charger. The caller ID let her know it was the sheriff. “Alex?”