His soft, boyish features shifted until they were guilty and irritated. He shrugged as he said, “You were my first, Lauren. The first girl I ever slept with that I loved.”
I didn’t even let him finish before I ran into him, throwing my fists with as much fury as I could muster. “How could you do this to me? You lied to me! You’ve always been a liar!”
He took a couple of steps forward and tried to grab me. I quickly maneuvered out of his grasp and started hitting his chest.
“I didn’t lie!” he yelled back. “Not exactly! Can’t we just talk about this?”
“You weren’t a virgin! You cheated on me and now you’re trying to get me to have a threesome with you. You fucking asshole! You made my best friend despise me!”
I didn’t hear my door open. All I did know was that Raven had come into my room and pulled me off of Daniel. He shot her a look of relief.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but Daniel—leave. Right now. Okay?” she said, out of breath after separating me from him. He looked like he was about to argue and she gave him a look that could’ve set him on fire. He grabbed his stuff and ran out of my room half-naked, without a second of hesitation.
Raven wrapped me up in a tight hug and squeezed me as I cried into her shoulder.
“I’m a gigantic idiot,” I managed to say in between sobs. Realizing that my entire love life was a sham, an utterly gigantic fail. “I just want the kind of love that Mom and Dad had.”
She gently pulled me away from her and gave me a stern look. “Lauren, you’re so young. I know this seems like the end of the world, but you’re going to fall in love. Probably more than once. You will find the right one someday.”
“But why does it hurt so much if he isn’t the right one?” I cried. “I just want to give up.”
She didn’t say anything in return. She simply wrapped me back into her arms and held me tight.
“Honey please, I know it hurts but this will pass. You’re seventeen and it’s sort of a rite of passage to have your heart broken.”
Oh my God, I totally forgot it was my birthday. I began to cry harder.
“This is the worst birthday ever,” I moaned.
“How about I call Mallory for you and we’ll eat ice cream and watch movies? Then I’ll take you shopping,” she said, trying to soothe me.
“Mallory hates me!” I said, my entire body shaking now. Not only had I lost Daniel, but Mallory too. Auntie let out a long sigh and kissed me on my head.
“It’s not over yet,” she assured me. “Close your eyes and I’ll be right back.”
I wasn’t in the mood for anything, but I didn’t want to disappoint her. So I did as she said and patiently waited for her to come back into my room.
“Okay, you can open them.”
When I opened my eyes, Raven placed a beautifully wrapped box into my hands. I immediately started to open it. I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face when I saw a stunning red leather sketchbook. It even had my name engraved in the bottom corner!
“Raven, it’s beautiful!” I exclaimed as I threw my arms around her.
“Always remember that you’re in charge of your story. Names and characters may change but you’re always one decision away from something amazing.”
The words she spoke meant something to me. Her gifts were always special. Last year she let me start to call her by her first name as a sign of my maturity. Now this. As I looked down at the delicate sketchbook, I made myself a promise. I was going to focus on myself. I was going to have great experiences and fill every page of the book with my story, and it didn’t need to be about love or a man or chasing a fairy tale. In fact, it’d be no boys allowed. Who needs love anyway?
Four
A New Chapter…
October 15th, 2007
What the hell just landed on top of me? It’s heavy and bouncing and whatever it is has started to scream. “Guess what?”
I open my eyes, a scowl already on my face. I slowly pry open my eyes to see Angela. Her full lips curve up into a devilish smile, her massive mop of kinky curls bounce as she does on top of me. She’s gone insane!
“I don’t know,” I mumble before I guess. “You won the lottery?”
“Nope! It’s your birthday!”
Now she’s dancing on top of me, whooping and singing. God, it’s too early for this. My sore muscles don’t appreciate her enthusiasm, even though my heart does.
“Aren’t you my best friend?” I groan as I pull a pillow over my face.
Angie promptly snatches it off and grins down at me again. “Of course I am! I’m your bestest friend in the world.”
Luckily, she rolled over so that she’s laying beside me now. “If that’s true then you would know that I hate birthdays,” I remind her.
I can practically feel her roll her eyes as she says, “You do not hate birthdays. You went all out for mine! You even scored us fifth row Drake tickets. And you took me to my favorite five-star restaurant!”
“Okay, fine,” I lament. “I hate my birthday.”
“It doesn’t matter if you hate your birthday, because this is a special one,” she says matter-of-factly.
My eyebrows shoot up to the top of my forehead as I grumble, “Special as in what? Because I still can’t legally drink or go to any clubs.”
“Look, I totally get why you think you don’t like your birthday. If I went through what you did on my seventeenth birthday, I would’ve ended up in jail. But tonight is going to be amazing and this year is going to fucking rock!”
As much as I hate to admit it, I’m sort of curious.
Angie has always had a way of pulling me out of a funk. We had first met two years ago after the crime of the century that Daniel and Mallory perpetrated on me. Auntie Raven introduced us; she and Angie’s mom were sorority sisters. Angie was already attending the school that I wanted to transfer to after I finished my general education at community college in Michigan. We clicked instantly and ever since that day, she’s called me her vanilla soul sister.
“Why is tonight going to be amazing?” I ask reluctantly.
“Because life starts right here, right now, Ms. Brooks,” she says, grinning.
I stare at her, confused. “My life has been going for a while now, Angie.”
She rolls her eyes and sighs at me. “Yeah, I know. I get it. You’re doing amazing in school, living in a big city, and all that jazz. But there’s something missing. Know what that is?”
“I’m sure that you’re going to tell me,” I say through a yawn.
Angie doesn’t let my lack of enthusiasm dissuade her. She reaches into her pocket and thrusts a small little square into my face.
I laugh at it. “You made me a fake ID?”
She nods, and somehow the grin on her face is getting bigger. I reach out and take the plastic card from her. I bring it to my face and examine it. It looks real.
“Wow, is this actually legit?”
“Only the best for you, sweetheart. It cost me a pretty penny too, if you were wondering,” she replies.
“Angie,” I exclaim as I frown at her. “I hope it didn’t cost too much.”
She rolls her eyes at me and waves off my concern. “It actually didn’t cost me anything. I just had to go on a date with Devon and let him get to third base last weekend.”
Angie winks at me and I laugh. I know that was the best payment plan that she could imagine. Devon was a gorgeous basketball player that she had met two weeks ago while working.
“So you know what this means,” she squeals.
“That I’ll start buying alcohol for girls night?” I guess.
She shakes her head. “It means that you can finally score an interview at the gig!”
That gets my attention! Angie works at the Vault, one of the hottest night clubs in the city that I don’t care too about much, but she rakes in the cash. One night she made three thousand dollars. I’d have to work six months at the bookstore to earn anywhere close to
that.
“Are you serious? You think it’s that good?” I ask her cautiously.
She nods excitedly. “It’s better than good. Besides, you’re hot. Ryan won’t really care. He’ll just need to have something on file.”
“Do you really think he’ll hire me?”
This job could be life changing for me. I would even have more time to invest into my art. I would probably be able to pay off the majority of my student loans before even graduating.
“Uh, yeah. You’re hot as hell, Lauren. I know you’ve sworn off men, but girl, you’ve got it whenever you want to get it,” she teases me. “All you need are some lashes, a little blush, and a push-up bra. Especially considering that you have an interview on Tuesday.”
“You’re kidding!”
Angie shakes her head. “I would never joke about something like that. If you snag this gig, which I know you will, you’ll finally be able to get out of that crappy dorm room.”
“It’s not that bad,” I say with a shrug. But in reality, it is. It’s incredibly small. My roommate never cleans up after herself. Plus, she didn’t have any common courtesy. She plays loud music when I try to study. Or plays her guitar while I try to sleep. It would be so much better if I was able to move out, especially if I could live on my own.
“Do you remember Hillary? You met her a few months ago. She has long blonde hair. I think it was streaked with purple when you saw her.”
“I think so?”
“Well, she’s looking for a roommate, and she needs one soon. She lives in this cute little two-bedroom apartment. It’s only four blocks from school. When you get the job, the other room is yours.”
Was I dreaming? There was no way this was real! I was about to interview for the job of a lifetime. A job that would give me so much more freedom. A new apartment, a new phone, and so many more possibilities. I always have bad luck. There was no way that this was actually happening to me.
“How did you do all this?” I question, fighting the tears in my eyes.
Angie pulls me into a big hug as she teases, “It’s all a part of being an amazing black woman, hon. Didn’t you know we have magical powers? Do you wanna know what else makes this birthday extra awesome, aside from all of this and drinks on me at the club tonight?”
“You’ve already outdone yourself. I don’t know what else you could possibly do.”
In a sing-songy voice she says, “It’s been two years.”
“Two years?” I ask.
“The day that you met me, you swore off men for exactly two years. Back then, I thought you were just hurt and you were exaggerating. I thought you would get over that promise in a couple of months. But you didn’t and I respect your self-restraint, but the drought is finally over.”
Technically, Angie was right. It had been two years since I had sworn off men. But it hasn’t been like I’ve been counting down the days. I’ve gotten so used to ignoring men that it’s second nature.
“Oh, God,” I groan, throwing my head back in exasperation. “Please tell me that you didn’t sign me up for online dating or something like that?”
“Nope. I did something even better.”
“Which is?”
“I have a guy that I think you might really like.”
I groan again as I lay back down and pull her thick down comforter over my head. “Angela, no. We were doing so good. Why do you have to ruin it?”
“You trust me, right?” she whines, as she struggles to pull the comforter off of me.
“It’s not about trust. It’s about not wanting to get involved with anyone. Ever. I don’t care how long it’s been. Dating, relationships… all of it sucks!”
“That doesn’t even count anymore. That’s not what dating is like as an adult. That was a failed high school relationship. Most people have one. You can’t become a nun because of a horny idiot,” she tries to reason.
I pull the comforter back down and roll my eyes. “I’m not joining a convent. I just want to concentrate on school, and hopefully, this new job.”
“You are an honor roll student. The job is going to be way easier than what you’re currently doing,” she says as she frowns down at me, even if it does look more like a cute pout. “Honey, you’re young. It’s time you live a little.”
I know that Angie means well. She’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. She always gives me good advice. She’s compassionate and understanding. Even honest to a fault sometimes. When I met her, I understood that meeting your best friend normally happens in college, not high school. Or, I guess you could say, kindergarten.
I sigh.
“Please, Lauren. I really want to tell you all about the amazing sex that Devon and I had. And hopefully will have again soon. But I can’t unless you’re getting some too. Or else I’ll feel bad.”
I can’t help but laugh at her reasoning.
“Do you miss it?” she suddenly asks me.
I can feel my cheeks heat up at her question. “I only did it once, Angie. And it wasn’t really all that spectacular. So how could I miss it?”
A sly smirk spread across her face. “That’s even more reason for you to go out and get it. Trust me, good sex is completely life changing.”
That makes me think about all the romance books I’ve read. In most of them, when the woman loses her virginity, she ends up having multiple orgasms. My first time wasn’t anything like that. It lasted about ten minutes and it hurt. I definitely didn’t have an orgasm. But that wasn’t what was important to me. When I thought that Daniel and I were losing our virginities to each other, I felt so connected to him in the moment. I thought we were making love. I didn’t care if I didn’t experience the orgasmic bliss I had seen described. Plus, the cuddling had been nice. My mind begins to drift. What if the actual act could be pleasurable for me too? It doesn’t matter, though. Men bring tears, and I cried enough of those. I want to make this money.
“I just really don’t want to be set up, Angie,” I say as politely as I can. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I mean, I know she cares, but I don’t want to think about it right now.
“It won’t be a setup, like a double date or anything. I just want you to come with me to the club tonight. Hillary will be there too. You can get the chance to meet your future coworkers. Ryan will just get a tantalizing glimpse of you. It’ll be so much fun, I promise!”
“I thought we were going to drink wine and eat pizza in our pj’s?” I groan. I was actually looking forward to that.
Angie waves off my words. “We can do that any old day. It’s your birthday, and more importantly, the start of a more exciting life for you. So, you’re going to let your hair down, lift your tits up, and wear an embarrassingly short dress. Then we’re going to dance the night away, got it?”
I sigh and shrug as I relent. “I guess.”
Angie squeals and throws herself on top of me again. “You won’t regret it!”
I try to keep the small smile off of my face as I say, “Get off of me! I can’t breathe!”
* * *
“If you don’t stop pulling your skirt down, then I’m going to pinch you like my grandma did when I used to talk in church,” Angie scolds me as we walk into the Vault.
I scowl at her. “Well, I wouldn’t be pulling it down if you let me wear something a little more reasonable.”
It is unusually warm for an October night. I’m thankful, because if it was freezing I wouldn’t survive in this skimpy ass outfit. I can hear the dull thump of the music playing inside, and can feel the ground pulsing to the beat as we walk towards the entrance. There are already about thirty people lined up, waiting to get inside.
As we approach, the men in line turn their attention towards us, their eyes roaming our exposed skin. Not to mention that this bra made my small B cup breasts look like Double D’s. This tiny black dress barely covers my ass. Even though these six-inch heels are more comfortable than I originally thought, it was taking all my concentration to walk in
them, and goosebumps are breaking out all over my skin at the thought of being so exposed.
What am I doing here? This is a big jump from the small bars Angie has snuck me into a couple of times. An even further leap from the high school parties that I attended.
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea, Ang,” I whisper in her ear as we walk to the front of the line. “All these men look like they want to rip my clothes off.”
Angie throws back her head and laughs. “That’s the point, Lauren.”
When we reach the entrance, Angie smiles widely at the huge guy that’s standing at the door. His hard facade breaks as soon as he sees her.
“I didn’t know that you were working tonight, Ang,” he greets warmly.
“I’m not! I’m just here to celebrate my girl’s twenty-first birthday,” she sings as she gestures at me.
I give a forced smile and a weak wave as his calculating eyes turn towards me. He nods after looking me up and down. I guess that was his sign of approval. I nervously hand him my ID. This is the moment of truth. What if this ID isn’t as good as Angie thinks?
The man looks at the card thoroughly. Even though he’s friends with Angie, I almost hope that he’ll find something wrong with it before I get myself into trouble with the card.
“Smile, sweetheart,” he jokes as he hands my ID back to me. I give him a weak smile back.
“Lauren, this is Big Dave,” Angie introduces him before saying, “Lauren is interviewing with Ryan next week.”
Big Dave looks me up and down one more time before he says, “If she can stop looking like she gonna shit herself, then she’s definitely got the job.”
My nerves are quickly replaced with burning anger. “Excuse me?”
But he just grins. “There ya go. Anger is sexy, scared shitless isn’t.”
Angie swats him playfully as he winks at me. She glares and points a finger at him. “Play nice!”
I scowl at Big Dave as Angie pulls me past him and into the club.
When I Grow Up by the Pussycat Dolls is blasting through the club. I follow closely behind Angie as she starts strutting to the beat of the music. Her hand is clasped tightly around mine as we make our way through the crowd. She glances over her shoulder at me and gives me a nudge, signaling for me to relax.
Firsts: Book One’s Page 4