3
Anne lay completely pale, her forehead covered in sweat, her exhausted body shivering.
Only now in the light of the still burning rays of the alien sun did Jack suddenly notice how she had lost a lot of weight. Thin skin covered her presently sharp cheekbones. Dark veins appeared on her shriveled neck, and her hands were blue and sinewy. She looked more like some old lady from archival films of the century before last.
Lieutenant Jack Sallenge sensed that something was about to happen, but when he brought Anne some water, he was unprepared for what he would hear.
"Jack, I have to tell you something," she began, her voice barely audible. She shifted on her bed to allow the lieutenant to sit beside her more comfortably.
"I'm listening, Anne. But only the truth," Jack's sad eyes pleaded with her, which was enough to help her spill everything.
"I want to begin by saying that I used to think you were worse than you really are," she paused as she struggled to find the right words. Then she gave Jack a decisive look as she realized it was useless. The only words left to say were to tell him as it was, so she continued.
"You looked hopelessly young and stupid."
Jack knew that in Anne's 37-year-old eyes, he was an absolute rookie, green behind the ears. She was already a colonel who had a lot of flights and successful missions under her belt. Anne belonged to a previous generation when everyone had to choose between work or military service at the age of 14. Jack escaped such a fate. He and Sam, like greenhouse plants, were tucked away at a prestigious school until they turned 17. Without a doubt, Anne had the right to consider herself more experienced and mature. Yet he still liked her words because they seemed to be a lead-in to the idea he had surpassed all her expectations.
"I didn't think you would be so smart... Apparently, they still know how to teach something at Space Academy," she continued.
"Believe me, Anne, they do," Lieutenant Sallenge replied, smiling as he put his hand on her dark hair, which shimmered from the light of the alien sun that cascaded in through the window.
Her faded greenish-gray eyes shone in the light of the green rays that streamed into the pavilion. She swallowed with some effort and nodded.
"Yes, maybe they still can... All in all, I'm grateful for you. Thank you."
"It's my duty, Colonel Petrow!" He tried to say cheerfully.
She attempted to smile, but it only made more noticeable how much her face had thinned. Anne continued to talk, and Jack sensed he would remember her words forever.
"I still must tell you the truth..."
"What truth?" His back straightened in alarm as if in the belief it would help him hear better.
"I'm not sure you're ready for it..." she sighed heavily.
"I'm ready! Say it already, please," he pleaded, frowning.
"I'm pregnant, but I'm afraid I won't be able to give birth to the child," Colonel Petrow answered.
"But... how? It's forbidden..." Jack was bewildered as he tried to wrap his mind around what he'd just heard.
"Wait. Let me finish..." Anne groaned heavily again, sitting up from her position on the bed. This movement reminded Jack how Captain Nicholas Graham would greatly sigh several times as the ship approached the planet. But Anne had other reasons, such as severe injuries and pregnancy. The unborn child was sapping her strength.
Jack sat down next to Anne and took hold of her hand. He stared at her, trying his best to look encouraging, but he knew he was horrible at it. He noticed just how much he was trembling.
"I loved Nick," she said, looking right into Jack's eyes. Jack focused all the warmth he had left inside and looked into the mirror of Anne's soul. Her clear, open eyes asked him not to judge her harshly. At that point, Petrow realized she could trust the young lieutenant. Sighing again, Anne continued, "His feelings were mutual. He was also the reason why I got on the board of Avant Light. The stars I used to study at the Agency's request undergo the same activity as the solar system's. This one too," she said, nodding to the left towards the disk of the yellowish-green sun.
"I had no interest in coming here. I don't like planets or fauna. I was always more interested in the stars when I went on expeditions. They give life to everything... They hold the mysteries of the Universe. And they're so lonely... There may be several, or even more, but the stars are almost always alone. Rarely does nature allow them to be together. I always used to be alone too. I patiently did my military service, doing what I loved. I never had anyone except for Graham. We worked two missions together. He helped me all the time, and in return, I did my best to help him. Then one day..." she fell silent.
The silence lasted for a several minutes. Anne's barely audible breathing alternated with hoarse, drawn-out wheezing.
"Then what happened one day?" Jack carefully asked, turning his head to hear better and at the same time to touch her hair.
"Then one day I realized that I couldn't live without him," Anne stated, her words as sharp as a blade's edge.
The thought never occurred to Jack that such a disciplined, determined woman could easily fall in love with some ship captain. It was almost like the plots of those classic novels they studied in school during world literature class.
"Uhhh... okay," Jack said, perplexed.
"So, I requested to be assigned to this mission."
She told about how difficult it was to get on the Avant Light. She had to be screened twice before being added to the team, and about how long it took to receive permission because no one at the Agency could sponsor her... As if by chance, Anne was reminding Jack that the rules strictly forbade any intimate relationships between the crew members.
"One day I stayed alone with him in his cabin. And then again, and again. We met each other in secret pretty often. Our voyage to this planet was slowed down by those malfunctions, but I was happy that we had more time to be together. We never tracked the sequences. Our DNA seemed infinite to us." She held her breath momentarily and narrowed her eyes a little bit, glancing at Jack as though she were assessing his trustworthiness. "Because I was with the person I loved. An old, 40-year-old woman found happiness in a secluded corner of space."
She grinned in a strange, unfriendly way before looking at Jack as if to gauge his reaction.
"What?" Lieutenant Sallenge asked, confused.
"You know, Jack, I've seen a lot of guys like you. You're all like an open book... young, completely green, overconfident, equipped with that pristine white smile of yours," she blurted out.
Jack couldn't help but smile as if he were laughing at some old, innocent joke. He was 24, and he quietly reproached himself for thinking that Anne was incredibly old. Now Jack didn't understand how to look at her. Is 37 really too old?
He stared at Anne, examining the ovular shape of her face. His eye noticed every wrinkle and dimple. Officer Petrow's face had lost its color and turned gray, while the wrinkles left a trace of deep sorrow that reminded him of how his sweetheart's mother would recount her youth.
"But to be honest, he surprised me... Nick wasn't like that. Quite the opposite. He was always reserved, well-mannered, and courteous. He attracted women in a different way. I couldn't resist myself... I was afraid that someone would find out about our affair. I wasn't afraid for myself, but for him... He could have been dishonorably discharged. And then what?"
"And then what?" Jack couldn't resist asking.
"I would have been left with just the stars, but I also would have had the ones on the shoulder boards. But his stars would have been gone..."
"When did you find out about his disease?"
"Oh, it was stupid..." she tried to smile but she only managed to pull off something like a grin. "Nick suspected that the shield generators powering the deflectors malfunctioned from time to time, especially during emergency braking," she stopped, coughing quietly. Jack gave her some water, which she sipped before continuing. "But he had made up his mind to stay in a compartment badly protected from cosmic radiation, even when it
was hazardous to be there. I knew he had claustrophobia. He never told anyone about it, and for years he had coped with it, but apparently the problems with the ship's engines triggered it," Anne tried to swallow but failed. Jack stood to fetch her some more water to help her throat.
"That's why he lived in a cabin with a window. I understand why. He needed to release his stress somehow," she lifted her head slightly from the pillow to take another sip. "Can you imagine what it must feel like to sleep in a cabin without windows when you've been afraid of doing such a thing since you were a child?"
"No, I never thought about it," Jack shook his head.
"Then one day he told me that a medical exam revealed cancer that had spread to his lungs," Anne continued. "Maybe he... he knew beforehand, but he told about it only after I discovered some hard spots on his neck one night. I saw those same lumps on my mom when she refused treatment. She died just like the others who refused proper care."
"Why didn't anyone in the medical bay help? What about nanobots? They can eliminate cancerous cells," Jack questioned, raising his eyebrows in surprise.
"He had that rare type of immune system that nanobots weren't compatible for. He had nearly all the nanobots except for anti-cancer ones. His body rejected them. At first, I couldn't accept it. Sometimes I shouted at him in rage. I cursed him out for still living in that dangerous cabin. At first, remodulation helped to partially rejuvenate his cells, which stopped his cancer from spreading temporarily. But at some point, we both realized that time had run out and he needed serious treatment, not those... vintage remodulators. To be honest, Graham was the kind of guy who was old school. He didn't like the medical bay nor medical technology. He didn't even like artificial fertilization. Generally speaking... he didn't want me to get rid of the baby."
"Why did he even agree to fly, knowing about his problems?" Jack asked, astonished.
"It was important for Graham to carry out the Center's orders," she coughed. "Norwell, the Director of Intergalactic Missions, would only entrust this mission to him. At least that's what Graham told me, and I trusted him," she stared at Jack's eyes, her eyes narrowing. "You know how Norwell is. Graham told me that you used to study with his son."
"That's right," Jack nodded.
He tried to hide his embarrassment. It wasn't the most pleasant thing to hear that Anne knew he had been assigned to the ship with the help of a high-ranking Agency official.
"But Norwell wasn't aware of Graham's claustrophobia. I think... he could have found someone else," she took a gulp of air. "Or maybe he couldn't."
Jack was beginning to get more nervous. “What else does she know? Why did no one tell me about it?" These questions ran through his head. "Is it because I'm too young, or because I'm friends with the Norwell family?"
"When did you find out about your pregnancy? " Lieutenant Sallenge decided to switch the topic.
Jack could sense her inner struggle. After hesitating for several moments, Anne decided she had to tell it to the end.
"When I was boarding the ship before take-off, I had the feeling something may happen between us. Just for that purpose, I brought along contraceptives, and I took them every time I visited him. But one day I forgot to take them. I was so happy he was feeling better that I didn't think about the precautions. Once was enough... I was a fool. Before then, I had never understood how people got themselves into such situations."
She stopped speaking and stayed silent for some time. Taking as deep a breath as she could for a person in her state, she continued speaking.
"You know, for a long time, I was the only one who knew about his cancer. You know what I mean?"
"Yes, Anne, I do. But please, go on. I understand everything... We're stranded here alone and there's no one going to judge us. Just you and me. You... the main thing..." Jack didn't quite know what to say or how to finish the sentence. "The main thing is, don't blame yourself."
"Thank you. I don't blame myself anymore. When I found out that I was pregnant... I avoided the medical bay like the plague. If someone from the Agency had found out I had gotten into a relationship and become pregnant, I would have been severely punished upon returning back to Earth. I would have immediately been dishonorably discharged with all ranks and privileges revoked."
"I know."
"I skipped a few visits to the medical bay as I knew all my data would be consolidated into a file and sent to the Center. Even though it broke the rules, Nick allowed me not to go. It was better to violate medical protocol than... the Agency find out the truth."
"I... I can't even imagine it. I would have vented myself into space if I knew something was growing inside me," Jack knew it sounded stupid, but he hoped his attempt at joking would ease the tension somewhat.
"Laura suspected something was up when I started skipping check-ups," Anne continued, not noticing Jack's joke. "I'm grateful to her though for keeping her mouth shut about it. Warple didn't seem to notice either. He was cheerfully spaced out," she smiled sadly.
"I remember. You lost a lot of weight back then," Jack replied. "Alan asked me if you were sick like the captain."
"What did you tell him?" Colonel Petrow asked in a low voice.
"To be honest, I already forget what I told him," he shrugged, biting his lower lip.
"Yeah, Alan was the only one who was pestering me with questions. Vile man," she coughed.
"Sorry," Jack faltered.
"For what?"
"For reminding you about Alan and asking you about this. You just lost so much weight. I was worried about you and I think the others were too."
"Exactly..." Anne grinned. "You remember we received limited rations, and the baby demands special nutrition. Over time, it started sapping all my strength, which only worsened my state. I could sense that even though the baby was growing, it wasn't developing as it should. At one point, I took special medicine to abort the pregnancy, but I failed... The miscarriage didn't happen."
"That's why you were so gloomy... You looked devastated," Jack looked out of the window, replaying those difficult memories about the last month on the Avant Light before the landing. He recalled how Anne looked morose when she returned from her last check-up, going last so that no one noticed her. He didn't understand back then the reason for her state, but now the whole situation was clear in his mind, as if some invisible squirrel had broken open secret acorns to reveal the true core of reality.
"Yes... and now I look like a shriveled corpse," Anne laughed, the corners of her lips parched.
Jack made a fist, clenching his fingers and biting them. His eyes wandered around the room as he replayed in his mind the memories of every time he bumped into Anne over the last six months. He wanted to ask so many questions, but he wasn't ready to hear the answers to most of them. Lieutenant Sallenge was scared for his comrade. He bit his index finger so strongly that his gray eyes teared up from the pain. The dim light reflected off the teardrop that rolled slowly down his cheek. Anne didn't notice. Her gaze was painfully dead and empty.
"You were crying that day after the check-up because you realized you were still pregnant and the Agency was going to find out about it? " he finally asked, blinking and looking at Anne.
"What?" she asked bewildered, returning to reality.
"I mean your pregnancy... I saw you once coming back from the medical bay crying. I apologize for spying on you..."
This thought once again bothered him... He reproached himself for not minding Colonel Petrow's privacy.
"That's correct," she said, recovering. "Never mind... It doesn't matter now. It was a while before Nicholas found out about my pregnancy. He insisted I go to the medical bay before landing. We needed to check my general medical status and learn about the state of the baby. There was nothing to lose, but at least I could try to protect myself from any health problems. We were planning to teleport medical equipment from Earth so that we could cure Graham, but we knew it was just a naive fantasy."
Jack listened to her, scar
cely able to believe the story was real. If was like everything was part of some parallel universe where a woman who looks like Anne was talking about the same situation. He would have given everything to make it like that.
"By the way, Jack... Although Nick was a man of few words, he used to tell me something... He told me that the planet is not as harmless as it seems. The probes managed to transmit some information on our way here... the Agency gave Nick a report about it," she stopped, thought a moment, then continued. "There are some disputes in the Agency, but Nick didn't have the chance to explain it to me properly."
"What else do you know about the planet and our mission?" Jack asked, anxious.
"Actually, not much. I just remember they were hurrying us up a lot," she turned her head sharply towards him. "What about you? Did they hurry you too?"
"Ehm, well, I don't know." He scratched at the back of his head and grimaced, perplexed. "When I found out about the mission, I asked but I didn't have much time to think."
"I see." She stared somewhere in front of her with a thoughtful look on her face. "We need to find out what happened to the other shuttles. The Center may stay offline."
Jack wanted to flinch from her words.
"I'll try to reach them."
"Who?" He could feel the anger in her voice.
"I meant to say I'll try to reach the other shuttles," Jack lied.
He still held a shred of hope that someone managed to survive the crash.
4
In the morning, Jack made his way to the shuttle with the trapecrawler in tow so that he could finish sorting through the remaining items and bring back the last of the provisions. After he saw the beast the previous night, Jack began using extra caution. As he left the pavilion, he brought along his weapon and recon starfish droids. These small robots, which resembled a six-pointed starfish, were designed to crawl forward and be capable of creeping into the most difficult-to-reach places. If danger occurred, they would sacrifice themselves to absorb the initial blow to protect the crew members. Both starfish advanced slowly forward, sending no danger warning. Trying not to fall behind the tracked trapecrawler, Jack bravely walked towards the shuttle.
Expedition Nereus Page 2