“It’s purely physical. It doesn’t mean anything.” Trent’s words were on repeat in my mind, and I clung to them like a lifeline.
My limbs became numb, my eyelids too heavy, and my head started to roll back when Jax cradled my head. The pain eased—or maybe I was on death’s doorstep and simply couldn’t feel anything anymore.
Warmth spread over me, wrapping me in a cocoon of heated bliss as feeling returned to my body. Jax hugged me to him, his face still buried in my neck. We sat like that long enough for my breathing to return to normal.
“Better?” I asked. I ran my fingers through his hair, extremely grateful he hadn’t killed me. I was entirely too weak to do much else. Would the shaking ever stop?
He nodded. “Thank you.”
“I should be thanking you for not killing me.” I laughed nervously.
He lifted his head and met my gaze. His eyes smoldered with awe and desire. I took a deep breath, my chest heaving with the effort. He brushed a few stray strands of hair from my neck, inspecting his bite marks.
When he touched them, I erupted in a full body shiver. As soon as he moved his hand, it all stopped. Okay, that was an unexpected side effect. Why hadn’t Trent warned me about that?
“How badly did I hurt you?” he asked.
“Not too bad. A little pinch at first.” I shrugged. “Just like getting a shot.”
Only the hurt from the pinch lasted a lot longer. I was shocked my blood wasn’t all over his mouth—and super grateful it wasn’t. That would push me over the edge into hysterics.
He sighed and rested his forehead on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed. He returned my embrace, and we sat like that for a while. It had been far too long since I’d been held like this—not since the last night I’d spent with Trent… however long ago that was. I’d lost track of time in here.
My heart ached at the thought of him. I hoped he was okay. But no matter how much I missed him, I couldn’t allow myself to think about him. If I did, I’d be a sobbing heap on the floor, and until we found a way out of this prison, I needed to keep my thoughts focused.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Jax’s voice was raspy and seductive.
“Yes.” I rested my cheek on the top of his head, savoring the feel of another warm body so close.
I’d spent every night with Trent for weeks, and then we’d been ripped apart. Sleeping alone after being with him was an adjustment I wasn’t ready to make—one I hadn’t realized I’d missed so much until now. Until Jax held me like Trent always did.
“Have you ever let Trent drink from you?”
“No,” I whispered.
Though, it hadn’t been for a lack of trying. I’d wanted Trent to drink from me, to experience this with him. Even though he’d told me otherwise, I wasn’t prepared for how erotic it could be.
“You shouldn’t have let me, either,” he said. There was a twinge of sadness in his voice.
“I had to. You were dying.”
Jax once again lifted his head, but this time, his face was mere inches from mine. He searched my face, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. I knew what he wanted. And I was ashamed to admit that I wanted it, too. I needed it—the closeness, the passion, the feel of being wanted.
Without thinking, I closed the distance between us and slanted my lips over his. He groaned and kissed me back. Hard. Demanding. He fisted a handful of my hair and tilted my head, angling me so he could deepen the kiss.
The undiluted passion that poured from him stole my ability to think. I pressed closer, greedy for whatever he’d give me. There was no mistaking exactly how badly he wanted this. Wanted me. I’d started to suspect he had feelings for me, but now I had no doubts, and I gave myself over to the feelings I’d been trying so hard to ignore.
I reached down and tugged at his shirt. In a blur, he had it off, and his mouth was back on mine. It was as if he was afraid I’d tell him to stop. Maybe I would. Surely, at some point, I would come to my senses, right?
But that moment didn’t come when he flipped me onto my back and easily positioned himself on top of me. What did happen, though, could only be described as pure ecstasy, and I was high on his touch, his attention, his raging need for me.
Trent had never touched me like this, with a fiery passion borne of being denied something he knew wasn’t his, something he knew he couldn’t have. Something, when offered, he was going to take, regardless of the consequences. No, Trent was gentle and loving and… Tears stung my eyes.
What am I doing?
“Chloe.” He groaned, and his kisses become more possessive. “I’ve dreamed about this. About you.” He nipped at my neck, and I was momentarily paralyzed with the memory of his bite.
“Jax,” I gasped. “Stop.”
CHAPTER SEVEN:
Once More with Feeling
GAZE LOCKED ON JAX, I EASED out of bed, being extra careful not to wake him. Although, I doubted he was actually asleep, but he didn’t move, nor did he try to stop me. I grabbed the blanket from the foot of the bed and wrapped it around me.
After I made Jax stop kissing me last night, I should have asked him to get out of the bed, but I hadn’t been able to get the words to form, and so I’d slept in his arms. Again.
Regret and shame threatened to choke me. How could I have been so stupid? Granted, I’d needed to save Jax’s life, and by extension, my own. But I didn’t need to kiss him. I tiptoed across the room and sat in the chair facing the window, feet propped on the sill.
Even though my body still felt like it was on fire, a chill wiggled up my spine. I pulled the blanket tighter around me, my fingers grazing my neck, lingering ever so slightly on where Jax had bitten me. A wave of desire and longing swept over me, and I shuddered. Would that happen every time I touched my neck?
Twisting just enough to see over my shoulder, my gaze collided with Jax’s. He was awake—I knew it. My breath caught.
He lay in bed, hands tucked behind his head. His eyes were back to their normal blue; his complexion was healthier, and the hollowness in his face had disappeared. The bed sheet was draped over his legs, exposing his torso. Every line and muscle was well-defined and filled out.
Relief swamped me—he wasn’t going to starve. But whatever momentary comfort I felt vanished under the crushing guilt for what I’d done with Jax. For how I’d betrayed Trent.
I swallowed against the sting of tears and turned my attention back to the scenery outside the window. If I ever got out of here, how could I face Trent? What would I say to him?
“Chloe?” Jax now stood behind me. I couldn’t see him, but I sensed him there.
Goose bumps erupted on my arms. I closed my eyes and slowly blew out a breath. Memories of how he’d said my name while we’d kissed… My face heated.
He brushed his thumb over the bite mark. “They’ll fade. Eventually.” He continued to stroke my neck, his touch gentle and concerned.
My heart raced, and every nerve ending in my body ignited. I leaned into his touch, sighing.
He tilted my head back, and then his mouth was on mine, his tongue begging for entry. I parted my lips, granting him access. Kissing him was easy—too easy—it was as natural as breathing. So was loving him.
I jerked away with a gasp. My lips tingled, and my mind raced too fast for me to catch up. But one thought stood out, dominating all others. I was falling in love with Jax.
“Chloe? Are you okay?” he asked.
“You have to change me,” I said, desperation dripping from my words.
That was the only way the witches were going to let us go, and I had to get out of here. Because the longer I stayed locked up with Jax, the harder I was going to fall. I twisted around to face him.
He straightened, his jaw clenched. “No.”
I stood. “We both know that’s the only way we’re getting out of here.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “So, change me.”
He narrowed his eyes, studying me for an uncom
fortably long time. “Why?”
“What?” I tilted my head. “What do you mean why? I just told you why.”
“No.” He stepped closer, his chest pressed to mine. “I mean, why have you changed your mind? You’ve been adamant from the start that you didn’t want to become one of us. So, why now?”
I took a deep breath and stepped around him. I tossed the blanket onto the bed. “Why not now?” I spun back around to face him and nearly bumped into him he was so close. “You’ve tried so hard to convince me to change, and now that I want to, you won’t. Why?”
His lips twitched, but a smile never formed. “You first.” His right brow lifted.
I couldn’t tell him how I felt about him, but how else could I explain why I was suddenly so desperate to get out of here? I licked my lips.
“Because I can’t stay here forever, Jax. Pretty soon, people are going to start to wonder where I am, especially when school starts.”
“Is that the only reason?” he asked.
“Yes.” My gaze darted around the room, mostly so I wouldn’t have to look at him when I lied, but mostly because I needed to find a way to force Jax to change me.
There, against the floorboard, was the nail I’d used to prick my finger. My heart raced as I moved in that direction.
Jax blocked my path, his palm slamming against the wall. “You’re a terrible liar, Chloe.”
I jumped. “I’m not lying.” I jutted my chin out defiantly. “So, are you going to change me?”
“No.” His lips were set in a hard line, and he stood unflinching.
“Why not?” I bit out, glaring at him.
“Because Trent would never forgive me if I did.”
I laughed bitterly and threw my hands in the air. “And you think he’ll forgive you for what we did?” I stabbed my finger toward the bed, anger bubbling in my veins.
He lifted one shoulder in a lazy shrug. “Might take a couple decades, but he will.”
“A couple decades?” My jaw dropped. “How can you be so… calm about this?”
“Trent and I have been around a long time, and if you think you’re the first girl that we’ve both fallen for, you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”
My heart stopped. No. No, no, no! I knew Jax had feelings for me, but I didn’t want to hear him say it out loud, much less know how deep his feelings were.
“Besides, after what he did with Hannah, I figure we’re even now.” He smirked.
“He kissed Hannah?” I asked like a total idiot.
In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t really matter. Hannah was long before me, and she was dead now anyway. But something Trent told me lingered in the back of my mind… He was convinced Jax was using me to get even with him for what happened with Hannah. And it hit me right then that Trent was right.
Jax didn’t really want me; he’d been using me, and I’d let him. Fresh, raw guilt gnawed at my gut. What had I done?
Jax laughed. “Oh, he did a lot more than just kiss her.” There was a bitterness in his tone that had the hair on the back of my neck standing on edge.
“Trent had sex with Hannah?” I took a step back, then another.
He’d told me he’d changed her, and that he’d cared for her, but he never mentioned they had sex.
“Left that part of the story out, did he?” Jax snarled, his top lip curling menacingly.
I took another step back.
“You felt what happened when I drank from you.” He closed the distance between us, and I held my breath, waiting—hoping?—he’d touch me again. “Now, imagine if I hadn’t stopped when I did.” He cradled my neck, his thumbs caressing either side.
“Jax,” I breathed out. “Please.”
My stomach knotted at where this conversation was headed. I didn’t want to hear it, but I knew he wasn’t going to stop until I’d heard his side of things.
“Trent bit Hannah. He drank from her. Then he made love to her. Before he changed her.”
“Stop.” My eyelids fluttered close. “Please stop.” Unbidden tears trickled down my face.
Jax gently wiped them away, but I couldn’t make myself look at him. His sweet breath puffed against my lips.
“If you think changing will get rid of all the guilt and regret you’re feeling right now, you’re wrong. It will only get worse. Trust me,” he said, an eternity’s worth of sadness in his tone.
I attempted to hang my head, but Jax’s hold was too firm. “Heightened emotions,” I muttered and finally opened my eyes to look at him.
“The curse drove Hannah to violence and bloodlust, but it was her guilt about sleeping with Trent that drove her to madness.”
Why hadn’t Trent told me any of that? It wouldn’t have mattered to me what happened in his past—it didn’t matter to me now. But why hide it from me?
“At least you had the strength to stop things before they got that far. And just so you have no doubts, I respect you for that, Chloe.”
The way my name fell from his lips was much too familiar, too intimate, and chills wiggled down my spine.
“I have to get out of here.” My voice rose with hysterics, and I yanked away from him. “I can’t stay here, Jax. Please.” My lips trembled as fresh tears spilled over my cheeks. “Change me.”
“No.” He turned his back on me and dragged his hand through his hair.
I used his momentary lack of attention to grab the nail from the floor. I clutched it in my palm, drawing what little strength I had left from the cool metal.
“Then I guess we do this the hard way.” I held out my hand, wrist up, and positioned the nail above my vein.
Jax whipped around, eyes wide.
“Either you change me, or I bleed out while you watch.” I pressed the nail to my skin.
In a flash, the nail was ripped from my grasp, and I was flat on my back on the bed. I yelped with surprise.
Jax had my hands pinned above my head, his body molded to mine, and he glared down at me with pitch black eyes. “I will not be the one to end your human life, Chloe. And neither will you.”
I wiggled beneath him and tugged against his hold, but all I managed to do was exhaust myself. He wasn’t budging. Panting, I gave up trying. My body went limp beneath his.
“I need to get out of here,” I said. My throat was dry, and my words were raspy.
“Why?” His eyes lightened, turning back to blue.
“Because I do.”
“Because you want to get away from me?”
I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes, biting the inside of my cheek in a pathetic attempt to stop more tears from falling. All I could manage was a small nod. I didn’t want to hurt him, but he had to know that what happened between us was a mistake—one we could never repeat.
“I have to,” I whispered.
“Yeah, you keep saying that, but you still haven’t told me why.” His hold on my wrists eased, and he dragged his hands down my arms. He took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned my head so I was looking at him. “Tell me the truth, Chloe.”
I swallowed hard. “I can’t.”
It wasn’t fair to tell him I loved him in one breath, and then tell him in the next that I loved his brother more.
“Fine.” He got off me and sat on the edge of the bed, elbows propped on his knees, head down.
I pushed myself into an upright position, inched back against the headboard, and hugged my knees to my chest. “Changing me will break the curse. Isn’t that what you want? To be free to love someone without fear of her going mad?” I asked.
He was silent for a long while, and I stared at his bare back, watching the steady rise and fall of his shoulders, each breath pulling his muscles tighter.
“The only woman I’ve ever loved was Hannah. There was no one else before her, and there hasn’t been anyone since her.” His voice was low and strained. “My brother slept with her, and then years later, he killed her. Only, he didn’t actually kill her.” He lifted his head
and turned toward me. His eyes were dark, but not dark enough to hide the torment in them. “I did.”
I gasped. “You killed Hannah?”
I searched my memories of that day, but it was all too fuzzy. All this time, I’d thought Trent had killed Hannah—although I had no idea why I thought that. I’d been so out of it I had no idea what actually happened.
“I had to,” he said. “It was you or her. I chose you.”
I rested my head on my knees and focused on keeping my breathing steady. Jax had killed the woman he loved so that I could live. And now, I was asking him to take my humanity—the very thing he’d protected.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” I moved closer and rested my head on his shoulder.
He took my hand and threaded our fingers. We sat in silence for a while, and with each second that passed, my heart splintered a little more. He’d lost so much—more than Trent had—and now, because of me, he was going to lose even more.
“I can’t stay here, Jax, because I know if I do, things will keep happening between us, and I’ll fall in love with you more than I already have,” I whispered.
He sighed. “And that’s just one of the reasons I can’t change you.” He pulled me onto his lap. “I know if I do, when we get out of here, you’re going to run straight back to Trent.”
Lacing my hands behind his neck, I rested my forehead to his. “I’m sorry. But you can’t keep me locked up in here by refusing to change me. This is my choice.”
“You’re right. It is. And it’s my choice not to be the one to change you.”
“So, that’s it then? We’re just stuck here?” I climbed off his lap, and he didn’t try to stop me.
“When the witches return, I’ll tell them you’re ready but that I refuse to do it. I’ll have them bring Trent here,” he said.
Eternal Bond : (The Cursed Series, Book 3) Page 5