Before he could sort it out, Sister McIntire took his arm and they moved forward to where Matthew still held his mother and Derek was pummeling Peter on the arm. With a shout of greeting, young Joshua threw himself into his uncle’s arms, nearly knocking the crutch out of his hand. His grandmother was right behind him now, holding out her arms.
“Hello, Mama,” Joshua said, taking her under his free arm.
She brushed at the tears with the back of her hand. “Joshua, I can’t believe it! What are you doing here?”
Joshua started to answer, but then he saw his father. He was shocked even as he stepped forward, with his hand outstretched. His father had lost fifteen or twenty pounds. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes were not as bright as they had been when he had last seen him. “Hello, Pa,” Joshua said, grasping Benjamin’s hand. But Benjamin wasn’t satisfied with a handshake. He pulled Joshua to him and pounded his back. “I can’t believe it, Joshua. What are you doing here?”
Joshua laughed and looked at his mother. “That’s just what Mama was asking me. Well, I—” He stopped. Matthew and Derek and Peter were all pressing in around them now, and Joshua saw a familiar and endearing face. “Ah, Mrs. McIntire.”
“Hello, Joshua Steed.”
“I met Jenny and Kathryn on the trail,” he said. “They told me about your coming to Far West.” He shook his head in mock exasperation. “I tried to warn Matthew not to give you that Book of Mormon.”
She smiled cheerfully. “We’ll be forever grateful that he did. And how are my girls?”
“Doing very well,” he replied. Then he shook his head. “Well, at least Kathryn is.”
A quick look of concern flashed across Sister McIntire’s face. “But not Jenny?”
Joshua winked at her, then gave Matthew a severe look. “It was really hard to tell. Every time I tried to talk to her, all she could do was moon at this youngest brother of mine with those big blue eyes of hers.”
Matthew blushed. “Oh, go on! It wasn’t like that at all.”
Mary Ann reached out and took Joshua’s arm. “Did you find Will?”
The smile on Joshua’s face instantly vanished. He shook his head. “Not yet.” He sighed. “But it hasn’t been that long, we—”
A shout from behind them cut him short. They all looked around. Nathan and Lydia and Rebecca were coming towards them with the children. Nathan had little Nathan in his arms, Lydia was carrying the baby, Rebecca was holding Emily’s hand. Their cabin was another block or so further on from Benjamin’s. They too had heard the noise and come out to see what was happening. As they drew close, Nathan saw Matthew and Joshua and gave a shout. He spoke to Lydia and they both broke into a run.
The others stepped back. Then Rebecca saw Derek and squealed in delight. She released Emily and came flying at him, hair bouncing, skirts swirling. She nearly strangled him as she threw her arms around his neck and clung to him with all her strength.
Nathan came up to Joshua and grasped his hand. “Did you find Will?” were the first words out of his mouth. Joshua shook his head, then smiled. He looked at his mother. “But I did find someone else.”
“Who?” Mary Ann asked.
Joshua turned and pulled his father forward to stand by Mary Ann. “Mama, Papa, we have another surprise for you.”
Matthew leaned forward, grinning. “Hold on, Mama! This is going to be a real shock.”
“What?”
Joshua was ecstatic, enjoying this very much. He swung around, maneuvering his crutch around Nathan. “Come on.” He turned. “You too, Nathan. Lydia. Rebecca. All of you. This is for everyone.”
He brushed aside their questions and queries and moved back toward the wagons. At first, Mary Ann thought he was going to get something for her. But he didn’t stop. They passed the first wagon, then the second. As they came around the second wagon, the third one came into view. A man was sitting on the wagon seat, the reins still in his hand.
Suddenly Mary Ann stopped, stunned into immobility. She was looking up at the driver, who was now smiling self-consciously down on the approaching family. It was a face Mary Ann had not seen for over a year. It was a face she had not expected to see again for years to come, perhaps never.
“Carl!” she cried.
Carl Rogers stood slowly. A quick smile flitted across his face. “Good afternoon, Mother Steed.”
Joshua stood back, laughing and proud, as Carl jumped down and came to Melissa’s parents. Mary Ann was weeping openly now, unable to believe what she was seeing. Benjamin was likewise bewildered. “But how?” he kept asking. “How did you get here?”
“Let’s get out of the cold,” Joshua suggested, “and we’ll tell you the whole story.”
Chapter Notes
In this chapter and the previous one, the details of the trek eastward from Far West are based on actual incidents from the experiences of the Saints. However, some of the incidents portrayed have been combined from the experiences of different families, and the events happened across a wider span of time than is depicted in the book. Also, in some cases fictional names have been supplied. Nevertheless, the story of the children with bleeding feet; the decision of the Thomas family to send the father back for others; the “queen’s bed”; Brother Wiswager’s offer of his “standing room” accommodations; Mosiah Hancock’s crossing of the river—all are actual incidents. (See Richard Neitzel Holzapfel and Jeni Broberg Holzapfel, Women of Nauvoo [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1992], pp. 8–13; American Moses, pp. 70–71; Mack Hist., pp. 294–97; Gracia N. Jones, Emma’s Glory and Sacrifice: A Testimony [Hurricane, Utah: Homestead Publishers and Distributors, 1987], p. 93; and CHFT, pp. 212–13.)
Chapter 36
Inside Benjamin’s cabin, the mood was one of exuberant joy. Mary Ann was still weeping unashamedly, not even trying to contain her happiness. She sat on the small sofa next to Carl, holding his hand. “And you brought Melissa?” she said.
“Do you think I could have kept her away?”
“The other children?” Lydia asked. “Are they with her?”
He shook his head. “They’re with their Grandma and Grandpa Rogers. We didn’t bring them this far. Besides, we had a wagonload already.”
“And she’ll be waiting in Quincy for us?” Mary Ann asked. “For sure?”
“Yes.”
“With the baby?”
He laughed heartily, something Carl rarely did around Melissa’s family. “Of course. She’s nursing her and had to bring her. As if she would have missed the chance to let you see her!”
Joshua spoke up now. “Melissa and Caroline started west with us. But when we met Matthew and Derek, we decided it would be best if Caroline and Melissa went back with Jessica and the others. They’ll start looking for somewhere for you to stay.”
“But who are driving the wagons?” Nathan asked. “If you brought Matthew and Derek back with you . . . ?”
“I brought two teamsters with me, so I just sent them back with Caroline. That way we could come straight here and save several days.”
“Melissa was so anxious to see you,” Carl added, “but it was very cold and we have been worried about having the baby out in it. She’s done very well, but we thought this was better.”
“I don’t know if I can wait,” Mary Ann said. “Melissa. I’ll get to see Melissa.”
“Oh, Joshua,” Lydia said, “and I’m so anxious to see Caroline again. Is she all right now?”
“Yes, she’s fine. Except for being concerned about Will, of course. But we’re very optimistic about that too. She is worried about seeing you all again. After that letter she wrote, she’s pretty nervous.”
Being back inside had perked Benjamin up considerably now. He waved a hand to brush Joshua’s comment aside. “You know that doesn’t make a bit of difference to us.” Then he turned to Carl. “And you brought a wagonload of supplies all the way from Kirtland?”
The man who had seen his relationship with his wife’s family grow increasingly str
ained back in Ohio now colored slightly at the warmth he saw in his father-in-law’s eyes. “When we got your letter, we knew we couldn’t just stand by and do nothing. Melissa had been asking me to bring her west to see you in the summer anyway. This just made it a little more challenging.”
Mary Ann squeezed his hand. “You will never know what that means to us, Carl. This is wonderful.”
“Joshua had the same idea,” Carl said, trying to turn the attention away from himself, “about bringing you help. It was a wonderful coincidence we happened to get to Quincy at the same time. But here we are, and with enough food and dry goods not only to get you back to Illinois but to see you through the rest of the winter.”
Joshua pulled a face. “Except we’ve got this little problem. We’re going to have to get some of that stuff out of the wagons, or there won’t be room for anyone to ride.” He laughed. “Maybe we’ll have to just start eating tonight and not stop until we’ve made sufficient space to . . .”
His voice trailed off as a sudden, awkward silence filled the room. He looked around in surprise. “What?”
Nathan cleared his throat and looked at his father. Derek and Rebecca glanced quickly at each other, then turned to Benjamin. Mary Ann looked embarrassed. She too turned to her husband. When Benjamin saw that everyone was going to leave it to him, his shoulders lifted and fell. “You help me, Nathan. I may not explain this very well.”
Now Carl was openly puzzled too. “Explain what?”
Benjamin took a breath, then began, speaking slowly and deliberately. “You have to understand something. Conditions here have been very bad. Many people came here poor. Many more have lost everything to the mobs. Those blessed with more of this world’s goods have mostly gone now. Those of us who are left don’t have much.”
“Yes, we knew that,” Carl said. “That’s why we came.”
Benjamin shook his head. “A few weeks ago, all of us made an agreement.” He shook his head quickly. “It was more than an agreement. It was a covenant. A solemn and sacred covenant.”
Joshua looked suddenly suspicious. “What kind of a cove-nant?”
Benjamin looked to Nathan, who stepped forward. “We agreed that we would all join together and pool our resources. We promised that we would not leave anyone behind just because they are too poor to make it on their own.”
Carl looked up at Nathan. “Pool your resources? What does that mean exactly?”
Nathan went on doggedly. “It means that we share whatever we have so that no one will suffer more than another. All will have equally or none will have.”
Joshua shot forward, half coming out of his chair. “Do you mean . . . ?” He sat back, shaking his head. “We didn’t bring all this to give it away, Pa.”
Benjamin looked very sad. “I know that, and they are your goods. They are yours to do with as you choose. But if you choose to give them to us, then we are bound to share with others.”
Carl, far more reserved than Joshua, looked disturbed, but held his peace. Joshua exploded. “Are you crazy? We have—what?” His head swung around, counting quickly. “Fourteen of us? Fifteen with Mrs. McIntire. Fifteen people to feed and two hundred miles of frozen prairie to cover. And that’s not counting Jessica and her family when we get to Quincy. Good heavens, Pa, be realistic.”
Mary Ann spoke quietly now. “Joshua, we have lived realistic since last November. We have people here who don’t even have tents. They sleep under a bedsheet or a single blanket. There are children who are getting only half a bowl of cornmeal porridge a day, sometimes not even that. We have widows whose husbands were shot down or beaten to death and who have no one to provide for them. That’s realistic. We can’t just turn our backs on them because you and Carl have been so wonderfully generous and so marvelously kind to us.”
Joshua looked to Lydia for support. She smiled faintly. “It was the family heads who signed their names to the covenant, Joshua. But we as women consider the covenant just as binding on us as them. These are our brothers and sisters. We can’t simply ignore them.”
He turned to Rebecca and Derek. They were nodding their assent to what had been said. Matthew, Peter, Mrs. McIntire—it was a united front.
“So you starve so that others may live?” Joshua asked.
“No,” Nathan answered. “The covenant says that we are allowed to meet our needs first. All Pa is saying is that three wagonloads of food are a little more than we need.”
“And three wagons,” Benjamin came in. “We don’t need three wagons. We can make it with one.”
“For fifteen people?” Joshua was incredulous.
“All right,” Nathan agreed, “two would be more like it. But we don’t need three. Do you know what even one wagon and team will mean here? Four or five families will get out now. Then it will come back, and four or five more will be helped.”
“I can walk,” Benjamin said stubbornly. “All of the men can walk. We can do with one wagon.”
Joshua hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. “I can’t believe it.” He turned on his mother. “Do you think Pa can walk, Mother?”
She turned to her husband and slowly shook her head. “No.”
Joshua pounced on that. “Look at you, Pa. You’re very sick. Even with a mattress and plenty of blankets in the back of the wagon, I worry about you. If we’re not careful, you’re not going to make it through that trip alive . . . Well, he’s not,” he cried, when he saw the shocked looks around him. “Somebody’s got to face the truth.”
Benjamin straightened slowly. “May I speak, please?” When there was no one to disagree with that, he went on. He spoke mostly to Joshua, but to Carl as well. “First let me say, as your mother did, that we are deeply touched. What you two have done is the highest expression of Christian love. You have left your homes, spent your resources, undertaken a difficult journey—and all because you care for us. I hope with all my heart that what we are saying now does not in any way make you think we are not grateful. We are, more than any meager words could possibly express.”
He took a breath, his voice growing stronger now. “But let me see if I can help you understand. In some ways, our lives are like circles, circles in which we move and live and act. Some of us live longer and so we make wider circles than others. Some people are great and noble and famous. Their circles can become very large. We believe Joseph Smith is one of those. We believe his circle will embrace all of eternity.”
Joshua had started fidgeting as his father began, looking for an opening, but he quieted, caught up in the intensity of Benjamin’s words.
“George Washington, Columbus, the Apostle Paul—I could name hundreds of others who we know by name because their circles spread wide and touched many people. But for every one of those big circles there are a thousand unnamed and unknown people whose circles seem very small and insignificant by comparison. And yet, to God, they are not insignificant. To God, it is not how large our circle becomes, or how well known we are to the world. All that matters is how we—you, me, each and every one of us—fills that circle.
“Are we like our Savior and Redeemer? Are we following the example of the Master? Or do we care only about ourselves?” He stopped and peered into Joshua’s eyes. “Do you understand what I’m saying, Joshua? If you and Carl can’t bear the thought of seeing all that stuff you brought given away, I understand perfectly. And I will condemn you not, not in the tiniest way.
“But”—he lifted a finger for emphasis—“if you do decide to bring that food inside my tiny little circle, then I will keep the covenant I have made and I will share it with others in need.”
Now he turned to his wife. Mary Ann was nodding as he spoke, her eyes shining with pride and love. “Otherwise,” he continued, “my circle disappears, and I become nothing.”
He sat back. The room was completely silent. Even the children seemed to hold their breath. There was a quick, fleeting smile. “That’s all I have to say.”
Joshua stared at his father for a l
ong time. Then he slowly turned and looked at Carl. Something passed between them, though neither showed any expression on his face. Only their eyes spoke. Finally, Joshua turned back around. “Suppose Carl and I say, all right . . .” He turned and looked at Carl again. Carl nodded. “Suppose we say that all we will keep is two wagons and enough food and goods to get us back to Quincy and to get you established there.”
He stopped, and there was a mixture of admiration and frustration in his eyes as he looked at his father. “Then will you ride in the back of that stupid wagon the whole way and not complain about it one time?”
Benjamin flinched as though he had been stung by a horsefly. “I . . .” He blinked a couple of times. “I’m not that sick. I can—”
“Benjamin!” Mary Ann said sharply.
“Mother, I’m fine. I—”
She cut him off again. “That’s a definite yes,” she said to Joshua.
Now Joshua turned to Nathan, ignoring the pained cry from their father. It was nearly lost anyway as the room rippled with laughter. “Derek told us that Pa plans to stay here until the last people are gone. If we agree, Carl and I, to participate in this covenant of yours, will you help me load this stubborn old man into the wagon tomorrow morning, hog-tie him to his bed, and then head out?”
“I will!” Nathan said without hesitation. Then, as Benjamin started to harrumph behind him, he added, “But I suspect it might take Matthew and Derek and Peter and Carl as well as you and me to do the job.”
“And maybe Mrs. McIntire and me too,” Lydia cried out, clapping her hands in delight.
Nathan quickly sobered, and now as he looked at his father, his eyes were misty. “I will do so, because I think our father’s circle is far wider and has touched many more lives than he will admit, or even believes. And it won’t diminish the size of that circle one tiny bit if he rides every foot of the way to Illinois.”
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