by Jamie Craig
“Hey,” Josh murmured, lifting her and repositioning her on the bed. “Be careful there.”
“Sara, don’t tense up and be frightened. You’ll lose your concentration. Look.”
Her nose quivered as Cam’s distinct smell faded, replaced by the scent of another cat.
Opening her eyes felt odd this time, especially with her perspective unexpectedly altered. Josh’s legs were mountains in front of her, while on the chair sat a large ginger tom. With blue eyes.
Her tail flicked.
Cam only blinked.
She should have been terrified. Just because she couldn’t see his face didn’t mean she didn’t know it was Cam sitting there. And her captors had made him—the other him—shift in front of her all the time. That was his whole purpose for being there, she’d reasoned.
However, they’d never had him shift into an everyday, normal housecat. This wasn’t scary. She’d seen him, fought him, even flown with him, in guises more dangerous than this one.
Her tail flicked again.
Cam dropped to his haunches, wiggled his back legs, and then sprang across to the foot of the bed. He walked up Josh’s legs, coming to a rest on Josh’s stomach.
“Thanks, Cam. You weigh a ton,” Josh said, but didn’t push him away.
From his perch, Cam looked down at her and blinked. He chattered softly—a sound not quite a meow—then dropped his head to rub it against Josh’s chest.
Sara tilted her head. It looked appealing, especially when Josh lifted his hand to begin scratching Cam behind the ears. But his lap looked small, and there would be no avoiding Cam if she attempted to get any closer. There would be the warmth of their bodies, yes, but even as that called to her, it also raised an iota of fear, and she began to back away, her paws awkward as she navigated the soft terrain.
The side of the bed came sooner than she anticipated. Her back paw met open air, and she tumbled over the edge of the mattress.
By the time she hit the floor, she was back in her human form.
Josh was beside her in an instant, giving her his hand to help her to her feet. Cam the cat watched her from the bed inquisitively. The serious look on his face was almost enough to make her smile; she had never seen an expression like that on a cat before.
“What happened?” Josh asked. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“Only my ego.” She rubbed at her bottom. “And maybe my ass. Falling off the bed is not my favorite way to get rug burn.”
“It’s not mine either.” He sat on the edge of the bed, and Cam immediately nudged his arm. “Did Cam startle you?” To Sara’s surprise, Josh scooped him up. Cam did not like to be handled when he shifted, especially when he was so small. But Josh cradled him easily, rubbing his ears. “You have to admit, he’s not very scary like this.”
He wasn’t—hadn’t been. And he was even less so now that she was five feet taller than him. “I lost my concentration,” she said. “I can probably do it again.”
She sat on the floor, unwilling yet to go up onto the bed. There was no room for flight up there, at least, not without falling on her ass again. It also brought her down to the level of Josh’s lap and Cam’s steady eyes, and for a long minute, she gazed at him.
“You never used to like to be petted,” she said to Cam.
He chattered again, his eyes drooping as Josh continued to stroke him. “He’s not always a big fan of it, but after you…when he shifted, we both ended up being pretty lonely. He didn’t have anybody to shift with, and I didn’t want to just pretend there wasn’t an animal roaming through the house. So, we gradually worked out a compromise.”
It wasn’t a concept Sara was familiar with. She had always had shifters around her, always had somebody she trusted to share it with, from her family all the way up to Cam. Until she’d been abducted, the notion of being alone had been a foreign one, especially when she took another form.
Slowly, she stretched out an arm, fingers skimming over the ruff of Cam’s neck. “I never thought about how Cam was coping being alone,” she confessed quietly. “Well, I did in the beginning. Before I stopped trying to think of Delta.”
Cam closed his eyes blissfully as they both petted him. “He wasn’t entirely alone. I helped when I could. People were constantly coming over, and they offered to help in any way they could, but he just sort of shut down without you.”
The coarse hair at her fingertips brought back other, stronger memories than the ones that had driven Sara away. Nights spent under the desert moon, curled into the body heat of his chosen spiritual form, his tongue rough against her skin when he would absentmindedly lick her. Or soaring high above the dry earth only to come diving down at a breakneck speed to land on his outstretched wrist.
Cam had always said she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. In any form.
“I haven’t shifted except to fight for my life since I left Delta.” Her voice was hushed, her eyes burning from unshed tears. When she realized her hand was shaking, she withdrew it, tucking it into her lap as Cam opened his eyes to see where she had gone. “There was this cage. Not with bars, but with this fine mesh, like a screen. So I couldn’t shift into something small enough to get out of it, I guess. They put me in there to see how I would react to different situations, what form I would shift into, how long it would take me to do it, how long it would take me to give up.”
The pain had returned to her stomach, and when she went to rub it, both Cam and Josh followed the movement with their eyes. If it was possible for a cat to frown, Cam did it.
“I finally figured out that they didn’t want me dead,” Sara finished. “If I didn’t shift, they called off the fight before it got too bad. So I stopped.”
“That was a smart move. It’s hard to do something when your instincts are telling you it’s a bad idea. But I think you need to shift longer. You take your time. I’ve got Cam, so you can stay there if you like, or come back up to the bed.”
She looked to Cam. Some of his earlier contentment seemed to have fled, his tawny body more tense than when she and Josh had been petting him. She didn’t want to shift again, but the pains had disappeared while she’d been in feline form. Josh wouldn’t try and force her hand if he didn’t believe it was well and truly necessary.
But as smart as Josh was, and as much as he’d learned about shifters, there was somebody else in the room who knew even more.
“Is he right, Cam?” she asked softly. “Do I need to do this?”
Cam opened his mouth wide, like he was about to yawn, and yowled. He jerked his head, the sound shifting in tone as he moved, and his blue eyes flashed. The inflection rose and fell, and Sara knew even though he couldn’t form words, he was still talking to her. Josh only smiled.
“I think that means yes.”
Her smile was small but genuine. “Me too.”
Sara closed her eyes. Though she didn’t have Cam’s breathing exercise to help her focus this time, she wasn’t sure she needed it. She was calmer now than she’d been the first time, and she’d shifted already. She could do this. She just needed to stop thinking about it so much. It wasn’t a parlor trick to be done on command; it was a part of what she was, a muscle waiting—yearning—to be stretched.
This time, she was far more aware of the change when it came. She felt the prickle at the back of her neck where the energy seemed to collect before dispersing across the length of her skin. She felt the muscles constrict and shorten, sinew stretching anew to form limbs both familiar and not. She felt the absence of cold as her body took on its fresh coat, ebony fur sleek and soft.
And when she opened her eyes again, the world had moved with her, furniture looming larger, sounds and smells gone keen. She looked up and saw both of them gazing at her. Waiting.
Leaping into the air and onto the bed was effortless.
Sara did a slow circle, testing her new form, making sure it wasn’t going to disappear on her at the first sign of conflict. She came to a stop facing Josh and rubbed
up against his side to assure him she was all right. The simple action brought her level with Cam. He didn’t flinch from her approach, didn’t move, and she regarded him for several seconds before realizing he wasn’t going to. He didn’t want to frighten her.
Staving off her sense of trepidation, Sara ducked her head. Her whiskers tickled against his, making her nose twitch, and she paused, aware of the caution holding both of them back. Slowly, she opened her mouth and licked along his neck.
Cam lifted his head, pointing his nose to the ceiling, and began to purr unevenly. Small cracks and pops came from his throat, and his entire body vibrated. He remained still except for his twitching ears and tail. Josh leaned against the headboard, and she expected him to stroke one or both of them, but he folded his hands against his stomach.
Cam’s reaction emboldened her. Sara lengthened the strokes of her tongue, gliding over the fur, feeling his muscles rippling beneath the surface. Once, she caught on a small knot, and she closed her jaws, catching it gently between her teeth and tugging until it was smooth again. Cam lowered his head, making it harder to duck beneath him without stronger contact, but Sara continued for a few more minutes before choosing to stop.
She sat back on her haunches, her tail flicking behind her. It was the most relaxed she’d felt in far too long, more relaxed even than waking in Josh’s arms. The irony that it came with Cam did not escape her.
Cam stood, stretching his hind legs so he could reach her without actually taking a step. His nose quivered, his muzzle not quite touching hers. He froze, his gaze darting from her, to Josh, and back again, as though he was waiting for somebody to push him away. When nobody did, he opened his mouth to mimic her earlier action, sliding his rough tongue along the fur beneath her ear.
A shiver ran through her at the almost delicate touch. She hadn’t transformed into cats very often before; the instinct to fly always overpowered others when the urge came on. But Cam had preferred it, and so she had played along on the odd occasion when he wanted more intimate company than just another shifter. She had forgotten how utterly satisfying something as simple as cleaning each other could be.
He pulled back after the first lick, watching to gauge her reaction. Sara rose and climbed up on Josh’s lap, circling once before kneading the muscles of his thighs with her front paws. All the while, she kept an eye on Cam, aware that he was still so close. When she finished preparing her spot, she lay down and curled up, resting her head on Josh’s stomach.
Cam still didn’t move. So she flicked her tail at him. Just once.
Josh didn’t flinch, even when Cam jumped on his legs. He watched them with half-closed, thoughtful eyes, and Sara would have loved to know what he was thinking. She knew watching them not only take on the appearance of animals, but some of the behavior as well, was weird for him, disquieting even. But he didn’t seem tense beneath her, or uncomfortable. If anything, he seemed even more relaxed.
Cam slinked up Josh, his chest rubbing against Josh’s leg. Her ears twitched back, following his slow approach. She felt him lay down, then the warmth of his belly seeped through her back as he curved his thick body around her more lithe form. He buried his nose in the fur behind her ear, his tongue moving over her in dainty strokes.
The purring started without thought. All Sara knew was how warm she was, how protected she felt, how soothing the rhythm of his licks were. She closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing, on Cam’s, on Josh’s heavy scent so near her nose. Within moments, she was asleep.
Chapter 12
Josh watched the two cats sleep for nearly an hour before he even attempted to move. It was odd looking at the giant tom and the more delicate girl and knowing inside their fragile bodies were the hearts, spirits and minds of his two lovers. In the very beginning, he hadn’t been able to stand watching them shift and tried not to make an issue of the fact that he didn’t want to see it. They had respected his wishes until he finally grew accustomed to it.
Now it seemed just as natural as breathing. They were his lovers, and at the moment, they were cats, and nothing could please him more. He knew Cam preferred the feline form to anything else, and shifting like that brought him a sense of comfort and peace. And clearly, Sara needed this.
Josh almost felt sick with relief. Like all their compromises since they rescued her, it was far from perfect, but it was a step in the right direction. The three of them were again sharing a bed. Sara was sleeping deeply, without any apparent nightmares, and he thought she wouldn’t be waking up at three in the morning to watch old sitcoms.
But he couldn’t enjoy the moment for what it was. And he couldn’t fall asleep with their warm weight pinning him to the bed, lulled by their steady, unceasing purrs.
Josh lifted them off his lap in turn, resisting the urge to pull them against his chest and simply hold them. As he set Cam down, the cat lifted his head and blinked inquisitively.
“Go back to sleep,” Josh whispered, running his hand down Cam’s soft body. Cam yawned and buried his nose between his paws, his eyes falling shut again.
He set Sara as close to Cam as he dared, and she naturally sought out his heat without opening her eyes. They curled around each other once again, and only the disparate coloring told where one body ended and the other began. A part of him wished they could stay that way forever, Sara’s pain and Cam’s desperation forgotten.
Josh reached for his laptop and turned it on, hoping to find a wireless signal to leech from. They hadn’t been able to get their own connection—or any other utilities besides the most basic electricity and water—because of their concern for safety. But as soon as his computer booted up, he saw he had no need to worry. They were surrounded by a wireless cloud. Thankful for his good luck, he chose the strongest signal. He knew a web page that masked IP addresses. It wasn’t totally secure, but that combined with his anonymous email and leeching from somebody else’s signal would increase his security several times over.
As he expected, there were about a hundred emails waiting for him—from friends, family, work and concerned strangers from the forum. He didn’t know when he’d get around to reading them, let alone answering them. His gut said never. They just didn’t seem that important anymore.
Josh opened a new window, but his eyes were once more drawn to the sleeping cats. He had been turning the same information over in his mind all night. It had been so much of a distraction he couldn’t even truly enjoy the interplay between Cam and Sara before they both fell asleep.
He bit his bottom lip thoughtfully, then began to type.
JD,
Are there any other places looking for Shifter research? Any places offering any grants?
J
Absently stroking Cam’s back, he pressed send. JD responded in less than two minutes. He sometimes wondered if she had a medical condition that made it impossible for her to be away from her email for more than five minutes.
Hey,
Why? You looking for a job?
I’ve been thinking about you. Why haven’t you called?
JD
Josh didn’t miss the subtext of the question. His decision to stop active research after Sara disappeared had grated on JD, and she never lost the opportunity to let him know that.
JD,
I’ve had a few ideas for more study, but I doubt Iocor is going to give me another grant. What do you think?
Josh
Josh deemed that an acceptable lie, to join a long list of other acceptable lies.
Haha. Yeah, I don’t think Iocor is going to offer you another grant. You know how they felt about your “questionable” ethics. You burned that bridge. On the other hand, your paper was groundbreaking. You might still have some clout if you tried. Jake owes me a favor.
The response was not at all unexpected. Josh knew she’d try to work that angle. A part of him was even tempted to see if she could pull it off.
JD,
My so-called questionable ethics aren’t going to change. I already
had my chance to take it all back and “do the right thing” and I told Jake to fuck off. It doesn’t matter how groundbreaking my paper was. But Iocor isn’t the only game in town, is it?
Maybe Jake forgot the part where I actually told him where he could shove his ethics?
Josh
Cam lifted his head and stared at Josh without blinking. Josh knew what he would say if he could talk—turn off the damned laptop and go to sleep. Josh scratched behind Cam’s ear and shook his head.
“Maybe in a minute,” he muttered.
Cam dropped his head again, but he didn’t close his eyes.
Heh. Doubtful. Unless you had something bigger to offer Jake to distract him. And we both know you do.
Her short message was like an arrow to his brain. Grimacing with pain, he contemplated not responding to her at all. This wasn’t going where he wanted it to go, and he didn’t want to have this fight again.
JD,
How many times do I have to tell you no, it’s never going to happen? Look, I have some things that could use further study. Can you help me? I’ll probably do it on my own anyway, but I’d like to at least pretend my life work is worth something.
Josh
Josh never understood how JD could suggest he use Cam and Sara to advance his own career. Not use his connections, or his unique situation to provide an insight never before published—but actually use Cam and Sara as subjects. She often made the suggestion in the same breath she used to admonish him for his unethical behavior.
Josh,
Try Donovan IND. They’ve got a new grant.
JD
That didn’t seem right. Donovan wasn’t a full-time research institution, though he had heard rumors they were staffing biologists and a few chemists. But he had been out of the loop for some time. After enjoying the heights of superstardom in his community of researchers, he hit the ground hard. There was nothing to sustain him after people realized he didn’t plan to leave the shifters’ community in Delta, and then he didn’t even have the heart to fight for himself after Sara disappeared.