by Piper Rayne
“It’s not you,” I say.
He nods. “Then what is it?”
I lean back in the booth. “Like you said, it’s complicated.”
Staring at the kid who unknowingly changed your life’s course is hard. Because of Ryder, Val married Max and our future separated into two paths. But I recognize that I’m the one who set her on that course in the first place.
“When we were playing football, you told me that to be a good running back, I can’t be afraid. I needed to trust my instincts. Trust my coaching. Trust myself. I know you’re going to say I’m young, but why don’t you trust yourself? Because if after all these years my mom is still the one you want to be with, why don’t you trust yourself that it’s the right decision?”
Shit. I inhale and exhale. He’s right. I don’t trust myself to make her happy because I’m the reason she went into Max’s arms in the first place. I’m the reason she lost her dance career and fell into motherhood at such a young age. The reason she lived with a cheating husband and wasn’t happy. I know she’d never change anything—because she has Ryder—but we both suffered through those years.
“You’re right. You’re totally right.”
“Really?” he asks, looking surprised.
Blanca comes over and presses her hand on Ryder’s shoulder. I have a feeling she coached him on what to say. Good thing my sister is smarter than me.
“Did you guys rock, paper, scissors to see who was going to deliver the speech?”
Blanca laughs and looks at our brothers. “Hell no. I volunteered. That’s the difference between the Mancini men and the Mancini women.”
“So what are you going to do?” Ryder asks.
My mind is going crazy. Could Val and I actually have our forever? “I’m gonna win her back and make sure I never lose her again.”
“There you go, big bro.” Blanca high-fives me. “What are you waiting for? You need a big plan.”
“Help me?”
“What are sisters for?” She waves me up, and the two of us leave the restaurant with Ryder.
“Whoa, what about us?” Carm asks from behind us. “You can’t just toss us aside.”
“Great, I’ll cover the bill for all the shit we’re not eating,” Enzo says.
I hail a taxi, trying to figure out how to convince Val to take one last chance on me. On us.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Valentina
* * *
I hate Sundays now, and I’m not sure my parents are big fans of them either. We sit at the table for four in my parents’ house. Ryder’s been acting strange for the past three days. Asking me questions about my dance schedule when he never cared before. I think he’s worried about me. I try to mask my sadness around him, but I know I wear it like a layer of foundation.
It reminds me a lot of the aftermath of telling Dom I was pregnant. I was miserable but trying for the sake of everyone around me to pretend that everything was all right. I was excited to be carrying a new life inside me after the shock wore off, but I wasn’t doing it with the man I’d always imagined I would be.
I felt like I was going to throw up the closer I came to Dom’s apartment door. I’d been avoiding his calls for weeks now—ever since I’d found out I was pregnant.
I’m not sure what was going to be worse, telling him or telling my parents.
No, we weren’t together, and I technically had nothing to feel guilty about but knowing that and feeling it were two different things. It hadn’t been my intention to sleep with Max the night we met but I’d still been rebounding from my break-up with Dom after he told me that he wanted to set our relationship aside for grad school. Lucia took me out to get drunk and I had, so with a little encouragement from her I’d thrown caution to the wind when Max wanted to take me home. I was determined to prove to myself that I could move on from Dom by sleeping with someone else.
Sober me hated what I’d done when I crawled out of his bed the next day.
But I never really thought that Dom and I were done after our last break-up. That was what we did. Broke up and got back together.
At that moment I knew that would be the end of us.
With a deep voice and the small amount of lunch I’d been able to keep down swirling in my stomach I knocked on his door and held my breath.
He looked surprised to see me when he opened the door and I couldn’t help but think how good he looked in his jogging pants, bare feet and t-shirt. “Val.” He exhaled a big breath and drew me into a hug. “I’ve been calling your parents for a couple of weeks trying to get a hold of you. Didn’t you get my messages?” He pulls away and holds me by my shoulders at arm’s length.
I nodded. “I did. I had some things to figure out before I talked with you.” A crease formed between his eyebrows. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course.” He stepped back to let me pass him and I walked into the small apartment he was renting close to Columbia. “I actually have something I need to say to you.”
I turned around and faced him once I’d reached his living room and I knew. I knew from the expression on his face that he was going to apologize and ask if I wanted to get back together.
And under any other circumstances the answer would’ve been yes.
Instead the knowledge that we would never be what we once were tore at my insides until I felt like I was drowning in my own blood. My throat constricted and my eyes watered until they overflowed.
Dom frowned. “What’s wrong? I know what I said about us not being together—”
I placed my hand over his mouth and savored what would probably be our last physical contact. Because once Dom heard what I had to say I knew he’d never feel the same way about me.
My stomach revolted and I placed a hand over it, very near to where new life was growing inside me.
“I need to tell you what I came here to say before you say anything further.” I let my hand drop and went to sit on his couch. It was cheap student version of furniture, but I had no doubts that one day it’d be replaced with something worth envying.
He came to sit beside me, and I looked at him one last time, committing his face and the way he looked at me to memory.
“What’s going on Val?”
With a deep breath I dove in. “A couple of months ago I went out with Lulu to try and get you off my mind. I was still pining away for you and not understanding why you pushed me away and Lulu was sick of it, so we decided the best way to get over you would be to go out and have some fun. With a little liquid courage I went home with someone that night.”
I watched as his face twisted into anger and I fisted my hands in my lap.
His jaw was clenched, and it was clear he was trying to reign himself in. “I could’ve lived without you telling me that.”
I knew I had to barrel forward, or I’d never get the words out. “But I have to tell you. And the reason is… “
Time seemed to slow, and I became aware of everything around me in that second. The way his nostrils flared in anticipation of whatever I was going to say, how the sunlight through the window hit the edge of the coffee table and reflected up onto his chest, and the ticking sound of the clock in the background.
“I’m pregnant.”
He stared at me unblinking for a second before he shot up off of the couch and roared, “You’re what?”
I looked down to my hands, unable to stand the raw pain that was radiating out of him. When I finally had the courage to look back up the betrayal I saw there was almost my undoing. But I had no choice but to be strong. This baby didn’t ask to be born and I was going to do my best to give him or her the best life I could.
When I’d met Max and went home with him I wasn’t intending for it to be anything other than that. Even when he’d given me his number the next day I had never planned to use it. But he’d stepped up when I’d told him I was pregnant and was in agreement with me that we had to find a way to make it work.
Borrowing all the courage I had insi
de I looked up at Dom and steeled myself. “I’m pregnant and the father and I are going to be married.”
His jaw hung open, but he said nothing.
“I wanted you to hear it from me and not someone else. I haven’t even told my parents yet, but I’m going to after I leave here.” I stood from the couch.
My movement seemed to pull Dom from his stupor, and he reached out and held me by the shoulders. “You can’t marry him. You don’t have to marry him. I’ll find a way to take care of you.”
I wasn’t able to help the tear that slipped from my eye. There was nothing I’d love more than to let Dom do what he’d offered.
“This baby deserves to have both parents in its life. I have to try to make it work for the baby’s sake.”
“No, you don’t.” His fingertips pressed harder into my skin.
I looked at him with a sad smile. “You could never raise another man’s baby, Dominic. I think we both know that. Eventually it would come between us.”
I had no doubt that he would try, but Dom was a proud man, and at some point the fact that I’d gone and gotten pregnant by another man would eat away at the foundation of our relationship until there was nothing to salvage.
He stared at me hard. “Don’t do this, Valentina. We can figure out a way to make it work. Don’t commit your life to someone else. The two of us were supposed to end up together. I’d give you a beautiful life.”
I choked back a sob. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I have to go.”
I raced out of the apartment and down the stairs, not willing to wait for the elevator in case Dom would try to come after me.
He didn’t.
“We were wondering if you could help us with something,” ma says.
Ma’s voice drags me from my thoughts of the past. She sounds hesitant, so I put down my silverware. “What is it?”
“Now that you’re not married to Dominic anymore and the two of you are well and truly over, we need to get a loan.”
“A loan? Why, and what does that have to do with Dom?” I ask, glancing at Ryder, but he’s on his phone. Figures.
“Oh, we figured he told you.” Ma seems genuinely surprised that I don’t know what she’s talking about.
I tilt my head. “Told me what?”
“Do you remember back when the store wasn’t doing well? Anna suggested that we meet with Dom. Said he might have some contacts or some advice to offer us about getting a loan to get us through the tough times.”
My forehead crinkles. “When was this?”
Ma looks at my dad. “Maybe ten years ago?”
“Okay. And?”
“We met with Dom and he ended up giving us the loan.”
“I’m sorry?”
Ma looks at my dad again, seeming unsure if she should continue.
Oh, she’s continuing.
“He told us that a bank would charge us a high-interest rate and make paying it back difficult. He gave us the money interest-free and he’s been letting us pay him back slowly as we can afford it. But now that you two have been married and divorced—or annulled, I guess—it doesn’t seem right.”
I’m speechless. Why would Dom do that for my parents? I’ve heard the rumors of Anna sending Dom to people to offer advice. Surely he’s not the funder of all the businesses his ma sends his way. Some people swear at him and others swear by him. It’s a fine line when dealing with money.
“How much do you still owe?” I ask.
My dad shrugs. “I think around ten thousand now.”
“Jesus, how much did you take?”
Ma’s cheeks redden, and she draws back.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to yell. How much was Dom willing to loan you?”
“Around twenty-five thousand. The economy was so bad. It took a long time to recover—”
“It’s okay, Ma. I understand. But I’m your daughter. We could have helped you. I was married to Max then, and we were doing okay.”
She waves me off. “You two were having your own problems. We didn’t want a loan to your parents to be the cause of a fight. And Dom suggested it. We were only looking for advice.”
I nod and remain silent, a tear slipping from my eye.
Ma’s hand lands on mine with a squeeze. “What happened between you two anyway?”
“Nothing. We just broke up.” I swipe the tear away.
Ryder touches my arm. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m fine. Honestly. It’s all for the best.” I stand and clear my plate, picking up Ryder’s as well.
“Sweetie, we haven’t eaten yet.” Ma stops me before I head to the kitchen.
“Oh.” I glance at our full plates. “Sorry.” I put the plates back down. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
They let me go, sharing a look of ‘what are we supposed to do?’
There’s nothing for them to do. I miss Dom so much my entire body aches. I barely get out of bed every morning. If it wasn’t for Ryder, I wouldn’t. I put up a front every time he’s around. I’ve thrown away more wine bottles in the last two weeks than my entire life and I feel as though I’m hiding an alcohol problem.
My parents’ doorbell rings, and I use Kleenex to wipe my tears. No need for anyone else to see how upset I am.
Walking out of the bathroom and down the hall, I stop when I see Annie, Bella, and Lulu at the door. Little Gia is at Lulu’s side and baby Anthony is strapped to her chest in one of those wrap concoctions.
“What? What are you guys doing here?” I ask.
“Sorry for interrupting your dinner,” Annie says.
“We’re not sorry. Sit down.” Lulu points at the couch. “This is ridiculous. I’ve had it and I’m about to call us ex-best friends if you continue to hide shit from me.”
Gia crosses her arms and nods.
Seriously?
“Blanca reached out to Lulu. Turns out she didn’t know that you and Dom had filed your papers and broken up.” Bella purses her lips as though she wants to say whoopsie.
“Lulu, just stop. We’re over for good. You should be happy.”
Lulu digs in her purse and pulls out a twenty. “Ryder, take your grandparents down to that new gelato place. We need to have a talk with your mom, and you three don’t need to hear what I’m about to say.”
“What about Gia?” Annie asks, concern marring her smooth forehead.
“Oh, she’s fine. She’s heard it all before.”
Annie and Bella share a look.
Ryder plucks the money out of Lulu’s hand, and surprisingly, my parents follow him out the door.
Gia sits on the chair across from me, her feet not touching the floor, while Lulu continues to stand so that she’s lording over me. “Okay, this bull—crap that’s going on between the two of you is over. I know Dom has pushed you away. And I know he’s mad that you got pregnant. The two of you love one another and I’m through with all this ‘it’s complicated’ and ‘it just didn’t work out’ and ‘it’s not meant to be’ stuff.” She distorts her voice as though she’s an actor in an animated movie. “You two belong together. He made a mistake by letting you go so young. He knows it. You know it. You married Max when you shouldn’t have. He knows it. You know it. You had your reasons. Own the decision. Last year, you gave your marriage one final attempt. It hurt Dom so much because he fell in love with you. He knows it and you know it. Own it and, for the sake of all of us, move on. Be together. Leave the past behind.”
“Lulu—”
“No!” She raises her hand. “You’re not talking. I am.”
Gia high-fives her mom, nodding.
“I think she understands,” Bella says.
At least someone here is on my side.
“No, she doesn’t. An excuse will come out any second.” Lulu turns back to me. “You have one chance. One final chance to make your dream of a future with you and Dom happen. It’s all in your hands at this point. Gia.”
Gia stands as if on cue, opens the fro
nt door, and comes in with a box she can barely hold. Bella helps her, and they plop it on my parents’ coffee table.
“What is this?” I ask.
“Just remember what I said. This is your final chance. If you can’t forgive him and yourself for everything and move on, then don’t open that box. If you think you can, open it and do something with it. Erase the past with the future, Val.”
Lulu sits next to me on the couch, and Gia kneels at my feet. Annie and Bella each slide closer.
“Open it.” Annie nudges me.
I pull off the lid with Gia’s help. Two envelopes lay on top of pink tissue paper. Dom’s handwriting is on each and he’s labeled them number one and number two.
I look around at everyone in the room. “What did he do?”
“We’re going to wait outside.” Annie squeezes my shoulder and rises.
Lulu signals for Gia to get up, and they all go outside.
I sit back on my parents’ couch, sliding my finger along the seam of the first envelope.
* * *
Valentina,
I took us for granted. I took you for granted. My love for you is all-consuming. Whether we’re together or apart, you’re always the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed.
I don’t want to rehash our past in this letter, but I do need you to know that I’m sorry. I should’ve seen how loving you was more important than any dollar I made. I’ve felt so much resentment all these years that I lost sight of the future we could still have.
I’m done convincing that sixteen-year-old boy inside me to shut up. To not let you know how much I love you. How when you walk in a room, my body relaxes and peace washes over me. That when you smile at me, I can’t help but need to get you to do it more. When we kiss, it’s never enough, whether it’s a short kiss hello or a lingering kiss goodbye.