And yet somehow, despite everything she’d been taught, Lissa couldn’t stop herself from melting against him. It was the first time she’d been hugged since her family had died and Saber’s touch fed a deep need inside, a hunger she hadn’t even known existed. She buried her face in his broad chest and breathed him in, a rich, wild, masculine spice that made her head spin. At the same time she felt him press his face to her hair and inhale, breathing her in as well. His arms around her felt so strong…so right. But how could it be right when she knew to the core of her being what they were doing was wrong? Reluctantly, she moved to get away from him.
Saber released her at once. “Forgive me,” he murmured, looking ashamed. “I know I shouldn’t have done that, that it’s wrong. But somehow it doesn’t feel wrong.”
“It doesn’t feel wrong to me either,” Lissa admitted in a low voice. “Maybe because we weren’t doing anything…” Sexual. But she couldn’t get the word out and her face was so hot it felt like it was on fire. Saber seemed to understand her, though.
“Maybe,” he said, nodding. Sighing, he took a step away from her. “I suppose I should go to my own room now. If Mame’ comes back from the market early…”
Lissa shivered. She knew exactly what would happen if her adopted mother caught them in such an illicit embrace. And yet, she was still reluctant to part with Saber. Still sad to see him go.
“We’ll talk more later,” he promised, obviously seeing the sadness in her eyes. “And things will be better from now on—especially at school. I promise.”
“Maybe,” Lissa said doubtfully. “But Chainee and Yancee—”
Saber’s hazel eyes flashed. “You’re mine now—I claim you as my amalla. Anyone who bothers you will answer to me.” Reaching out, he stroked a lock of her long hair out of her eyes. “Promise me something—promise that you’ll never cut it, no matter what.”
“I…” Lissa swallowed hard, her heart pounding strangely against her ribs. “I promise…Moch Daer.”
“Good.” He smiled, clearly pleased by her use of the tender nickname. “Because it’s beautiful, my sweet amalla. So never cut it. Never cut it. Never…”
* * * * *
“Never cut it,” Lissa mumbled to herself through dry, parched lips. But wasn’t that exactly what she’d come out here to do? A pilgrimage…a sacrifice…an offering to the Goddess, begging for forgiveness of her many sins.
She felt so tired, so hopeless. The last of her strength was almost depleted. The sheltering layer of sand she’d kept aloft to shield her from the sun had finally collapsed, leaving her exposed to its merciless rays. And still she staggered on, thinking only of Saber.
Even then I wanted to touch him, she thought as the rainbow desert swam into view around her. Even at that young age, the evil desire had already rooted itself in my heart. And now it has grown as long as my hair—I must cut it off!
This last thought didn’t quite seem to make sense, and yet at the same time, it was the most perfectly sensible thing Lissa had ever heard. She still had the knife in one hand—she just needed to use it on the mass of jade-streaked blonde that flowed down her bare back.
But I was going to wait until I got to the oasis. Where is it?
Lifting her head, she was amazed to see it just in front of her, a few yards away. It wasn’t much—just a single zaben bush that grew beside a tiny pool, bubbling up from some deep well underground. But to Lissa it looked like paradise.
She stumbled forward, one hand outstretched as though she could bring the water to her just by reaching for it. Somehow, even in her daze, the Goddess had led her to this spot, had helped her find water just when she was about to die of thirst.
“Thank you Goddess!” she moaned, and then fell to her knees, just inches from the pool. Her whole body cried out for a drink of the cool, life-giving water that bubbled up before her, but Lissa had other business to tend to first. She had promised the Goddess a sacrifice and so she must give it, before attending to her own needs.
Taking a deep breath, she grasped a thick hank of her hair and put the knife blade to it. But before she could begin sawing at the blonde and jade strands, a deep voice from behind interrupted her.
“You promised never to cut it.”
Certain she must be hallucinating again, Lissa turned slowly to see the speaker.
“Saber?” she whispered through dry lips. It couldn’t be him—could it? But there was no mistaking his handsome face. And no denying that the three years they had spent apart had changed him. There were faint lines around his mouth and the corners of his eyes that hadn’t been there before. And his eyes…his hazel eyes looked so much older. So much sadder.
“Lissa,” he murmured, frowning. “What are you doing here…like this?”
Suddenly Lissa realized she was still completely nude. Never had she allowed him to see her bare body before but here she was, completely exposed. She wanted to cover herself but she felt so weak, so tired and dizzy. If only she could drink but she had to cut her hair first. Only Saber didn’t want her to cut her hair—it was all very confusing.
“Pilgrimage,” she muttered at last. “Quest for…forgiveness. Redemption.”
Saber frowned. “Forgiveness for what, amalla?”
“You know.” Lissa shook her head but the gesture made her even more dizzy. “You know…Moch Daer.”
She wanted to ask him what he was doing here, how he had found her. Why was he on First World at all? But his image wavered and the world spun around her. Just another hallucination…another illusion, she thought. He isn’t real, and now I truly am going to die, just as I deserve.
The rainbow desert spun around her like a multicolored cloud and then she knew no more.
Chapter Twenty-six
The Ancient Ones carried Merrick’s limp form through the jungle and up into one of their houses, which were situated in the thick branches of one of the redwood-like trees. There were three of these trees, grouped in a large clearing which seemed to be the site of some kind of marketplace. Elise heard them called “grandfather trees”—not that anyone talked to her. The Ancient Ones had come while she was still clinging to Merrick’s body and crying her eyes out and lifted him right out from under her, despite her protests. Then they ignored her completely as they carried him away.
Elise had run after them, trying to keep up. They were all big males—though none as big as Merrick—but even burdened with his body, they moved with surprising speed and grace through the indigo jungle.
When they came to the clearing she watched in amazement as they climbed up the side of one of the huge grandfather trees, still carrying him. She couldn’t see how in the world they’d done it—there didn’t seem to be any steps or stairs or ladders. The Ancient Ones didn’t seem to need them. They swarmed up the side of the vast trunk like ants, leaving Elise behind on the ground, feeling frantic. They were taking Merrick where she couldn’t follow—what was she going to do?
“Please,” she called after them. “Please, I need to get up!”
“You need help, outsider?” a small voice said.
“Yes. Yes, please!” Elise looked around wildly, searching for the owner of the voice. It belonged to a child—a little boy, she thought—that looked to be no older than six or seven. He had the same brilliant indigo eyes as the rest of the Ancient Ones as well as the same blue-black hair. In his arms was a small animal that looked disturbingly like a live teddy bear. What the hell? Elise wondered wildly. How many animals that look like toys do they have on this damn planet? And what's next—a walking, talking Barbie doll? A real-life Pokemon?
The boy must have seen her staring at the small animal in his arms because he smiled and stroked its head. "His name is Fa-la and he's a zichther. Don't worry, he won't bite. Do you want to pet him?"
"No. No, thank you." Elise shook her head, trying to clear the strange thoughts. “I have to get up there but I can’t…I don’t see any way up,” she told him, gesturing at the tree.
�
�Oh, that's easy—just use the vines. See?” He showed Elise a series of blue vines wrapped around the tree’s trunk, which were nearly invisible because they were the exact same color as the tree they encircled. These formed a kind of ladder up into the higher branches of the vast grandfather tree.
“Oh, thank you.” She gave him a smile through her tears. “Thank you so much, little guy.”
“My name is Amatoo—Tooy for short.” He smiled at her and then frowned. “Why are you dressed like that? You shouldn’t wear the sacred color—it’s bad.”
“I didn’t mean to end up here dressed like this,” Elise told him. “But—”
“Tooy, come here at once! Get away from her!” A slightly older, female child grabbed the little boy’s arm and pulled him away. She gave Elise a horrified look and began dragging Tooy across the busy forest floor.
“Goodbye, outsider!” he called and the girl—probably his older sister—hushed him in a scandalized voice.
“Goodbye,” Elise waved at him and then turned her attention to the tree. Luckily there was a rock-climbing wall at the gym she frequented and though she didn’t make it a part of every workout, she was good enough at it to get up the tree using the vines.
When she got to the top, she saw the Ancient Ones who had taken Merrick disappearing into a hut made of blanket-sized leaves, perched on a vast branch as wide as a highway. She ran quickly after them and watched for a moment. They weren't in the hut long—they came out without Merrick after only a moment or two. Elise managed to duck inside the hanging curtain of blue leaves just as the last of them was leaving.
Inside, it was dim, with blue shadows dancing on the walls from some unknown light source. The blue gloom was ominous…dangerous. Elise didn’t care about that, though—she didn’t care about anything but Merrick. She had to find out the extent of his injuries and try to do something for him.
The Ancient Ones had deposited him on his stomach, leaving the ragged expanse of his bloody, raw back exposed. Just looking at it made Elise feel sick.
“Oh, Merrick,” she whispered, stroking his rough cheek. “I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.” She didn’t even know how he was still alive after such horrible trauma, though she supposed he must be, since she was still breathing, and they were linked by the bond. But what could she do for him? How could she heal him or get him some medical attention? She was pretty sure they didn’t have 911 on Rageron, so what else—
“Move, girl-child.” The ancient, creaky voice right behind her left shoulder startled Elise so much she nearly screamed. She turned to see an old woman hobbling forward, leaning on a cane. Unlike the young, vigorous warriors and the children Elise had seen, she truly looked like an Ancient One—her face was a fine net of wrinkles and her indigo eyes had faded to a soft periwinkle. She was wearing a robe that covered most of her body, like the other female Ancient Ones Elise had seen in the forest floor below. Apparently loincloths were only for men.
“What…who are you?” she asked breathlessly.
“Mother Healer, they call me.” The old woman looked at Merrick’s back and clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “A grave punishment he took.” She pointed her cane at Elise. “And all for you, girl-child. All for you.”
“I know,” Elise said miserably. “I ignored his warnings and did exactly what he told me not to do, and he was the one who got punished for it. But honestly, I didn’t know I was breaking your customs,” she continued earnestly. “I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I had no idea—”
“Ignorance is no excuse for wrongdoing,” snapped the old woman. “Now get back and let me work!”
She all but pushed Elise out of the way and then fetched a bowl of hot, steaming purple water. Into this she dipped small pale pink leaves, one at a time, and laid them in an overlapping pattern on Merrick’s wounded back. She moved surprisingly quickly and without stopping. Only when his entire back was covered did she sit back and contemplate her work.
“This will do for now,” she said, nodding. “It will draw out most of the venom and heal the skin—though there will of course be some scarring.”
Elise gave a broken laugh. “I’m sure he won’t mind. He has plenty of scars already.”
“On the inside and the out. As do you.” Mother Healer looked at her sharply.
“I…I don’t know what you mean,” Elise said, taken aback at the sudden attack.
“Indeed you do.” The old woman pointed at her. “The ki-ki leaves will heal his back, but there will still be poison in the wounds. He will have much pain.”
“Pain?” Elise bit her lip. “But…isn’t there anything you can do? Anything you can give him?”
“You were the cause of his punishment—only you can help his pain, girl-child.”
And with that cryptic remark, she hobbled away.
* * * * *
Merrick opened his eyes with a groan. He was lying on some kind of a grass mat and it felt like someone had painted his entire back with liquid fire.
“What in the seven hells?” he growled, trying to get up and failing. “What’s wrong with me? What’s happening?”
“You’re sick. You’ve been wounded.” Elise sat beside him, her brown eyes wet with tears and filled with worry. “You’ve been out for days. The only time you stirred was when Mother Healer changed the dressing on your back.”
“My back?” He shifted experimentally and groaned. “Fuck, that hurts!”
Elise bit her lip. “I’m sorry. She said the leaves she used drew out most of the venom but there’s still some left in there. I don’t…I’m not sure how long it will take to dissipate.”
Merrick nodded stoically and closed his eyes. “All right. I’ll deal with it.”
“But you shouldn’t have to deal with it!” Elise burst out. “I should be the one dealing with it. You should have let me take the punishment—I was the one who earned it.”
Merrick opened his eyes again and frowned up at her. “Like hell I should. Didn’t I tell you I’d protect you no matter what? Besides…” He sighed. “I’d rather be in pain than see you hurting. It’s easier…better.”
“Not for me.” Tears welled up in her deep brown eyes as she looked down at him. “I’m so sorry, Merrick—I shouldn’t have disregarded your warning. I didn’t mean to—it’s just that the little blue pony, I mean billib, I saved from the xenox followed me all the way to camp. And then when I tried to send him away, he went straight into the Deep Blue.”
“So you ran after him to save him again, of course,” Merrick growled. He didn’t know whether to be amused or annoyed. What the hell was it with Elise and the damn billibs?
She nodded. “Yes, I meant to just grab him and bring him right back out into the regular jungle again, but then he found a skrillix plant for me. And I thought, ‘Oh perfect, I’ll just take a branch with me and all our troubles will be over.’” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Guess I was wrong about that, huh?”
“Guess so,” Merrick grunted. “Damn it, I need to get up and see how bad my back is.” He hoisted himself into a sitting position and flexed experimentally despite Elise’s protests. His back no longer felt like it was on fire—now it felt like ten thousand barsian wasps were stinging it. Merrick winced. Fuck, the venom in that bastard’s claws was no laughing matter. He wondered how long it would take to work out of his system.
“How do you feel?” Elise asked anxiously.
Merrick took one look at her eyes—still wet from tears—and knew he couldn’t tell her the truth. “It’s a little tight,” he said, flexing again and trying to repress a groan. “But nothing I can’t live with.”
“Lies are a honey on the lips and poison in the ears,” said a new voice.
Merrick turned quickly to see who was sneaking up behind him. The sudden move made it feel like he’d been hit with lightening right between the shoulder blades. This time he couldn’t completely suppress his groan of pain.
“See? Lies.” The speaker was an old woman, dressed
in the long, flowing blue robe traditional to the females of the Ancient Ones. Elise was wearing one too, he noticed. Probably gave it to her to cover up her sacrilegious red underwear, he though dryly.
“Who are you?” His voice came out in a croak.
“This is Mother Healer,” Elise said. “She’s been looking after you—both of us, really.” She tried to smile but Merrick got the feeling that though she was grateful to the old woman, she wasn’t very comfortable around her. Probably because it’s damn hard to be comfortable around someone who disapproves of you, he thought as the old woman shot Elise a sour look.
“Thank you for tending my back,” he said, bowing his neck stiffly. The bolt of pain that shot down his spine made him regret the gesture at once.
“You were severely wounded. There was only so much I could do.” She sniffed. “You are lucky your kind heal quickly, Kindred.”
“Not quickly enough, I guess,” he said with another wince. “My back still feels raw.”
“It is not, though.” Coming around behind him, she began stripping something off his back in a quick, businesslike manner.
Merrick watched as the little pink leaves she’d put on his back fluttered down and tried not to wince as they came off. When the last one was gone, he heard Elise breathe a soft exclamation of surprise.
“Oh, it’s all healed! There are nothing but scars now. A lot of scars, but still…”
“I’ve got plenty of scars. A few more won’t bother me,” Merrick said automatically. But if the wounds are all scarred over, why does it still hurt so fucking much?
“The lingering pain is the result of bitter anx venom still trapped under your skin. It will not dissipate until you receive the antidote.”
“What antidote?” Merrick demanded at the same time Elise said,
“Do you have any?”
“Bitter anx is derived from the jiree plant—the redemption plant, we call it. If you had been punished for your own sins, your only cure would be to right the wrong you had caused in the first place,” the old woman lectured. “But because you were wounded for this girl-child, another antidote is necessary.”
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