Apart from our brunch and trips to and from work, we hadn’t had a second just the two of us. Jamie was there all the time. Even when Sam wasn’t. Clearly, she had no idea that we had ever been more than friends. She was still trying too hard to be mine. Either that or her passive aggression had shot into overdrive. I didn’t know how many excuses one could give for not going on a jog, but I was surely in the running for gold. After Jamie had finally cornered me for ‘girl talk’, I had avoided the living room like the plague. It wasn’t like when she asked me what my ‘type’ was I could have said ‘your fiancé’. And it wasn’t like when she told me her type was ‘indie band boys’, I could have quipped ‘so nothing like your fiancé then?’
But now Saturday was here. Saturday, when Sam and I could finally spend some time alone, together. He’d looked so worried about me since our last conversation about the apartment, at least now I had the chance to show him I was more than okay, to remind him that he was more than okay just as himself, not as the perfect partner Jamie was forcing him to be. Slinking out of bed, trying hard to forget how hospitable she had been, I walked across to stand in front of the mirror. It had been raining for most of the week, but I could have sworn I was getting more tanned – though I’d always been one for wishful thinking. I smoothed down my hair and carefully applied the super waterproof mascara I had bought the day before – turned out Woolies was good for some things. Rummaging in my rucksack, I fished out my bikini for the first time since I’d arrived. Putting it on, I stood back to study my reflection. Every single inch of me was larger than Jamie. Two specific parts included; that had to count for something, right? Throwing on a T-shirt dress and hoodie, I headed out of the bedroom. No one was around, so I guessed Jamie was out and Sam must be meeting me there. He’d given me the time, the location and, thankfully, it was only a stone’s throw away – well, one of Sam’s stone throws, not mine. Locking the front door behind me, I walked down Oberon and onto Arden Street, taking in the views across the rolling beach and out to the endless ocean. The waves were high, crashing down on the dusk-damp sand. I would have felt scared had I not known Sam would be with me; reading the ocean was second nature to him. As I descended the hill and the gradient softened, I squinted to see if I could spot him. I sat down on the Coogee Beach steps and waited, watching permanently tanned locals pass by. I longed to be one of them. The rain had subsided into a drizzle, but still I wrapped my hoodie further around me in vain; I was about to get a lot wetter than this. Staring straight out into the angry-looking ocean, the waves in my stomach began to rise. I had to go in there. It’d better be worth it.
‘Jess!’ I heard a voice call from behind me, but this time it sounded suspiciously not like my ex-boyfriend. I turned to see a skinny black-jeaned, T-shirt clad figure walking towards me – it was Joshua, again. Please tell me he wasn’t coming surfing too. This was meant to be mine and Sam’s time, our time; our time alone. Why couldn’t we just be alone?
‘Oh hi.’ I gave a little wave, noncommittal, part of me hoping he’d just walk past but knowing he wouldn’t. My heartbeat quickened. From the brief moments we’d shared together, I felt sure he already had my number. Moving towards me, Joshua came into focus, his floppy dark hair damp and waving in the wind. As he drew closer, I could see his black jeans and T-shirt were in fact a wetsuit covered by a silly surf-shirt thing, the kind Sam was always banging on about. Shit. He was surfing too. After his regular appearances at Sam’s, I wasn’t sure why I was still surprised. Meeting me on the steps, he sat down and gave my cheek a kiss, then the other, confident and self-assured.
‘Great weather for it, eh?’ he asked rhetorically, gazing out across the ocean and beginning to study the waves, stretching out his limbs. I was so confused. Where was Sam? He said he’d be here by now. ‘So, Sam says you want to learn how to surf?’ Joshua turned to me, his smile breaking through the otherwise dull day.
‘Yeah… I…’ I began, looking at Joshua but not quite able to make eye contact. ‘Sam said he was going to give me a lesson this morning…’
‘Did he?’ Joshua looked genuinely concerned. ‘It’s just, Sam messaged me on Tuesday evening, and said you wanted to learn and could I teach you? Saturday, Coogee Beach, ten a.m.?’ Joshua started to scramble around for his phone in his backpack. ‘Unless maybe I got it wrong?’ Joshua’s hair flopped in front of his face as he continued to search. He hadn’t got it wrong. I had. Sam had never said it would be him teaching me to surf. My heart dropped. My stomach churned. But I couldn’t let Joshua know I was disappointed.
‘No, no,’ I said, trying desperately to pin a smile to my face. ‘That’s right. Ten a.m., Coogee Beach. Sam – Sam’s teaching me another day…’ I lied, saving face.
‘Oh, thank God,’ he said; now I knew he meant it. ‘Jamie said she and Sam were going cake-tasting for the wedding today. She would flip if he’d forgotten.’ Joshua laughed, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a mass of black material. In the week that I had known her, Jamie hadn’t struck me as the kind to flip, more bubble under the surface in secret and then try her best to keep the lid on her emotions like the grown-up I’d never really worked out how to be.
‘Lesson one.’ Joshua smiled. It really was a lovely smile. ‘Put on wetsuit,’ he said, standing up and throwing the black material into my lap. I held it out at arm’s length. It was tiny. ‘It’s Jamie’s old one. She said you could borrow it,’ Joshua explained. Great, Jamie’s hand-me-downs. Jamie, who just so happened to be twice my height and half my width. As if reading my mind, Joshua added, ‘They expand when they go in the water.’ Cheers, mate.
As I stood to follow Joshua, the waves became bigger with every step I took. ‘There’s no waves at Coogee, no surf.’ Joshua looked out across the horizon. No waves? It looked terrifying. ‘But I thought we’d go through some technique before we take the boards down to Bondi.’ I looked back to the ocean. Was I really going in there? Without the incentive of Sam’s hands holding my waist as I jumped onto the board, the cold August sea and rising swell no longer carried the same appeal.
‘Joshua?’ I asked.
He turned to look at me, his backpack flung on the beach and his bare feet sinking into wet sand. He stood, toned legs wide, smiling like a kid in a cake shop. I could see why he and Sam were friends. Best friends, friends who seemed to pop up when you were least expecting them. Not that I was one to talk.
‘I’m not sure I want to go in.’
Joshua’s smile faded as he took a couple of steps towards me.
‘Jess,’ he began, using the same tone I had employed to navigate Tim and Olivia’s mood swings all week. ‘I thought you wanted to learn how to surf?’
‘I did,’ I replied, trying hard to ignore the sound of the apparently non-waves, once so mesmerising, now so menacing. ‘I wanted to…’ Well, I did when I thought Sam would be taking me. Joshua’s kind eyes narrowed as he took another step towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. Tilting his head slightly to study my fearful expression, he laughed.
‘I’m afraid, to surf, you’re going to have to go in the water. Maybe that should have been lesson one?’ Slowly, Joshua took the wetsuit out of my hand. Maybe he was going to let me off the hook. Then he bent down, holding the suit apart so that I could easily step in. Trust me, Joshua, there is going to be nothing easy about this. Pulling off my dress, feeling more comedy act than superstar, I stepped one foot into the leg hole, then the other. I looked down at Joshua, still crouched down by my wetsuit-covered ankles, stunned into immobilisation by the sheer awkwardness of our situation. Joshua looked up past my legs, through my boobs and smiled; I wanted to die. I was never going to fit into Jamie’s kid-size wetsuit. I yanked the suit further up my thighs and managed to fit my arms into the armholes and prise the top up. Thank God.
‘Could you…’ I turned to Joshua awkwardly. He was still grinning, having just witnessed the strangest reverse striptease you would never pay to see. ‘Could you do me up?’
‘Su
re,’ he replied, no doubt eager to get in the water. He stood behind me and I breathed in as I felt his breath on my neck, yanking the zip higher and higher. The suit squeezed me in until my boobs were under my chin. He pulled harder; I breathed in more. It wasn’t going to work.
‘Erm…’ I heard Joshua’s voice behind me, right on cue. ‘I think you’re maybe a bit bigger than Jamie on the, the… shoulders,’ he saved himself. He sure seemed to know Jamie’s body well. Although, religious or not, who wouldn’t check out Jamie’s physique? ‘It’s okay, I have an idea.’ Joshua tapped his hands on my shoulders even though he already had my attention. I turned to him to see him pull off his silly surf top, his outstretched arm highlighting the muscles rippling below his wetsuit – not so skinny indie boy after all.
‘You can have my rash vest.’ Rash vest. I knew it had a name. ‘Right. Ready to get the boards?’ He smiled towards Sam’s car parked on the road, the boards strapped on top. I knew better now than to think he’d be inside, knowing he’d be by Jamie’s side whether through desire, obligation or fear. He’d just let Joshua borrow it; Sam was good like that. I looked to the car, the distance from beach to boards stretching between us. I felt more comfortable with his oversized vest on, but I still wasn’t sure I could move without ripping the wetsuit. It expands in the water. Maybe if we went in for a quick swim first I wouldn’t chafe my tan off before it had even begun. Gazing out to the churning grey sea, I swallowed my fear and suggested we go for a quick dip to warm up.
‘Yes! Love it!’ Joshua said, pushing his floppy hair out of his face and taking a tie from his wrist, to scrunch it into a manbun. It looked kinda hot. ‘I find it’s better just to run in.’
Running or walking being the very thing I was trying to avoid. Joshua took my hand and began to run, dragging me along with him as our feet crashed into the water. Shit, that is cold! This was meant to be Sydney. It was freezing. I held my breath as Joshua, now waist deep, let go of my hand and dived into a crashing wave. In a split second, I knew I had to do the same, that or face the wave – literally. Bloody hell, I was going under. A rush of heart-stopping water pressed against my body as I pushed through the wave. Rising to the surface, I turned, disoriented, to find Joshua cheering just metres away. Christ, the water was cold. And if these waves weren’t big enough to surf on, I wasn’t in a rush to get to Bondi. Joshua gestured towards the horizon as another one approached. I pushed myself under the surface and through the wave once again. Arghh. Resurfacing, I swallowed sea water. Somewhere Sam and Jamie would be swallowing cake. I dived under water again. Suddenly Joshua was beside me, beckoning me out of the water to get the boards. As I struggled to stand, he grabbed my waist and pulled me to my feet.
‘Don’t you just feel alive?’ he buzzed, reminding me of Sam and all the times I had refused to surf. I looked back into the angry ocean, my mouth hanging wide, breathless in disbelief. I couldn’t believe I had just been in there. I looked back to Joshua, his inquisitive face still waiting for my response. I felt cold, I felt messy, I felt scared. But deep down – very deep down – I felt a little exhilarated. And, deep down – very deep down – I guess I felt a little more alive.
I collapsed on the Coogee Beach steps as Joshua strode away in search of coffee – a search that in a suburb where there was a 1:3 coffee-shop-to-person ratio took him all of three minutes. I looked across the ocean, trying to slow the rapid pace of my heart. A heart recently and repeatedly submerged in the Tasman Sea.
Along the beach I could spy Joshua returning, both hands clutching steaming cups of coffee towards his bare chest. His turned-down wetsuit top trailed behind him, as did three other figures walking with him on either side.
‘Look who I found,’ he hollered. Through my salt-stung eyes the faces of Alice, Andrew and Mark came into view. Sam and Jamie’s church crew. I tried to flatten down my sea-slung hair. Randomly bumping into people on a Saturday? It was the kind of community I’d naively hoped we’d all have in London. Instead, I’d found myself forty-five minutes from everyone – and made to think that ‘wasn’t all that bad’.
‘I didn’t know you were a surfer,’ Alice said, a raised eyebrow stretching above her Ray-Bans, cup of coffee clutched in her manicured hand – it wasn’t even sunny. Just once, I wished she wasn’t seeing me sweaty, wet or out of my depth.
‘I’m really not, I’m—’ I began, before Joshua cut me off.
‘She’s great. You should have seen her out there.’ He sat down beside me, smiling and handing me my coffee. I let the heat of it warm through my hands and lifted the steam closer to my face. I’d earnt this.
‘You should see Mark.’ Andrew lifted his own cup to take a sip. ‘Words cannot describe—’
‘How great I am?’ Mark interjected, exchanging smirks with his partner, trying and failing to hold back a laugh.
‘Sure,’ Andrew agreed, his words dripping with sarcasm, ‘that’s exactly what I was going to say.’ He looked at me, rolling his eyes. ‘Just like you’re an amazing flower-arranger.’ Andrew and Alice laughed in unison as Mark faked disdain.
‘Sam kind of… double-booked himself.’ Alice turned to me to explain, even more bronzed again a backdrop of beach. I tried my best not to think about what else Sam had been double-booking: he had me and Jamie living in his house, didn’t he?
‘To taste cake or select centrepieces, that is the quest—’ Andrew began.
‘A question no one ever asks,’ Mark interrupted again, as they all laughed.
‘Anyway,’ Alice pressed on in spite of them, ‘Jamie asked us whether we could fill in for one of their appointments, check out some blooms for their big day.’ A familiar sinking feeling filled my belly.
‘Jamie must have been so mad.’ Joshua shook his head, covering a smile with his coffee cup, another image of Jamie jarring with the ‘little Miss Perfect’ I’d been shacked up with all week. Did she even get mad? So far, she’d been able to keep her cool with me but something about their nods told me she could blow.
‘I said we could take the cake-tasting,’ Andrew continued in between sips of coffee.
You could tell the chatty one of the two.
‘But we got landed with the flipping flowers. Thank God we had this one.’ He squeezed his partner’s leg affectionately. ‘And his expert eye.’ Andrew winked at me again. Clearly it wasn’t as expert as Mark liked to think.
‘We still didn’t get it right,’ Mark said, a genuine glimmer of regret in his deep blue eyes. ‘We needed you with us, mate.’ He smiled at Joshua and the three of them nodded in agreement. I looked into my coffee, unsure what qualified Joshua for the job. Other than being a pretty decent guy. I took another sip, letting the hot liquid warm me from the inside out. I shivered again as Mark and Andrew fell into a heated ‘dahlia or delphinium’ debate.
‘Here, take this.’ Joshua pulled a jumper out of the rucksack he had either trustingly or naively left alone on the beach as he had surfed and I had pretended to.
‘Thank you.’ I smiled as he held my coffee and I pulled the jumper over my still-damp wetsuit. Every inch of me hurt. Joshua looked at his friends, who were getting passionate about peonies, then turned his full attention towards me.
‘It gets easier the next time,’ he said, boldly assuming there would be a next time. I had only suggested surfing to spend time with Sam. ‘We’ll get the boards up to North Bondi or South Maroubra where the waves are really gnarly.’ Joshua’s teeth blinded me in the sunlight. He could actually pull that word off. And that rash vest. He could definitely pull that off again. ‘You really did look good out there,’ Joshua went on. I raised both eyebrows. Wasn’t lying a sin? ‘No seriously.’ He laughed warmly. ‘Jamie didn’t even stand up the first time we went out together.’
I looked back at Joshua – for the first time praying my waterproof mascara was punching higher than its five-dollar weight – and smiled; Jamie hadn’t even stood up. I felt a glow of pride warm my chest. Somewhere between the disappointment, the awkwardness
and the inability to feel my toes, I guess I had felt something of the exhilaration Sam had banged on about all those years we were together.
‘She was hilarious,’ Joshua said, taking a sip of his coffee and shaking his wet fringe out of his eyes. ‘She finally thought she’d cracked it… until she realised the board was beached up on the sand!’ He continued to laugh, caught in a precious moment he had shared with a wetsuit-cladded Jamie. He sure seemed fond of her. And he seemed to know her taste in flowers. Sam should watch himself; wasn’t ‘indie band boys’ her ‘type’?
‘You should have seen her with my youth group.’ Joshua mistook my silence for permission to carry on. ‘Jamie helps me on our trips out sometimes. At least I try and encourage her. But kids can be brutal.’ He wiped a tear from his eye; a private joke I wasn’t invited in on. They’d been surfing with the youth; they’d been surfing alone; he even knew her chest size.
‘You and Jamie sure seem close?’ I questioned out loud, whilst the other three continued to chat and sip coffee, perfectly at home on the beach. I just wanted to feel at home somewhere, though preferably in an apartment in Randwick.
‘Yeah.’ He beamed at the thought of her; the Jamie effect. ‘I love that girl.’ Did she really need to take all the guys? I gave him a weak smile in return. Poor Joshua. It didn’t even make sense. Here was a gorgeous, adventurous, church-going man who loved her. And still she wanted Sam. Jamie and Joshua; it even sounded right. And Lord knows, Sam and Jess had always sounded right. Clearly fate had got its wires crossed. ‘We couldn’t be closer,’ Joshua reiterated. A glimmer of an idea darted across my mind. We’d see about that.
The Spare Bedroom: A totally heartwarming, funny and feel good romantic comedy Page 16