Pillar of Light

by Gerald N. Lund

  “What do you think?” he asked, turning to her.

  She looked up at him, loving him with a fervor that had been increasing almost daily since that night when he announced he was selling the farm and they were moving to Kirtland. “I think,” she said, choosing her words carefully, “I think of what Nicodemus said about the Savior. I think it could also be said of Brother Joseph.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Nicodemus said, ‘No man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.’ “

  He thought about that, then again only gave her that enigmatic look that she wasn’t sure how to interpret. Suddenly he stood up, pulling her up with him. Joseph and Emma, Nathan and Lydia were coming over to them.

  “Well, Brother Benjamin,” Joseph said jovially, “what did you think of your son’s blessing for your grandson?”

  Ben shot a look at Nathan, “Well, I certainly didn’t expect him to name him Joshua.”

  Joseph laughed, cutting off Nathan’s quick defensive gesture. “I think the Spirit”—he emphasized the last two words slightly—”caught us all a little by surprise on that one.” He gave Benjamin a long look, his eyes probing. “And what about you, Benjamin Steed?”

  “Me? What about me?”

  “Do you not wonder about God’s purposes for you? You know that it was the Lord who brought you to Kirtland.”

  Mary Ann gasped a little inwardly. It was so like Joseph to be this direct, but with Benjamin it wouldn’t take much to push it too far. She saw Nathan and Lydia stiffen as well.

  After what seemed like a full minute, Benjamin’s mouth relaxed into a sardonic grin. “I thought I came by wagon,” he said. “I didn’t particularly notice the Lord in there beside me.”

  “Benjamin!” Mary Ann blurted it out in shock.

  But Joseph threw back his head and laughed. “Ah, Brother Benjamin, you are a rogue, you are.”

  Benjamin laughed right back at him. “Now, there’s a title that I can wear more comfortably than saint.”

  “That may be so,” Joseph said, still chuckling, “but that still doesn’t change the fact that the Lord has a purpose for you.”

  Amazingly, Nathan’s father was in a bantering mood. “Are you going to get a revelation telling me I ought to be baptized?” he asked in mock soberness.

  “Don’t need no revelation to know that,” Joseph responded in a similar tone.

  Mary Ann was reeling. Was this her Benjamin talking like this? But now she saw the humor leave his eyes, and she felt a sudden clutch of anxiety.

  “I never was much for bathing with my clothes on,” Benjamin said, more cool now.

  Joseph became instantly serious. “You know I wouldn’t have you baptized one moment before you are ready, though nothing would please me more.”

  Benjamin nodded slowly, accepting that.

  “But...”

  Instantly the tension shot up again.

  “But what?” Benjamin finally asked when Joseph did not finish.

  The smile slowly stole back across Joseph’s face. “But you know that now that you’ve come to Kirtland, you’re like a mouse in a town full of cats. You’re going to have to watch yourself around here, Benjamin Steed.”

  “I will, Joseph,” Ben drawled. “I will.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The whole village is ablaze with excitement,” Nathan said glumly as he took off his hat and hung it on its peg. He had spent the morning in Kirtland and had just returned. “There shall not be one missionary that has not departed before the month is over.”

  Lydia watched her husband closely, sensing his bitter disappointment, and feeling guilty that she should be so relieved that he had not been one of them. “Perhaps there will be more called, Nathan.”

  He shook his head and went over to the sink to wash.

  Lydia watched him with heavy heart. On the Monday following the conference, now a week ago, Joseph had received a revelation that electrified the gathered Saints. Joseph and Sidney were instructed to travel to Missouri, where the next conference of the Church would be held. Thirteen pairs of missionaries were called as well. They too were to make their way to Missouri, preaching the gospel along the way, lifting up their voices in the congregations as they went. The calls had come to many of the people they knew. Father Morley was to go with Ezra Booth, the minister converted through the miracle of Elsa Johnson. Martin Harris and Bishop Partridge were to travel with Joseph and Sidney. Parley Pratt and his brother Orson, whom he had converted after his own baptism, would be companions to each other. David Whitmer, Thomas B. Marsh, Samuel Smith—it seemed like few had been missed.

  It was a triple blow to Nathan. Lydia understood that clearly. First, he longed to be called to the ministry—had, in fact, dreamed of little else since their arrival in Kirtland. To have more than two dozen missionaries called and his name not included had devastated him. He was beginning to wonder if the Lord thought him worthy. Lydia tried to talk him out of such doubts, but she didn’t dare express her strong feeling that—for now, at least—the Lord recognized her special need to have him with her.

  The second frustration was only marginally easier for him to accept. And this one hit Lydia hard as well. In the Book of Mormon, the prophet Ether had foreseen that the city of Zion, the New Jerusalem, was to be built in the Americas somewhere. Hiram Page had started to receive revelation through his so-called “seer stone” about its location. The Lord had rejected that and would say only that it was somewhere “on the borders by the Lamanites.” As part of the revelation on the day following the June conference had come this electrifying promise: The land of the Saints’ inheritance (which everyone assumed to mean Zion) would be revealed when they arrived there. And so “Zion fever,” as Sister Morley called it, was sweeping through Kirtland. Knowing that others had been called to go there and would likely be there when the announcement of the exact location was made was very hard for Nathan.

  The third thing that made this so hard for Nathan was the news that Joshua was in Independence. The family had written immediately after they heard the news from Parley Pratt, but again there had been no answer. Nathan saw the call to Zion as an opportunity to go and find Joshua and reunite the family. But no call had come.

  Personally Lydia dreaded the reestablishment of contact with Joshua. He was a part of her past that she had put behind her, not without considerable relief. At first her infatuation with his dark handsomeness had been mostly for fun. It also titillated her somewhat to know that her father absolutely opposed the match. But then Joshua had started to change. He had turned hard and mean, given to drink. And Lydia had met Nathan. She shook her head, still marvelling that two brothers could be so vastly different. The news of Joshua’s whereabouts had been met with joy in the family. Lydia was not so sure.

  As he finished drying his hands on a towel, Nathan now turned around and smiled briefly at her, but his eyes were still filled with frustration. He walked to the window and pulled aside the curtain.

  She waited a minute, watching his back, loving the man who stood before her hurting inside. She took a quick breath. “Nathan?”

  “What?”

  “Perhaps you should talk to Joseph.”

  He didn’t turn, just shook his head once briefly.

  “Maybe there are more calls yet to come.”

  “It’s done, Lydia. If the Lord didn’t see fit to call me, I’ll not be pressing Joseph to change the Lord’s mind.”

  “What does your father think? He seemed excited to think you might be called to go to Missouri too.”

  “Pa is still feeling guilty about what happened with Joshua,” he said shortly. “He was hoping I could find him and make everything all right again.”

  She stood and walked to him. Again he did not turn, just kept his gaze fixed on the grove of maple trees out behind the Morley house. For a moment she stood there, feeling the agony of indecision. Could she bear to have him gone from her? Little Joshua was not even a month old yet. Bu
t on the other hand she couldn’t bear to see him ache like this. She put her arms around his waist and laid her head against the broadness of his back. “Then, go to Joseph,” she urged. “Tell him how you feel.”

  “I can’t.” He straightened and turned around, encircling her in his arms. He managed a smile. “There’ll be plenty of time. I can’t believe the Lord doesn’t want me as a missionary.”

  “You’ll make a wonderful missionary,” she said fiercely.

  He leaned down and kissed her. “Too bad you’re not giving the calls.” Hearing a faint cry, he looked toward the far corner of the room, his face brightening. “Is little Joshua ready to get up?”

  Lydia laughed, loving this man with a depth that hurt with an exquisite kind of pain. “Sounds like it. He’s probably over there waiting for his papa right now.”

  “Good.” He kissed her again. “I’ll get him.”

  “Bring his blanket and we’ll take him for a walk.”

  When Nathan and Lydia returned with their baby to the cabin half an hour later, Hyrum Smith was waiting on the porch. Hyrum waved and they waved back.

  “Hyrum,” Nathan said, springing up on the porch and gripping his hand. “This is a surprise. What brings you out from town?”

  He smiled. “Needed the exercise.”

  Lydia sensed that there was much more to it than that. Hyrum had come out to talk to Nathan. “If you’ll excuse me,” she said, “I’ll go in and feed Joshua.”

  Hyrum turned quickly. “If you don’t mind, Lydia, I’d like to talk to both of you. May I come in?”

  “Please do,” said Nathan. His curiosity was piqued, and he barely waited until they were all seated inside. “What is it, Hyrum?”

  Joseph’s older brother gave them both a long look, then seemed to make up his mind. “Newel Knight came into town today.”

  “Oh?”

  “Leman Copley has broken the agreement.”

  “What?”

  “As you know, the Colesville members were settled as a group on Copley’s farm. He consecrated it to the Church, signed an agreement that the Saints could live on it.”

  “Yes, I saw Newel at the conference. He told me all about it.”

  “Well, Copley has lost the faith. He claims Joseph forced him to sign his land over against his will. He’s kicked them off his farm.”

  “Oh no,” Lydia cried. “What will they do?”

  “For now, they’re coming into Kirtland.”

  “For now?” Nathan said. There was something in Hyrum’s eyes that suggested this was why he had come.

  “Joseph inquired of the Lord,” Hyrum said solemnly. “They’ve been commanded to go to Missouri.”

  Nathan’s eyes jerked up.

  “Yes,” Hyrum said, “the whole branch. The preparations have already begun. They hope to leave before the end of the month.”

  “But...” It was overwhelming. Nathan knew these people. The Knights were like a second family to him.

  “Joseph asked me to come and see you.”

  Lydia was watching Hyrum closely, and she felt her heart drop. Like Nathan, she sensed there was specific purpose in Hyrum’s coming. Now she thought she understood. “Does Joseph need the money?” she asked.

  Nathan turned to her. Of course, that was it. He turned back to Hyrum. “Is that it, Hyrum? Do you need the money from the sale of our farm to help them?” He glanced at Lydia and she nodded. “Tell Joseph it is his.”

  Hyrum laid a hand on Nathan’s arm. “No, my good friend. That is not it, but how generous of you to offer.”

  “Then, what?” Lydia asked. “What does Joseph need of us?”

  Hyrum looked first at her, then at Nathan. Then he smiled slowly. “Nathan, Joseph thinks you ought to accompany the Colesville group.”

  It hit them both like a well bucket dropped from full height. “What?” Nathan cried.

  “They could use some help getting there. That would give you a chance to find Joshua.” He smiled, a little envious. “And most likely you’ll be there when the Lord reveals the location of Zion.”

  “Hello, Mr. Rogers.”

  “Good mornin’, Melissa.” Hezekiah Rogers smiled at her warmly. “Carl’s out back in the tack shed fixing a saddle.”

  “Thanks.” She went back out of the office and around to where Carl was working. The door to the tack room was open, but Carl had his back to her, concentrating on driving a rivet into where the stirrup fastened to the main body of the saddle. She tiptoed up to him and put her hands over his eyes. “Guess who.”

  “Emily Dodd.”

  “Emily Dodd?” she cried in dismay.

  He laughed. “Carleen Brown?”

  She slapped him across the shoulder.

  He laid down his tools, stood, and gathered her up in his arms. “How about Mrs. Carlton Rogers?”

  “Hmm,” she said, only partially placated. “I like the sound of that.”

  “Then, I think I’d better talk to your pa and make it official.”

  She shook her head quickly. “Let’s wait until after Nathan leaves. That’s all Pa can think about right now.”

  “Is that the only reason?” he asked quietly.

  Melissa looked away, not able to meet his eyes.

  “That’s what I thought.” He sat back down, picked up the hammer, and went back to work.

  She stepped to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, not knowing what to say.

  Finally he slammed the hammer down again. “Melissa, I don’t have any objection to your religion. You can be a Mormon. You can even teach our kids to be Mormons. But I can’t help it if I just don’t feel anything for it.”

  “Are you still reading the Book of Mormon?”

  Now it was he that looked away.

  “Carl, if you would just read it. Ask God if it’s true.”

  He got up and walked across the room, keeping his back to her. “I did read in it. Like you said.”

  “Did you pray about it?”

  He turned. “Melissa, I don’t think that it’s not true. I don’t have any trouble believing that maybe Joseph Smith is what he claims to be.”

  “Then, what is it?” she cried. They had gone over this and over it.

  “I just...” He picked up a piece of bridle leather and began to knead it in his hands. “It’s like I don’t feel a need for it. I’m happy. I believe in God. Why do I have to join some church in order to be a better person?”

  And that was where it always came to, and Melissa didn’t have an answer for him. All she knew was that she loved him so much that it left her aching inside whenever she wasn’t with him. But she also loved the Church. She didn’t want to be her mother, knowing and loving God but always being alone in her faith. She finally just dropped her head and shook it slowly. “I don’t know.”

  He came to her and took her tenderly into his arms. “Melissa, I’ll never try to take your religion away from you. I promise.”

  “I know.”

  “Then, why can’t we marry?”

  She looked up, her eyes suddenly moist. “Oh, Carl, I want to. You know that.”

  “But?”

  She sighed. “But,” she finally whispered, “I just don’t know.”

  His jaw set and he let her go. “You’ve got to decide.”

  She sighed again, this time more deeply. “I know.” She forced a smile. “But not this minute. Just hold me for now, all right?”

  He did, pulling her to him and stroking her hair gently. Finally, she pulled back a little and looked up. “By the way,” she said grumpily, “who is Emily Dodd?”

  “When do you actually leave, Joseph?” Lydia asked.

  “Day after tomorrow.”

  Melissa was down near the end of the table beyond Becca and Matthew. She leaned forward so she could see past them. “And how long will it take you?” she asked.

  Joseph shrugged. “Parley says it took him three weeks to return from Independence. It’s between eight and nine hundred miles.”

  �
�How long will it take you, Nathan?” Becca asked.

  “About the same. Joseph is going by way of Cincinnati. But Newel has arranged for some wagons for us. We’ll take our goods to Wellsville, then catch a steamer down the Ohio.”

  Matthew’s face screwed into a puzzled frown. “Newel?” he said. “Is Brother Whitney going?”

  “Not Newel Whitney,” his mother smiled, “Newel Knight. He’s the president of the Colesville Branch.”

  “Oh.”

  Joseph turned to Nathan. “Newel said you’ll be no more than ten days behind us.”

  “Yes,” Lydia answered, “if we can get him ready in time.” She sighed, not wanting to think about him being gone from her. “It will be so exciting to learn where the land of Zion is to be located.”

  Emma was nodding. “I wish we could all go and be there when the Lord reveals it.”

  Mary Ann turned to Joseph’s wife. “Where will you be staying while your husband is gone, Emma? We’d be right pleased to have you stay with us, wouldn’t we, Benjamin?”

  Nathan looked up quickly, fearing his father’s reaction. But it had been Mary Ann’s idea to have Joseph and Emma over for this farewell dinner before Joseph departed, and evidently she had already discussed this with Benjamin. He nodded without hesitation. “You’ve been mighty kind to my family, Joseph. We’d consider it a pleasure to have Emma with us.”

  Emma smiled at the two of them, and Nathan was struck again with what a handsome woman she was. Her dark hair was pulled back away from her face and filled with curls at the back of her head. Her eyes, dark as the water in a deep well, were bright now with warmth and gratitude. “You are both very kind. Thank you, but Joseph has already arranged for me to stay with the Whitneys.”

  “Yes, thank you, Benjamin.” Joseph stopped, touched. “That is very Christian of you.”

  “Well, if it doesn’t work out at the Whitneys’,” Ben answered, speaking to Emma, “you just plan to come here. We have the room.”

  And they did, Nathan thought with just a touch of envy. His father had surprised them all by arranging for the purchase of a house in town rather than buying farmland. It was a comfortable frame house on the road that led south to Hiram and Mantua. With it had come thirty-some acres of cleared land. But his father did not plan to farm it. He had already sent for the surveyors to mark it off into individual residential lots. Members of the Church were flocking to Ohio, and they had to have places to live. His father was going to become a businessman, a developer of real estate. That absolutely floored Nathan. He still found it hard to believe.