Trinity Broken

by Jamie Craig

  Cam needed that again. Last night, it had almost been within their grasp. He rarely thought about the fact that Josh wasn’t a shifter, but last night, the regret had been acute. He wanted Josh to feel their bond, to know how to be with somebody on a basic, sensual level that didn’t have anything to do with sex. Could outsiders experience that? Cam didn’t know. The only time he had was when he shifted with Sara.

  Sara settled on a stool near the counter, watching as he began assembling his food. She seemed a little tense, and in the morning light she still looked pale and drawn, but despite that, she had never looked better to his eyes. She was getting a bit of her weight and color back, and for once she didn’t look exhausted.

  “Sara? I…” He didn’t want to ruin the morning, but he also didn’t know if there would be another time that lent itself to this conversation so perfectly. “I think we need to talk.”

  Sara knotted her fingers together where they rested on the counter, but otherwise, she didn’t move. That was a good sign. No running away. “I thought we were talking,” she said. “Or did I just imagine the plan to make Josh breakfast?”

  “We need to talk about something other than Josh’s breakfast. I know you told Josh you wanted to find a second apartment, so you wouldn’t have to see me. And I know Josh instigates any contact the two of us have. I’m not saying that after last night I expect to move into your bedroom. But I do need to know if I’m causing you more harm than good here.”

  Her knuckles whitened. “You did a lot of good last night. I couldn’t have done that without you.”

  “Maybe not. But you never wanted my help.”

  “Because I was scared.”

  “I know.” Cam started cracking eggs to keep his hands busy. “But it’s…it’s really hard knowing you won’t even come downstairs to watch television because there’s a chance I might be in the kitchen. It’s hard living this way. If it’s hard for me, I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.”

  Her gaze was heavy on his back, but Cam knew he didn’t have the strength to both have this conversation and look her in the eye. He didn’t want to see her kick him out of her life.

  “How much has Josh told you about what happened?” she asked.

  “He’ll answer my questions as much as he can, but I think he’s trying to protect both of us. He keeps things from me he thinks you wouldn’t want me to know, and he holds back on details that might…upset me.” He looked over his shoulder to meet her eyes briefly. “I think he might have told me enough.”

  She nodded, once, a tentative dip of her head that was as much for her as it was for him. “He loves us. He doesn’t like seeing us hurt.”

  “I know. And he’s holding us all together the best he can. I don’t want his efforts to be in vain.” Cam turned back to his eggs, beating the yolks into a frothy mass. “Would you be comfortable telling me about what happened?”

  “No.”

  He tried not to wince. The fact she didn’t even hesitate hurt, not the response itself. And then, more quietly…

  “But I will.” The stool squeaked where it slid across the floor, and he glanced over in time to see Sara take the few steps to his side. He held his breath as she stretched out her hand and rested it on his forearm. Her touch was so light, he wouldn’t have believed it was there if he didn’t see it with his own eyes. “Last night was wonderful, Cam. This morning was the first time I woke up feeling right. Like me again. I don’t want to lose that. So I’ll do whatever I can to make sure I don’t.”

  “You don’t want me to leave then?” Cam asked, hardly believing his ears. But she looked at him with such solemn eyes, and she stood so close, he knew he hadn’t misunderstood her.

  Sara shook her head. “I need you.”

  “You…” He couldn’t even pretend to care about the eggs. “You need me?”

  “If you go, I’m only ever going to have the other Cam living inside my head, and I don’t want that. I want the Cam who remembered to bring my turtle pens, and who made me fresh bread my first morning here even though he hates to bake, and who always made me feel like I was beautiful even when I looked a wreck. If you go, I lose him.”

  The more she spoke, the harder his heart pounded, until his blood was roaring in his ears. “I don’t want to let the other Cam live in your head, either. And I’m not going anywhere. I guess I just needed to know if there was some hope, for both of us.”

  “There has to be,” Sara whispered. “Otherwise, what was the point of it all?”

  “Sara.” He turned to face her, breakfast entirely forgotten. “I’d like to kiss you now.”

  He saw the way she tensed at his request, the way her thick lashes ducked to look at his mouth. If she hadn’t just said such wondrous things, he might have ached at her reaction. But she had said those things, she had asked him to stay, she had come to him first.

  So he waited, perfectly still, for her response. And hoped.

  Sara’s tongue darted out to sweep across her lower lip, and she brushed a tremulous hand over her hair, pushing it off her face. “Okay,” she breathed. “Just…okay.”

  Cam wanted to hold her, but he settled for taking her hand, loosely entwining her fingers in his. She tilted her chin up, only a hint of fear in the depth of her eyes, but otherwise she didn’t flinch. He moved slowly, leaning in to touch her lips gently with his. The kiss was the barest caress, but Cam tried to imbue it with as much of his love and passion as possible. He pressed another light kiss on her cheek, thrilling at the soft warmth of her skin, the intimate smell of her soap, conditioner, and breath.

  When he drew back, her eyes were closed, her breathing quick and shallow. Her fingers tightened with his, and she swallowed twice before turning her head so that his mouth skimmed over her temple.

  “Talk to me,” she said without opening her eyes. “Don’t move away. Just talk to me for a little bit. Like it’s midnight and we’re lying in bed in the dark, waiting for Josh to get out of the shower and come join us. What would you say?”

  Cam took a deep breath. “Every morning for the past two years, right when I woke up, I imagined you were still beside me, where you belonged. Every morning, I’d convince myself it was all a bad dream, and when I opened my eyes, you would be curled against my side, watching me with sleepy eyes.” He paused, swallowing around the burning sensation in his throat. “I talked to you. I told you everything, and I wrote you letters, but I always felt you the most when the sun first touched the bed, and your favorite birds sang outside the window.”

  Sara stepped closer, the hand he didn’t hold coming up to press flat against his chest. “I’m sorry this has been so hard for you. They got all of us when they did this, didn’t they?”

  “Josh asked me last night how many times I lay awake, thinking about what I would give to just have ten minutes to talk to you. I did think about it. What would I say in ten minutes? I already knew I’d give anything I had. I decided I’d tell you that the years we had together were the happiest in my life. And I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.”

  “You didn’t have to.” The heat of her cheek near his disappeared, and she pulled back just enough for their eyes to meet. “They were for me, too.”

  She didn’t have to move more than an inch or two for their mouths to meet. Her lips parted, and the faintest brush of her tongue along his made Cam shudder.

  It was almost enough to sweep his self-control away completely. He had longed for this very kiss for so long that he didn’t want to wait another moment for a second one. He wanted to make up for the entire time they were apart. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her until they weren’t just breathless, but giddy, faint and on edge for more. But he didn’t give in to that—a part of him still understood they were moving underwater. Slow and heavy with the past, but still reaching for each other. So he returned her kiss, giving just as much as she did, and never tried to take more than she was willing to offer.

  * * * *

  Josh
watched silently from the stairs. They were too enraptured in each other to notice him, but that was fine. He heard every word Cam said with such a layer of emotions that it was difficult to pull them apart. Guilt, of course, sympathy, empathy, relief, joy, and love. But ultimately, they were all the same emotion. He couldn’t separate his guilt from his love, his sympathy from his relief, his empathy from his joy, any more than he could extract a single raindrop from a river.

  When Sara stretched to kiss Cam, Josh exhaled softly, the stale air rushing out of his lungs. It felt like he hadn’t taken one breath until she touched Cam, and the bands around his chest suddenly loosened. They would be fine. They had each other, and they would be fine again.

  They no longer needed him to hold them together. Which might have been the greatest relief of all, because he didn’t have much more to give. He never saw a better matched pair. Josh knew Sara wasn’t magically cured, she wouldn’t behave as though the previous two years never happened, but the hardest part was behind the two of them.

  Josh silently slinked back up the stairs. Any other time, he might have crept into the kitchen, content to simply be with them, but now he just wanted that shower.

  Chapter 14

  Josh didn’t know if Sara was suffering from cabin fever, or if her growing comfort with Cam allowed her to be comfortable with the rest of the world, but either way she wanted to get her hair cut. And she wasn’t going to be happy with the Supercuts next to the grocery store around the corner. She wanted to go to the mall. The weeks they’d spent in Las Vegas had lulled them into a sense of security. False or not, Josh couldn’t say, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her she couldn’t do something as simple, something as basic, as cut her hair.

  Josh sat quietly on the bench outside of the salon, watching everybody pass with a suspicious eye. From his seat, he saw Sara sitting in the back of the large, brightly lit room, holding a magazine, while a swarthy man fussed and fluttered around her with a pair of scissors. Cam stood beside the door, trying to look casual and failing miserably.

  The food court was just around the corner, and the hot, salty smell of pretzels tormented him. He would have bought himself something if he thought he could keep it down. There were also the giant cardboard boats of nachos that smelled yellow, the neon-orange drinks, and the cookies larger than his head. Why did mall food never look or smell like real food? It always looked grotesque once it was removed from the artificial lights and the sound of giggling teenage girls.

  Sighing, Josh stretched his legs. He was very pleased with Sara’s progress, but why did she have to choose the mall?

  “It could be worse.” Josh looked up to see Cam smiling at him. “She could have stuck with the idea that we all had to get haircuts.”

  Josh snorted. “Yeah, but you need one. If you’re lucky, she won’t insist she can do it herself.”

  Self-consciously, Cam ran a hand over his head. “She won’t. I’ll tell her I’m going for the Indiana Jones look. She’s got a soft spot for scruffy.”

  “I hate to break it to you, but you’re going way past scruffy and into crazy mountain man territory,” Josh said, softening his words with a smile.

  Cam turned to look back into the salon. “I think I’m in danger of having longer hair than our girl, too,” he mused. “Does it look like he’s going shorter than her hair used to be to you?”

  Josh tilted his head and watched another lock hit the floor. “I think she mentioned she wanted something a little shorter. She saw something she liked on one of those fashion shows the other night.”

  With a sigh, Cam abandoned his post at the door and crossed the aisle to sit next to Josh. His gaze remained soft, fixed on Sara, but his thigh was warm and solid where it pressed to Josh’s. “She’s doing better, right?” he said quietly. “It’s not just my wishful thinking?”

  “If she wasn’t doing better, we wouldn’t be here at all.” He squeezed Cam’s knee reassuringly. “I know you didn’t see her much before, but just last week she was jumping at her own shadow.”

  “Any progress she’s made is all your doing, you know.” Cam curled his fingers over Josh’s, his longer hand enveloping Josh’s smaller. “We’d all be well and truly fucked if it wasn’t for you holding us together.”

  Josh shook his head, uncomfortable with taking credit for any of the positive results. All he could think about was their home in Delta, and Sara’s brightly decorated classroom, and how he had taken that from her, perhaps permanently. “She wasn’t comfortable in her own skin until she let you in.”

  “And the only reason that happened is because you saved me from my own stupidity. Maybe after Sara crashes tonight, you’ll let me thank you properly. In the shower, maybe.”

  Josh smiled wryly. “Do you know what happens when Sara crashes? You crash, too, like you haven’t slept in a week.”

  “I did that once.”

  “If you say so.” He glanced up and thought Sara was watching them through the mirror. “Did she mention what else she wants to do today? I think we might have some marathon shopping ahead of us.”

  “Probably.” Cam paused. “Have you two had a chance to sit down and compare notes on everything? I’ve hit a dead end trying to follow the paper trail on the house she was in. I think we’re going to have to come up with a new angle.”

  Josh hesitated. “I think I have something. It’s not much, though. Based on what she told me, I’m almost certain…I think whoever took her was authorized and funded by one of the research centers. But it’s difficult to narrow down which one. You probably didn’t get a good look at the equipment in the basement, but it was all new, top-of-the-line stuff. Most of the grants are on public record, but not all of them. And most of the centers aren’t interested in shifters at all, but the few that are either send people out like me, or hire shifters to be subjects…” He looked at Cam’s hand, still covering his. “I guess that’s the long way of saying I found a trail, but I can’t make any promises right now.”

  “What do you need me to do?”

  Still keeping his eyes averted, Josh decided to send out a trial balloon. “I’m going to contact a few places, see if they’re looking for somebody right now. It’s risky because…Well, anyway, I might have to leave for a few days…or more.”

  Cam’s attention snapped away from the salon as he frowned at Josh. “Not by yourself.”

  “Why not? I’m not in any danger, Cam.”

  “Because we’re not splitting up. Not again.”

  “I wouldn’t suggest it, but Sara is doing well now, and things have been quiet. Plus, it wouldn’t take long.” Josh didn’t know why he was pushing for this. There was no reason to think anybody would even return his email, and if they did, what made him think he could learn anything from a brief tour of the facility?

  Cam’s eyes searched his, clouded and concerned. “You’re serious about this. I can’t believe you’re serious about this. Things are finally starting to get back to normal for us. For all of us. You can’t go.”

  He smiled, trying to ease Cam’s concern. “You’re right. I was just thinking out loud.” He almost explained that, in a way, he was betrayed, too. It was bad enough to know a shifter had helped drag her away, but to think it was somebody he might have known? “I’m just feeling so…helpless.”

  Releasing his hold on Josh’s hand, Cam curled it around Josh’s neck and pulled him in for a long kiss. It was slow and thorough, and maybe, any other time, Josh would have been able to enjoy it for everything it was. Now, though, it was difficult to savor.

  “What do you think the odds are of talking Sara into a quiet dinner at home, just the three of us?” Cam asked. He didn’t let go, just held Josh firm, his gaze unwavering. “I’ll cook our favorites, we’ll have some wine, and since you don’t think I’ll last after Sara crashes, I’ll just have to thank you before and hope she joins in.”

  Josh’s stomach dropped. He wanted that in a way he couldn’t articulate. So he kissed Cam again, knowing he woul
d take the caress for the answer Josh couldn’t give. He thought Cam might be a little too optimistic; Sara hadn’t really given any indication she was eager to jump into bed with them again. Though he wasn’t spending every waking, and sleeping, moment with her and Cam anymore, so maybe something had changed.

  Josh pulled back from the kiss, running the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip. “It’s been a while since we’ve done that.”

  The corner of Cam’s mouth lifted. “Too long.”

  “Too bad we’re probably scandalizing all these nice people, or I might try for a third one.”

  “This is Vegas. We’re the tamest show on the strip.” As if to prove his point, Cam leaned in again, this time with unmistakable hunger as his tongue pushed past Josh’s meager defenses.

  Despite his conflicted emotions, Josh responded to Cam with matching desire. He’d always want Cam. He closed his eyes, blocking out the people, the sounds, the blaring music, the flashing lights. In the back of his mind, he realized Sara was probably watching them, kissing and pawing at each other like teenagers. What was she thinking? And would he have the chance to kiss her like this before…

  Before what?

  Josh pushed the question away.

  Cam was panting when they parted, his pupils blown. “Maybe we’ll skip the dinner part,” he rasped.

  “Can we skip the shopping part, too?” Josh was ready to gather up Sara with her hair half-shorn and go directly home. A part of him resisted all of this, but his body, and his heart, and his instincts all encouraged him to just let go and be happy, and let the pieces fall later.

  “I’m all for that.” Cam finally released the back of Josh’s neck, but rather than pull his hand completely away, he dropped it discreetly to Josh’s lap and squeezed his aching cock. “You convince Sara to go straight home after this, and I’ll fuck you like it’s our first time. Like I’ve been waiting to get my hands and mouth and cock on you for months.”