“It was little things I had to give up at first. They weren’t sacrifices at the time. He took care of me, treated me like his queen. So of course I’d rather spend time with him than go to the science club. And my friends, they were nothing compared to him.”
“The brainwashing.” A light went off, things making more sense.
“I don’t know if he even meant to do it. He was that good. I was that stupid.” She stared at the floor. I felt her disappointment with herself and could hardly stand it.
“Looking back, it’s easy to see everything. But it all comes down to me. I wasn’t strong enough.” Her voice was bitter. “I was twenty-five when it happened. I didn’t have an excuse of being young and naïve anymore.”
“You were with him ten years?” The question sounded like it had been shredded with razor blades.
She nodded. “It never occurred to me to get away. Not until he started stockpiling guns,” she said hoarsely. “I-I need some water.”
I retrieved a bottle out of the fridge and handed it to her. She gulped greedily.
“He dealt in weapons. I was used to his runs in the middle of the night. But he always came home to me. Kept me shielded from it. Made me feel safe.” She got a faraway look. “We lived in a townhouse in Georgetown.”
Like she couldn’t grasp how one world and the other were one in the same.
“I didn’t know what he was going to do. Only something. I went to the police. Told them what I knew. They seemed to take me seriously, but weeks went by and they never came.”
The plastic bottle crinkled under her grip.
“I tried again. They said they’d look into it. Nobody did until I managed to wreck the car.”
She closed her eyes and sucked in air as if she couldn’t get enough.
“You stopped it.” I searched through my memories for the footage I’d seen of that day. A mangled car upside down in a ditch surrounded by police cars came to mind. No one should have survived that crash. I remembered thinking that at the time.
“When Kyle started shooting, I didn’t really believe it was happening. It was like this bubble. Where I was inside was real. Out past the shimmer was an illusion.” Her lids opened to reveal haunted eyes. “Twelve people died and thirty-seven were injured before I tried to do anything.”
The sentence crescendoed with self-loathing.
I tried to imagine being in that car. Watching someone you idolized terrorize a city.
“He pulled the trigger over and over while he drove. Even told me he loved me as he reached for another gun. Seven minutes. That’s how long it took me to grab the wheel of the car.”
“He wasn’t killed in the accident.” I recalled that now.
“They shot him when he managed to crawl out of the car. I was hanging upside-down by the seatbelt. There was blood. A river of it.”
“There was never any mention of you.”
“Once the police realized I was telling the truth, that I’d tried and tried to warn them, they kept me out of it. I was in the hospital a few days with a head injury and a broken arm. My parents are pretty high ranking in the federal government. They made sure it stayed buried and disowned me for good. One of the detectives set me up with Mrs. Quinn. Promised me I’d be safe. And I was.”
I set down my beer bottle and closed the distance between us. I slipped my fist under her chin, gently forcing her to look at me.
“If you want to forget about the past, we’ll never mention it. If you want to talk about it, we can all you like. I love you, either way.”
Her lips parted as a V formed between her brows. “What I just told you—”
“Doesn’t change a thing.” I framed her face with my hands. “I can’t even begin to imagine what any of that was like. The last thing I’m going to do is stand here and judge you. Were there things you wish you could have done differently? I can see that in your eyes. If you could go back and change it? You’d give up everything you have to do it. All you can do is respect the people who were hurt while you move forward and live your life.”
“It seems so unfair,” she whispered. “People died. Were paralyzed. And look at me. I couldn’t have dreamt of what I have now.”
“You can’t pay the penance for his sins.”
She studied me, saw those words were as much for me as they were for her.
“I feel like I should try.”
“We’ll get through it. Together.”
She brightened. “Did you say you love me?”
“Came all this way just to tell you.”
“Are you here for good?”
“For good.” I slid my hands behind her head. “I got back about three this morning, but I had some unfinished business I needed to clear up before I came home.”
“What kind of business?”
“I’ll tell you when we get home.”
She pressed up on her toes and kissed me like she’d been waiting a month to do it. “I love you too.”
And right then, the path to this moment had been worth every single thing it took to get me here. I finally felt I was where I belonged.
Chapter Fifty
Baker
“Daniel called. Was frantically apologetic about the story.”
Mrs. Quinn stood as Holt and I came back into the living room.
“If you talk to him again, please tell him it’s not his fault. I’ll be sure to tell him too.” I looked up at Holt. “Just maybe tomorrow.”
Mr. Dixon crowded around us. “Are you home?” He didn’t bother to hide the hope in his voice.
“I’m home.”
He threw his arms around his son. “I’m so glad. Missed you like crazy.”
“I’m glad to be back too.” Holt reached for my hand. I clutched his tightly. “If it’s okay, I think we’re gonna head home.”
“You all right?” Trish asked.
“I will be.”
“We’re behind you. A thousand percent.” Mr. Dixon hugged me extra hard.
Everyone else followed suit as we said our goodbyes.
* * *
Holt unlocked the door and held it open for me. I paused in the doorway. “Were you here earlier today?”
The tips of his ears turned pink. “Um . . .”
“I knew it.” I pointed at him accusingly.
“Are you mad?”
“I thought I was going crazy when I came by earlier. I smelled the motor oil and for a second, I thought you were home.”
“Motor oil?” He cocked a brow.
“I think if we made a cologne, women would buy it in droves.” I placed my hands on his sides. “But I kinda want to keep it all to myself.”
“You’ve got me all to yourself.” He dipped his head, those lips I craved finding mine. “Missed you. So damn much,” he murmured.
I slipped my tongue into his mouth and melted against him. I’d been miserable without him, but hadn’t realized just how much until now. He cradled my head with one hand and splayed the other on my back.
This was a welcome home. A promise not to leave. An I can’t live without you.
“I’m sorry I was gone so long. I needed the time.”
“I understand.” I did and I didn’t. But he was here now, seemed lighter than when he’d lived here before. That was all that mattered. “What did you do today?”
His mouth flattened. “Tracked down my mother.”
I gaped at him. “How’d it go?”
“You sure you want to talk about this tonight? It’s been a rough one.” Concern rained down on me.
“I’d rather be distracted.”
“I can do that.” He winked before he brushed his lips against mine. “I know you’ve been sleeping in my bed.”
Oops. I guessed I was bound to get caught someday.
“I kept it warm.”
“Not with any other roommates?”
“Just you.”
He gave me a satisfied smile. “Good.” He kissed my forehead. “Wine? If we have to talk about m
y mother, I need a beer.”
“Long story?”
“No. Long month.”
* * *
We settled on opposite ends of the sofa facing one another, our legs tangled up. Holt took a swig of his beer.
“I called Marlow.”
“Her phone is ringing off the hook,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Andrew called her. Your dad did. They didn’t elaborate, just said it didn’t go well.”
“Guess that’s a trend too.” He picked at his label. “I probably shouldn’t have called in the middle of the night, but after what she brought on all of us, she owed me.”
“She told you how to find your mother.”
“Not on the phone. But a little bit later, she texted me an address. The right one.”
“Did you go over there right away?”
He grabbed my foot and massaged. “No. I waited until this afternoon.”
“She saw you?”
“Along with the man she claims is my father,” he said with disgust. “I didn’t even go inside. Said what I needed to say and got out of there.”
“You’re not going to elaborate?”
He rested his beer on my shin. “I told her leaving us with my father was the best thing she could have ever done. Then I told her to stay away from us.”
“What did they say?” I leaned closer as he kneaded my foot.
“Not a damn thing. Both of them looked at me like they’d never seen me before. It was very anti-climactic.”
“But you feel better.”
“It feels good to finally know what I want from her.”
“Which is?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
I sipped my wine. “What about that man?”
He sighed. “I want nothing to do with him. Even if it turns out he is my biological father.”
“Are you going to find out for sure?”
“Do you think I should?”
I fought an inappropriate smile. He cared what I thought. Holt had no idea how much that meant to me.
“This isn’t going to help, but that’s a decision you need to make.”
“What would you do?”
I took a minute to consider. “I think the curious part of me would want to know. That way I could move on. But I’d be worried about what it would do to your dad.”
“He said he’d support me no matter what. About the test, I mean.”
“Whether you have a DNA test or not, it won’t change how you feel about him.”
“He says the same. I’m afraid it would, even if we don’t mean for it to.”
“Think on it then. Talk to him about it. He’s pretty wise, and I think it would mean a lot to him if you confided in him.”
He nodded. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll talk to him. Sounds like you’ve gotten to know him pretty well.”
I smiled. I had. I could now comprehend how fortunate Andrew, Marlow, and Holt had been having Mr. Dixon as their father. Even though his son had ditched me, he’d kept up contact and become a father figure of sorts for me too. And now I got to have both of them. Surreal.
“Yes, I have. He’s such a good man. He’s been like a father to me, and I hadn’t realized what I’d been missing.”
“I know exactly what you mean.” A shadow crossed his features. “I’m thinking we should get all the shit out of the way now. Sound good?”
It sounded better than good. “Then leave the past where it belongs?”
“The woman you saw me with at the bar, I-I thought she was the one.” Pain nearly blinded me, despite I’d already figured that out. “The guy you saw the article about—”
“Cameron?”
“Yeah, Cameron.” He stumbled over the name. “We didn’t just work together. He was my best friend. The three of us did everything together.” He looked down at where he gripped my foot. “I didn’t know they were spending so much time together when I wasn’t around.”
“Holt.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“She knew about my mom cheating on my dad. He did too. How that was the one thing I couldn’t tolerate.”
“Please tell me you didn’t catch them in the act.”
“No. Cameron and I were tagging trees in the woods. It was a pretty vertical hike, cold at that elevation.” He shivered. “We were headed back down the trail when he slipped. Somehow he caught himself on a rock. The incline was steep. The angle so awkward. He managed to give me one hand, but I couldn’t pull him up.”
I covered my mouth with my hand.
“We held onto each other, but he was a big guy. All muscle. It wasn’t enough.” He looked away and squeezed his eyes shut for a second. “He said to tell Celia he loved her. He was going to ask her to marry him. And he was sorry. Never meant for it to happen, but she was everything to him.
“I was so stunned, my grip on him slipped. I caught him, but couldn’t hold on. I wasn’t strong enough. He—he fell. I watched him hit a rock below and disappear down the side of the cliff. He screamed her name the whole way down.”
I set my glass on the coffee table and did the same with his beer before I vaulted onto him. I hugged him with everything I had.
“I’m so sorry. I know that’s not good enough, but—”
“I was such a wreck. I’d failed my best friend and was pissed off at him at the same time.”
“You lost everything that day.”
“I thought I had.” He nuzzled my hair. “It took me moving back to New York to realize maybe I hadn’t.”
“That’s why you said you couldn’t trust.”
“For you, I’ll try.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m still angry with him. It’s wrong to stay mad at a dead man, but I can’t make it stop.”
“You didn’t have time to work it out. Everything happened at warp speed.”
“I went to see him. I'm still mad at him, but I’m in a better place to move past it. You make it not hurt quite as much.”
I stroked his cheek. “You’re finally facing your feelings instead of ignoring them,” I corrected.
“Wouldn’t be doing that if it weren’t for you.”
“I promise I will never betray you.”
“I know that.” He held me tightly to him. “And I’ll never try to control you. All men don’t brainwash.”
“I’m beginning to believe that,” I whispered. “I love you, Holt.” He leaned into me and kissed my forehead. And it felt like home having his face so close to mine.
“I love you too, Baker.”
* * *
We clung to each other for a long time, our breaths in time with one another.
I straightened. “What about your job at the garage?”
“Not going back.”
I frowned. “No more coveralls? Motor oil?”
“There’s gonna be plenty of that. Just from our place, not his.”
“Our place? Holt, this is your dream—”
“Our place. Our dream. Our future.” He was so sexy when he spoke like that.
“Our place.” I took a deep breath, giving that more thought. “Can we afford it? To fix up the building and keep up with everyday expenses?” I worried my lip between my teeth.
“It might get a little bit tight, but I’ve got a decent amount saved. Plus Roman isn’t going to make my resignation with the park services official until all my vacation time is used.” He grinned. “Still gettin’ paid.”
“Is that offer for the space upstairs still on the table?”
“Always.”
“Good. I think I’m going to need it sooner rather than later.”
“It’s all yours, Easy.”
“Welcome home, Grease Monkey. Welcome home.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Baker
Three weeks later . . .
* * *
“They’re moving fast.”
I surveyed the garage. Work was going on everywhere except the apartment.
“How was your day?�
�� Holt slid an arm around my waist and kissed the side of my head.
“I’ve been nervous.”
“Me too,” he confessed.
“Is your Dad here yet?”
“On his way.” He steered me toward the back office. “All this dust flying, I don’t want to get your dress dirty.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “You got one very dirty at lunch yesterday.”
His chest puffed out. “I did, didn’t I?”
Two envelopes rested on the desk. Holt picked one up and held it out for me.
“What is it?”
“Open it and see.” He nudged my hand with the edge.
I slid my finger under the flap and unfolded the papers inside. My eyes scanned the document.
“You put me on the deed?”
“Yeah.”
“But this says Baker Dixon.” I pointed to the papers in my now trembling hand.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I was hoping you’d want to take my name.” His cheeks turned pink.
I looked at him incredulously.
“There’s some other stuff in there.” He pointed toward the papers with his chin.
I rifled through them. “A marriage license application?”
“I—” He scrubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t have a ring. I thought this would show my commitment until we could afford one.”
“I don’t understand,” I whispered. All the pieces were there, but I couldn’t believe the picture they made.
“I want to be your husband.”
“You do?”
“I really, really do.” He gave me a sheepish look. “I guess this wasn’t the most romantic way to—”
I jumped him and crashed my lips to his. “I’d love for you to be my husband.”
“Whenever you want, Easy. I just, we promised raw and I wanted you to know how I feel.”
“I don’t need a ring.” I waved my hand in the air. “This is so much better than a ring.”
“Knock, knock,” Mr. Dixon called from the doorway. “Is this a bad time?”
Trust Me: A Roommates To Lovers Romance Novel (Free Book 2) Page 25