by Kasey Krane
I crumbled into pieces.
I wanted to confess everything. I wanted him to know about the baby. There was a four year old kid out there in the world who looked like him. Had his blue eyes and chestnut hair.
My lips trembled as he glared down at me. I had no idea what he thought—how much he really hated me. What would he do to me?
There were so many things I hid from him. I couldn’t even keep up anymore.
“I loved you, Aidan. I thought you knew that,” I whispered. I had to lean closer to him to say the words. My lips grazed his rough beard as I spoke. I felt a dart of electricity pierce the pit of my stomach. I pressed my legs together as desire coursed through me.
He held me loosely. Our bodies barely touched—and already, I felt like I could come any moment. If he touched me there…I would burst.
I looked up at him. His eyes were so dark now, they looked black.
“I didn’t know anything, Leah. I feel like I didn’t know you at all. I thought you knew I would keep you safe, protect you from anything. Even eternal damnation,” he said.
My throat was dry and I tried to swallow the lump, but it didn’t budge.
Slowly, I stepped away from him. We needed to put some distance between us. I needed to leave because I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t work for Aldo tonight.
“This was a bad idea,” I murmured, slipping away from him.
I stumbled out of the bar as fast as I could. I barely had anything to drink, but I felt drunk.
Aidan wasn’t far behind as I made my way back to the apartment building. The streets were dotted with partygoers, people drunkenly stumbling from one bar to the other. Not much had changed in this town in the past five years.
Every time I looked over my shoulder, I saw him behind me. I wasn’t running and he wasn’t chasing me.
When I got to my building’s parking lot, I stopped and turned to face him. He came up to me and stood with his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his leather jacket.
I shook my head.
“I can’t do this,” I cried.
“Do what, Leah?”
I was on the brink of confessing everything. My feelings for him were too strong to control. I breathed hard as he took a few steps towards me.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” he growled.
What did he know? What did he guess? My heart raced in my chest. If I slipped up and Aldo found out, what would he do to my mother?
I tried to catch my breath. Slow down.
“I can’t keep seeing you if you’re going to push me away. I know I made a big mistake by disappearing on you, but I’m here now. I want to make amends.” My shoulders rose and fell.
Aidan closed the gap between us and before I knew it, he had his hand on my hip.
I felt his strong grip on me. His long thick fingers curled on my hip bone. I was already wet for him, panting as I waited for him to do something more.
He did.
Aidan leaned in and softly took my mouth in his.
It was the kind of kiss he used to give me when we were together. The kind of kiss that told me how much he loved me. Reminding me I would always be safe with him.
Slow and soft. His tongue eased into my mouth, exploring me, tasting me, sliding down my throat as our lips moved together. He devoured me completely but slowly. I sunk into him. My body melted.
And then, just as suddenly, he stopped.
All those feelings I had for him came down on me like a rock. I felt crushed and defeated under their weight—realizing I was falling down a tunnel and I needed to save myself.
Gasping for air, I tore away from him.
Aidan looked surprised as he stared at me.
“Good night,” I murmured, rushing away.
I went into the building without giving him a second look. I couldn’t bear to turn and look at him, to see his face examining mine.
As I ran into my apartment, I couldn’t stop myself from wishing I had the strength to resist him.
The last thing I needed right now was to fall for him again.
Seven
Aidan
It would be a lie if I claimed that kissing Leah didn’t change things for me.
Up until the point I held her in my arms and kissed her—I was able to hold her at a distance. The fact that she had been a willing participant in a secret meeting with someone from the Baron family…was disturbing.
She had some connection to them I couldn’t figure out.
She wasn’t telling me everything.
In fact, I was pretty sure she wasn’t telling me anything.
Not even the real reason why she left me five years ago.
However, once I’d kissed her, all those feelings I’d suppressed rushed back. It wasn’t just about how tasty she looked and how much I wanted to bang her. I could feel something in my soul for her that I’d never felt for anyone else. I was back to being that guy.
That guy from five years ago who was head over heels in love with a girl who didn’t want to be with him.
I had never been that guy with anyone else. No other chick was able to break me the way Leah did.
But she knew how to win an argument. How to distract me. How to raise her voice against me and get away with it. She was kind towards others. She was selfless and beautiful. There was nobody else like her.
And even though she had betrayed me many years ago, and even though she met with the enemy now—I couldn’t get her out of my head.
I wished I didn’t kiss her because that changed everything.
Every hope of keeping my distance from her, and wanting nothing but one last fuck—was out of the window.
I wanted more. I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know what she really wanted from me. I wanted to know if she was safe.
I didn’t give a shit about anyone other than my family. Everyone knew that. All my brothers and even my step sister had been raised like that. To be loyal to nobody but the clan. We only relied on each other and nobody else.
Leah was the first person who had broken through that barrier years ago and now, she did it again.
It made me mad.
I was angry with myself for not having any self control around her.
I watched as she ran into her apartment without another look in my direction. She ran away from me because I was sure she had felt it too. That undeniable connection. The electric attraction. A reminder of how good we were together in bed. Her and me. Me and her. Nobody else mattered in the world when Leah was in my arms.
The question was—what was she hiding from me?
It wasn’t hard for me to find Leah’s mom. I had an idea which hospital she was in and I turned up there the next morning.
People knew me around here, and a nurse was enthusiastic in showing me to Mrs. Michaels’s room. I knocked before stepping in.
I expected Leah to be there, and I didn’t expect this to be a happy reunion. Even though Mrs. Michaels and I had never personally met before, I was certain she wouldn’t be happy to see me. It didn’t matter if she was on her deathbed. She wouldn’t want her daughter associating with me again.
I was ready for a fight. I was ready to ask questions and figure out exactly what was going on. What had they threatened Leah with five years ago that made her run away?
But when I stepped in, I saw Leah sitting by her mother’s bed but Mrs. Michaels was asleep.
Leah was startled to see me, and she stood up with a jerk.
“What are you doing here?” she hissed, coming over.
I glanced at her mother who didn’t move in her sleep. I gritted my teeth at my own bad luck.
“I came to pay my respects,” I replied.
Leah rolled her eyes.
“No, you have come to spy on me. You wanted to check to see if I was telling the truth about my mom’s illness. Have you come to interrogate her? A sick woman who could pass away any moment?”
Leah’s voice was snappy even though she tried keeping it low
. Her eyes dripped fury. She was ready to hack my head if she could.
She wasn’t wrong about anything she said. I did come to spy on her, and now I felt guilty about it.
She wasn’t lying. Mrs. Michaels was clearly gravely ill.
I breathed in deeply and glanced at her mother again.
“I came here because I knew this was where I’d find you. I thought we could talk some more.”
She crossed her arms over her breasts. Her big luscious breasts that I wanted to lick. Fuck. My cock woke up again. In the most inappropriate place!
She really shouldn’t have had the buttons on her shirt all the way open so I could see her cleavage.
“Last night it didn’t seem like you wanted to talk to me at all. The only thing you’re interested in is accusing me of things you think you know about me.”
She threw a look at her mother to check if she was awake. She was not. Still fast asleep.
“I want to make it up to you for my bad behavior. I want to take you out.”
“What?” Leah was confused.
“Dinner. I thought we could go to dinner somewhere.”
“You—Aidan Doherty, want to take me to dinner somewhere?”
I waited for her answer. I could see her clearly racking her brain for the catch. She didn’t think it could be as simple as that.
It wasn’t.
I wanted to figure out what was going on behind the scenes, and at the same time, I wanted to be close to her too. It was fucked up.
“Fine, okay, let’s go. She’s going to sleep now anyway,” Leah said.
Leah stood beside my bike, staring at it like she had never seen anything like it before.
“You kept it,” she remarked after a while.
I held my hand out to her and helped her up on it.
“Not everything in my life is a temporary phase,” I said, getting on my seat.
I could feel her glaring into the back of my skull.
I kicked the bike to life and reluctantly, she wrapped her arms around me. We were stuck together now. I could feel her shape moulded to my back. It was sexy as fuck and my cock throbbed in my pants.
My desire for her wasn’t going anywhere.
It was like—no matter what she did, I still wanted her.
I hated myself for it. For not having self control around her.
We rode in silence to the restaurant I had in mind. I felt her soft breaths falling on my shoulder as she clung to me. Her hair flapped in the wind behind me.
Leah had always been a little suspicious of the bike—maybe even a little afraid, but she was too proud to admit it. Even now.
Leah would never admit she was afraid of trying something and I was glad to see that part of her still existed.
I parked outside the restaurant and helped her off.
“This doesn’t seem like the kind of place you hang out at,” she commented, looking up at the establishment.
It wasn’t anything fancy, but diners were more my style. This was a fashionable bistro where my brothers and I never ate at. But I had a feeling Leah would like it. She had always found the enormous portion sizes at diners to be a little grotesque.
“Never been here before,” I admitted as we walked together to the door.
Leah stopped and turned to me.
“So you picked this place to impress me?” She smiled and it was like a slap across the face.
She had the same beaming innocent smile I had fallen in love with. The same smile that kept me awake at night. Seeing her smile was only going to make things harder and more complicated.
Why was I doing this? Why did I invite her here?
What did I hope to achieve other than spending some time with her?
Leah was a smart girl and whatever secrets she was hiding—she wasn’t just going to trip on them and let them slide—over one dinner.
No. What I really needed to do was build her trust so that slowly I could figure out what was really going on.
She continued smiling when we went in and was shown to our table by the window.
One thing I figured by now was that she didn’t have a problem being seen with me.
Eight
Leah
Sitting at a restaurant with Aidan Doherty and ordering steak sandwiches with fries wasn’t something I saw myself doing. Ever.
Even back when we first met and were dating—Aidan preferred to hang out at the bar or go to diners for late brunch while hungover.
This was the kind of experience regular couples enjoyed. We weren’t regular and we certainly weren’t a couple, so I had no idea what we were doing here.
When Aidan showed up at the hospital, I was surprised and then afraid to see him in my mother’s room.
Thankfully, she was asleep, which meant that he couldn’t question her. I didn’t know what she would say or how she would react to him.
The little time we had spent together since my arrival had been relatively pleasant. It seemed like she wanted to forget about the past and move on, in her final hours. However, would she be willing to look past the man who knocked me up and turned my whole life around?
I couldn’t see her being cordial with Aidan.
And I certainly didn’t expect her to keep the pregnancy a secret.
So when he suggested going out to dinner, I was ready to go immediately. I wanted to separate them and keep them apart.
It was only after I got on the bike with him that I started wondering about his intentions. This didn’t make sense.
One moment it seemed like he despised me and the next moment, he was taking me out for a meal? Why?
I felt guilty for all the secrets I kept. The act I had to put on for Aidan. Aldo’s threats and the guy who threatened me the day before—played on my mind too. I couldn’t relax. Not for a minute.
However, the thing that bothered me most was the fact that my baby’s father and I were now sitting at a restaurant eating dinner, while he was out there somewhere without us. Not knowing anything about us.
Would he ever think about his biological parents? He would never know the truth about why he was given up.
While I watched Aidan take a bite of his sandwich, I was close to breaking down in tears. He had no idea what I was going through, and the nicer he was to me, the worse it made me feel because of the way I betrayed him.
“Not hungry?” he asked, looking at my full plate. He was already halfway through his food.
I smiled and shook my head.
“I am. Sorry. I was lost in thought.”
We locked eyes as I took a bite of the sandwich. From the way he looked at me, it seemed like he was still trying to size me up.
“So tell me Leah, what have you been up to these last five years,” he said, breaking the chilly silence.
I dared to tell him a little about the place I worked at.
“It’s a nursing home, somewhere old people go when their kids don’t want to look after them anymore.”
“So you’re a nurse?” he asked.
I blushed because I wished I was.
“No, I’m not a qualified nurse. I’m more a caregiving assistant. I keep them company and hand out their medication and take them out on little shopping trips. That kind of thing.”
Aidan watched as I slowly sipped my sparkling water.
It was strange for me to talk about my other life with him. He peeped into a world I inhabited far away from here. A world I sometimes wished I hadn’t left.
“You always had a nurturing quality about you,” he said.
I blushed harder. I had to look away.
Him praising me wasn’t something I could handle. I didn’t feel like I deserved any of it. I hated myself.
If he knew what I had done to our baby… Ifhe knew what I was doing for Aldo—he wouldn’t think I was a nurturer at all.
“It’s just a job,” I said quickly. Aidan remained silent.
“What about you? What have you been up to?” I asked.
Aidan had
never involved me much in his work. I didn’t know about the kind of work he did, or his family did either. I knew there was a dangerous element involved in it. I was aware that people in town treated the Dohertys a little differently. They didn’t have to wait in queues or ask for permission. My parents obviously didn’t want me to be with him because they thought he belonged to the wrong side of the track.
However, I didn’t know to what extent…until the Barons showed up in my life.
Now, I would have to try and dig out as much information I could about the Dohertys so I could supply the Barons with something. Anything.
It was the only thing I could do for the sake of my secret and my mother’s life.
Aidan sat back in his chair, stroking his beard in a menacing way as he continued examining me.
“Nothing has changed in my life. I’m still doing the same shit on a different day. Even my bike is the same as you noticed.”
I nodded.
“Yeah, I don’t think I ever really knew what you did. You never wanted to talk about it,” I tried.
Aidan’s eyes narrowed, just a little—but enough for me to take notice.
“Yeah, that hasn’t changed over the years either. I still don’t want to talk about it,” he replied.
I felt so nervous I thought I’d burst into tears. I was terrible at this. I was terrible at spying.
I shrugged, forcing a calm neutrality on my face.
“Fair enough, you don’t have to talk about it. I was just trying to make conversation.”
“Why don’t we converse about you for the time being,” he stated in a commanding voice.
I knew I would have to tread carefully to avoid suspicion. I was always being watched. By the Barons, and by Aidan too.
I tried to keep calm, answering all his questions as casually and truthfully as I could.
I was honest about the experiences I had living with the strangers I was sent to. He laughed at all the stories I had about their religious beliefs. He was interested in hearing how I got this job at the nursing home, what my coworkers were like. I told him a few stories about the people I worked with.