“Promise me you’ll be at the wedding. It’s a big ask, but I can’t get married without you.” If they were getting married on Saturday, I could fly down Friday night. Hayden might let me take Friday off, so I could get there earlier. I can do that.
“Promise.” I squeezed her. “Call you later.”
I kissed Ella and waved goodbye, my heart heavy as I wandered home. Holt hadn’t breathed a word of a wedding or Wyoming. I understood the wedding part. That was Trish’s news to share. But he’d had almost a week to say something about the trip, yet he’d been silent. Silent through every lunch. While he made love to me. As he held me in his arms every night.
We were taking it slow, learning to trust, but this cut to the quick. He couldn’t have known that his actions would affect me even deeper because of the way my family had treated me when I needed them most. I hadn’t told him about any of that. And maybe he needed time too. I could give him that as long as we were honest. I was willing to give him a chance to open up, even it if was just a little.
* * *
“Easy?”
I remained still in the darkness, staring out the windows from my position on the floor. His footsteps passed through the kitchen down the hallway and back.
Keys rattled as he picked them up and dropped them on the counter. My phone rang from inside my purse as he no doubt tried to call me.
“Easy?” The panic in his voice bumped up a notch. His boots thudded on the hardwoods as he rounded the sofa. I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. “Trish said you weren’t feeling well.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Wyoming?” The words came out in a flat tone. I wanted to scream at him.
“I—” He stood there as if he couldn’t figure out what to say.
“Were you ever going to?” I carried on, all my hurt coming out in a rush. “Were you going to ask me to go? Or at least talk to me about it?”
His silence stretched long and thick between us. I waited. Why were these questions so hard for him to answer?
“No.”
How could two letters be so painful?
“Then I can’t do this anymore.” Somehow I managed to make that sound normal, instead of strangled, the way I felt.
“Can’t do what?” he asked carefully.
I waved my hand between us. “This.” He stared at me, and I struggled to articulate what was in my head. “You purposely excluded me from something important in your life. That’s happened to me before and I—I can handle you needing to talk about things in your own time. I understand that because I feel it myself. But you could’ve told me you were going, even if you didn't want me to take the trip with you.”
He plowed his hands through his hair. “I told you I can’t talk about Wyoming.”
“And I told you I’m not asking you to right now. That’s not fair when there are things I’m not willing to open up about either. But if I needed to take a trip back to DC, I would’ve mentioned it.” I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water, desperate to do something to dampen the intensity.
My hands shook as I unscrewed the cap and took a sip.
“You lived in Washington, DC?”
That’s what he picked up out of everything I said?
“Yes.” There were only a handful of people who knew that. People I trusted implicitly. I thought Holt could’ve been in that circle too one day.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t handle this well, but I’m still just not able to talk about Wyoming. It would be too hard for you to be there.”
I nearly choked. “You don't want me to go to my best friend's wedding?”
He glanced away. “I didn’t say that.”
But it was in his tone, in his tense posture. He couldn’t handle me being in that state, even for such an important event.
That was the answer I hadn’t wanted.
We couldn’t move forward because the past still had us in its clutches.
“We can’t live together anymore.”
He stumbled backward as I gripped the counter for support. Those were some of the hardest words I’d ever spoken, but were necessary.
“You’re moving out?” he asked hoarsely.
It had taken all my courage to move out of Paths Of Purpose. If I needed to go back, I could. But that would be going backward when I’d worked so hard to get to this point. I cared for Holt more than I wanted to admit, but when it came to this I had to be selfish.
“No. You should.”
He blinked at me, stunned. Then he stalked toward me until he'd invaded my space. “Easy.” He tried to hold me, but I shrugged him off.
This was hard enough. I needed his comfort, but couldn't handle it. Not now.
He swallowed hard. “That’s it then?” I nodded. I couldn’t find the right words, even though I knew that underneath his secrets and fears Holt was a good man. That he wasn’t a man who played games when his heart was invested. I also knew he wouldn’t fight me on this one, and that made me feel guilty. He didn’t believe he was worth fighting for. But I didn’t have the strength to fight either. “I’ll go to my dad’s and pick up the rest of my stuff later.”
I nodded, unable to speak. If I did, I’d crumble. I was barely holding it together as it was.
He disappeared into his room and came out a few minutes later with a bag on his shoulder. A lump formed in my throat. He was really going. This was it.
Neither of us spoke as he grabbed his keys off the counter and shrugged on his leather jacket.
“I'm sorry.” He held my gaze, and I believed him. But he wasn’t sorry enough to try harder.
I jumped when the door slammed and covered my mouth to keep my cry of anguish from escaping. My legs gave way. I sank to the floor and hid my face in my knees. This time, I didn’t see any way to mend our broken relationship.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Holt
“Feel like home?”
Andrew slapped my shoulder as I slung my bag in the truck I’d left at the airport all those months ago.
Dad stared at me across the bed while I made a fuss closing the tailgate. Instead of looking at him, I shielded my eyes and took in the clear blue sky. The air was crisp as it swirled the leaves around the tires.
“No.”
Dad climbed in the cab and slid to the center of the seat as I got behind the wheel.
“Think she’ll start?” He patted the dashboard of my ’78 Ford.
“We’re about to find out.” I turned the key and she roared to life.
Dad grinned. “Knew she was a good one when we bought her.”
He’d surprised me on my fifteenth birthday with the skeleton of a truck that just needed a little life breathed into her. It had taken me a year of working on it every spare minute I had, but I’d gotten her running.
“I remember the first time you got the motor started. The way we acted, you’d have thought we won the lottery.” Andrew laughed as he recalled the day ingrained in all of our memories.
“Can’t let her go.” I gripped the steering wheel as I pulled out of the parking lot.
I’d missed this. Me and my truck and the open road. I didn’t need her in New York. The only driving I’d done since I’d been there were test runs of the cars I’d fixed.
“What are you going to do with her? Think she’ll make it back to New York?”
“How do you think Trish and Ella would feel about a honeymoon drive across country?” I glanced at Andrew and grinned.
“She’d be down, but I’m not.”
“You’re no fun.” I reached around Dad and slapped Andrew in the back of the head.
“You haven’t been a picnic since Baker didn’t show for Sunday dinner last weekend.”
I smacked him in the head again.
“When’s she coming out?” Dad moved my arm back to the wheel. I’d been staying with him for the last three days, but hadn’t elaborated on why I wasn’t going home.
“Wouldn’t know.” I gripped the w
orn leather of the steering wheel. If I was going to get through this, I had to stop thinking of the apartment I'd shared with Baker as home.
You purposely excluded me from something important in your life. That’s happened to me before . . .
She’d made it clear where she stood, and I didn't blame her. When she spent Sunday afternoon with Trish, I should’ve known they’d talk about Wyoming. Looking back, I was surprised it hadn’t come up sooner.
It was stupid. I didn’t know why I hadn’t told her about the trip. She and Trish were best friends. It wasn’t like I could avoid the subject forever.
But I had.
Because I didn’t want her near my past.
I needed her separate from this. The minute she stepped into this part of my world, she’d see everything I didn’t want her to. I wasn’t ready for that, even though I wouldn’t get another chance with her.
“Trish says she can’t make it until Friday night. Something about work.”
I had treated her poorly. Maybe she hadn’t said the words out loud, but her actions had told me she thought she deserved more. And she was right.
It was going to be a long weekend seeing her here with Trish, supporting Trish, but nowhere near my arms.
“Marlow will be here on Friday too.”
I stifled my groan as Andrew stiffened. We both wanted her here and didn’t at the same time. The three of us weren’t in a good place, but I gave her credit for trying to set that aside for our brother’s wedding. I’d yet to speak to her, and Andrew said his conversation to invite her had been awkward at best.
A black Yukon blasted the horn as it passed. Trish rolled down the window and waved. I honked twice. The three of us waved back. We’d put Trish, Mrs. Quinn, and Ella in the hotel’s car service.
I followed the SUV to the Four Seasons and dropped Dad and Andrew off.
“We have reservations at seven.” Dad leaned against my door.
“I’ll see you then.”
* * *
Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to the cabin I’d once called home. I used to take solace in the solitude. Now, it felt lonely.
I put the truck in park and sat there for a long time, tempted to go back to the hotel. Stay with my family instead of here. But I needed to pack up. Close this chapter of my life.
With heavy footsteps, I trudged to the front door with my bag over my shoulder. I pushed inside. It was dark and cold, that scent a house got when it had been closed up a while invading my nose.
I dropped my bag and flicked on the light. The only thing different from the day I left was a layer of dust and a cobweb in the corner between the kitchen and den.
It was insane to think I could get this all packed up in a few days. What was I going to do with the furniture? It would cost more to ship it than it was worth.
I wandered to the fridge and opened it. “Ugh.”
Moldy lettuce and cheese greeted me. Past that was half a gallon of what used to be milk. I shoved it to the side and snatched a beer from the six pack I hadn’t gotten around to polishing off before I left.
I untwisted the cap, flicked it on the counter, and checked my phone. Almost six in New York. Wonder if Baker was home yet?
I cursed and drained half my beer. This was for the best. I wasn’t meant to be in a relationship, not with my trust issues. And I wasn’t so sure she was either. Some people were meant to be alone.
The last few months I’d been here, I’d learned that lesson. New York had made me forget. Maybe coming back was a good reminder.
I might not need my brother to drive my truck to the city after all. I could haul all this stuff back and move into the apartment above the garage. It was rudimentary, but I could fix it up. This weekend would be the last I’d have to see of Baker.
Everything in me rebelled at the thought. But it had to be. If we kept at it, one of us was going to get hurt, and I had a feeling it would be me. I was tired of always getting stepped on. I’d miss her, but eventually that would go away.
Three sharp knocks broke the silence.
“Who the hell could that be?” I muttered under my breath. I hadn’t been back in town thirty whole minutes.
I set my beer down and checked the spy hole.
“Son of a bitch. The rumors are true.” Roman, my supervisor at the park, stood on the stoop.
“What rumors?” I moved out of the way, and he stepped inside.
“That you were back in town.” He slapped my shoulder. “Thought I’d have heard from you by now.”
“Want a beer?”
He followed me to the kitchen, where I pulled out two fresh cold ones from the fridge.
“Glad you’re back. I’m trying to get these plants surveyed before the first big snow. Which is predicted for week after next, by the way.” He grinned and tapped his bottle with mine.
“You’re not gonna make it.” I found myself smiling back, easily slipping into the old routine.
“Nope. You can meet me at six in the morning and we’ll knock out what we can.”
“My brother’s getting married this weekend.”
He pointed at me and pretended to pull a trigger. “Monday, then.” Roman yanked out a chair and sat in it backward. “You’ve been gone too long. Things aren’t the same without you.”
“I needed to get away.” I picked at the label of my beer. While that was true, I should’ve added I wasn’t coming back, but couldn’t make myself tell him. Knowing Baker and I were done made New York far less appealing.
“I get it, man. But I was beginning to get worried you weren’t coming back.”
The words of my resignation lodged in my throat. Quitting a job I'd loved wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.
“You up for meeting the boys tonight? If Briggs asks permission now, Suzanna might let him out of the house.”
I laughed. That sounded about right. “I’m going to dinner with my family.”
“After that. They can come too.”
“We’ll see. Pretty tired after the flight.”
“Come on. You’ve been gone forever.”
“Fine. But I can’t miss dinner.”
He held up both of his hands. “Of course not. I’ll let the guys know.”
“You’re a pushy bastard. Anybody ever tell you that?”
He grinned and stood. “How do you think I got to be the boss?”
Roman put me in a headlock and gave me a noogie. I punched him in the stomach, and he let me go.
“Asshole.”
We were such idiots.
“Seriously. It’s good to have you back.”
I nodded and walked him to the door. He stepped over the threshold and turned around, his expression serious.
“Fair warning. Celia’s been asking about you.”
“She can ask all she likes.” I leaned against the doorframe.
“She regrets—”
“Don’t give a damn.” I folded my arms over my chest.
“All right. All right.” He trotted to his truck. “See you tonight.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Baker
I’d lied to my best friend for the first time, and I vowed it would be the last.
“Baker.” A paper ball hit me in the arm. “Go to the airport.”
I stared across the table at Hayden.
“I’m leaving day after tomorrow.”
“You’re already gone,” she said with a soft smile.
I tried to focus. “I’m good. Trish doesn’t need me until Friday.”
“Then why did she try to convince me to let you off early when I saw her yesterday?”
I sagged in my chair. “You’ve already bought the plane ticket. I can’t ask for more time away from work.”
She waved me off. “Go. I’ll get your flight changed.”
I didn’t move. “I can’t go.”
She studied me. “Does this have to do with your roommate?”
Warmth crept up my cheeks. “Yeah.”
I
found myself spilling how they’d planned this whole trip to Wyoming and he hadn’t mentioned it to me once. How he’d begun the process of moving out, and we hadn’t spoken to each other in the days that followed. That Holt and I were definitely done because he wasn’t receptive to me understanding him beyond the immediate.
When I finished, Hayden tapped her pen on the desk a few times.
“This weekend is about Trish.” She fired a pointed look in my direction. “The two of you have been there for each other. Don’t let whatever he’s doing get in the way of that.”
I propped my chin in my palm. “I didn’t forget that. I just—”
“It’s hard.”
“It is.”
“I won’t give advice on subjects I have no authority on.” She grinned. “In case that wasn’t clear, I mean men.”
A smile cracked my face. “Fair enough.”
“I’m not telling you to forget about him or whatever shit he’s trying to pull. Just forget about it for now. Go get on a plane and be there for your best friend.”
I nodded once. “You’re right.”
“Before you go, I have the perfect dress for you to take.”
* * *
I huddled in my jacket and clutched my suitcase. The airport was practically deserted and it was barely ten. The night was so quiet, it was unnerving.
I’d texted Trish as soon as my plane landed. She promised a car would be by to pick me up soon.
A taxi inched forward almost eagerly. Again, a difference from New York. If I was on a street corner there, a thousand would have passed me by.
I’d made the right decision to come. I knew that. But I’d never been on a plane, let alone this far away. City life was all I’d ever known. This fresh air and quiet had my already frazzled nerves working overtime.
I glanced to my left, headlights growing brighter as they approached. A black SUV pulled to the curb in front of me.
“Miss Holland?”
“Yes.”
Trust Me: A Roommates To Lovers Romance Novel (Free Book 2) Page 18