“Whatever Isach did, it’s working. If he does it again, and you claim me, maybe—”
Trent’s head fell back against the seat, and then he promptly deposited me into the passenger’s seat. “Stop it,” he said.
I blinked, stunned. “Stop what?”
“Stop saying you want me to claim you.” He rubbed his hands over his face.
“Why? I thought that’s what you wanted.” I tilted my head, confused.
“It is, but you know I can’t do that.” He gave a hard shake of his head. “I can’t bite you, Chloe, no matter how badly I want to.”
“You don’t know that,” I said, frustration bubbling up. “Maybe Macaih is wrong. We won’t know unless we try. Why won’t you try?”
He started the truck and pulled back onto the road. Disappointment crashed down on me, and I hooked my seat belt. Apparently, we were done talking.
“Because what if Macaih is right?” he asked through clenched teeth. “What if I really can’t do it? Then what? Trying and failing is only going to make this harder on both of us.”
I fidgeted with my hands in my lap. I hadn’t considered that; though I had no idea how this could possibly be any harder than it already was. Every day I wasn’t with Trent was harder than the last, and every day, the hole in my chest grew wider and deeper.
“I wanted you to give me permission to claim you because it’s what you wanted, not because you think it’s the means to an end. But now it’s too late,” he said.
I hung my head. He was right. The only reason I was asking him now was because I thought it might break the bond. I’d told him that I wanted him to claim me, but I’d be lying to him and myself if I said I was suddenly ready for that to happen.
Anything I wanted to say died on my lips. How many times had I sat in this very spot while he drove somewhere? I could easily close my eyes and recall with perfect clarity how he’d sit, how his hands gripped the wheel, how gorgeous his profile was, how focused he was on the road ahead of him.
The thought of not having any of this with him again was terrifying, but so was the thought of losing Jax, because the only way things would ever work with Trent was if I completely cut Jax out of my life.
Could I do that? Did I want to? Even then, I’d have to remain human, and that put us right back where we were when my father showed up to drag me to California.
As much as I’d prefer to avoid it, I couldn’t—until I either faced my feelings for Jax head-on, or proved to myself that I could fight this bond without losing my mind, there was no hope of making things right with Trent.
“You were right,” I whispered.
“About?”
“When you said I was having feelings for Jax before Ivy locked us up. I was. I never acted on them,” I clarified, desperate for him to know that. I picked at my fingernails, my heart already breaking at what I knew I had to do. “But I was feeling something for him, and I think I’m going to do what you said.”
Trent was silent, and I risked a look at him. He was staring straight ahead, jaw clenched.
“I’m going to take some time to figure out what all of this means and what my feelings are.” I swallowed hard, hating how unsure I sounded.
He nodded and pulled into my driveway. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy,” he said, putting the truck in park and turning to face me. “And if you’re happier without me…”
“Trent.” My lips quivered, and tears pooled in my eyes.
The curtain in the front window moved, which meant Aunt Beth was watching me. With a sigh, I got out of the truck. There really wasn’t anything left to say.
I’d barely gotten the door shut when Trent was in front of me. I gasped with surprise and backed up until I was pressed against the truck. He took my face into his hands and lowered his head. I held my breath.
“Promise me something,” he said, his gaze imploring.
“What?”
“Promise me that you’ll be completely selfish about this. Do what you want to do, okay? Don’t worry about how Jax or I will feel. This is your choice.”
I nodded, unable to speak. Didn’t he realize everything I did was selfish?
He placed a kiss to my forehead, and then he was back in the driver’s seat before I could say or do anything.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR:
Give Me a Chance
LATER THAT NIGHT, I LAY IN bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Trent’s words were on repeat in my head. Promise me you’ll be completely selfish about this. Do what you want to do.
I rolled onto my side and stared at my window. What did I want to do? I hadn’t lied when I admitted to having feelings for Jax before the whole Ivy thing, but they hadn’t been strong, certainly not strong enough to ever make me consider leaving Trent.
Then, I’d been locked up all that time with Jax, and my feelings had grown, intensifying with every moment I spent with him. And now, I was bound to him by this eternal bond. How could I be certain whatever I felt for him was real and not just a symptom of the bond we shared?
Maybe I needed to stop trying to fight it, even if for only a few days, and see what happened. But if I gave in, would I ever be able to stop?
Huffing, I rolled onto my back and rubbed my temples. My head throbbed. I flung the blankets off and stood so I could go get some aspirin.
My phone screen lit up and buzzed on my nightstand. I picked up my phone. The time read 11:23 PM. There was a message from Jax. My heartrate spiked.
Jax: CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU TONIGHT. IT’S WORSE THAN USUAL.
Instinctively, I reached up and touched my neck. Heat spread out from beneath my hand. Was this real, or was I dreaming again? With trembling hands, I responded.
Me: BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU TOO.
Jax: TRENT TOLD ME YOU WERE TAKING TIME TO EXPLORE YOUR FEELINGS. IS THAT TRUE?
I climbed back into bed and pulled the covers over my legs.
Me: YES.
Jax: DOES THIS MEAN I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE?
Closing my eyes, I let my head fall against the headboard with a soft thunk. How was I supposed to answer that? Saying yes would get his hopes up, and I didn’t want to do that when there was a very strong possibility nothing would ever happen between us. The best thing to do was be honest.
Me: I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
Jax: CAN I SEE YOU?
Me: NOW?
Jax: YES.
I laughed. He was out of his mind.
Me: THERE’S NO WAY AUNT BETH WILL LET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW.
Jax: SNEAK OUT.
Me: I’M NOT SNEAKING OUT. REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME I DID THAT?
Jax: LOL. NO ONE IS TRYING TO KIDNAP YOU NOW. IT’S PERFECTLY SAFE.
I chewed on my bottom lip and listened intently to the silent house. Everyone was in bed, though I wasn’t positive they were all sleeping. Could I really sneak out? My pulse raced at the idea. I managed to get out of a house full of vampires with heightened senses. If I could do that, I could easily get out of a house with three sleeping humans.
Me: MEET ME AT THE LARGE TREE NEAR THE END OF MY DRIVEWAY.
Kicking off the blankets, I got out of bed and changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. I’d barely gotten my socks on when I received another message.
Jax: SERIOUSLY?
Me: YES!!
I couldn’t contain my smile as I slipped my feet into my sneakers and tied the laces. After gathering my hair into a ponytail, I took a deep, calming breath and opened my bedroom door.
I paused, listening for any sounds of life. Nothing. I stepped into the hallway and very carefully closed my door so it wouldn’t make any noise. Then I quickly and quietly rushed down the stairs.
My heart was in my throat as I reached the front door. Hesitating once more, I opened the door and held my breath. Still no movement from anyone in the house.
Slipping out onto the porch, I silently closed the door, and then sprinted down the driveway. Fear propelled me. Any
second, I expected Aunt Beth or Uncle Dean to shout my name or reach out and grab me from behind.
I reached the large tree at the end of the driveway and leaned against the massive trunk, keeping myself hidden from view of the house. As soon as I caught my breath, I peeked around the tree—the house was dark and silent. I did it!
Jax’s car came to a rolling stop in front of me. He leaned across the center console and opened the passenger door. “Get in,” he said.
“What? No,” I whispered harshly.
Sneaking out of the house was one thing—if I got caught, I could lie and say I needed some air. But if I took off and got caught? There would be no lying my way out of that one.
“Are you planning to stand under that tree all night?” he asked, his tone amused.
Indecision warred inside of me. I glanced back at the house again. I’d made it this far. Why stop now? Besides, what was the point of sneaking out of the house to meet Jax if I wasn’t going to talk to him?
I climbed into the car and hooked my seat belt.
Jax grinned and took off down the road. “I honestly didn’t think you’d do it.” He laughed.
I playfully punched his arm. “You’re a bad influence, you know that?”
He laughed harder. “Oh, please. Anyone who has ever met you knows you don’t do anything you don’t want to. This is all you.”
I smiled. “So, where are you taking me?”
“To the falls.”
A sharp ache started in my chest and spread outward. “Which ones?”
Roaring Brook Falls was where I’d always gone with Trent; it was our special place, and the thought of going there with Jax seemed wrong.
“Bushnell Falls,” he said.
I sighed with relief. The only time I’d been there with Trent was for the party to honor Rachel and Marc. That was the night I’d found out about the curse and what Isach was, though Trent and I had left the party for that conversation.
We arrived at the falls, and Jax killed the engine. The first time I came here was with Abby. She’d just started seeing Marc, and I dropped her off here to meet him.
Remnants of that conversation flitted through my head—me worried about her walking the path in the dark, concern that she’d get eaten by a bear, her laughing at me. And now I was doing the same exact thing—walking that path in the pitch black. Though, I wasn’t alone.
Jax and I headed down the worn path. Every sound made me jump.
“Relax,” he said, taking my hand.
My first instinct was to pull away, but I didn’t have to. Not anymore. I was free to do whatever I wanted. And, to be honest, his hand felt nice wrapped around mine. Strong. Safe. Comforting. But at the same time, it was a little strange, like his hand didn’t quite fit with mine as well as Trent’s.
“I can’t believe I’m walking through the woods in the middle of the night with a vampire,” I muttered.
Jax laughed loudly, the sound bouncing off the trees and echoing around me. Soon, I was laughing, too, and all my stress and fears and doubts vanished. And in that moment, I was just a teenage girl who’d snuck out of her house to meet a boy. It was all so normal.
The wind picked up, whipping and whistling through the tree branches. Dead leaves blew around my feet, and I shivered. In my haste to get out of the house, I’d forgotten to grab my coat. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms in a feeble attempt to get rid of the chill that had settled over me.
“Cold?” Jax asked.
I nodded. “I was fine until the wind picked up.”
“Want to go back to the car?” Taking hold of my hand again, he stopped and turned to face me.
His body blocked some of the wind from hitting me, and I inched closer, savoring what little warmth I could. “Do you mind?” I asked, peering up at him.
“Not at all.” He hooked one arm under my knees and the other around my back and swept me off my feet.
Yelping with surprise, I wrapped my arms around his neck, and in the blink of an eye, we were back at his car. Dizziness swirled through me, and I clutched his bicep to steady myself. He opened the back passenger’s side door and nodded for me to get in.
I hesitated. Getting into the backseat of the car with Jax had the potential to lead to things I wasn’t sure I wanted to do. Not that I thought for one second Jax would force me to do anything. Taking a deep breath, I climbed in and scooted over to make room for him.
Jax got in, then leaned between the front seats to turn on the car and crank up the heat. Moments later, the car warmed, and I sighed.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yes. Thank you.” I rubbed my palms on my jeans. Not for the first time when I was with Jax, nervous butterflies filled my stomach, and I glanced around the inside of the car, unsure where to look or what to say.
“Trent told me what you two talked about when he drove you home earlier,” Jax said.
“Thought you two weren’t speaking to each other.” I finally found the courage to look at him.
His body was angled toward me, completely relaxed. He lazily shrugged one shoulder. “Guess he thought I needed to know.”
“Right.” I nodded.
“So, it’s true then?” Hope filled his voice.
“Which part?” I asked. I had no idea what Trent had told him—or why he’d told him anything—but I wasn’t going to divulge all my thoughts and feelings about everything.
“That he told you to take some time to figure out how you feel, and you agreed with him.” Jax moved so he was sitting closer, and I stiffened, not in fear but with cautious anticipation.
“Were you really having feelings for me before Ivy took us?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whispered. There was no point in lying to him, and even if I tired, he’d be able to tell.
“Then give me a chance, Chloe.” He took my hands into his and tugged me closer.
I didn’t resist.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just a chance,” he said.
Closing my eyes, I rested my forehead on his shoulder. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”
It was all I’d thought about since Trent had dropped me off at home, and I’d agreed to meet Jax so I could escape, so I could have a couple hours of fun without this decision looming over my head.
“You can’t avoid this forever,” he said, draping his arm around me.
I groaned. “I know, but I’m not planning on making a choice tonight so…”
“When are you?”
He wasn’t being pushy, but there was an undercurrent of demand in his tone, and I couldn’t blame him. If I were in his position, I’d want to know, too.
Lifting my head, I met his deep, dark eyes. “The Fall Ball.”
The dance was the first thing that had popped into my mind, and it was three weeks away. That would give me enough time. Hopefully.
“I’ll decide at the dance,” I said.
“Okay.” He swept his hand alongside my neck. “Can you promise me something?”
What was with him and Trent always wanting me to make promises? “What?” I asked.
“Between now and then, please don’t fight this.” His gaze searched mine. “Whatever this is. Just go with it for a little while, okay?”
I answered by pressing my mouth to his. He groaned, the noise rumbling through me as he parted my lips and kissed me. My heart thumped hard and loud against my ribs. My pulse pounded in my ears, deafening me to everything but the sounds of our tangled, ragged breaths.
Blinding white spots exploded behind my closed eyelids, and I pushed closer, allowing myself to just feel him, to feel the way he held me, the way he kissed me, the way he made me feel. Every sensation was raw and passionate and so wholly different than how I always felt with Trent. I wasn’t sure if these feelings with Jax were better, though.
“Jax.” I broke away from his kiss and gasped for breath.
“Don’t you dare say we can’t do this,” he said, humor and desperation lacing his words.
“What? No. I was going to say it’s getting hot in here. I think you can turn the heat down now.”
Laughing, he once again leaned into the front and adjusted the heater. When he sat back, he reached for me at the same moment I reached for him, and our mouths met in a firestorm of kisses.
Time sped by in a blur, and before I knew it, an hour had passed. I hadn’t meant to stay out that long. What if Aunt Beth or Uncle Dean had woken up? What if they knew I wasn’t home?
Fear clawed at my chest. “I really need to go home,” I said.
Jax frowned.
“Sorry, but if I get caught…”
I didn’t even want to think about what would happen. I’d probably be grounded for the rest of my senior year. Or Aunt Beth and Uncle Dean would think I was too much of a problem and ship me back to my dad’s.
“Yeah, I know. It’s okay.” He brushed his lips over mine and then climbed into the front seat.
I did the same, and ten minutes later, Jax dropped me off at the large tree near the end of my driveway. I leaned across the console, gave him a quick goodbye kiss, and then got out of the car. The air was even colder than before, and I shivered.
The house loomed in front of me, still as dark and silent as it had been when I’d left. Heart racing, I retraced my steps and made it back inside undetected.
I closed my bedroom door and leaned against it, exhaling with relief. I’d made it. And then the reality of what I’d done slammed into me. I clutched my stomach and doubled over.
I’d just spent the last hour making out with Jax. How could I have done that to Trent? Guilt sucker punched me over and over again until I couldn’t physically stand a moment longer. I slid down the door and tucked my knees to my chest.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE:
Experiment
“HEY, CHLOE! WAIT UP!”
I turned at the sound of Ellie’s voice and waited for her to catch up. “Hey,” I said, laughing at how she dramatically took a deep breath, as if she’d just run a marathon.
“Okay, so, don’t be mad.” She laughed. “But I signed us up to help decorate for the Fall Ball. They were looking for volunteers. I hope that’s okay.” She stared at me with big, hopeful eyes. “Oh, and there’s a planning meeting today.”
Eternal Bond : (The Cursed Series, Book 3) Page 32