But then he froze. “What’s wrong?”
* * *
* * *
Lexa walked past him, her movements robotic, her face devoid of emotion. “Jesus, Lexa. Talk to me.” He turned her around to face him.
“Cayden—” She stopped and licked her lips.
“What about Cayden?” He gripped her shoulders. “Honey, you’re scaring me. What is going on?”
“He was just at my café. Someone hacked into Elliott’s company and leaked documents to the media.”
He blinked. “Today?”
She handed him her phone. “It’s all right there.”
Noah skimmed the screen and absorded just enough to know it wasn’t good. BosTech was in some serious shit if this was true. He wasn’t surprised, though. Everyone knew they’d lied their asses off before Congress. “I don’t understand. Why did Cayden—”
Cold adrenaline washed through him. “Are you kidding me? He thinks I did it?”
She nodded.
“Does Elliott think I did it?” And Jesus, when the hell did he start to care what Elliott Vanderpool thought of him?
“I don’t know.” Lexa stepped back, putting just enough distance between them to be meaningful. A cold draft from the open door replaced all the warmth between them, but it could just have easily come from the icy detachment in her gaze.
Noah’s arms fell like lead against his sides as another sickening realization knocked him senseless.
“Holy shit, Alexis. You think—” He stumbled over his own words because his heart, mind, and mouth were at war with one another. Alexis stared unblinkingly at him with one hand clenched into a fist against her stomach. He wished she’d use it. Just slam it into his chin and be done with it. It would hurt less than what he was about to say. “Do you think I had something to do with this?”
She blinked and let out a breath. Two actions, connected but not. One was a hesitation. The other a sign of relief. Both added up to one conclusion that turned his stomach.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t think that.”
She reached out, but Noah backed up. “But did you?”
“No.”
Noah might have found some small comfort in the tremble of her voice, but the hint of guilt that seeped into her eyes destroyed it. Destroyed him.
“You did. For at least one second, you thought I did this, didn’t you?”
“No—”
“Yet you drove straight here to ask me.”
“Of course I drove straight here! Cayden accused you.”
“And you wanted to make sure it wasn’t true.”
His footsteps on the hardwood floor sounded a defeated retreat to his kitchen. Hers were the frantic march of a battle not yet over.
“That’s not fair. I know you didn’t do it. How many times do I have to say it?”
“How about one more time,” he said, gripping the edge of the kitchen counter. “Admit it. For one moment, you actually thought I was responsible for this.”
“Fine!” She threw her hands in the air. “I admit it! I thought maybe you did it. Why does this matter?”
“Because it does.” He barely recognized his own voice, but the emotion rising inside him, tightening his chest and heating his skin? He recognized that. And he hated it.
“That is so unfair,” she said, crossing the kitchen to jab a finger in his chest. “Of course people would suspect you. Even me, for just a tiny, split second. You have the means. You have the access. And you hate people like Elliott.”
“But I love you!”
Alexis jumped. He’d never raised his voice around her like that. And certainly not to declare that he loved her for the first time. But the words were out there now in the worst possible way, and instead of the beginning of something, they felt like the end of it.
“I would never hurt you like that, Lexa, because I love you more than I could ever hate him.”
Lexa’s eyes glistened with a sudden sheen as she raised trembling fingers to her lips. She reached for him, but for the first time since he’d met her, he didn’t want to feel her touch on his skin. He stepped back and shook his head.
“Noah?”
The crack in her voice nearly broke him. Not nearly as much, though, as the devastating reality of what this all meant. A bullet ricocheted off his heart and hit all the important places inside of him where scars had healed over. New ones opened. And he started to bleed.
It became a hemorrhage at her next words. “The surgery is off. Cayden told me to stay away from them. That they want to find another donor.”
That sonuvabitch. Rage on her behalf momentarily replaced his own self-pity. “Christ, Lexa. And you trusted people like that over me?”
Her silence gutted him. Turned him into something ugly, mean, bitter. And so were his next words. “I warned you, Alexis. I told you they were just humoring you, that they didn’t really see you as part of their family.”
“Candi does.”
“They knew about you for three years and never once contacted you, not even when your name and your face were all over the news. He refused to let Candi find you. He denied your existence. Until he needed a kidney.”
She tried to reach for him again. “Noah—”
He stepped away. “Why did you let your DNA results be shared with possible relatives?”
She blinked, face pinched in confusion. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“You wanted to find a family.”
“No, it was a whim.”
“You were hoping your father would find you.”
“I have no idea why you’re bringing this up right now.”
“Because I want you to be honest about everything that is happening here.”
“I have no idea what’s happening here!”
Another tear slipped down her cheek. Noah had to curl his hands into tight fists to stop himself from wiping it away or, worse, holding her. As he watched, helplessly, she sucked in her bottom lip and began to worry it with her teeth, and like some kind of cruel, ironic joke, he was struck by how much she looked like Candi in that moment.
They really were sisters.
“I know what it’s like to be lured in by a false family, Alexis. To feel a void so deep that you’ll risk everything that matters to you to feel some kind of acceptance again. But it’s all a charade. The minute things go wrong, they abandon you. All their promises, gone.”
“I have no idea what you want from me right now.”
“I want you to be mad at him!”
“Why? To justify your anger?” She advanced on him again. “Would it make you feel better if I descended into some kind of rage spiral? I’ve learned to pick my battles.”
“You walk away from battles. There’s a big difference.”
“Wow,” she breathed, backing up. Her hand fluttered to her chest and began to rub. “How long have you been holding that in?”
Fuck. Fuck! Noah dragged a hand over his hair. “I didn’t mean that, Lexa. I’m sorry.”
“I took on Royce Preston! I told the entire world their favorite chef was a serial sexual predator! Was that me walking away from a fight?”
“No. I didn’t mean—”
“Why can’t you just accept who I am? That I just want some peace in my life!”
“If you let people walk all over you, it’s not peace. It’s cowardice.”
“I think . . . I think maybe I need to go,” she whispered.
“Don’t.” He followed her retreat toward the front door. “Just wait.”
He tried to grip her elbow to hold her back, but she yanked free from his fingers. “Let me go, Noah.”
“Lexa, please. I’m sorry.”
She turned around. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I think I need some space
from you.”
* * *
* * *
Alexis had made this drive before, and she’d done it feeling exactly like this. Numb. Detached. Only this time, she was running away from Noah and toward Elliott.
Because maybe Noah was right. Maybe what she’d been calling emotional control was nothing more than avoidance of a fight she was too scared to have. By the time she pulled into the long driveway of Elliott’s home, it was dark. But nearly every light was on inside the house. She parked next to cars she now recognized—Cayden’s BMW and Candi’s Range Rover.
Ironically, this time, she didn’t knock before going in. She threw open the door and followed the sound of angry voices to the kitchen. Cayden spotted her first.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he growled.
Elliott and Candi whipped around. Candi raced toward her. “Cayden didn’t mean it,” she gushed. “About the surgery. He didn’t mean it.”
Alexis tried to walk around her, but Cayden grabbed her arm. “You’re not welcome here. This is a family matter.”
“She is family,” Elliott snapped.
Cayden reacted as if his father had slapped him. “You can’t be serious. After what they’ve done?”
“She hasn’t done anything!”
“This is because of her,” Cayden shouted, pointing. “She brought that man into our lives, and look what he’s done.”
“He didn’t do it,” Alexis said. “He says he didn’t, and I believe him.”
“Of course he says that. You expect him to be honest? A man like that?”
Even as sorrow broke her heart, she rose in his defense. “Noah is a good man. You don’t know anything about him.”
“He’s a criminal!”
Alexis spun on Cayden. “And what about you? Do you care at all about the lives that were lost because of your father’s company? Do you care that BosTech was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of civilians?”
“How dare you?”
“Did you even read the whole story?” She yanked out her phone and unlocked it with her thumbprint. The screen immediately returned to the story she’d googled. And for good measure, she began to read out loud. “‘According to the documents, the CEO was warned on at least four occasions by two engineers that the radar system was faulty. In each case, the CEO kept the warnings out of reports to Pentagon officials overseeing the drone program.’”
Alexis looked at Elliott. “Did you know that your engineers tried to warn the company? How could you do that?”
“Don’t you dare come in here and start accusing my father of crimes when your boyfriend is the one who—”
“It was me!”
A stunned hush fell over the group as Elliott’s words rose above them all. He stood in the middle of the room, breathing hard and looking weak.
“What—What do you mean?” Cayden asked.
“I leaked the damn documents.”
Lauren covered her mouth with her hand and sank to the couch. “Why, Elliott? Why would you do something like that?”
“Because I’ve had to live with the guilt of this for years. I warned them, but I sat by and did nothing when they lied to Congress. I am not going to die with that on my conscience.”
“You did this?” Alexis whispered, swaying backward against the counter.
“Did he put you up to it?” Cayden demanded.
“No. But if you’re wondering whether Noah had anything to do with it, yes. He did. I was inspired by him. He told me what happened to his father. I don’t blame him for hating people like me, companies like mine. And he told me that if I wanted to really earn redemption, then I needed to do more than apologize. So I did. I leaked the damn documents. It’s time these people paid for their crimes.”
Alexis couldn’t move. Noah was right. It hadn’t been a whim when she checked that box on the DNA test, the one that allowed her results to be shared. She wanted to find family. She wanted to find her father. But all of this was a charade.
Elliott could have avoided all of this by being honest, but he let Cayden and who knew how many other people assume that Noah was behind the hack. To assuage his own guilt.
She forced her feet to move. “I have to go.”
Candi raced after her. “Alexis, wait.”
“Leave me alone.” She held up her hands to ward off everyone’s attempts to get her to stay. “I wish I’d never met you. I wish I’d never met any of you.”
“No, wait.” Lauren shot to her feet. “You can’t go. What about the surgery?”
Alexis laughed joylessly. “Noah was right. That’s all you care about, isn’t it? My kidney.”
“No. Alexis, please . . .”
She spun on her heel. “Go to hell. All of you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Noah moved through the next day as if detached from his body. He tried to throw himself into work, but his brain and heart weren’t in it. Anger was like sandpaper inside him, rubbing every nerve raw until he was blind with it. At four o’clock, he gave up. But instead of going home, he headed toward his mom’s house. At least there, he wouldn’t have to spend another night sitting alone on his back porch with a bottle of booze and his thoughts.
As he pulled onto his mom’s street, he lifted a wave at his mom’s neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Foster, who were stringing Christmas lights around the trunk of a maple tree that took up most of their yard. They would turn the lights on for the first time on Thanksgiving night. Christmas came early in the Oaks subdivision.
He pulled into the driveway and had to wedge his car next to a familiar sedan. Marsh was there. Great.
The man himself appeared from the side of the house as Noah got out. He carried a ladder with both hands and balanced a tool belt over one arm. He wore a faded pair of jeans with a crease down the middle because the man still couldn’t leave the house without ironing everything into military precision.
Marsh leaned the ladder against the side of porch as Noah walked up the sidewalk. “What’re you doing here?” he asked, wiping a gloved hand across his brow.
Noah had to bite back what he really wanted to say. Since when do I need to ask your permission to come over? “Came to talk to my mom. Where is she?”
“Inside with Zoe. Help me put up these lights, will ya?”
“I really need to talk to Mom—”
Marsh ignored him. He gestured vaguely toward the top of the garage. “Put the ladder over there, and I’ll hand you shit.”
“I’m not sure I actually know what to do here.”
“Hammer. Nail. It’s pretty self-explanatory.”
Noah resisted the natural urge to make an obscene gesture and instead did what Marsh told him to. He took the hammer and a bag of nails from Marsh’s outstretched hand. Gripping both in one hand, he held tight to the ladder as he climbed to the highest possible rung. “Start here?”
“Yeah. That should be good.”
Noah leaned just far enough to press the tip of the nail to the wood and damn near toppled off the ladder trying to bang it in.
Marsh snorted from below. “Jesus, who the hell taught you how to use a hammer?”
Noah answered with a hefty whack at the nail. “Well, as you know, my father died when I was young, so . . .”
“You’re going to bend the nail doing it like that.”
Noah hit the nail again, and as Fate would have it, it bent in half. The flat top became lodged in the wood.
“Fuck, I knew it,” Marsh grumbled. “Get down from there.”
Noah descended the ladder.
“Give me that,” Marsh griped, grabbing the hammer. “Wouldn’t have asked you to help if I’d known you didn’t know what the hell you were doing.”
“I’m not any good at this shit. I usually just hire a contractor.”
“A man should know how to hang
Christmas lights at his own goddamned house.”
“This isn’t my house. It’s my mother’s. When I need something done at my house, I call a contractor.”
Marsh glared. “Can you at least hold the ladder and hand me shit?”
“All MIT graduates can do that.”
Marsh’s face turned the color of canned cranberry sauce. “You want to keep that attitude in check, boy?”
“I’m an adult, not a boy.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
The front door swung open then, and his mom walked out wearing a surprised smile and carrying a weathered cardboard box with the words Christmas Outdoors scribbled in Sharpie on the side.
“Noah! What are you doing here? I thought you guys were heading down today for the surgery.”
Noah jogged up the porch steps to take the box from her. He bent and kissed her head. “Hey, Mom.” He peeked inside the box at the tangle of lights and garland inside. “This for the front porch?”
“I was bringing them out for Marsh. What’s going on? Where’s Alexis?”
“No, she’s, uh . . .” Noah let out a pained breath and a lie. “The surgery’s been delayed. Let us know when dinner is ready.”
His mom went back inside with one last look over her shoulder. Noah set the box down and returned to the base of the ladder. They worked in silence for fifteen minutes, speaking only when Marsh grunted out an order.
Finally, they’d managed to attach nails to the entire length of the garage. Marsh backed down the ladder, and Noah stepped aside to make room for him.
“You need to learn how to do shit like this, Noah.” He nodded toward the box on the porch. “Get me them lights.”
Noah stomped toward the front porch, but his suppressed emotions got the best of him. He turned back around. “Is there anything I do that you approve of?”
Marsh looked over from the ladder, eyebrows tugged together in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I don’t invest my money the way you think I should. I don’t have relationships with women the way you think I should. And hell, I can’t even hammer nails the way you want me to. So I’m genuinely curious if there is anything I do that lives up to your standards.”
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