Heat wracked through my body. I was on fire. I grabbed my arms and tried to put them out.
“Deacon.” Lydia grabbed me. “Stop, love. What’s wrong? Someone let her out of the cage. Now.”
Rachel darted forward. My eyes closed because they just couldn’t stay open any longer.
I was moving. That was all I knew. Rocking. I hated that feeling. I was going to puke. I reared up and was pushed back down, a cool rag on my head.
“Sshh. You’re okay.” Lydia’s quiet voice. “You’re okay.”
A light shined in my eyes. “Deacon? Can you hear me?”
“I can fucking hear you. Get out of my way, lady, unless you want to be thrown up on.”
A bucket was shoved at me. “Here you go, man.” Micah. Great they were all there to watch me wretch. Really fun stuff.
“What is wrong with me?” If I was dying, they had to say so. I needed to know what was happening.
Lydia’s hand was cool on my forehead. “They gave you some medicine to trick your brain into telling them what they wanted to know. This woman, Margot, is a doctor. She’s here to help you. She thinks it’ll be a few days before you’ll be back to new.”
I followed Lydia’s gaze to Margot. The dark-haired woman who had been in the cage…“I was going to get us out of there.”
Margot scowled. “If there had been a way, I would have found it.”
“There was a way.”
I wouldn’t argue anymore. Nausea overtook me, and I threw up. Again and again.
“I’m told the Genesis people remember their lives before you were all placed in stasis. Is that true?”
My head was in Lydia’s lap. She gently stroked it. I’d been awake for a few minutes, but I wasn’t anxious for anyone to know that. I’d thrown up until I passed out. I didn’t want to talk again… I wanted to be left alone.
Except for Lydia’s hand on my hair. That was really nice, actually.
“That’s right.” Rachel was the one to answer. How could they all be with me? Shouldn’t they be looking for Vampires or something? “Most of it, anyway.”
“That’s amazing.” Margot must have shifted. The direction of her voice moved. “You really shouldn’t be able to. My family helped Dr. Icahn develop that tech. Long before I was born.”
There was silence, and then Micah spoke. “Are you cloned?”
“No.” Her voice was low. “This is my first time around, and I don’t think they’ll be bringing me back any time soon. Once with me was probably enough.”
Lydia’s answered in a whisper. “So weird that you all have these incredible backgrounds. I’m just a girl who was living in a terrible place doing terrible things. I’m not remade, I never had to serve the Vampires underground, I’m just me.”
Margot answered her. “That’s the oddest thing of all, actually. There are so few people who are just people anymore. Deacon’s awake, has been for a little while now.”
I groaned. She’d caught me. That meant I was going to have to be coherent.
We were one day outside of Genesis when I was finally able to sit up, which meant Dr. Margot’s estimations of how long I’d be sick was way off. Either that or I was simply a lousy healer. Fuck. I didn’t care. My mouth was dry. I had to get up and get some water. I wrenched myself up and out of the truck that had been my makeshift home and nearly collided with Rachel.
“Hi.” Her eyes widened. “You’re up.”
“Miracle that is, yes.” I stretched my arms over my head. “Have there been nightly attacks? I haven’t felt anything.” Sometimes when we were sick, the abilities Icahn gave us to sense the monsters stopped for a while, like our bodies knew we needed the break.
She nodded. “Not too bad but a few. Everyone is fine. Your crew that you’ve been training, they’ve been doing a good job out there, holding their own, learning fast. And they don’t have the sensing abilities. It’s impressive.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, well, when we get back to Genesis, I’m sure whoever takes over their training will do better than I did. Thanks, just the same. I need water.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows. “Do you suppose we can ever get back to the point where we were friends? I mean, I get it. Things have changed completely. And we certainly have a lot of water under our bridge to slosh through. Can’t it be just that? Water?”
“I think of you as my friend.” I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to say, exactly. “I did a lot of shitty things—massively shitty things—in the name of trying to pursue you. I’m sorry for that. You are with who you should be with, and I love Lydia like I didn’t know I could love anyone.”
She grinned. “Your wife wouldn’t be left behind when we came for you. She was tough out there. Took down several Vampire guards. I was impressed, to say the least. I think your feelings for her are completely returned.”
“I know.” I pulled my coat around me. The days in the truck had weakened me to the cold. Or maybe it was whatever they’d done to me. “We’re friends, Clancy. We’re good. Thanks for getting me. How did you, by the way?”
She looked behind me, and I could tell by the way her mouth quirked up in a smile that Chad was somewhere in her vision. “I’m a tracker. I tracked the Wolf.”
Rachel always made that sound so easy. It really, really wasn’t.
Chad walked up, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me. “I was coming to see if you were up.”
I really wanted some water, and my eyes were burning. What was up with that? “Miss me, did you Lyons?”
“You need to go find your wife. Now. She’s in the train of vehicles carrying the sick. You should probably be there too, but you know my father and how the Warriors can’t look like we’re hurt too often. He wanted you here. I think this is the end for her mom. She doesn’t want to come get you because she thinks you’re still too out of it. I knew you’d want to know and…”
I never heard what he said. Although my legs didn’t want to work, I made them run. Determination could overcome a lot of things. Being there for Lydia was one of those things in life that mattered.
Although I was out of breath, freezing, and generally a weak, useless piece of nothingness when I got to her, I made it to her side. She was inside one of the bigger SUVs that’d been converted into a makeshift ambulatory vehicle. Her father was with her, and Charlie played outside, watched by one of my newbies.
I climbed inside, and both she and her father turned to look at me. Her eyes widened, and then she threw herself into my arms. “You’re here.”
“I am.” I wasn’t going to give her any trouble about not letting me know her mother had taken this turn.
I'd been totally out of it. Why should she think she could count on me right now?
I rubbed her back. “Tell me. What's going on?”
Her father stared down at his wife. “It's the end.”
Emma's labored breathing filled the small space. Maybe somewhere else, under different circumstances, Emma could have been saved. I heard stories all the time from the other Warriors. They'd had things called hospitals and more doctors than they knew what do with. People were actually brought back from near death. A thought dawned on me. “Has anyone brought that woman to see her? Margot? The one who was treating me for whatever they did?”
My love nodded. “She's been by. In fact, she's been checking in on all the sick people, which is great. The problem is we really don't know what's wrong with Mom. She hasn't been well since she had Charlie. It was a rough delivery, and she just got worse and worse. Margot gave us something to help Mom's pain. There's not much else to be done at this point.”
Her voice hitched at the end, and I decided right there I wouldn't have her speaking anymore. She could be as quiet as she wanted to be. I'd be here, just to support her.
Lydia's father turned to me. “I take back what I said to you, Deacon, about not looking good before. That wasn't anything compared to this. Thank goodness they got you out of that place.”
I nodded. What was I su
pposed to say? Saying nothing seemed preferable to saying absolutely the wrong thing at the time when his wife was dying.
Emma opened her eyes, looking at all of us. She lifted her shaking hand. Although I was slow on the uptake, I quickly realized she wanted my hand in return. I squeezed it.
“Take care of her.”
It was an easy promise to make. “Always.”
Other things were said. My ears rang. I hated death, always had. I'd watched, time and again, helpless when this happened to people both in Genesis and in the Vampire holdings. There wasn't anything to be done when it came for you.
Death took who it wanted when it wanted them. And that day, it claimed Lydia's mother. With nothing I could do and nothing to say that wasn’t trite, I grabbed a shovel from one of the vans and started digging a hole. The dead had to be buried immediately. It came down to avoiding the spread of illness. There was no waiting for a later date or a funeral. I didn't think whatever took Emma was going to harm anyone else. Still, there were rules, and this one I agreed with.
My arms shook. I was so weak I could hardly recognize myself, but I did it. I dug Emma's grave. I could do that for Lydia since I didn't have the ability to bring back her mother.
Thirteen
Wrapped in a blanket, I listened to the sounds of the Warriors fighting in the nighttime. My muscles still shook from the physical exertion of the shovel earlier that day. Lydia curled up next to me, her head on my shoulder. We weren't saying much, which was much better than trying to fill the silence when quiet was the appropriate response. I was still sick, probably would be for days yet, but I wasn’t going to think about it anymore. At some point, it was mind over matter. That was how I’d survive this.
A fire crackled in front of us. Usually, we hid when we were outside the habitat. But given we were such a large group, the monsters knew we were here anyway.
“What are you thinking?” Lydia lifted her head to look at me. “I can't fathom your thoughts. Haven't been able to since they took you into that place.”
I brushed her hair off her face. “My thoughts are really not important right now. You’re the one who just lost her mother.”
“I've been losing her for years. Don't get me wrong, I am going to miss her tremendously. But she's been sick so long I almost don't remember what it was like when she wasn't. Charlie likely won't remember her at all. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.”
I sighed. “The problem with memory. Do we want it? Do we not want it? My days in the Vampire holding feel like someone else's life. I think that's because Icahn messed with my head so much. Although, I know they happened, I have no memory of it. Do I even want the memory at all?” I stroked her hand. “You should try to hold on to those few memories you have where she was alive and healthy. Keep them somehow in the front of your mind. Don't let them go.” I shook my head. “Not that I am in a position at all to give anyone any advice, whatsoever.”
“You always do that, act like you have nothing to contribute when you have a vast amount of experience in a lot of ways. I like to hear what you think.” She kissed my cheek. “I know I should be thinking about Mom all the time, but my mind keeps wandering to other things.”
I loved this woman so much. “Is there a should in this moment? Who is to say what you should or shouldn’t be thinking about?”
She gave me a small smile. “Fair enough.”
Somewhere, one of the Warriors let out a triumphant hoot. I smiled. Sometimes the takedowns were worth hooting about. “What are you thinking about?”
“How amazing it was that you had the hole done by the time I was done explaining to Charlie what was going on. How you took care of everything, even getting Patrick to say some nice words about a woman he'd never met.” She stopped. “How I want to get to where we're going because what I really want is a wedding night with you. I need it, I think, to get the memory of you on that table out of my mind. When we got there, I thought you were dead.”
“Lydia, I'm so—”
The pain of Vampires slammed into me. They were close and even though I was still not at my usual strength, my powers weren't going to let me ignore them if they were practically on top of me.
She looked around. “What is it?”
“Vampires.” I reached into my pocket and tried to grab my stake. My hands shook and didn't close around the wood. This was not good, not at all. “I'm really out of commission. My hand doesn't seem to have the ability to hold the right grip.”
My wife stood. “I got this.”
I wanted to throw up right there. She was as trained as anyone I'd worked with. I'd trusted her to keep everyone safe in Geronimo, and she'd had my back already more than once during a fight.
This was different.
“Lydia, there are going to be a lot of them. I can feel it.”
“Got it.”
She really didn't. Or maybe I didn't. I wasn't prepared for her to die while I sat around like a baby and watched. I dragged myself to my feet. “I'm helping. I’ll get it done.”
“Not if you can't hold the stake.”
Keith used to say necessity was the mother of invention. I knew enough to understand he hadn't invented that expression. Still, he'd taught it to me, and tonight it certainly applied.
I took the blanket I'd been in and using my machete with shaking hands, I sliced a piece of it up. If I couldn't hold the stake, I'd tie it to my hand so it wasn't going anywhere.
“We'll do this together.”
She nodded. “Don't worry, honey. I won't let anything happen to you.”
I believed her.
The Vampires rushed at us. There were four of them. This close to Genesis, they were likely from the habitat Icahn used to run. It was clear of humans now, and without Icahn to keep the bloodsuckers subdued, they were hungry, angry and out of control. The ones at Geronimo had been bad enough. This was going to be rough.
Lydia charged one. I realized right then it was possible to be super proud of someone, amazed by their bravery, and frozen stiff in utter terror. All three of those things were possible in the same moment.
She was fearless, or at least she hid any anxiety really well. The movements I'd taught her were smooth as she staked not one but two Vampires. Watching the second one turn to dust should have spurred me forward, yet it wasn't until one of the others was practically on top of me that I remembered I had the ability to move at all.
My hand closed around the stake. I didn't trust myself not to lose the grip again. I wasn't nearly myself and wouldn't be again until whatever this mess I'd gotten inside of me was officially gone. I trusted the blanket would keep the stake where it needed to be if my hand wanted to cooperate. Not wanting to give the universe any reason to screw with me anymore, I took down my Vamp just in time to see Lydia take out the fourth.
As the wind picked up the dust of what had been the undead, she nodded at some internal dialogue going on in her own head.
“Lydia.” My voice shook. “You're so fucking beautiful.”
I meant what I said. Never in the time of all my wasted years had I ever seen anything as truly striking as the sight of Lydia disposing of Vampires on that cold, winter night. She'd lost her mother just hours earlier. How could she be so self-composed?
She chuckled at me. “Deacon, you look like you're going to fall over.”
And she was honest. There was something to be said about that.
Lydia banished me back inside the truck. I yawned. Well, I'd been outside for hours. That was something. Strength would return. So much for my plan to ignore discomfort.
“Seems kind of easy, doesn't it?”
I jumped. In front of me was a person I’d never expected to see again for the rest of my life. Jason Kenwood. He'd been Rachel's first boyfriend and a pain in the ass Werewolf. He'd died saving her from Icahn. I'd been there but too lost to the craziness at that point to even remember it well. Icahn had tried to shoot her. I'd done nothing, since I was basically a loser then, and
Kenwood had taken the bullet.
Rachel had destroyed Icahn's cloning machines. There was no bringing Jason back, which made him a figment of my imagination.
Yet, there he stood like he was real. Blond, blue-eyed and pretty. I'd always hated him. I still did—even though I didn't want Rachel.
I just hated him on principle for being a Werewolf and therefore inherently evil.
Why was I imagining him now?
“Going to answer my question? Doesn't it seem too easy?”
I cleared my throat. “Doesn't what seem too easy?”
“The way you got away.” He shook his head. “And I agree. I'd rather you weren't picturing me either. Your brain needed someone you would listen to and apparently that was me. This is too easy. You got strapped to a table and injected with drugs. Don't you think it was mighty easy for your friends—if that's what they really are—to come and rescue you like that?” He walked toward me slowly. “In fact, I think all of it is downright too simple. What do you think the chances are you're even here at all? You were born in what basically amounted to a dungeon.”
I swallowed. “What's your point?”
“Take a look at yourself, Deacon. You were in a cage, and you were supposed to die. Then Rachel shows up and saves you. You have adventure after adventure. Make bad choice after bad choice. Yet, somehow here you are? With the nicest wife imaginable who seems to get you even though you're basically a piece of shit? Come on, Deacon, wake up. You're not here. You would never have a girl like that. Why would she waste her breath on someone like you? Face the facts, none of us are real. The Vampires released the fumes so you wouldn't fight the cage. You're in there now being fed on by the sick bloodsuckers. Wake up, Deacon. You've never been anything but food.”
And just like that, I was back in the cage. It was that night and the Vampires were all over me. Their claws tore at my skin, their teeth pierced my body. Blood spurted out all over me. This was what I'd been born for. My parents had been allowed to breed, to love each other so I could die just like this. I was food, and this was a human slaughterhouse for the Vampires. It didn't matter how much I screamed. No one would help me.
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