He smiled again and the viewscreen went blank.
* * * * *
“Merrick? Merrick, please wait!” Elise reached for him as he was turning away. Though he hated to admit it, the touch of her soft, small hand still did things to his body. Still made him want to sweep her into his arms and hold her tight. Gritting his teeth, Merrick ignored the stupid impulse.
“What do you want?” he growled, only half turning. “I’m busy. Hell—you are, too. You gotta catch a flight back to your fiancé before you forget him again.”
“You have to believe me—I really did forget him. And I…I don’t want…” Her big brown eyes were swimming with tears. The hurt on her face stuck in his heart like a barb, but Merrick ignored it grimly.
“You don’t want what?” he demanded. “Don’t want to go back to your rich-ass fiancé? Don’t want to go back to your happy, successful life down on Earth?”
“I don’t want it to end this way,” she whispered. “I can’t…I was trying to tell him.”
“Tell him what? There’s nothing to tell.”
“You’re lying.” She lifted her chin and stared him in the eyes. “You felt it too—the connection between us. You told me so.”
“What if I did?” Merrick turned to face her fully. “Look at me, Elise.” He held out his hands, indicating the entire, rough and ugly package that was his hybrid self. “I’ve got nothing to offer you,” he said. “Nothing to my name but a modified star-duster and a nasty reputation. That guy on the viewscreen, he’s got money, power—he can give you what you want. What you need. Go home to him. It’s where you belong.”
“What if…what if I don’t belong there anymore?” she whispered. “What if I want to stay here…with you?”
Merrick’s heart fisted in his chest but he ignored it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I’m a fucking idiot. “I’d say that’s too damn bad,” he growled, giving her his best blank face. “Since I’m not staying.”
“But…then where will you go?” Her brown eyes were wide with apprehension.
“Away.” Merrick made a sweeping gesture with one arm. “Anywhere away from here. And there’s only room on my ship for one. Me.”
“Fine.” She dashed the tears from her eyes angrily and stood up straight. “If that’s the way you want to be.”
“Wanting has nothing to do with it.” Merrick laughed harshly. “It’s the way I am.”
“So…I guess this is it.” She took a deep breath. “This is goodbye. We—we’ll probably never see each other again.”
“Probably not.” Merrick shrugged, as though completely unconcerned though his insides felt frozen. “The universe is a big fucking place.”
Elise bit her lip, the anger fading from her face. “All right, I guess I can accept that. But if this is the end, can I…can I at least hug you goodbye?”
He could tell what it cost her to make the request—how it hurt her pride to beg for that one simple thing—for a last bit of comfort and contact. But his own heart was hurting too—wounded and aching, though he didn’t want to admit it, even to himself.
“Sorry,” he said shortly. “I don’t have time—gotta finish that diagnostic on my ship.” He nodded at her, keeping his face hard and his words clipped. “Have a nice life, Elise Darden.” Then he turned on his heel and walked away.
“Merrick!” It was no more than an anguished whisper but he heard it anyway. Heard it and almost turned back. But what the hell good would that do? She has a life. She has a male. She doesn’t need me, he reminded himself. And somehow he kept walking.
Kept walking until he could no longer smell her scent in the air or hear her soft, hopeless sobs behind him.
Chapter Two
What’s wrong with you? Get hold of yourself! Elise told herself sternly. But no matter how hard she tried to hold her emotions in check, the misery inside her couldn’t quite be contained. Tears leaked from her eyes, despite all she could do to stop them, and her hands trembled as she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to hold on. Tried to keep from shaking herself apart.
“Hey…” Olivia’s voice was soft and kind. “Hey, hon, I’m so sorry.” She put an arm around Elise and hugged her gently. “Cry if you need to. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” Sniffing, Elise lifted her chin and made another effort to regain control. “He’s right. I have to get on with my life and he has to get on with his. I just…I don’t know why it hurts so much. I’ve only known him a few days.”
“Kindred guys get under your skin fast,” Olivia murmured knowingly.
“I guess they must.” Elise shook her head. “I know I shouldn’t have forgotten James but all I could think about was…was Merrick.”
“Don’t worry about it. After what you’ve been through, nobody would blame you if you forgot your own name,” Olivia said comfortingly.
“I suppose.” Elise sighed. “Well, I guess I’d better get dressed and…and go home.” Her voice broke on the last word but somehow she managed to keep herself from crying again. Score one for the toughest prosecutor in Tampa, she thought sourly. I managed to keep from bawling like a baby. At this rate I’ll be emotionally stable and ready to go back to court in no time.
Olivia looked at her with obvious concern. “Do you really want to go? Or would you rather stay and talk to Merrick again? Because if you want to speak to him, I’ll go get him, and I can promise he’ll listen—I’ll see to that myself.” There was a steely glint in her gray eyes that made Elise believe she could carry through on her vow.
The prospect was tempting. Maybe if I could just see him one more time, I could make him listen, make him understand. Maybe if I…No. Reluctantly, she shook her head. “I’m afraid he’s right—there’s nothing more to say. I guess…guess I’d better be getting home.”
“All right, if you’re sure…” Olivia gave her an impulsive squeeze. “Listen, if you want to talk, I understand at least some of what you’re going through. I was captured by the AllFather too, you know. And I’ve had my share of Kindred man-troubles.”
“Thank you.” Elise hugged her back gratefully. “You’re very kind, but I think I just want to go home.”
“I understand.” Olivia pulled back and smiled. “But the offer still stands. Anytime you need someone to talk to about all this, just come to the HKR building and call me on the viewscreen.”
“I’ll remember that.” Elise sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Or I could just call you from James’ office—he has a viewscreen of his own.”
“Oh, I thought that background didn’t look like the HKR building.” Olivia nodded thoughtfully. “He must be really well-to-do to have one of his own. I understand they’re very expensive.”
Elise gave her a watery smile. “Nothing but the very best for James. He only wants the most exclusive equipment and he wants to be the first one to have it.”
Olivia frowned. “Did he get it used from one of the HKR buildings when they did an upgrade or something?”
“Oh, no,” Elise shook her head. “James never wants anything used. He had it built and installed to his specifications. He loves being the only businessman on the Eastern seaboard to have his own viewscreen. But if he found out someone else had it first…” She gave a choked laugh. “Let’s just say he wouldn’t be very pleased.”
“Sounds like he has good taste.” Olivia smiled at her. “He must, if he has you for a fiancée, don’t you think?”
Elise knew the blonde nurse was trying to cheer her up and she tried to smile. “You’re very sweet to say that. I…I guess I’d better get ready to go back to him.”
“I guess so.” Olivia smiled. “Come on, I found you something nice to wear for your trip back. I promised I would—remember?”
“Oh yes.” Vaguely, Elise did recall asking for some new clothes for the trip back to Earth. But it seemed like such a long time ago it was hard to remember. “Yes, of course.”
She followed Olivia back to the med station but she couldn’t kee
p herself from casting one longing glance down the corridor in the opposite direction. The direction Merrick had gone when he left.
* * * * *
“Hey, where did Elise go?”
Liv looked up from entering patient information on her monitor. She was standing at her post near the back of the busy but relatively quiet med station, and wondered how anyone could have snuck up on her. To her surprise, it was her cousin standing there with a covered plate in one hand and a tentative smile on her face.
“Oh hi, Lauren. She went home.” Liv sighed. “Just a little while ago, actually. I was going to tell you guys as soon as my shift ended.”
“Oh.” Lauren’s face fell. “I’m sorry I missed her. I was just coming over to tell her she could talk to me about, you know, what she went through if she wanted. But I guess I waited too long.”
Liv shook her head. “I don’t think she would have talked, hon. I offered too but she put me off. She’s a really sweet girl, but there’s something about her—she’s closed inside somehow.”
Lauren frowned. “Really? From the way you described how she acted with Merrick, I never would have thought that.”
“Oh, Merrick…” Liv sighed. “I’m afraid that’s part of the problem. Things, uh, didn’t really end well between them.”
“What?” Lauren’s amber eyes widened. “But you said they were just getting going. And it’s already over?”
“Afraid so.” Olivia eyed that covered plate in her cousin’s hand. “Hey, are those what I think they are?”
Lauren grinned. “If you’re thinking they’re double chocolate, chocolate chip cupcakes with dark chocolate icing then yes… yes they are.”
“Mmm…” Liv’s stomach rumbled at the very thought and the baby kicked at the same time. “Oh!” she gasped, putting a hand to her curved belly. “I think Junior wants one of those almost as much as I do.”
Lauren laughed. “He gave you a little hint, did he?”
“Kicked me right in the bladder,” Liv admitted. “Now I don’t know whether I want to eat or pee worse.”
“Is your shift almost over? I know we’re supposed to have a girl day later, but you could come to my place and do both. And you can have as many cupcakes as you want. I’ve even got some extra dill-pickle icing to go with them.” Lauren lifted the plate enticingly. “Come on, cuz, you know you want to.”
Liv smiled and gave her cousin a penetrating look. “I guess I can clock out a few minutes early. But Lauren, this is about more than just cupcakes and Elise, isn’t it?”
Lauren looked down at her slim brown hands holding the plate. “Well…yeah, kind of. I wanted to talk to someone about you know, pregnancy issues. And since you’re almost two quadmesters ahead of me I thought…”
“Of course.” Olivia smiled at her cousin’s still-flat belly. “But you’ll be catching up with me in no time. Come on, let me clock out and we’ll got back to your place.”
They made their way through the quiet hum of the med station and Liv was about to clock out when a large hand landed on her shoulder. Turning in surprise, she saw Sylvan standing there looking very upset.
“Where's Elise?” he asked urgently. “I went to her room but I was told she’d been discharged. Where is she?”
“She went back to Earth,” Liv said. “Shouldn’t I have let her go? I thought you said she was okay to be released.”
“I thought she was.” Sylvan ran a hand through his spiky hair distractedly. “But something was bothering me. I remembered one last source on stasis sickness I had neglected to check…” He shook his head. “Well, at least she’s with Merrick. That should mitigate most of the effects until we can get her back up here.”
Liv frowned. “But she’s not with him. He got upset when it came out that she had a fiancé she’d forgotten about.”
“A what?” Sylvan and Lauren said together.
Liv shook her head. “Never mind—it’s a long story. The point is, I had to get one of the spare pilots from the docking bay to take Elise back to Earth.”
“They’re separated?” Sylvan demanded in uncharacteristic agitation. “Seven hells! Well then, where is he?”
“He said something about running a diagnostic on his ship.” Liv bit her lip. “I think he wanted to leave the Mother Ship as soon as he could—he was pretty upset.”
But she found she was speaking the last words to empty space. Sylvan had already left the med station, practically running in the direction of the docking bay.
* * * * *
Merrick tightened a last lug nut on the inside of his star-duster’s engine and closed the casing. Stepping back, he wiped his grimy hands on a rag and eyed the little craft critically. “There—that should hold. Good enough for now anyway.” He’d meant to do a more complete diagnostic on the little ship, but now he just wanted to get finished and leave the Mother Ship and all the new, hurtful memories he’d made here behind.
Stop thinking about it, he commanded himself. Stop thinking about her. But no matter what he said or did, he couldn’t get that hurt look on her face out of his mind. Couldn’t forget that soft, sobbing way she’d whispered his name as he walked away.
What he didn’t understand was how he could have been fooled into thinking a female like her could care for a male like him. But Elise had seemed so helpless and innocent and he hadn’t smelled another male on her at all. If she and her fiancé had made love—Merrick gritted his teeth at the thought but forced himself to continue—if they had made love even once in the past year or so, his sensitive hybrid nose would have picked up on the faint trace of male musk he would have left on her. But there was nothing—nothing but Elise’s own sweet, fresh scent that drove him crazy whenever he smelled it. So what was going on?
Merrick frowned. From what he knew of her culture, it didn’t seem like the females were in the business of waiting until they got joined to have sex, like they did on Tranq Prime. So was Elise a virgin? Somehow he didn’t think so. She had none of the uncertainty and trepidation of a female who’s never had sex before. But she obviously hadn’t had sex with her fiancé either, unless Merrick’s nose was wrong. And it was never wrong.
They’ve been promised for over a year but he hasn’t claimed her. Why? He stared at the side of his star-duster as though the answers might magically appear in the dull silver metal. Why wouldn’t he at least try to mark her as his own? Why wouldn’t she—Then the harsh voice of reality broke in.
The real question is, why are you still thinking about her? She’s nothing to you—less than nothing. She’s not even—
“Merrick! Thank the Goddess I caught you!”
He turned in surprise to see Sylvan coming up behind him, his boots echoing with his rapid footsteps. “Sylvan—what is it?” His old friend was noticeably upset and anxious—completely out of character for the normally cool and collected Tranq Kindred.
“I’m so relieved.” Sylvan came to a halt in front of him and ran a hand through his hair. “I was told by Control that you already had clearance for take off.”
Merrick shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, well…I didn’t want to waste any time. Look, I know I should have come to tell you goodbye first but I figured you’d understand after Olivia talked to you.”
“Yes, yes, she told me something about Elise having a forgotten fiancé.” Sylvan made a shooing gesture with one hand as though the information was of no importance. “The point is, she’s left the ship prematurely and she’s in danger.”
Merrick’s heart jumped in his chest but he tried not to show his distress. “So?” he said casually. “Why come running to me? What can I do?”
“You have to bring her back here, right now,” Sylvan said. “It’s of the utmost importance.”
Merrick frowned. “Why me? You want her back on the ship, you go get her. She’s no longer under my protection.”
Sylvan looked frustrated. “Because I can’t help her. No one can help her but you—you’re the only one who can feed her hunger.” The way
he emphasized the word let Merrick know he meant more than a physical craving for food.
“Hunger?” He frowned. “What in the seven hells is that?”
“I don’t have time to explain.” Sylvan faced him and took him by the shoulders. “Old friend,” he said, looking Merrick in the eyes. “I know you’re angry with her now, but I saw the way you acted around Elise—the way you cared for her. If you have even a drop of that emotion left inside you, I beg you to go after her now. Go get her and bring her back to the Mother Ship before it’s too late.”
Merrick couldn’t play it cool anymore. “Fucking hell, Sylvan!” he growled, running a hand over his skull-cut hair. “She’s got a male. One she neglected to mention the entire time we were together.”
“I know she does,” Sylvan held his eyes, not allowing Merrick to look away. “But he’s not the one she needs right now. She needs you, Merrick. You’re the only one who can save her.”
“Goddess damn it!” Merrick pounded a fist against the side of his ship, making a hollow clanging sound that echoed in the docking bay. His insides felt like someone had taken a blowtorch to them. On the one hand, the need to see Elise again was an almost physical ache in the center of his chest. On the other, the idea of going down to get her and seeing her hanging all over that rich bastard of a fiancé made him grind his teeth in frustration. “I can’t wait to hold you again.” That was exactly what he said, the way he ended their conversation, he thought. Nobody oughta be holding her but me! She’s mine—mine!
It was irrational, stupid, and untrue, but he couldn’t deny the way he felt. Couldn’t lie to himself about what he wanted. And at that moment he knew—knew that no matter how angry and hurt he was, he couldn’t stand by and let Elise die—not if he could save her.
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