“Well, doing the cleaning and the laundry today has really tired me out, but I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
He blushed deeply, thinking he had asked the wrong question. She laughed lightly. “Peter, it’s all right. What happened has happened. If being all sad-faced and gloomy about it would make it go away, then I’d be the sorriest-acting female in forty-nine counties. But it won’t change a thing. So it’s all right to talk about it.”
“I’m so sorry about what happened, Kathryn. It must be very difficult.”
More terrible and difficult than you could ever, in your wildest imaginings, begin to comprehend. But she only smiled again. “Oh, it has its advantages. Everyone waiting on you hand and foot. Never having to do any work. People coming to see you. Even Peter Ingalls.”
She thought he was going to faint with that much blood rushing to his face, and she remembered her sister’s pointing finger. “I’m sorry, Peter. I don’t mean to tease you. How are things at the printing office?”
He clutched for that like a man in a flood reaching for a passing log. “Fine,” he blurted. “I’m having the best time now with Elder Taylor. And Brother Joseph is often there working with us. It’s wonderful.”
“That would be wonderful. How do you—” She suddenly stopped, turning to look at him. “Oh, Peter. Can you scratch my nose please?”
He started momentarily, then leaned forward. Gently, tentatively, he reached out and rubbed the tip of her nose.
“Up a little. Oh, yes, there. Harder.” And then after a moment, she sighed. “That’s good, thank you.”
He was staring at her, his eyes quite filled with sadness. “I never thought about what that must be like.”
She shook her head. “When there’s no one around when I get an itch, sometimes I think I’ll go mad.”
He nodded, suddenly awkward again, and for some inexplicable reason, it angered her. She knew why he was embarrassed, even understood why it was difficult for him to face her like this. And had the situation been reversed, she knew that she would likely do exactly the same thing. But she didn’t need his pity.
“Thank you for coming, Peter.”
It came out so abruptly that he jerked up a little.
“It was very nice of you. Thank you.”
He stumbled to his feet, not meeting her eyes. “I wanted to. I tried before and you—”
“I know. I’m sorry. It was really very nice of you, but I’m getting quite tired now.”
“I understand. Well . . .” He lifted a hand. “Can I come see you again?”
She cut off her retort before it could clear her tongue, then finally nodded slightly. “I suppose.”
He started to turn, then swung back, remembering. “Oh,
I . . . I brought you something.” He reached into his pocket and brought out a folded sheet of foolscap. He started to hand it to her, then realized his mistake. She wouldn’t be reaching out for it. “I . . . It’s a poem I wrote for you.” Then almost in a panic, he dropped it on the coverlet and fled from the room. “Good-bye, Kathryn.”
She watched the door close behind him, then slowly closed her eyes. “Good-bye, Peter.”
It was not thirty seconds later that the door opened and Jennifer Jo came back in. She had a reproving look on her face, but when she saw Kathryn’s expression, she changed it to a quick smile. “Well,” she said brightly, “that was nice of him to come.”
“Yes, I suppose it was.”
She ignored that, spying the sheet of paper. “Hello, what’s this?”
“It’s a poem.”
“For you?”
“Who knows?” she replied caustically. “Maybe it’s one of his old castoffs that he wrote for Jenny.”
Jennifer Jo frowned at her, but let it pass. She picked up the paper. “Did he read it to you?”
Kathryn moved her head back and forth against the pillow.
Jennifer started to reply to that, then took a quick breath instead, obviously trying to hold her patience. “Would you like me to read it?”
“No,” she retorted. “Just leave it there on the chair. I’ll get up and read it when I have more time.”
Her sister watched her steadily for several moments, then put the paper back down again. “All right. When you need me, just call.” She turned on her heel and started for the door.
“Jennifer!”
She stopped, turning to look at Kathryn over her shoulder.
“I’m sorry. Forgive me for being such a shrew.”
Jennifer Jo gave one quick bob of her head and returned, acting as if nothing had happened. She picked up the paper, opened it as she sat down beside Kathryn, and skimmed it quickly. Suddenly there was a shimmering in her eyes. Her lips pressed together as she read it again, more slowly now. Then her hand dropped and she turned her head quickly away.
Kathryn was astonished by her reaction. “What?” she asked softly. “What is it?”
She spoke to the opposite wall. “I don’t know if I can read it out loud, Kathryn.”
That was the last thing Kathryn had expected. Now any thoughts of anger toward Peter were forgotten. “What does it say? Read it to me, Jenny. Please.”
She saw her sister’s shoulders lift and fall. Her eyes were swimming, and Kathryn saw that the hand which held the paper was trembling slightly.
There was another moment as Jennifer Jo tried to collect herself; then she looked down. “He has titled it simply, ‘Flight.’” She began to read in a low, husky voice.
The bird in me flew free—
Over forest, over sea—
Rejoicing in the open sky;
Gliding through the endless, boundless space.
The hunter’s net unseen—
Blocking passage, snaring wing—
Disdainful of unfettered flight;
Clutching me within its cold embrace.
A rusting cage now home—
No more forest, no more foam—
Confining more than death itself;
Drooping down, my wings and heart debased.
But spirit deep within—
Unrestricted, lifts again—
Refuses to surrender joy;
Starts to seek alternatives to flight.
What bars of earthly form—
Steel or iron, wind or storm—
Can bind to earth my boundless heart;
Stopping me from pushing back the night?
My freedom lies within—
Only sorrow, only sin—
Can clip my inner wings;
And bind me tight.
Shackles of my own
Are all that stay my flight.
For several moments, there was silence in the room. Then Kathryn, her own voice tremulous and strained, spoke. “Will you read it again for me, Jenny? Very slowly this time.”
Generally, each Thursday afternoon at two o’clock the Female Relief Society of Nauvoo gathered in the meeting room on the upper floor of Joseph’s red brick store on Water Street and there met under the direction of Emma Smith and her counselors.
So it was that on the afternoon of April twenty-eighth, six women of the Steed family—Mary Ann, Lydia, Caroline, Melissa, Rebecca, and Jennifer Jo—climbed the stairs to the upper floor of the Red Brick Store. Mary Ann had asked about having Caroline become a member and was assured that was fine. Everyone knew she was a member in all but name only. They were greeted warmly at the door by the presidency, with Caroline and Olivia receiving a special welcome. As they moved inside, Mary Ann was surprised to see Joseph at the front of the room. He had his head down reading in his Bible and did not look up. “This is marvelous,” she whispered to Caroline. “I think Joseph is going to address us.”
“Oh, good,” Olivia whispered back. “I love to hear Joseph speak.”
After the song and prayer and general business were concluded, Emma stood again. “As you can see, we have our prophet with us today. It is an honor and a privilege to have him take this time with our society. He has consen
ted to speak to us on some matters related to the priesthood, particularly as they apply to us as women. President Smith.”
Joseph rose, and as Emma passed him to sit down, he reached out and kissed her quickly on the cheek. “Thank you, Sister President,” he said loudly.
An appreciative ripple of laughter flooded the room as Emma, pleased but embarrassed, inclined her head in acknowledgment.
Now Joseph’s demeanor brightened all the more. “What a grand sight this is! Your society is growing in size, and already there are reports of your good service. The Lord is pleased, sisters. He is very pleased.”
He turned and picked up the Bible sitting on the table. When he faced them again, his demeanor sobered somewhat. “As Emma has indicated, I wish to talk to you today about the priesthood, showing you how the sisters can come into possession of the privileges, blessings, and gifts of the priesthood. Also I wish to say a word or two about the gifts of the Spirit and how you might attain to those gifts in your own life.”
He opened the Bible to where he already had inserted a slip of paper. “I should like to call your attention to the twelfth chapter of the book of First Corinthians wherein the Apostle Paul says, ‘Now concerning spiritual gifts, I would not have you ignorant.’ That is my desire as well. I would not have you ignorant. Paul also tells us that the Church is like a body and that every member of the body is needed.”
He closed the Bible and set it back on the table. “Now, sisters, what Paul is teaching here is the necessity of every individual acting in the sphere allotted him or her, and filling the several offices to which they are appointed. It seems to be part of human nature to consider the lower offices in the Church dishonorable or at least as having less honor. Many look with jealous eyes upon the standing of others who are called to preside over them. It is folly and nonsense of the human heart for a person to be aspiring to other stations than those to which they are appointed of God. It is far better for individuals to magnify their respective callings, and wait patiently till God shall say to them, ‘Come up higher.’”
He smiled, but it was without mirth. “Now, you may be wondering, ‘Why is Brother Joseph making these remarks?’ I will tell you. I have learned that there are some foolish things circulating in this society already. I understand that in previous meetings some sisters who were ill had hands laid upon their heads and they were blessed to be healed.”
Lydia and Melissa exchanged quick glances. At the end of the previous two meetings, women complaining of illness had requested a blessing at the hands of the presidency. Emma agreed to it, and she and her counselors anointed the afflicted individuals with oil, laid their hands on their heads, and blessed them to be healed. It had created no small stir among the women, and on the way home Lydia and Melissa had debated whether this was proper or not. Lydia thought that such an administration was strictly a priesthood ordinance. Melissa wasn’t sure. What added fuel to the debate was that one of the sisters had made a remarkable recovery.
“There are those of your number,” Joseph was saying, “who are critical, saying that such action is improper, that the presidency is not doing right in this matter. My first reaction to that is, if a person has been healed, should we not have common sympathies and rejoice in that, no matter the source of that healing?” Again he picked up the Bible. “Let me reason with you further.” He turned the pages until he found what he was looking for. “This is the Savior’s commission to the Apostles, as found in Mark, the sixteenth chapter, fifteenth through the eighteenth verses. ‘Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.’” Now he spoke with greater emphasis. “‘And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them: they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.’
“Now do you understand, sisters? It says that these signs follow those—whether male or female—that believe, not just those who hold the priesthood. We are not talking about women taking upon themselves the priesthood. We are talking about women exercising faith! If the sisters should have faith to heal the sick, then let the rest hold their tongues and let everything roll on.”
A shadow crossed Joseph’s face now and he seemed suddenly weary. But when he went on, his voice was still firm and powerful. “I do not know that I shall have many opportunities of teaching you. You may not long have me to instruct you. Soon you may be left to yourselves,” he went on, more quietly now. “The world has been much troubled by the instructions of Joseph Smith.” He smiled sadly. “Well, ere they know it, they will no longer have me to teach them.”
A pall had fallen over the room. Faces all around the room registered the shock at the bluntness of his words. It was as though he were saying farewell to them.
“Do not fear,” he went on after a moment of looking down at his hands. “Soon I will deliver the keys of the priesthood to the Church, and you who are the faithful members of the Female Relief Society will receive those keys in connection with your husbands, that the Saints may know how to receive instruction for themselves. And this is good, for according to my prayers, though I know not how soon, God has appointed me elsewhere.”
Jennifer Jo looked at Rebecca, clearly distressed and nearly in tears. Rebecca just shook her head. She could hardly believe what she had just heard.
But then, just as swiftly as the despondent mood had come upon him, it passed. Joseph’s shoulders pulled back and his eyes cleared. He looked around at the assembly of sisters before him and his face softened with love for them. “I should like to exhort you sisters directly for a moment. Concentrate your faith and prayers for your husbands. Place confidence in them whom God has appointed for you to honor, and in those faithful men whom God has placed at the head of his church to lead his people. Arm and sustain them with your prayers; for the keys of the kingdom are about to be given to them, that they may be able to detect everything false. These keys shall be given to all the elders who shall prove their integrity in due season.
“Oh, my beloved sisters, this is a charitable society, and that is according to your natures. It is natural for females to have feelings of charity and benevolence. And you are now placed in a situation in which you can act according to those sympathies which God has planted in your bosoms. If you live up to these principles, how great and glorious will be your reward in the celestial kingdom! If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.”
Lydia straightened, feeling a chill run up and down her body. The angels cannot be restrained from being your associates? It shot through her like a jolt of fire.
“Females, if they are innocent, can come into the presence of God, for what is more pleasing to God than innocence? But you must be innocent, or you cannot come up before him. You need not be teasing your husbands because of their deeds, but let the weight of your innocence, kindness, and affection be felt. This is more mighty than a millstone hung about the neck; not war, not jangle, not contradiction, or dispute, but meekness, love, purity—these are the things that should magnify you in the eyes of all good men. When iniquity is purged out from the midst of the Saints, then the veil will be rent and the blessings of heaven will flow down—they will roll down over us like the mighty Mississippi River which lies just behind us.”
Lydia felt as if she were being pummeled with the power of his words. Angels as associates. Coming into the presence of God. The veil rent! What greater promises were there than these? It was as though every cell in her body were being fed, enlightened, enlarged. She looked around and saw the rapture on the faces around her and knew that she was not alone in feeling it.
Joseph’s shoulders drooped a little now, as if he had been drained of his strength. He let his eyes sweep across the group. No head was down, no eye was straying. He nodded in deep satisfaction. “Bewa
re of self-righteousness. Be limited in the estimate of your own virtues and do not think yourselves more righteous than others. As you increase in innocence and virtue, as you increase in goodness, let your hearts expand, let them be enlarged towards others. You must be long-suffering, and bear with the faults and errors of mankind.”
He sighed now and they all sensed he was moving toward a conclusion. “You will receive further instructions through the order of the priesthood which God has established, through the medium of those appointed to lead, guide, and direct the affairs of the Church in this last dispensation. I now turn the key in your behalf in the name of the Lord, and this society shall rejoice. Knowledge and intelligence shall flow down from this time henceforth. This is the beginning of better days to the poor and needy, who shall be made to rejoice, and they shall pour forth blessings on your heads. God bless you wonderful sisters. May he bless and sanctify your work and your desires. You have the keys to be part of the great work of God. Go forth and serve as only you can do.”
And with that, he turned, walked back to the chair beside Emma, and sat down.
Chapter Notes
Joseph’s address to the sixth meeting of the Female Relief Society of Nauvoo was recorded in great detail by Eliza Snow, the secretary to the organization. Many significant things he said are not included here. What is included are Joseph’s words with only minor additions to clarify what he was saying. (See HC 4:602–7; Women of Covenant, pp. 43–50; Joseph Smith, The Words of Joseph Smith, comp. and ed. Andrew F. Ehat and Lyndon W. Cook [Provo, Utah: Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University, 1980], pp. 114–19, 139–42.)
Two points require some additional explanation for modern readers. In reference to Joseph’s comments about administering to the sick by females, the original minutes as kept by Eliza stated that Joseph said that the practice was in accordance with revelation. However, possibly concerned that the Prophet’s remarks might be misinterpreted to mean that women were being given permission to officiate in a priesthood ordinance, Church historian and Apostle George A. Smith—who heard many of the Prophet’s discourses and teachings, and was personally well acquainted with him—added clarifying comments to flesh out the minutes when the discourse was prepared for publication. The expansion (which points to D&C 42:43 as the revelation referred to by the Prophet) makes it clear that Joseph was speaking about the laying on of hands through faith and not a priesthood ordinance. (Compare HC 4:607 with The Words of Joseph Smith, pp. 119, 142.) Also, Elder Dallin H. Oaks has noted that during this discourse Joseph said that the time had not yet come that these things were put in their “proper order” and could not be until “the Temple is completed” (see HC 4:603; The Words of Joseph Smith, p. 115). Elder Oaks stated that once temples became more widely available to members, “‘proper order’ required that these and other sacred practices be confined within those temples.” (Dallin H. Oaks, “The Relief Society and the Church,” Ensign 22 [May 1992]: 36.)
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