Pillar of Light

by Gerald N. Lund

  “Savannah!” Mary Ann screamed.

  Joshua was on his knees, staring at Nathan across a now empty deck, making sure he was all right. His mother’s scream spun him around. All he saw was a flash of blue and the splash from a body hitting the water. In one mighty leap he was up and sprinting toward the spot. “Savannah!” There was a swirl of hair, a momentary glimpse of a terrified face, one hand clutching at the air. Like a madman, Joshua tore his coat off and flung it aside. He dove into the river, shouting her name again even as he hit the water.

  It was like throwing himself against a stone wall. The shock of the icy water was so violent, so stunning, that for a moment he couldn’t get his breath. He groped wildly in the water around him. There was nothing. He opened his eyes, but the water was so dark and murky, he could see nothing. He kicked hard, shooting upward to break the surface. “Savannah!” It was a primal scream.

  Benjamin leaped to the side of the boat. The women were screaming. Children were shrieking in terror. Derek was still fighting to get his team under control so they didn’t lose a second wagon. Nathan staggered to his feet, shaking his head in a daze. A moment later, Joshua broke the surface, gasping, looking around wildly. “Where is she? Where is she?”

  Not waiting for an answer, he took in a huge gulp of air and went under again.

  Benjamin leaned over the side, searching the swirling, muddy black water. There was nothing.

  “Row! Row!” the captain was screaming. With the one sideboard off, water was gushing into the flatboat and the decking was already two inches under water. They were nearly to shore now, and the men there waiting were shouting at them. Several, including Solomon Garrett, leaped into the river and started wading out to help the boat come in.

  Benjamin raced across to the other side of the boat. They were out of the main part of the current now, but the water still moved beneath them at a steady rate. The thought flashed into his mind that Savannah might have been swept beneath the boat. He stared down, frantically searching the water. There was a momentary flash of blue cloth, then it was gone again. It was enough. He never even thought to remove his heavy coat. Over the side he went, keeping his eye on the spot where the blue had appeared. Behind him he heard Mary Ann cry out, but it barely registered. He had one thought and one thought only. Get his hands out. Catch that blue dress. Hold on no matter what.

  The shock of the cold made him gasp. Unfortunately, his body plunged deep into the water and when he gasped, he took in not air, but water. He tasted mud and felt the choking cold shoot down into his lungs. But he also felt his hands close on something soft. He clamped his fingers tight, sinking them into the cloth like an eagle clutching with its talons. In a moment he broke the surface and felt a thrill of elation to see Savannah’s face in front of him.

  “He’s got her! He’s got her!” he heard someone above him shouting.

  Choking, spitting, fighting desperately not to lose his grip, Benjamin started kicking his feet, moving toward the shore. Then he saw a head coming toward him. It was Solomon. He felt big hands brush past him and take the weight of Savannah from him.

  “I’ve got her,” Solomon shouted. “Hold on to my coat, Father Steed. Swim!”

  “I can’t,” Benjamin gasped. The weight of his coat made it seem like he carried a hundred pounds of flour on each shoulder. He couldn’t feel his hands now. His feet were a vague impression of pain and leaden weight somewhere far removed from him.

  “Hold on!” Solomon shouted over his shoulder.

  But Benjamin had already lost his grip on Solomon’s coat. He felt the current take him and turn him over. Down he went again, into the blackness. He fought it, kicking out, clawing with his hands. In a moment he saw light above him and thrust his head back, breaking out into air again.

  “Benjamin!” It was Mary Ann, screaming out his name. He saw Matthew’s body arcing through the air, then heard a splash. He tried to turn his head to see, tried to raise an arm so it could be seen. But once again the current took him, pulling him down and down into its cold embrace.

  Chapter Notes

  Though the incidents in this chapter are shown as having happened to the Steed family, they are based on real events. On the ninth of February, the temple roof did catch fire about three-thirty in the afternoon. It was caused by someone drying temple clothes too close to a stovepipe in the upper room of the temple. Fortunately, it was seen immediately and the alarm sounded. Men came from all over the city and the fire was extinguished in about half an hour. It burnt a hole some sixteen feet long by ten feet wide in the roof. (See HC 7:581.)

  At the same time as the fire, a flatboat filled with wagons and Saints leaving Nauvoo was hailed by a passing skiff in danger of swamping in midriver. It was a man and two boys. Barely had the man and boys been rescued, when a person whom Brigham later described as a “filthy wicked man” squirted tobacco juice into the eyes of one of the oxen on board the flatboat. The animal, crazed with pain, kicked off one of the sideboards and dragged a second ox and the wagon into the river. Both oxen drowned. In the case of this actual incident, the flatboat sank a short distance offshore. The wagon was later recovered, though most of the contents were ruined. (See HC 7:582; also “Journal of Thomas Bullock,” p. 49.)

  Chapter 33

  Brigham Young, in company with John Taylor and Parley P. Pratt, arrived shortly after dark. Caroline, Carl, and Melissa had already come across an hour before. Word of the accident had swept through Nauvoo like a storm, and they left immediately, leaving the older children in charge of the younger.

  When the Apostles reached the little encampment—three wagons in a half circle around a blazing fire—it was a grim and stricken camp that greeted them. Joshua, Matthew, and Solomon were stripped to the waist and wrapped in blankets, seated nearest the fire, their hair not yet dry. Caroline sat across from them, holding Savannah—also wrapped in a blanket—rocking her slowly back and forth and singing softly to her. One tent had been pitched and it glowed a warm yellow from a lamp. A shadowy figure could be seen moving inside. Though it was still early, all but the older children had been bedded down in the wagons. The adults stood around the fire in numbed silence, staring into the crackling flames.

  Brigham paused for a moment, taking in the scene, then strode up immediately to Caroline. Elder Taylor and Elder Pratt stayed back for the moment. When Caroline saw who it was, she straightened, and Savannah slid off her lap to stand beside her. Brigham dropped to his knees and took Caroline’s hands. “I just received word,” he said softly. “We came as quickly as we could.”

  “Thank you, President Young.”

  He turned to Savannah. Her red hair was still damp and there were smudges of mud on one cheek. “Are you all right?” he asked.

  She nodded mutely, then great tears welled up and spilled over. “Grandpa saved my life,” she whispered.

  “I know,” Brigham said, taking her in his arms and holding her tight, weeping with her now as well. “I know. Your grandfather was a brave man.”

  Caroline started to sob, and Joshua stood and came over. He reached out and touched Brigham’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming,” he said; then he put his arms around Caroline and held her to him.

  “I am so sorry,” Brigham said, still holding Savannah. “What a tragedy.”

  Matthew and Solomon came over to join them. Brigham stood, sending Savannah back to her mother’s embrace, and looked at Matthew. “Are you all right?”

  Matthew nodded. “I . . . I got to him.” He stopped, and then his face crumpled and he turned away, great shudders racking his body. “It was too late.”

  Brigham stepped forward and threw his arms around Matthew. They stood that way for almost a minute, neither speaking. Elders Taylor and Pratt stepped closer to the fire. “The ferry captain told us what happened,” Elder Taylor said to Joshua and Solomon. “What about the two men who started all this?”

  Solomon’s face turned hard as flint. “They didn’t even wait for the boat to dock.
They jumped off and swam ashore. They’ve not been seen since.”

  “They’d better keep running,” Joshua muttered. “A long, long ways.”

  Brigham pulled away from Matthew and they turned to face the group. “Everyone else is all right?”

  “Yes,” Joshua said.

  “The wagon?”

  “We’ve got it located and a rope tied to it. We’ll pull it out in the morning.”

  Parley spoke up. “The ferry captain said both oxen drowned.”

  Solomon nodded. “Thank heavens there wasn’t room for the other yoke, or we would have lost them too.”

  “Where’s your mother?” Brigham asked Matthew.

  He turned and gestured toward the tent. “She’s in there with Papa and Nathan.”

  Brigham nodded and moved away. He walked to the tent, stopped at the door, and called out softly. “Nathan, it’s Brigham Young. May I come in?”

  Immediately the flap opened and Nathan was there. Brigham stepped inside. Along the far side of the tent, there was a straw mattress laid out on the ground. It was filled with the form of a man covered with a blanket. Mary Ann sat on a stool beside it, her head down, her hands folded neatly in her lap. When she looked up and saw who it was, she rose to her feet. Brigham went to her quickly. “No, no, Mary Ann, just sit there. Please.”

  She sank back down again. “Thank you for coming,” she said, her voice hollow and empty.

  He put an arm around her and pulled her against him. “How could I not come? One of the truly great ones of the kingdom has fallen.”

  She buried her face in her hands and her shoulders began to shake silently. “I know,” she finally whispered. “I know.”

  Again for a long time, Brigham just held her, rocking slowly back and forth, letting her weep against him. Finally, her trembling subsided and she straightened. Brigham stepped back. “Have you decided where you want the burial?”

  She nodded immediately. “Here.”

  Brigham’s eyebrows came up.

  She nodded more vigorously. “Here on the bluffs, so he can look back at Nauvoo. He would like that. To know that he left . . .” She had to stop again. “That he died while doing what God asked us to do.”

  Now it was Brigham who was nodding. “Yes,” he said simply. “I think you’re right.” He turned to Nathan. “In the morning?”

  “Yes. If you could be here, we’d like you to say a few words.”

  “Of course. I would be honored.”

  There was silence for a time. Finally Brigham, still speaking to Nathan, asked, “And then what?”

  Nathan sighed. “We’ll go back across in the morning, take everything with us. We can salvage the wagon, but all the food is ruined, of course. We hope we can save the bedding and the clothes.” He rubbed a hand across his eyes. “We’ll have to find another yoke of oxen.”

  “Yes.”

  “It will take a week or more to get ready again. It’s just as well we still have homes to go back to.”

  “But as soon as possible,” Mary Ann said, her voice firm and steady now, “we’ll be crossing again.”

  Brigham nodded, obviously touched and pleased. “I understand.”

  “Ben wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Brigham had to turn away, his eyes misting up.

  “Thank you, President,” Mary Ann said after a moment. “Thank you for calling us to Nashville.”

  He turned back, a little surprised. “You’re welcome, but I think the call came from the Lord.”

  “I know. That’s why it meant so much to him. He was always afraid that he wasn’t of that much value to the kingdom.”

  Brigham just stared at her in astonishment.

  “He did,” Nathan explained. “He always felt like he was good for the building committee, or for the city council, or the temple committee. But when it came to serving as a priesthood leader, he felt that he couldn’t contribute much. Nashville changed all that. He talked about it all the time.”

  Brigham was slowly shaking his head. “What an epitaph,” he observed. “Would to God that we all might have such a tribute written about us when we die.” He paused only for a moment. “‘He found joy in the service of the Lord. He was beloved of his family. He died saving the life of another.’”

  As Nathan came down the stairs of their home and into the sitting room, Lydia looked up. “Is she asleep?”

  He nodded. “I think so. I stood outside her door for several minutes, and she didn’t even stir.”

  “Good.” Lydia turned to young Joshua and Emily. “You be really quiet so you don’t wake Grandma up. If anything happens, you come right over to Aunt Caroline’s and get us.”

  “Yes, Mama.”

  “Papa?” Emily’s large dark eyes held great concern.

  “What?”

  “How are we going to go west now?”

  “That’s what we’ll be talking about with the family, Emmy.”

  “We’re not going to stay, are we.” It was not a question.

  Nathan shook his head and stood up. He took a deep breath. “We may be late. You don’t have to wait up for us.”

  Joshua would be fifteen in a few months now. He was as tall as Nathan and still growing. Sober, thoughtful, and sensitive by nature, he was a wonderful combination of the best of Nathan and Lydia. He was a son that brought much joy to his parents. He looked at his father now. “We’ll wait up,” he said.

  Nathan looked around the room with some sadness. He had thought they had held their last Steed family council. He had been wrong. They were in Joshua’s house, and all the adults, including Carl and Melissa, had come.

  As Nathan and Lydia got seated, Solomon Garrett bent over and started to cough. He threw his arms about his chest, his face twisting into a grimace of pain as the deep, barking sound racked his body. Jessica held him by the hand, trying to steady him, as the rest watched gravely until the spasm passed him. Jessica looked around the circle. “I think he has pneumonia.”

  Melissa leaned forward. “Have you tried the mustard poultice?”

  “Yes, all afternoon.”

  “You need to be in bed,” Joshua said.

  Solomon waved one hand weakly at them. “I will, as soon as we’re done.”

  Nathan looked at Matthew, who still looked a little pale and drawn. “And how are you?”

  “I’m okay.”

  Jenny reached up and laid a hand on his forehead. “He’s got a slight fever, but I think he’ll be all right.”

  Turning to Joshua, Nathan raised one eyebrow. “You were in the water the longest.”

  “I’m fine.” Then, at the dubious looks, he said more firmly, “I am. Aren’t I, Caroline?”

  “So far,” she said.

  “And Savannah?” Lydia asked.

  “She’ll be all right,” Caroline said softly. “There seems to be no effect from the cold.” Then her voice went suddenly hoarse. “I had to sit with her for a long time tonight. She didn’t want to close her eyes.” She looked away as suddenly her eyes were shining. “She said it reminded her of being under the water.”

  There was a long silence; then Nathan turned to Joshua. “Shall we start?”

  Joshua nodded. “Yes. Go ahead.”

  Nathan swallowed, took a deep breath, and stood up. “All right. We know the issues before us. Let’s see if we can find a way to solve them.”

  Melissa tentatively raised her hand and Nathan nodded in her direction.

  “Before you talk about getting more food and another team and all of that, can I ask another question?”

  “Yes.” Nathan thought he knew what it would be.

  “Why can’t you all just stay now? Papa’s gone.” Her voice went suddenly shrill. “He’s gone from us. Why can’t you just stay?” She dropped her head, her body visibly trembling.

  “If only for another season,” Carl came in. “Let Brigham find you a place, then you can go next year.”

  Joshua was nodding. “It’s not a bad idea, Nathan. Espe
cially now.”

  Nathan was silent for a time, looking at the faces around him. “Do you know what Mother’s last words to me were tonight before she fell asleep?”

  Matthew answered for them all. “Go.”

  “Yes. She took both of my hands and held them tightly. And then she said, ‘Nathan, don’t let them talk you out of it. You know what we have to do.’”

  Melissa just shook her head and began to cry quietly. Nathan waited for a moment. “We don’t know what the federal troops are going to do. If they come in and try to take action against us, there may not be another season, Carl. But,” he went on quickly as Joshua stirred, “let’s hear the voice of the council. Solomon? Jessica? Stay or go?”

  Solomon opened his mouth but another spasm of coughing hit him before he could speak. He let it pass, looked at Jessica, who nodded at him, then looked back at Nathan. “We’re going.”

  “Matthew? Jenny?”

  “We’re going with Mother,” Matthew said softly.

  “Derek? Rebecca?”

  It was Rebecca who spoke, and she spoke to her sister. “I’m sorry, Melissa,” she said, her eyes also filled with tears, “but if Papa were here right now, he’d be chiding us for even having this discussion. You know that, don’t you?”

  Melissa stared at her for several seconds, and then whispered, “Yes.”

  “We’ll be going,” Derek answered, taking Rebecca’s hand in his.

  “And so will we,” Lydia said. “The only question we have is, how soon can we restock our supplies and find a team?”

  Carl was shaking his head, but it was not without admiration. “I’ve located a yoke of oxen for you.”

  They swung on him, dumbfounded. “You what?”

  Carl just looked at Nathan steadily. “I traded my team of grays for it.”

  Nathan stared. “But—”

  “I’m not delivering much brick right now. Come spring, I’ll find me another team.”