Caroline was drawing lines with her finger on the surface of the table. “What does Joshua’s father think of it all, now that he knows?”
A frown darkened Lydia’s eyes. “He’s still angry. He called Nathan a fool for going. But that’s just Father Steed. I don’t even think it’s the original blowup between him and Joshua anymore, but what he did to Nathan. He says that is unforgivable.”
There was a touch of horror on Caroline’s face. “Can you blame him for that? Joshua can’t even forgive himself for it.”
“Well, Nathan has,” Lydia said. “And Father Steed is just going to have to learn to live with it too.”
Savannah began to squirm in her mother’s arms, and Caroline let her down to the floor. Immediately the little red-headed girl started around the room examining things curiously. Caroline looked back at Lydia and sighed. “I’ve never seen Joshua like this.” There was a brief pause. “I stayed in a hotel Friday night.” Anger suddenly fired her voice. “I told him it’s not just his decision. His parents are Savannah’s grandparents. They have a right to see her, and she has a right to know them. You’re her aunt.” Her voice was suddenly pleading for understanding. “Is that so wrong to want that for them?”
“Of course not.” Lydia smiled, and patted Caroline’s hand encouragingly. “Mother and Father Steed are going to be so excited that you’ve come.” Then her face fell a little.
“What?” Caroline asked anxiously.
“Jessica and her husband are there. They’ve come for the Fourth of July celebration.”
“Oh.”
“I know that will be a little awkward for you,” Lydia went on in a rush, “but Jessica is wonderful. I think you’ll find that she holds no bitterness for Joshua. She is very happy now.”
For several moments, Caroline was quiet, then finally she shrugged. “She’s part of the family. And Rachel is Joshua’s daughter.” She took a quick breath. “It’s time that I meet them all.” There was a brief flicker of a smile. “But I must tell you, I’ve had a stomach full of butterflies the whole way up here.”
Lydia smiled fully and enthusiastically now. “I know you must be starving, but Mother Steed will never forgive me if we eat over here without her knowing about it. Let’s get the children and go over there right now.”
Caroline blanched a little, then nodded slowly. “All right. I suppose it’s time.”
* * *
“It takes her a while to warm up to strangers,” Caroline said.
Benjamin glanced at her, then went right back to looking at Savannah. “But I’m not a stranger,” he said softly. “I’m her grandfather.” He held out his hands, smiling gently. “Come on, Savannah. Come see your grandpa.”
Savannah was eyeing Benjamin gravely with her large, dark blue eyes. Then she seemed to make up her mind. She raised her arms and leaned away from her mother toward Benjamin.
“Ha,” Benjamin said, taking her. “I told you.”
“Well, I’ll be,” Caroline said in wonder.
Will was shaking his head. He looked at Lydia. “She never does that.”
“She just wants to go exploring a little, don’t you, Savannah?” Benjamin was trying hard not to show his feeling of triumph. “And Grandpa is just the one to help her do that.”
He started walking slowly around the room, pointing out this and that as Savannah alternated between watching him and looking at the things he was showing her.
Caroline turned to Jessica, who stood beside her husband and daughter. Her two stepsons stood behind their father, eyeing the newcomers curiously. Caroline went down into a crouch. “And you’re Rachel.”
Jessica put a hand on Rachel’s back and gave her a gentle push. “Go see Caroline, Rachel. She’s married to your father.”
Rachel stepped forward tentatively a few steps and stopped. Caroline did not try to move closer. She just smiled. “You have the prettiest brown hair, Rachel. You look very much like your mother.”
“Thank you.”
Caroline looked up at Jessica. “Joshua has wondered what she looks like now, how things are with you and her. Your father has kept us up to date a little bit when he received letters.”
“Good,” Jessica said softly. “I hope all is well with Joshua.”
“It is.” Caroline hesitated a moment, glancing quickly at Benjamin, who, though he seemed engrossed with Savannah, was following the conversation closely. “He’s changed. He’s a different man now.”
Jessica took her husband’s hand, then looked back at Caroline. “I don’t know if Joshua ever told you, but he sent me and Rachel money.”
Caroline straightened slowly. “No, he never told me.”
Jessica’s eyes had a faraway look as she nodded again. “Yes. The people who brought it would never say who sent them, but I know it was him. During that first winter, after we had been driven out of Jackson County, we were living along the river bottoms. We had nothing. I don’t know what we would have done without the money he sent.” Finally she looked directly at Caroline. “I always knew it was his way of saying he was sorry for what had happened.”
Caroline’s eyes were suddenly misty. “Thank you for telling me,” she whispered. “He never said anything about that.”
Mary Ann’s eyes were shining too. “Come,” she said brusquely, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. “Let’s get some supper on. Then we want to hear all about you and your family.” Her voice broke for a moment. “And more about this son of ours.”
* * *
Rebecca was sitting next to her father, watching him feed Savannah, who was on his lap, tucked in comfortably under his left arm. Savannah would survey his plate, then lean forward. “That,” she would say, pointing. And Benjamin would give her a bite of whatever it was she was pointing at.
“I think you’ve completely won her over,” Rebecca said.
“Or vice versa,” Mary Ann laughed.
Will was across the table, the youngest of those eating inside. All the rest of the children, except for the babies, had been put outside. There simply was not room inside the cabin to feed that many. Now Will was watching his little sister with amazement. “I’ve never seen her like this,” he said to his mother.
Caroline nodded vigorously, speaking to Mary Ann. “This is definitely not the Savannah we’re used to. She’s never taken to anyone like this.”
Mary Ann gave Benjamin an affectionate look. He pretended to be busy with his feeding chores and acted as though he had not heard. But everyone could see the pleased look in his eyes. “All of the grandchildren think Grandpa is pretty special,” she said.
Matthew turned to Derek, who sat beside him. “You can bet me and Becca never got that kind of treatment.”
Rebecca jumped in on that immediately. “Are you joking? It was always, ‘Becca, do this,’ or ‘Matthew, do that.’ But the grandchildren—they can do nothing wrong.”
Benjamin gave them a severe look. “The Lord made grandpas to spoil grandchildren in a way that it doesn’t hurt them. It’s a very delicate art.”
That brought a laugh from everyone. Lydia watched her father-in-law, a little awed by what had happened. She offered a quick, silent prayer of thanks for the little red-headed imp sitting on Benjamin’s lap. Caroline had come here with great misgivings. Lydia herself had worried about how Benjamin would respond to meeting Joshua’s wife and children, but Savannah had almost single-handedly changed all that. It had been less than two hours since Lydia had brought them over, but already any feelings of awkwardness had disappeared. Even Caroline and Jessica seemed relaxed and at ease with each other.
“I done, Gampa,” Savannah said, looking up at him.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded briskly, then looked around. “Where’s Livvy?”
“That’s Olivia,” Caroline explained. She turned to Savannah. “Livvy’s outside with the other children.”
Savannah started to wiggle, and Benjamin picked her up and swung her over the table and
set her down. Rebecca stood up. “I’ll take her out.” She held out her hand. “Come on, Savannah. I’ll help you find Livvy.”
Immediately Savannah gave Rebecca her hand, and the two headed toward the door.
Derek got up quickly. “I’ll go too,” he said.
Rebecca stopped for a moment, obviously pleased. Matthew gave Derek an approving look, which the Englishman didn’t see as he reached down and took Savannah’s other hand. The three of them went out together.
Lydia stood up and began picking up her plate. Caroline started to follow suit, but Lydia waved her back. “You just sit there. I didn’t come fifty miles in the last two days.”
Will jumped up. “I’ll help”—he glanced at her quickly—“Aunt Lydia.”
Her eyes widened for a moment, then her face softened with pleasure. “Why, thank you, Will.”
Matthew was up too. “Tell you what,” he said magnanimously, “me and Will will handle the dishes. You old folks just sit here and relax.”
Mary Ann swatted at him affectionately as Lydia, Caroline, Jessica, and John all laughed aloud. But Benjamin leaned back. “If it means I don’t have to help with the dishes,” Benjamin growled pleasantly, “you can call me old any time you want to.”
As the boys set to work and cleared the table, the adults moved to the other corner of the room and took the sofa and the chairs there. For a few minutes they sat talking lazily about the weather, about the crops, about how fast Far West was growing. They quizzed Caroline at some length about her life in Georgia and how she had come to meet Joshua.
After a lapse into silence, Benjamin gave Caroline a sidelong glance. “So Joshua wouldn’t come with you?”
Mary Ann looked up quickly. That was the first time Benjamin had spoken of his oldest son by name in a long, long time. She reached out for his hand, but he avoided it.
Benjamin’s question had produced sudden concern on Caroline’s face. “No. He was upset with me for coming before without asking him.”
“So he kicked you out of the house?”
“Benjamin!”
He waved his wife to quiet, still looking at Caroline steadily. “I asked Olivia before dinner if her father was coming too. She told me you had a big fight and you had to leave.”
“I didn’t have to leave,” Caroline said defensively. “I chose to leave.” It sounded pretty lame, and she knew it as well as he did. “He was angry. I couldn’t reason with him. I—”
“Joshua’s been angry since the day he turned sixteen,” he said flatly.
“That’s not fair, Father Steed.” To his amazement, it was Jessica who had jumped into the conversation. “You haven’t seen him in almost eleven years.”
“That’s right,” he snapped. “Not that we haven’t tried. We’ve written enough letters to keep the United States Post Office in business. Has he ever bothered answering? Even once?”
“He was afraid to,” Caroline cried. “He’s a proud man. He’s afraid that you will reject him.”
Suddenly, to Benjamin’s surprise, Will was standing in front of him, a dish towel in one hand. “Father Steed?”
“Yes, son?”
“I know my pa has done some bad things.” He looked quickly at Jessica, then back again. “He told me about them. He said he was drunk. But he’s sorry. He doesn’t get drunk anymore. He’s changed.”
Benjamin felt a stab of shame as he looked into those eyes that were filled with hurt and pride and anger all at once. He had completely forgotten that Will and Matthew were within hearing range. “I understand, Will,” he said. “Thank you for telling me that.”
Caroline stood and came to face her son. “Yes, thank you, Will. Your pa would be proud that you spoke up for him.” She glanced at Matthew over Will’s shoulder, then looked back at her son. “Would you go out and make sure Savannah is all right?”
“Yes, Mama.”
“Come on, Will,” Matthew said, putting away the last of the dishes. “I’ll go with you.”
As they left, Mary Ann shot her husband a withering glare. He ducked his head stubbornly, sorry that he had made the mistake, but not sorry for what he had said.
As the door shut, Caroline turned back to him. “Joshua has changed, Father Steed. Won’t you at least give him a chance to prove that?”
He looked up, his heart aching for this woman who without question was the finest thing that had ever happened to Joshua Steed. “I wanted to do that,” he said slowly. “After your first visit here, Nathan and Lydia told me all that you said about Joshua. For the first time, I felt there was a ray of hope for him. It really sounded like he had put some things behind him.”
He shook his head, his mouth tightening. “And then what happens? Here come his wife and children a week later, kicked out of the house again because of that insufferable temper of his. Just like what he did to Jessica and Rachel. And you want me to believe he’s changed?”
There was not a sound in the room. Every eye, except Mary Ann’s, was on Caroline now. Mary Ann was staring at her hands, which were twisted together in her lap.
“It’s not what you think,” Caroline began. “It . . .” But then she knew it was no use. And the supreme irony was, it was her presence here that was providing the very proof that no amount of words could push aside.
Jaw set, eyes like granite, Benjamin went on in a low voice that was thick with anger. “Everything I see tells me Joshua has not changed. Not down deep. Not fundamentally.” He turned to Mary Ann, his eyes wide with challenge. “And now Nathan has gone to Jackson County again. Just like before. And I swear before you and the Lord himself, so help me, if my son comes back with one hair of his head out of place, I shall go after Joshua myself.”
“Joshua is your son too,” Mary Ann whispered in anguish, tears trickling down her cheeks.
Benjamin shot to his feet. “No, he’s not! Not after . . .” His hands came up, as if to shield himself from any further words. “No,” he said again, choking suddenly. “Not anymore.” And with that he turned and plunged out of the room.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Rebecca rounded the corner and stopped in surprise. Derek was leaning against the wall of the cabin. He straightened, looking a little sheepish.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Just waitin’.”
“At six o’clock in the morning?”
His blue eyes sparkled for a moment. “Matthew told me you like to go walking first thing in the morning.”
“I—” She stopped, pleased, but peering at him more closely. “How long have you been here?”He pulled a face. “Unfortunately, Matthew forgot to mention what he meant by ‘first thing.’”
She laughed merrily. “So how long?”
He glanced up at her, then away quickly. “Since five o’clock.”
She was startled for a moment, but then she gave him one of her most winsome smiles and started moving toward him again. “Then I suppose we’d better start walking, hadn’t we?”
“You don’t mind if I accompany you?”
She stopped short. “Derek Ingalls!”
He was dismayed at the look on her face. “What?”
“If you start talking that way again, I don’t want to be with you.” She walked on past him, her head turned away from him.
Hastily he fell into step beside her. “If I start talkin’ what way?”
“Putting yourself down, talking like you aren’t worth anything.”
“Well—,” he started, but she shot him such a look that he clamped his mouth shut again.
She walked quickly, her steps angry and crisp, and Derek had to stride out to keep up with her. Twice he started to say something, but then thought better of it. Gradually her step slowed again, and the firmness around her mouth softened. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, then finally dared to venture an attempt to put things right. “I talk that way because whenever I’m around you I feel that way.”
She gave him a look of disbelief. “Is th
at supposed to be a compliment? That I make you feel inferior?”
He went on stubbornly. “I didn’t say that you make me feel inferior. I was tryin’ to say that I feel inferior when I’m around you. They aren’t the same.”
She considered that for a moment, then nodded. “All right. Why do you feel inferior when you’re around me?”
They were coming to a pasture with two or three milk cows, a horse, and a small flock of sheep scattered around it. Derek stopped and walked over to the rail fence and leaned against it. Rebecca watched him for a moment, then went over to join him. “Well?” she prodded.
He took in a deep breath, searching for the right words and the courage to say them. Matthew’s threat popped into his mind. He let out the breath, losing his nerve. “By the way,” he said, not meeting her eyes, “did Caroline decide to go back home today?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Last night Lydia and Mama were still trying to talk her out of it. They feel terrible about the things Papa said about Joshua. Caroline says that’s not why she wants to leave. She feels like she needs to return and work things out between her and Joshua. Lydia says it will be good for Papa if she stays until the Fourth of July. Especially for him to have Savannah around. Lydia and Mama still think that Caroline is our only hope of getting this whole thing worked out.”
Derek shook his head. “Your father is such a kind man in so many ways. Yet this anger in him about your brother—it’s very difficult to understand.”
“I know.” She was quiet for several moments, then a teasing look came in her eye. “You changed the subject on me, Derek Ingalls, and you’re not going to get away with that. Why do you feel inferior around me?”
For some odd reason, an image flashed into Derek’s mind. It was the image of him in the back office at the textile factory, standing in front of a very angry Mr. Morris. “You’ll have until lunch to make up your mind about Mormonism,” he had said. And Derek had squared his shoulders, looked him straight in the eye, and replied, “I won’t need until lunch.” Suddenly it struck him that that was a courageous thing he had done. It had also taken courage for him and Peter to come to America, then make their way across more than a thousand miles of country to get here. For some reason, the thought cheered him immensely. Now here he was, standing next to the woman who left him as stammering of tongue as if he were a craven coward facing a line of musketeers. It was time to call on that same courage that had helped to get him where he now stood.
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