“Elise…” Merrick’s face was stiff, immobile—but she could hear the hurt in his deep voice. Somehow she forced herself to ignore it.
“Thanks, but I’m fine,” she said, nodding stiffly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to step outside for a minute.” Keeping her chin high and her back straight, she walked out of the exam room, shutting the door quietly behind her.
The med station around her was a hive of activity with nurses and doctors buzzing quietly but briskly about their tasks. There were several other exam rooms arranged in a circle around the central area which was filled with counters and equipment but the doors were shut, indicating that they were occupied.
Elise looked around desperately. She just needed to find a quiet spot to herself for a moment. A spot to break down and cry—to mourn the impending loss she felt to the bottom of her soul. And yes, now she believed she had one because it ached—ached so deeply she thought she might die of the pain.
Finally she spied an empty room—a supply closet filled with fresh sheets, gowns, and cleaning supplies—and slipped into it as quietly and unobtrusively as she could. Then the strength she’d forced herself to feel suddenly gave out and she sank to the floor with her head in her hands.
“Merrick…” she whispered. “Oh, Merrick, I’m so sorry…”
* * * * *
“Merrick, listen to me—you have to dissolve this bond! It’s not healthy for Elise and it’s Goddess-damned dangerous for you as well.”
“I don’t care,” Merrick said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ve never felt this way for a female before, Sylvan. I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose her.”
“And what if you die of soul sickness from an improperly attached bond?” Sylvan asked harshly. “What do you think will happen to Elise then? Without your touch, she’ll sicken and die too, Merrick. She’s dependent on you—too dependent. A Kindred male and his mate can survive the death of the other—they may not want to live, but they can physically continue. The way you and Elise are linked, your death would mean hers too. It’s not right or fair to tie her to you in such a permanent, terminal way.”
Merrick let out a deep breath as reality set in. “I…I guess you’re right. I wasn’t thinking of it like that.”
“I know how you were thinking, old friend.” Sylvan’s voice was filled with compassion. “I feel the same thing for Sophia. I love her so much I’d rather die than be without her. But if I knew being with her might hurt her—if I knew my death would cause hers as well…”
“You’d leave her, even if it hurt,” Merrick finished for him glumly. “Yeah, I get it.”
“It’s not good for either of you, this artificial bond,” Sylvan said. “It will only make you sick and Elise completely physically dependent on you. She’s a strong, independent female, Merrick. Do you think that’s how she wants to live?”
“No. No, of course not.” Merrick sighed and ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “I know what you’re saying makes sense—to my head anyway. My heart…well, it’s another story.”
“I know,” Sylvan said gently. “And I’m so very sorry. But listen, Merrick, there’s no saying that once you dissolve the artificial bond you can’t form a new one—a natural one—with her.”
Merrick laughed harshly. “Yeah, right. You know that won’t happen. I’m a hybrid—remember? We can’t form bonds with females. That’s why this…this thing I have with Elise—it seemed like, I don’t know, a fucking miracle. Like something I thought I’d never feel.”
Sylvan squeezed his shoulder. “I know,” he said gently. “I know, Merrick.”
Merrick sighed. “Well, I guess we have no choice—we’ll have to go to Rageron. It’ll be fucking dangerous though—I don’t suppose I could do it alone?”
Sylvan shook his head. “Elise would never survive that long without you.”
“Then I guess she’ll have to come with me.” Merrick shook his head. “I just hope I can keep her safe.”
“If anyone can survive the deep jungle of Rageron and protect his female in the process, you can, old friend.” Sylvan spoke with certainty. “I’m sorry to send you on such a complicated and dangerous journey but the skrillix plant must be plucked by the one who needs it. It's the only way to dissolve the bond and Rageron is the only place it grows.”
“I know.” Merrick nodded briefly. “Just tell me how to keep Elise healthy in the mean time. Do I just keep touching her? Because I gotta tell you, it doesn’t seem like she wants to be touched now…now that she knows.” He thought of the way she’d shaken off his helping hand and the cool way she’d spoken to him before she left. The memory was like a fist in his gut.
“Whether she wants it or not, she needs it,” Sylvan emphasized. “And the longer you two are improperly bonded, the more physical contact she’ll require.”
Merrick shifted uncomfortably. “What are we talking about here, Sylvan? Is this going to get sexual? Because I don’t think Elise is ready for that—I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready, to be honest.”
“Let’s just say that simply holding hands with her won’t be enough to keep her from getting ill. And…yes, it may get sexual,” Sylvan said reluctantly. “As the hunger progresses, her needs will become more and more pressing and it will take more and deeper contact to satisfy them.”
“I’m not going to force her into anything she doesn’t want,” Merrick growled. “I won’t fucking go there with her, no matter what.”
“I’m not asking you to.” Sylvan held up his hands. “I’m just telling you what her needs are likely to be. As to how to satisfy them, well, you’ll have to use your best judgment, my friend.”
“My best judgment. Right.” Merrick could feel the beginnings of a headache starting right behind his eyes. “All I have to do is figure out how to touch a female who doesn’t want to be touched without hurting or scaring her.”
Sylvan looked at him compassionately. “You’ll find a way—I know you will. These things have a way of working themselves out.”
“Easy for you to say,” Merrick muttered. “You have a mate already—you don’t have to worry about this kind of shit.”
“Actually, I did have sort of the same kind of situation with Sophia before we became bonded,” Sylvan said seriously. “We were in a tight spot, hiding from the AllFather down on Earth. I needed to cover her scent with my own to avoid detection but…well, certain events in her past made her fear me. To fear any male, really.”
Merrick nodded. “I suspect something in Elise’s past as well. I’m not sure what but something isn’t right.”
Sylvan sighed. “Then you’re in a delicate situation, my friend. You don’t want to force unwanted physical contact on her but at the same time, you can’t let her starve herself—which she literally will if she doesn’t have enough skin-to-skin time with you.”
“Gods.” Merrick pinched the bridge of his nose as his headache got worse. “This is great. Just fucking great.”
“Just do your best,” Sylvan said gently. “The Goddess is close to her children. She will give you the wisdom to help and protect Elise without hurting or frightening her.”
“The Goddess?” Merrick laughed bitterly. “She doesn’t give a fuck about me—if she even knows I exist at all.”
“She knows, old friend,” Sylvan said quietly. “She mentioned you when she spoke through Nadiah who is her new mouthpiece on First World. She was very angry at the old high priestess for misusing her power and cursing you.”
“Yes, a curse—that’s what this is,” Merrick growled. “That’s exactly what this fucking fake bond is. And somehow I have to break it.” He sighed. “Even if it kills me to do it.”
Chapter Seven
“Oh, hon, are you all right?”
Elise turned to see Olivia standing there, a worried look on her face.
“I…I’m fine,” she said quickly, pulling a fresh pillow case from the stack of linen surrounding her and blotting her eyes. “Fin
e. Really.”
“Last time I looked being fine doesn’t make you cry your eyes out,” Olivia said gently. “But how did you wind up in here, anyway? I thought you and Merrick were in the exam room talking to Sylvan.”
“Dr. Sylvan said…what he had to say,” Elise said stiffly. “He made it very clear that the bond between Merrick and myself is detrimental to both of us and will have to be broken.”
“Oh no!” Olivia put a hand to her cheek. “I knew it was bad, but is it really that bad?”
“I’m afraid so.” Elise took a deep breath and blotted her eyes again. “I…we…there’s a certain plant that can help and I guess we’ll have to go get it. And once we do the doctor thinks he can make a medicine out of it that will separate us for…forever.” The last word ended in a sob and she had to bury her face in the pillowcase for a moment before she could go on. “It…it’s for the best, I guess. It just doesn’t feel that way right now.”
“Of course it doesn’t.” Olivia gave her a spontaneous hug. Although the blonde nurse's pregnant belly got in the way of the embrace, Elise found that it made her feel better.
“Thank you,” she said with a sigh. “I know we don’t really know each other but you’ve been very kind to me. Thank you for understanding.”
“I told you—I’ve had my share of Kindred man problems myself. In fact, we all have.”
“We?” Elise frowned.
“My sister and best friend and cousin all live here on the Mother Ship,” Olivia explained. “In fact, we were just about to have one of our girl days. I only ran up here because I remembered I’d forgotten to log in some patient information.” She smiled. “Why don’t you come back with me and meet the other girls?”
“I don’t know…” Elise frowned. She had never made friends or connections easily or quickly. It was one reason why the sudden connection between herself and Merrick had seemed so miraculous.
“Oh, come on.” Olivia tugged gently on her arm. “We don’t bite, I promise. And my cousin, Lauren, makes the most amazing cupcakes and muffins. In fact, she has a big plate of chocolate, chocolate chip cupcakes with dark chocolate icing all ready to go. Come on, you know you want some.”
Actually, Elise was beginning to feel hungry again and the idea of chocolate cupcakes made her stomach growl. “Well…” She took a single reluctant step forward which Olivia obviously took for assent.
“Great.” She grinned at Elise. “Come on, they’re all going to love you. I just know it. And there’s nothing like a girl day to cheer you up when you have man troubles.”
“Okay.” Elise allowed herself to be led out of the supply closet. “But…what about Merrick?”
“Don’t worry about him,” Olivia said. “I’ll have Sophie tell Sylvan to let him know you’re with me and the girls. He’ll understand. Besides…” She hesitated tactfully. “Maybe you two need a little break right now. You think?”
“Maybe so,” Elise agreed, even though a break from the big Kindred was the last thing she wanted. What she longed for was to feel his arms around her, to bury her face in his neck and lose herself in his warm, dark scent. But I can’t do that anymore, she reminded herself. I need to leave him alone.
Trying to put thoughts of Merrick far from her mind, she followed Olivia out of the med center without looking back.
They went down a number of the curving metal corridors before Olivia came to a stop in front of a door. “We’re hanging out at my friend Kat’s place this time,” she explained as she knocked on the metal panel. “Her husbands are at some kind of Twin Kindred conference right now.”
“Hey!” The panel slid open to reveal a voluptuous woman with fiery red hair and big blue eyes. “Liv!” she said, hugging Olivia. “And I see you’ve brought a friend.”
“Elise, this is Kat,” Olivia said, indicating the red haired woman. “And this is Sophie, my twin sister…” She nodded at a woman with long chestnut brown hair and green eyes who was sitting on a couch behind Kat. “And my cousin, Lauren—she’s the baker I told you about.”
An African American woman with creamy light brown skin and lovely amber eyes smiled at Elise. “Hi, come have a cupcake.” She indicated a plate on the coffee table in front of the oversized couch. As promised, they were chocolate with chocolate icing.
“Everybody, this is Elise,” Olivia announced. “I had to twist her arm to get her here so don’t go scaring her off.”
“Of course not—we don’t bite.” The red haired woman named Kat laughed easily.
Elise’s stomach rumbled as she eyed the plate of cupcakes and she stepped forward uncertainly. “Um, thanks for having me. I hope you don’t mind me intruding on your private time together.”
“Intruding? Please!” The girl Olivia had introduced as her twin sister laughed. Despite their different hair and eye color, Elise noticed that their faces were identical. “We’ve all been dying to meet you,” she said.
“You have?” Elise frowned.
“Sure, doll.” Kat put an arm around her shoulders and drew her further into the room. “You’re the latest member in our exclusive club—girls who have been kidnapped by the AllFather and lived to tell about it.”
“Really?” Elise looked at them, wide-eyed.
“Yup.” Olivia’s twin, Sophie, nodded solemnly. “He took us all, at one time or another, but we all made it through.” She leaned forward, her green eyes serious. “That’s why we wanted to meet you so much. We wanted to let you know that you can get through it.”
“We wanted to offer you our support,” Lauren said quietly.
“Not to mention a cupcake or two.” Olivia held out the plate. “Come on, take one. If you don’t, I’ll eat them all.”
Elise laughed a little. “Oh, really…”
“You think she’s kidding, but she’s not,” Kat said flatly. “See, being pregnant with a Kindred baby makes you completely ravenous. It takes so much to feed the little guys…” She looked at Lauren. “…or girls, that you can hardly eat enough.”
“She’s right.” Olivia took a cupcake herself and then urged Elise to do the same. “Shove over, Sophie,” she commanded her sister, plopping down on the couch and making room for Elise as well. “Let’s have some serious girl talk here—I think Elise could use it.”
“Of course, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Sophie said quickly, as she scooted over on the oversized couch to make room for her sister and Elise. “Please don’t think we’re prying.”
“It’s just that we know how traumatic being held by the AllFather can be,” Lauren said softly. “He held me for weeks. I wouldn’t have gotten out alive if it wasn’t for my man, Xairn. He rescued me and brought me back to Earth, but I still wake up some nights dreaming I’m locked up there, naked in that cold metal cell…” She shivered. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do.” Elise looked down at her cupcake. “But…well, that’s not my problem. Not now.”
“What is it, hon?” Kat asked. “You can tell us, if you want.”
Elise had always been an intensely private person but when she looked at the other women sitting on the couch she saw understanding and compassion in all their eyes. They know, she thought, looking at them. They understand what I’ve been through because they’ve been through it too.
That realization seemed to free her somehow and when she opened her mouth, the truth came out. “It’s…it’s Merrick,” she said softly. “I thought there was something between us—some kind of a bond. And apparently there is, but it’s the wrong kind of bond…” Urged gently along by Olivia and the rest of the girls, she gradually told everything that had just happened. “And now I feel like some kind of a…a tumor. A cancer growing inside him,” she finished, feeling the tears begin to flow again despite all she could do to stop them. “I don’t want to hurt him and I know everything between us is fake but it still just feels so real somehow.”
“Of course it does.” Olivia put down her cupcake and put an arm around Elise. “A
ny time you make a connection with a Kindred male it’s a big deal. They’re not easy to get over.”
“That’s just the thing,” Elise said. “I don’t want to get over him.” She sighed. “But I know I have to. Even if our bond wasn’t all wrong, I do have a fiancé.”
“Who you love very much, right?” Sophie said eagerly.
Elise thought of James and nodded. “Yes, very much,” she said, trying to sound certain. “He’s very sweet and kind. Well, most of the time. And anyway, we’ve been engaged for well over a year and our wedding is coming up soon. I’ve got it all planned—the cake, the flowers, the dress—I can’t just give up on that because I feel this…this thing for Merrick.” She didn’t know how to describe the intense attraction, the need to touch and be touched any other way. Or maybe she was embarrassed to.
“So you’ll dissolve the bond and go on with your life,” Olivia said reasonably.
“Whoa—wait a minute. Dissolve the bond?” Kat raised her eyebrows. “I thought that was impossible.”
“It is with most bonds, but ours is fake—artificially created.” The words seemed to stick in Elise’s throat but she forced them out anyway. “Doctor Sylvan—”
“That’s my hubby,” Sophie put in.
“Oh, well, he’s very nice.” Elise smiled at her.
“That reminds me,” Olivia interrupted. “Sophie, could you tell Sylvan to let Merrick know that Elise is with us?”
“Sure.” Sophie got a look of concentration on her face and then nodded at Elise. “Done. Go on, what did Sylvan say?”
“He said there’s a plant that grows on a place called Rageron—”
She was stopped by a gasp from the assembled group. “Really? Rageron?” Kat asked. “I mean, I know it’s one of the Kindred home worlds, but…”
“But what?” Elise demanded. “Please tell me—I need to know what to expect.”
“It’s just supposed to be kind of wild,” Lauren said delicately. “It’s a jungle world, from what I understand.”
Pursued Page 7