by Jan Drexler
Mari nodded. “If it’s brown. Or brown-spotted. Or black-and-white.”
She picked up her last triangle of toast while Andrew leaned closer to Bethany. “Have you thought about...?”
Nodding, Bethany glanced at Mari. “We can talk later.” She looked his way again. “Daed said he’s going to the sale barn in Shipshewana today. I can take care of Mari if you want to go with him.”
“When is he leaving?”
“As soon as he hitches up the wagon. He wants to look for a new cultivator, but if he knows you want to go with him, he’ll wait until you’re ready.”
“Can he wait until I get Mari ready?”
She laughed. “She can stay here with me. It will be hard for you to look for the right animals with a two-year-old underfoot.”
Bethany’s laughter struck a place deep in his heart, reminding him of a day last fall when he and Lily had taken Mari on a picnic near the stream that ran through their Iowa farm.
He spoke before he could think, before the memory could fade away. “Come with us. Bring Mari. The house can wait another day.”
Her smile broadened, reminding him of when they had been children, planning an afternoon of fun adventures. “That sounds like it would be a wonderful-gut trip. I don’t get to go to town very often.”
“If I remember right, sale days are the best days to go.”
“I’ll get Mari ready while you tell Daed that we’re going with him. He’ll need to put a board in the back of the wagon for another seat.”
On his way out the kitchen door, he looked back. The scene looked familiar. Too familiar. As if instead of Bethany bending over Mari, washing her jam-sticky hands, it was Lily. He had to look again. He had never noticed before how much Lily and Bethany looked alike. But Bethany wasn’t Lily, and she never would be.
* * *
Walking through the sale barn in Shipshewana was something Bethany had done often, but the familiar sights and sounds were fresh as she watched Mari’s pleasure. The little girl, safe in Andrew’s arms, stared at everything without saying a word.
While Daed went to the area where the farm machinery was on display, Bethany followed Andrew as he walked past the cows waiting for their part of the auction to begin. Looking down the row, Bethany saw a brown cow and touched Andrew’s shoulder.
“Isn’t that a Jersey?”
He leaned down to speak close to her ear in the noisy barn. “Ja, it is. Let’s get a closer look.”
Andrew handed Mari to her and threaded through the crowd until they reached the fawn-colored cow. She was smaller than most of the cows Bethany was familiar with, but she knew that a Jersey’s milk was rich with cream. She would be perfect for a small family like Andrew’s.
“Cow!” Mari said, wiggling in Bethany’s arms. “Look at her eyes!”
The cow turned her head toward Mari and Bethany and reached out with her tongue to lick Mari’s toes, making the little girl giggle with delight. The cow’s eyes were big and dark, with long lashes framing them. If a cow could be beautiful, then this was the most beautiful cow Bethany had ever seen.
“Ja, for sure she’s gentle,” a middle-aged Amish man said to Andrew. “She gives about six gallons of milk a day, and it’s high in butterfat. She’s been a good cow for us.”
Andrew stroked his beard as he walked around to look at the other side. “Why are you selling her?”
The man chuckled. “Our family is growing so large that we need a better producer. I’m going to be looking for a Holstein today.” He glanced at Bethany and Mari. “With your young family, this cow will be all you need for several years.”
Andrew stroked his beard again and frowned.
“She’s a good investment,” the man went on. “She’s already bred. I took her to a Jersey bull in Middlebury, and she’ll come fresh in the spring.”
“I’ll have to see how high the price goes in the auction.”
“I hope you win her, young man. It looks like you have a nice family. Just the kind I’d want Dinah to go to.”
Andrew took Mari again and continued walking down the line of cows. When they got to the end, Bethany followed him outside.
“What did you think of the cow?” Andrew said, stopping in a shady spot between the livestock barn and the horse barn.
“She was very pretty and looked young enough to keep producing milk for a long time.”
Andrew shifted Mari in his arms. She had laid her head on his shoulder and her eyes were nearly closed. “I hope you weren’t embarrassed by the man thinking that the three of us are a family.”
Bethany felt her face heat, but with her bonnet on it was easy to avoid Andrew’s gaze. Ja, the man’s comment had been embarrassing, but only because she felt like they had misled him. Being mistaken for Andrew’s wife and Mari’s mother made her feel like she was finally where she belonged.
“Not embarrassed as much as ashamed that he thought something that was untrue.”
Andrew stepped closer to her. “It doesn’t have to be untrue. Have you thought about what I asked you?”
Bethany nodded. She had thought of nothing else since yesterday afternoon. “Do you think we could have a good marriage, even in these circumstances?” She looked into Andrew’s eyes. They were open and frank, with no shadows in the depths.
“You and I have always made a good team.” Andrew glanced at the people walking past them, but no one was paying attention to their conversation. “I’m asking you to give up a lot, though. If there’s someone you’ve been wanting to marry, you’ll lose your chance if you marry me.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Dave Zimmer said that he had proposed to you, and so had a couple other fellows, but you turned them down. He thought you were waiting for someone else.”
Bethany tilted her head down so that Andrew couldn’t see her face. She couldn’t explain what kept her from accepting Dave’s proposal a few years ago, other than it just hadn’t felt right. Being with any man other than Andrew hadn’t felt right. No one else offered the easy camaraderie he did, and she had never felt any love for any other man.
She shook her head. “There is no one else.”
“Then you’ll do it?”
Bethany pressed her lips together to keep back the retort she wanted to make. He made their marriage sound like a business arrangement. She couldn’t tie herself to a man who would never love her, could she?
Just then, Mari lifted her head, roused by her uncomfortable position and the noise around them. She turned in Andrew’s arms and reached for Bethany. When Bethany took her, the little girl settled in her arms with a sigh and went back to sleep.
If Bethany didn’t accept Andrew’s proposal, Mari’s grandmother would take her back to Iowa, and she would never see her again. She swallowed, her throat tight. And if she didn’t accept Andrew’s proposal, she would never know the joys of being a mother. Because if she didn’t marry Andrew, she would never marry anyone.
“Ja, Andrew. I’ll do it. I’ll marry you.”
Andrew nodded, his gaze on his feet. “That’s it, then. I’ll talk to the bishop to see when we can arrange the wedding.” He motioned to a bench next to the livestock barn. “Do you want to wait there with Mari while I look at the horses? I know she can get heavy.”
Bethany nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She sat on the bench while Andrew trotted toward the horse barn without a backward glance.
An older woman sat at the other end of the bench, smiling at Bethany. “That’s a lovely baby you have there. How old is she?”
Forcing a smile, Bethany answered. “She’s two, almost three.”
The woman beamed. “I have a granddaughter the same age. When is this little one’s birthday?”
Bethany’s smile froze. She had no idea when Mari had been born. She didn’t know what she liked to eat, or if she slept
through the night. Did she have nightmares? Did she still wear diapers at night? She was going to be this child’s mother, and yet she knew nothing about her. What had she gotten herself into?
She looked toward the horse barn where Andrew had disappeared after his cold dismissal of their wedding plans. It looked like she had listened to her emotions, just like Daed had warned her not to do. But it was too late. She had given her word.
Chapter Three
The train station platform in Shipshewana was busy on Saturday morning, crowded with folks traveling either east or west, both Englischers and Plain. Andrew found a quiet spot to wait for Rose’s train from Chicago, and he made it just in time. The whistle in the distance announced the train’s imminent arrival.
Andrew shifted from one foot to the other, then adjusted his straw hat and ran his fingers along his suspenders to make certain they were straight. It was too much to hope that Rose would accept the news of his coming marriage easily. She seemed to have her heart set on taking Mari back to Iowa with her.
He straightened his shoulders, taking a deep breath and practicing his speech again in his mind.
I’m getting married, so there is no need for you to worry about Mari. She will have a good mother and a home here in Indiana.
Sweat beaded on his upper lip as the roar of the train drew closer. It was never easy to talk to his mother-in-law.
Bethany loves Mari as much as you do and will be a good mother.
Andrew’s stomach clenched as the engine puffed past the platform, followed by the passenger cars. Through one of the open windows he saw Rose gathering her things together. He met her as she stepped off the train and took her largest valise.
“Did you have a good trip?” Andrew smiled. At least he could start the conversation on a pleasant note.
“It was long,” Rose said, brushing at the gray soot dusting her black dress. “I don’t know why Iowa and Indiana can’t be closer together.”
As she sighed, Andrew was startled by how old and tired her face looked. “I borrowed a buggy for the trip. It’s right over here.”
“Mari didn’t come with you to meet me?”
Andrew put Rose’s valise in the back of Jonah’s buggy, along with some smaller bags she carried. “Mari stayed at home.”
As Rose settled herself on the buggy seat, she gave him the sharp look he dreaded. “Is she all right? She isn’t ill, is she?”
Andrew shook his head as he turned the horse down the state road that would take them home. “She’s fine. But I thought it would be easier to leave her at home with Bethany rather than bring her into town.”
Rose frowned, her mouth as pinched as if she had taken a bite of a green persimmon. “Who is Bethany?”
Now is the time. Tell her.
Andrew pulled the horse to a stop at the crossroad while he waited for an automobile to drive by.
“She’s our neighbor.” Andrew’s hands shook as he lifted the reins. Jonah’s horse was well broken and obeyed every movement Andrew made. It was too bad he couldn’t control himself as well.
“A neighbor?”
Andrew cleared his throat. “Not just a neighbor.” He searched his mind for the words he had rehearsed, but they were gone. Rose had a way of unsettling him. “She’s a friend. A good friend.”
Rose didn’t say anything, but her eyebrows rose.
“Mari likes her.” Andrew pressed his lips together in an effort to keep silent, but Rose’s frown demanded an explanation. “She takes care of Mari while I’m working.”
“I see.” Rose stared through the windscreen. “So she would rather stay with this... Bethany...than see her own Mammi Rose.”
“I didn’t tell her you were coming, in case your train was late or something else happened.” Andrew tried to smile. “You’ll be a surprise for her.”
At that, Rose smiled, and Andrew gripped the reins. She wouldn’t be smiling after he broke the news to her.
“Besides, she’s helping Bethany get the house ready for the wedding.”
Andrew counted the beats of the horse’s hooves as he waited. Twenty-two.
“What wedding?” The pitch of Rose’s voice heightened with suspicion.
“Mine and Bethany’s. We’re getting married on Thursday.”
Andrew’s announcement was met with silence, but he knew it wouldn’t last. He counted the horse’s hoofbeats. After thirty-six, he glanced at the older woman. He had expected an angry outburst, but when he saw that she was staring out the windshield with tears in her eyes, he pulled the horse to a stop.
“You could have told me before I came.” She sniffed. “I need time to prepare myself.”
Andrew leaned his elbows on his knees. “Ja, maybe I should have. But it was decided only three days ago.”
Rose patted her eyes with a handkerchief. “This is very sudden. Do you even know this woman?”
“We’ve been friends since we were Mari’s age. I know Bethany better than I know myself.”
“But you married my daughter.” Rose looked at him, her gaze drilling him with accusations. “Why did you marry Lily if you loved this Bethany?”
Andrew fingered the reins in his hand. Why did he marry Lily? Was it only because he knew Bethany didn’t love him? The horse stamped, impatient to move on.
“I loved Lily with all my heart.” Tears filled his own eyes and he blinked them away. “I’ll never forget the time we had together.”
“But how can you marry again so quickly? My Lemuel has been in the Blessed Land for ten years, and I still don’t have any intention of marrying another man.”
“Mari needed—”
Rose turned on him with a triumphant look. “A mother. Mari needs a mother who understands her. Who can love her. Who knows her. Can your Bethany say that? You know that I’m the best mother for Mari. I’ve known her since she was born.”
Glancing at Rose, Andrew was ready to come to some agreement with her, until he saw the gleam in her eye. Had her tears been real? This was why he had to bring Mari back to Indiana. Rose was too good at manipulating people. At manipulating him.
“I’m her father, Rose. Yes, Mari needs a mother and Bethany is going to be a good mother for her.” He drew back his shoulders. “And Mari also needs her father. She needs me. I can’t let you raise her.” He lifted the reins, signaling the horse to go on down the road. “You’re welcome to come to the wedding, but there will be a wedding.”
Rose sniffed and dabbed at her eyes again. “I’m only thinking of Mari.”
Andrew tamped down his ire. He had known Rose long enough to know that she was strong-willed, but her feelings could be hurt easily.
“As much as Mari needs a mother, she also needs a grandmother. She needs you, and she will be very happy to see you. She has missed you since we left Iowa.”
“Is that right?”
“Ja, for sure.”
Rose settled back in her seat, watching the farms as they drove by. It looked like Rose had accepted his announcement.
At least for now.
* * *
Cleaning Andrew’s house was a chore that had taken nearly every hour of the past two days, but by midmorning on Saturday it was presentable. Bethany dribbled the bucket full of dirty water along the edge of the garden as Mari watched.
“Do the flowers like dirty water?” Mari was fascinated by the gray stream coming from the pail.
“Ja, for sure they do. Their feet are in the dirt, and they know how to take the water and leave the dirt behind.”
Mari’s eyes grew wide. She pulled one of the tall lily stems toward her and looked into the orange trumpet. “How do they know?”
“God told them.”
“Why?”
“So they would grow to be strong, beautiful flowers. Just like He tells you to eat when you’re hungry, so you grow to be strong, t
oo.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s the way it is for children.”
“Why?”
Bethany shook the last drips out of the bucket and straightened her back. “Because.”
“Because why?”
Bethany touched the tip of Mari’s nose with her finger. “Because that’s what God does for children.”
“Why?”
“So they stop asking questions!” Bethany scooped up Mari with one arm and ran with her to the house. The little girl laughed all the way.
By the time Bethany had made up the beds in two of the three upstairs bedrooms and had prepared the downstairs bedroom for Mari’s grandmother, it was nearly noon and time to go home to fix dinner for Daed and her brothers. As she walked across the road with Mari, she went through her mental checklist. Ja, she had cleaned every speck of dust and dirt out of the neglected house, so that even the most diligent housekeeper would be satisfied.
She had moved Andrew’s things to the front bedroom upstairs and had put Mari’s clothes in the small room at the top of the stairs. After the wedding and after Rose went back to Iowa, Andrew would move into the downstairs bedroom and Bethany would sleep in the upstairs room next to Mari’s. Meanwhile, there was a storeroom in the back of the house over the washing porch that Bethany would sleep in.
After the wedding. Bethany didn’t want to think beyond Thursday. An unsettled feeling had been growing ever since she told Andrew she would marry him that day in Shipshewana. Was it only three days ago?
When they got home, Mari went into the front room to play with the toys John and James had brought down from the attic for her while Bethany finished preparing dinner. She had put a ham-and-potato casserole in the oven before going to Andrew’s house, and now she started some green beans cooking on the stove and opened a jar of applesauce. After she set the table, she started slicing a loaf of bread. She had just set the casserole on the table when she heard the boys and Daed washing up before coming in for dinner.